Chapter Twenty-Five: A Feast for the Senses

"I wanted to thank you for the tickets," I say to Jack that night on the phone. I'm at my place, sitting on the couch. I sent Ben out for takeout because I need to do this alone.

"You enjoyed the show?" His voice is tired, maybe even a bit low. He's been at work since yesterday, going home only briefly to shower and change. His company takes security a little too seriously, and insists that all access to company email and servers be terminated immediately. An easy task when it's just one person being let go. Arduous when it's over a hundred.

I feel like a shit for adding this news to his burdens, but I don't have a choice.

"I did enjoy it, thank you. But also ..." I shift uncomfortably. I don't know why this is so difficult. I have zero feelings for Jack except for friendship, and it's not like we ever really dated. We never even kissed. I just need to bite the bullet and get this out. "I don't think we should see each other again."

"Oh, I ... Is it because of last night?"

I feel panicky. "Um ..."

"I know missing a second date is a no-no."

"It's not that. I just ... I don't feel that way about you. I'm sorry."

He sighs. "Is this because of Ben?"

"Yes."

"Even if you can't be together?"

I believe in honesty, but I don't think I should tell him that we can be together. Or probably I should, but I don't feel like it. I have a feeling that Jack won't be too supportive given some of the things he's said in the past. Besides, I don't even know what is truly happening between me and Ben. I don't need to bring anyone else into it after already involving Kit and John.

"I don't think we should be talking about this."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right. But I do like you, Chloe. I like you a lot."

"I like you too, Jack."

"Maybe another time?"

It would be easy to agree to this, to let him hang there, hoping that something might happen. But that would be cruel. Because even if there was no Ben, I wouldn't be attracted to Jack.

"I don't think so, Jack. I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"I hope you find someone."

"You too."

"Thank you. Do you want me to reimburse you for the tickets?"

"No, those were for you. For us."

I feel a stab of guilt. Us. I know it's just a figure of speech, but I have to wonder: did I cheat on Jack? Not technically, because we'd never had that conversation and had only been on a few dates. But it feels like cheating anyway. I was supposed to be on a date with him and instead, I ended up going home with Ben. How did that happen?

Maybe I'll figure that out eventually. In the meantime, I need to end this conversation.

"Okay, well, take care of yourself. See you around."

"See you next week."

"Huh?"

"At the engagement party? Kit invited me."

"Oh, right." Shit, I still have to find a venue for that. Kit is going to kill me. "Okay, well, see you then, I guess. Bye."

I hang up as I hear a key in my lock. I gave Ben my keys so it would be easier for him to get in and out. But now I'm regretting that a little. I could have used a moment between the conversation with Jack and Ben.

He walks in with two bags in his hand. It smells delicious, like the meal he served me in the park. His hair is a bit wet—it's been raining off and on all day, the sky alternating between sun and dark clouds in a way that seems to track what I'm going through too.

"You look grim," he says.

"I just finished talking to Jack." I wave my phone, then throw it down.

"That go okay?"

"Sure."

He puts the bags on the table. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I stand. "What you got in there?" I try to reach into one of the bags, but Ben stops me.

He places his hands on my shoulders and makes eye contact. I melt a little in his gaze, but the conversation with Jack lingers like the clouds outside.

"Hey," Ben says. "We don't have to pretend."

"I want to, though."

He smiles. "Well, then ..." He gives me a quick kiss. "I've got all the good things." He starts to remove takeout boxes out of the bags and line them up on the table. "Shrimp toast, Peking duck, mixed vegetables—"

"Vegetables?"

"I thought something green might be a good idea."

"You sound like my mom."

"Not the look I was going for."

I laugh. "I know, sorry. It smells amazing."

"What do you want to start with?"

"One of everything." I go into the kitchen and pull out some plates and serving things, then bring them back to the table. "Bring on the empty calories."

"Yes, ma'am."

He starts to dish up the food. The smells are overwhelming. I didn't eat much at Kit's, too nervous about that stupid quiz I'd set up. I recognize it now for what it was—an attempt to put off the decision. But why did I want to do that? I've wanted to be with Ben since I met him. Look at all of the effort I went to be with him. Why chicken out now?

"I suggest starting with the shrimp toast and then moving to the duck," Ben says.

"Any reason?"

He lifts his shoulder. "I've tried all the combinations and this one is the best."

"And the vegetables?"

"Think of them as palate cleansers."

"Like sorbet?"

"Exactly," he says, handing me a plate full of food. "Only much healthier than ice cream."

"So there's no ice cream for dessert?"

He smiles suggestively. "You can have whatever you want for dessert."

"Good to know." I pull the plate to me and do as he suggests, putting a piece of shrimp toast in my mouth. It's as good as the one from the park, maybe better.

"Well?"

"Hold on." I pick up a piece of the duck with my chopsticks. The skin is burnished and crispy and it crackles in my mouth. Where has this food been all my life? "You're a genius," I say.

"Right?"

"Thank you for getting this."

He touches my hand, letting it linger. "Of course. Happy to. And I know you don't want to talk about it, but you can."

"You're not jealous of another man?"

"Oh, I'm super jealous. But I'm trying to be supportive."

"I like that. You being jealous."

"Oh?"

I pick up a piece of broccoli. "Who doesn't like a jealous man?"

"It's a fine line between jealousy and stalker."

"I'm the one who stalked you, though."

He laughs. "Is it weird if I say that I'm happy you did?"

"Probably."

"I am glad."

"Me too."

"Good." He eats a couple of pieces of shrimp toast. "You think Kit is going to get behind this?"

"She's fine. But that reminds me: I have a favor to ask you."

"Sure."

"Any chance you know of a venue for Kit's engagement party?"

"When is it?"

"Next Saturday."

He makes a surprised face.

"I know, I know. But she got overwhelmed with work stuff and asked me at the last minute to take over from her."

"How many people?"

"Fifty I think."

"Hmmm."

I eat the broccoli then cycle back through the the shrimp toast and duck. It really is the perfect combination. "Where did you get this?"

"Kam Fung."

"Where is that?"

"Three blocks from here?"

"This has been within three blocks of me for a year and I didn't know?"

"New Yorker knowledge."

"Yeah, yeah."

Ben laughs. "It's not the best in town, but it's pretty good."

"Pretty good? I'd have sex with this."

"Oh, really?"

"I mean, if you weren't around."

"Don't let me stop you."

"How about shrimp toast, then sex?"

"Sounds like a plan."

He grabs us a couple of beers from the fridge and we spend a few minutes in companionable silence eating our way through the order. It's funny, because when it was silent like this with Jack all I could think about was what was I going to ask him next, but I don't feel that way now. It just feels easy. Set. Like it's something that's been in place for a long time.

"How do you feel about Tzatziki?" I ask Ben when we're finished. My stomach is distended in a good way, but I may need a few minutes to digest before anything sexual happens.

"What?"

"You know, the Greek condiment?"

"I know what it is. Why are you asking?"

"Call it part of the test."

"I thought I passed that test."

"You did, but it's still important."

He shakes his head. "Well, then, for the record, I love it."

"Excellent."

"And I have an idea."

"What?"

"Why don't you have the party at my place."

"Your apartment?"

"No, my studio. It's a fun place for parties and there's the coffee shop downstairs that does catering too. And of course, the music is awesome."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"You want to come to Kit's engagement party with me? Isn't that a little serious for the first week of dating?"

"That is what we're doing here, right? We're being serious."

My heart starts beating quickly. "I know we said that, but it's only been a day, and—"

He holds up his hand. "And nothing on my side. I'm all in over here."

And now he looks nervous, like he thinks I might not be all in as well. And maybe it's his fear, but suddenly, the doubts I've been feeling since the conversation with Jack have disappeared. Here he is, this man I've been searching for, feeding me excellent Chinese food in my kitchen and offering to host Kit's engagement party at his studio.

I stand slowly and walk around the table. Then I plop down into his lap. His arms snake around my waist, and he buries his face in my shoulder.

"Thank you, Ben."

"For what?"

"For all of it. That venue would be perfect. You're perfect."

"Far from it."

"Okay, I know. I'm not perfect, either. But I'm in this too. I want this to work."

"Good."

"And you really want to come to an engagement party?"

"Why not?"

There are a million reasons why not. No man I've ever dated has shown any interest in attending weddings or near wedding events with me, or any other girl as far as I was aware.

"It's stupid."

He tilts his head up, looking into my eyes. "No, it isn't."

"It's just such a change."

"I know. And I'm sorry about that. But there's something you should know about me."

"What's that?"

"Why I make up my mind, I stick to it."

"Doesn't that contradict what you just said?"

"How so?"

"You'd made up your mind not to date me. Then you changed it."

"My mind wasn't made up. I was trying to make it up. I was telling myself it was, but it wasn't."

"Why not?"

"Because my heart wasn't in it."

"Where was your heart?"

He reaches out and touches my clavicle, just above my own heart. "I think you know."

I reach down and kiss him. We both taste like dinner, and I'm not full anymore. I'm hungry for it, hungry for him. His hands run up my back and pull me closer. Our tongues meet and mix and twist together and I can feel him harden under me.

"New plan," I say, breaking away.

"Oh?"

"Sex then dinner."

"Is this a test?"

"No, it's a request."

"Then, yes," Ben says. "Yes."