Chapter Twenty-Nine: My Person

It's Friday afternoon and I'm desperately racing to finish the list of titles for Tabitha along with the speech I have to give tonight.

It's been an up and down week. Up are definitely the nights with Ben, eating good food and discovering each other in bed, then watching an episode of Felicity before falling asleep. The downs are work. Jameela and Addison still aren't talking, which means we're all not talking, and our formerly lively workplace has turned into something cold and antiseptic. I don't know how to fix it and I'm not even sure it's mine to fix. Maybe it will all blow over in a week or two, but in the meantime, Addison seems to be writing a chapter a day in her novel, and Zoey keeps making terrible choices.

I haven't updated her on anything to do with me and Ben since this all blew up but she has this uncanny knack of writing scenes that are close enough to reality to sting. I should stop reading it but I can't seem to help myself. Of course, Addison knows I'm reading it so there's this weird thing where it feels like she's communicating with me through the story. Like she's trying to tell me something, but I can't quite get the message.

What she's not giving me, though, is what I need.

Rom-com titles.

I have two open documents on my laptop. One where I'm putting the titles that Tabitha wants as they occur to me. And the other, where I'm putting porny titles because that's all I can think about for some stupid reason. I've been sending them to Kit too, throughout the day.

PULP FRICTION.

EVERYONE I DID LAST SUMMER.

Ha, ha. Kit writes. Is this your speech?

Maybe!

Girl, no.

Don't worry. I wouldn't want to see Lianne die or anything.

That would be bad.

I'm so screwed.

Nothing coming to you?

OMG YOU DID IT AGAIN!

Your mind is in the gutter.

I'm just tired. Not sleeping well.

Oh? Because of Ben?

I smile. That is definitely part of the reason that I'm low on sleep. Yes and yes. Also all the work stuff. I don't know.

Plus the speech.

So much pressure.

Just speak from the heart. It should be easy right? Kit writes. Given that you're in love.

This pushes me back in my seat. Is Kit right? Am I love with Ben? I like him a waffle lot ... hahaha. My mind is going. Okay, okay, it does feel like love. But I've been fooled before. It always feels like this in the beginning, doesn't it? All that possibility and hope and good sex? You don't know if it's going to last until later. So it's too soon to say love.

Isn't it?

Hello!

Yeah, still here.

You don't love him?

I don't know yet.

Hmmm.

What?

You're scared.

I'm not.

You are. You're scared of putting yourself out there. Remember how hard I had to work to get you to even go on that date with Jack?

Yeah.

So.

I'm allowed to be scared.

Sure. But don't let it get in the way of what you want.

And what's that?

Duh. Ben.

Right, right.

You don't want him?

No, I do.

You went to an awful lot of trouble to find him.

I know.

What's going on with u?

I'll be fine.

Sometime in the future?

Tonight. I'll be great tonight. Everything will be amazing, you'll see.

You don't have to give the speech if you don't want.

What? Don't be ridiculous! I'm giving the speech. I'm finishing this list and then going to get changed. Forget about me, I'm being weird for nothing.

You sure?

100%

I love you.

I love you too.

See how easy that is.

SHE'S SO EASY.

Hahaha.

Bye.

I close the chat and go back to my list. It's after lunch and I've got thirty minutes to finish before I need to leave to get my hair blown out and then changed for the party. I'm meeting Ben there because he needs to get things set up.

I hammer out a few more titles for both lists, then organize my thoughts for Kit. About John. About love. About what we all wish we want to happen. My heart starts to slow and I calm down. All of this is going to be fine.

It's all going to be great.

My cell rings. It's my mother calling.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, Chloe. I wanted to know what time you wanted to meet."

"Meet? For what?"

"For Kit's engagement party."

"Um, what?"

"You invited us. We're staying at the Comfort Inn."

"You're in New York?"

"I emailed all of this information to you days ago."

I open my email in a panic. That folder. That stupid automatic re-direct folder where I sent all the replies for the party. I forgot to check it. I just forwarded them all to Kit.

Fuck.

"Dad's here too?"

"Of course your father is here."

"And you're in a hotel?"

"I just said that."

"I'm sorry, Mom. I'm just catching up."

"You didn't read my email?"

I don't want to try to explain the folder to her. She's never been big on technology. "I didn't see it, I'm sorry. Can I meet you there?"

"I supposed."

"It'll be easier. I have to get my hair done and all these other things."

"All right." She sighs. "Where is this place, anyway?"

"Oh, um ... It's my friend, Ben's, studio."

"Who is Ben?"

"A man I've been dating."

"The man you were looking for in that BookBox thing?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's ... It's new, Mom. We just started dating."

"Am I going to meet this man tonight?"

"Yes, obviously. The event is at his studio."

"He's a musician?"

"He owns a record label."

"That doesn't sound very stable."

I close my eyes. "It's not the nineteen fifties, Mom."

"I wasn't even born then."

"You know what I mean."

"You're about to call me a Boomer," she huffs.

"Gen X, whatever."

"I'm not allowed to be concerned for my child?"

"Of course you are, Mom. His business is good. But I also have my own job and it's not like we're getting married or anything."

"So, you're not serious about this man?"

"I said we just started dating."

"I knew about your father right away."

And how has that worked out? They're two strangers living in the same house. "Okay."

"If you're not serious, you should move on."

"Mom, I've got to go. I'll see you tonight."

I hang up without waiting for her to respond and put my phone down. I can't believe my parents are here. They must've been on the list and I didn't even check it. As if I don't have enough going on—

And then it starts. The laughing. First Addison and then Jameela. I turn my chair and they are both almost in tears they're laughing so hard. It's contagious. I start laughing too.

"You hear that?"

"Clearly," Addison says.

"I am so fucked."

"Are your parents serial killers or something?"

I'm still laughing but it hurts. "Killers of joy, more like."

"I'm sorry," Jameela says and she's apologizing for more than just my parents, who she doesn't know and isn't responsible for obviously.

"Thanks."

"Why don't you get out of here? Don't you have to get prepared for that party?"

"Yeah. I have to finish this list though." I point to my computer screen.

"It's a stupid assignment," Addison says. "Why are you going to be able to do a better job than a bunch of publishers?"

A BETTER BLOW JOB, I think but don't say out loud.

"Yeah."

"Go on, we'll cover for you."

"Thanks."

I turn back to my computer and add the blow job one to my list for Kit, then send it to her. Then I write a quick email to Tabitha and send her the other list. I did my best, I say. Writing titles is hard. I listen to the email whoosh away, then I close down my system and pack up my things.

"Thanks, guys. And I've missed you."

They both smile at me and it feels like a beginning. Maybe we'll be back in a fight on Monday, but for now, it feels like we're back on track.

I guess I'm an optimist.

Lord knows why.

I'll learn my lesson eventually.

###

Two hours later I've been blown out and I'm wearing a dress that Kit picked out for me weeks ago and had shipped to my house. She might not want to organize the party, but she does want to control what I wear. I'm happy, though. It's a white dress with pretty flowers all over it, delicate, with spaghetti straps and it suits me. I wondered at Kit wanting us both in white, but she said that was stupid and it isn't her wedding day and to just say thank you. So I did and I'm happy I did. This is going to be my first outing with Ben as a couple and I want to look my best.

When I get to his studio half an hour before the party's supposed to start, though, Ben is not there. Instead, another guy answers the door.

"Are you Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm Brian," he says, and I recognize him from the band the other night. He's in his early twenties and wearing pressed jeans and a buttoned-down shirt. "I work with Ben."

"I saw your concert last week. You're the keyboardist, right?"

"That's right." He runs his hands through his blue hair. He looks stressed. "I'm also Ben's second in command at the label. For now, anyway."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, if I fuck up this party then I'm out."

"Is that what he said?"

"Yep."

"Don't fuck it up then."

"Did you want to come in?"

"Yep."

He laughs, then stands back and tacks a sign to the door as he does so. It tells people to ring the doorbell if they're there for the party. "I'll take the lock off once the party gets going, but for now, they can ring up."

"Sounds good."

He starts to walk up the stairs and I follow him. "You've been here before, yes?"

"Yes."

"Great, great. Hope you like what we did."

We get to the top of the stairs and I stop in wonder. The space is filled with fairy lights on the ceiling and drapes of fabric that soften the space and make it seem filled with a pink glow. There are small standing tables set up around the space with flowers on each of them. Ben really went all out, and it warms my heart to think of him doing this when he barely even knows Kit and John. "Wow."

"Right?"

"It's great. But, um, where's Ben?"

"Oh right, he told me to give you this." He fishes in his pocket and takes out a folded piece of paper. He hands it to me and I take it.

Chloe,

My mom finished her treatment, but she hasn't responded well to it. I have to go see her today. This timing sucks and I wanted to text you to let you know but you STILL haven't given me your number! Okay, bad joke at this time, but I don't know ... it feels like the last time that I'm going to see her. I'll get to the party when I can—if I can. In the meantime, you're in good hands with Brian. He might have blue hair but he's super responsible besides being a kick-ass keyboardist. Have fun tonight and I'll do everything in my power to make it for your speech, I promise.

And if I don't, you'll know why.

Love,

Ben

My hands are shaking a bit by the time I finish reading the note. Whether it's the word, love, or the sadness pouring out of the paper, I'm not sure. Either way, Ben's not going to be here tonight, I just know it.

Shit.

I hate myself when I'm selfish.

"Everything okay?"

"Sure," I say, looking up at Brian. He has kind eyes. "Do you need help with anything?"

"Everything's all set, but if you want, you can open a bottle of champagne?"

"Definitely."

He points to the corner where a bar is set up. There's a silver bucket with several bottles of Champagne in it. "The guy will be here in a minute to man that, but go ahead in the meantime."

"Great."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yes, of course. Especially after a glass of champagne."

He smiles. "Great."

I guess he's not the lyricist for the band. Not that I'm being so articulate today, either.

I walk to the bar and pop the bottle. That noise usually makes me happy, but today, it seems like there's a blanket on my happiness. I pour myself a glass and take a sip as the bell rings downstairs.

"I'll get it," Brian says.

I smile at him like I mean it, and try to shove my disappointment down.

Ben is being a good son. I'm being a bad girlfriend, if that's what I am.

Tonight is about Kit.

And here she is, glowing in a creamy strapless number, and looking up at the ceiling in amazement. I pour her a glass and take it to her.

"You look amazing," I say, holding it out.

She takes it. "Thank you."

"Where's John?"

"Right behind me. Ben?"

"Delayed."

Kit frowns.

"It's okay. I mean, it's not. It's his mom."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Me too, but tonight is about you."

"Weird."

"Ha, ha." I hug her, Champagne glass and all. "I love you, Kit, and I'm so glad you're happy."

"Thanks."

The bell rings again. "That must be John."

"Let the party begin."

###

I float through the next couple of hours on a haze of Champagne. The space fills up, the music rocks and everyone's having a good time. My parents arrive and we have a perfunctory conversation where my mother acts like she cares that Ben's not there, then spends the rest of the night talking to Kit's parents. Lianne hugs me close though and tells me how much my friendship has meant to Kit over the years. This almost brings me to tears, because Lianne has never said anything like this before, but I hold it in check. I know I'm going to be crying in a few minutes when I start my speech, and I won't get through it if I start now.

Speaking of which, Brian is approaching. "You ready?"

"I guess so." I hand him my empty glass—is that three or four? Yikes—and walk to the microphone set up in the corner. He cuts the music and I told out the folded piece of paper that I tucked in my bra like I was a professional dancer.

"Hello, hello," I say, checking for reverb, but the sound is perfect. "Does everyone have a glass?"

"You don't!" Kit calls from John's arms.

"You're right, I don't." I look over to the bartender and he brings me another glass of Champagne. Probably not a good idea to drink this. "Okay, now we're all set."

God, is my voice slurring? No, no, that's just nerves. This is why I wrote this down.

"So, I'm supposed to talk about Kit, right?"

"Yes!" She shouts back.

"Okay! Ahem, well, Katherine Wang was born on ... kidding, kidding. That's boring I know better. You know this is hard right? To sum up someone that you've known forever in five to ten minutes, throw in a few jokes, and not offend anyone. I mean, my parents are here!"

I wave my Champagne glass towards my parents, standing together but apart, as always. My dad smiles at me, but my mom is frowning, unhappy that attention is being drawn to her I'm sure.

"And Kit's parents are here!"

Some applause for Lianne and Rob.

"And of course, Kit and John are here!"

More applause, more cheering. I glance out into the crowd, trying to gather my thoughts. I think I see Ben, finally, but I'm not sure.

"Anyway, the speech, speech, speech. Here we go."

I look down at my paper. I can read the words, but they don't seem like enough.

"You know, sometimes in life you meet someone and you just know they're you're person. You can be five or twenty or fifty, age doesn't matter. There's just something between you that lets you know that that's it as far as that person is concerned. They're it.

"That's how I felt when I met Kit, and I know she felt the same. It's like we recognized each other. Hey, friend. And here we are twenty years later still texting each other silly things all day and laughing through the bad parts and laughing through the good parts.

"And today is a good part. It's a great part." I smile at them. "I remember when she first told me about John. As you know, Lianne was the one who set them up. And sorry, Lianne, but that hasn't always worked out well for Kit. We all remember Connor. And then there was Gerald."

Nervous laughter.

"But John was different. I could tell in the way that Kit was speaking about him, and I got it the minute I met him. He was her person. And I couldn't be more jealous, I mean happy."

More laughter, genuine this time.

"It feels rare, you know. All the luck required to find someone like that in a city like this? In any city. It feels like fate has to intervene, like there has to be some bigger plan at work. And whether that's true or not, it's always something to celebrate when two people do find one another and decide to give a life together a go."

I raise my glass. "So let's raise our glasses to Kit and John. To finding your person."

Everyone says it with me. "To Kit and John!"

They raise their own glasses and kiss instead of taking a drink and a huge whoop goes up. And I whoop along with them as I search the crowd for Ben. And then he's walking toward me only, it's not Ben, it's Jack.