-15- tomorrow & trust

Atmiz's view

I woke up slowly.

I turned myself on the bed but only saw the empty space beside me.

6:03am

I'm not really surprised, I know Mychelda is a very early bird.

Rare is the time I woke up to find her beside me.

I manage to stay in bed, daydreaming about the perfect life, with perfect employees and a perfect family and I would just have Mychelda which is already perfect for me.

Me.

" Oh no" I mumbled under my breath.

I knew what I did yesterday.

I loved her like this because I will never do it again.

Because she'll hate me as soon know.

As soon she'll know that I was toxic.

I don't want to stay a second after this, I'll just — run to my car and once I step in my house I can manage to…let my sadness consume me.

Yeah that's the plan.

So I wanted to put in everything I was wearing but of course, perfect Mychelda took everything to probably clean them and left on of her oversized T-shirts for me.

Because she loves to see me into them.

So I put the T-shirt on and grab my purse before made my way to the top level.

My heart was beating too fast when I stood in the familiar bedroom room, anticipating everything.

I heard footsteps coming from the bathroom and I panicked.

Maybe I could have at least a last breakfast with her.

I internally nodded to myself.

" Morning, baby" Mychelda said while drying her hair. Probably come from a cold shower and her workout.

" Good morning, cara" I smiled, grateful to still be able to hug her .

Something I won't be able to do anymore.

I took my bath and we made our way to the kitchen.

I love our early mornings.

" Let me cook , please" I kindly asked.

She arched a brow, stared at me for a brief moment before saying " okay, but I wanted to make you that salad you love so much."

I shook my head " no it's okay"

You're going to break my heart anyways so...let me feed you a last time.

" And done" Mychelda exclaimed as she put the last dish on the table.

Because I made more than we could ever eat, just to stay longer with her.

" Open" Mychelda she, already feeding me with a bit of pancake.

The food was good, but I didn't feel like it.

But I didn't let her see my sadness.

" Open, baby" she said, she actually managed to feed me the whole meal. And refused to let me feed her back.

I opened my mouth slowly and she carefully pushed the fork into my mouth.

I slowly chewed whatever it was while staring at her who hasn't detached her eyes from my face but only to look at the food.

" Baby?" She whispered in a soft tone.

I hummed.

" What's going on ? " She said in a low voice.

" Why are you crying ? " She whispered, her voice was so sad.

I  quickly wipe the tears away from my cheeks.

I didn't even tell her anything and I was already crying.

How am I going to tell her about my past now?

" I know something is not okay with , I mean you're not acting normally, baby" she explained as her hands ran up and down on my back in a comforting way.

'Lord this it is' I told myself as more tears rolled on my cheeks.

"Let sit in the living room" she suggests carefully as she gently guides me towards one of the couches.

And she sat me down, she grabbed a box of tissues and made her way towards me.

She sat on the couch and we turned to face each other.

I feel like a ball in my throat like I already cried a lot.

But I'm talking anyway.

She deserves to know the truth.

"Two weeks cara, I needed two entire weeks to understand what to do and I don't know your.....if you" I tried but I keep crying.

" Oh baby" she said and pulled me closer to her " let's talk later I can't see you like this" she said wiping more tears.

The more we wiped away the more they came.

Because I knew she wouldn't feel the same after.

And I don't want to look like this in front of her.

I wanted to be stronger for her.

" No I'm telling you right now or it will be more difficult later"

" Okay baby" she reassured, eyeing me with a worried face.

The face I wanted to be so happy.

"Hold my hands, baby" she said as I quickly obey her.

I hold her hands tightly and eyes at her sad features.

Is it really the last time?

Oh my God no I can't lose her like this.

I got to tell her.

" Five years ago, I was in couple but after I while it became a toxic relationship" I stared at our tangled hands.

" Mychelda I... I was getting so so......" I paused myself  as Mychelda cseze my hands.

"I was so controlling, Mychelda. I was the..... toxic and I'm so sorry" my voice cracked and I began to cry again.

" It's okay baby" she said in pulled me on a hug.

" I was toxic and I tried to change and she didn't come back and since that day I worked so hard but I m scared if I hurt you too Mychelda.... what if I hurt you like I did, I don't want to hurt nobody —i dont  want to hurt you" I breathed out.

I was shaking and crying hard as Mychelda held me tighter.

By the time I was my sobs slowed down, Mychelda stayed.

I was mentally getting prepared for the worst.

" You not going to work today, okay" I nodded.

And we stayed like this as I waited when she tell me to leave.

••°°••°°••°°••°°••°°••°°••°°••°°

I woke up  for the second time of the day.

Confused. Disoriented. And scared.

I looked at my surroundings to discover that I  was in her bedroom.

Tiredness.

Sadness.

But I still had a tiny little hope.

Because I'm still here.

But no . I'm just being delusional, she doesn't like me anymore. It's just a pity and she was pushing away from her life the gentlest was possible because matter of the fact she's still perfect.

Who needs a toxic person in their life?

Fortunately, I found my clothes and once I had them on,  I wanted to leave this before the next vague of tears.

So I was walking to the elevator when someone grab my wrist.

" Where are you going like this?" See said in a serious tone.

I didn't turn myself, I didn't want to see her eyes again.

And I never answered, because I truly don't know where to go or what I'm doing without her.

After I long moment that seemed like hours she finally let go of my hand.

" Do you love me Atmiz?"                                                                    A/n: oh my f* god

I stood here frozen for a pair of seconds but I quickly put my shit together the face her.

And not cry.

" But I'll hurt you" I signed.

" That's not what I asked?" she walked closer until we were there was no real space between us.

I held her gaze.

" I love you Mychelda, I love you to death I swear Cara" I breathed out like it was the main reason I was living this life.

" I love you too" she took my face and her hands.

" I love you so much, I don't want you leave me baby, I know you think it's for the best, your think you'll hurt me but if you go...." She stopped herself.

" What?"

" If you go you'll break something in  me Atmiz"

" But I will hurt you if I stay—" " You hurt me more when you hurt yourself" she whispered

" And I see you hurting yourself by leaving me , so stay"

And I feel it.

I feel this tiny hope inside of me grew as the big smile on my smile showed up.

" It's been a while you didn't smile like this " she said before leaning for kissing me.

I love you so much, Mychelda, I'll be perfect for you.

I'll try harder, I swear.

Guys.

I can smell the end of the story.

Love you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️