Mark of the Lycan

TERRIN

This was it.

It would all be over after this. I would tell Heidi that I’d picked Syn, apologize, and then move on. We wouldn’t be able to remain friends. Although Syn would never say anything, I wasn’t going to do that to him.

People didn’t do that to the one they loved. And yes, I had come to the realization that I loved Syn.

I had known it at the festival. I had known it the moment I’d caught him staring at me from behind that midnight-black mask that had adorned his face, the moment he had whispered the words “You’re beautiful.”

It had been ten days since I had realized that I was in love with my lycan mate.

Ten days, and yet it was only now that I had been allowed out of the castle to find Heidi and end this.

I lifted my hand and knocked on her door. I waited for a moment before knocking again. The door finally clicked open, revealing Heidi.

Without a moment’s hesitation, she threw herself at me, embracing me. “Oh thank the gods!” she exclaimed. “Where have you been?” she demanded, pulling back. “I heard your alphas had kept you all under house arrest. Why?”

I frowned. “Where did you hear that from?”

“I got worried about you, so I went to your house. When I couldn’t find you there, I went to the castle.

“The guards wouldn’t let me through. They said you were busy, so I asked for any of the lycans, but they told me to scram—that you all were busy.”

I slowly pushed her off me and stepped back.

“I have something to tell you,” I said quietly, cautiously, trying to warn her that she wouldn’t like what I had to say.

“Okay,” she said slowly, picking up on my cue.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted my chin and firmly stated, “I have come to a decision, and I pick Syn.”

A pregnant silence stretched between us. “You what?” she asked darkly.

“I pick Syn,” I repeated.

“Why?” Her voice was chilling, taking on a tone I had never heard her use.

“I love him,” I said unabashedly.

“Are you stupid?” I flinched at her harsh tone. “How can you love someone you know nothing about?”

“I know him!” I protested. “I know his preferences and quirks—”

The small female snorted. “Yeah, you used observation. Good job,” she praised me mockingly. “But you don’t know him. What do you know of his past? The lycans are old. He lived for decades before he joined Hakota’s little band.”

“His past doesn’t matter,” I said. “I care about who he is now, not who he was.”

“Who he was? Terrin, you don’t change much after you’ve been alive so long. Knowing his past is the only way to truly know him. You’ve only seen what he wants you to see.

“He’s hiding something. Even I knew that after our second encounter. He’s too careful, Terrin, and I know you know what I’m talking about.”

I swallowed down the lump in my throat so I could speak, but what could I say?

She was right. He was hiding something, and if he didn’t want to tell me, it was probably something bad that could hurt us.

“Lycans love to chase, Terrin. They like to fight. What do you think will happen once you let him catch you? What do you think is going to happen once the game is over?”

“It’s not a game to him.” I tried to sound like I believed my own words, but I knew I failed miserably.

I tried again with more conviction, “I’m his mate. He won’t abandon me once he marks me.”

“His mate?” Heidi scoffed. “Please, you are a male, Terrin. You can’t give him pups. You’re of no use. All you are is a means of entertainment for the time being.”

Her words dug at my insecurities, my own thoughts of doubt.

“Besides, you’re a werewolf, Terrin.”

“So?” I snarled. “Frayah was a werewolf too before she mated. Lots of lycans were.”

“Yeah, but you’re a Forester, aren’t you?” Heidi countered, smirking when she saw the surprise on my face.

“Don’t look so surprised. I figured that out after I realized that Cleo never intended to get along with me. Your reaction only confirmed it.”

Her words were eating me alive, and I struggled to escape the jaws of doubt trying to swallow me whole. “I’m different. I am part of the pack—”

“You are Cleo’s shadow, Terrin. You cling to her, and they only let you stay because you helped keep her alive.”

I stumbled back, tripping down one of the stairs.

Her words mixed with the insecurities that were flying about inside my own head. I needed to get away. I couldn’t let her get in my head, get under my skin.

“You’ll see, Terrin. You’ll see after he marks you that it was all an act. You’ll wish you had listened to me.”

She retreated into the house, holding the door open with one hand and looking over her shoulder. “I’ll be here when you see the truth.”

Taking a deep breath, pulling myself together on the outside while falling apart on the inside, I said, “You’re wrong about him.”

“We’ll see,” Heidi purred.

Shaking my head, I left. This had not gone as I had planned at all.

I had figured she’d get mad, or cry, but that in the end, she would understand. I had thought this would be more civil. Heidi hadn’t just been angry—no, she had been vindictive, stabbing me with the words she knew would hurt.

I would prove her wrong though. I would prove my own doubts wrong.

I dragged myself to Syn’s house. It was still only late afternoon, and I knew he wouldn’t be home yet, but I didn’t mind waiting.

I pulled out the spare key and let myself in, collapsing in a chair once inside. I was fine. Everything was fine. I would confront Syn and make him tell me what he was hiding. Then we would both come clean and move forward.

Heidi was not going to ruin my night. She wasn’t going to ruin my plans. Syn would mark me tonight, and we were going to be happy.

When Syn finally arrived, he looked startled to see me, which was fair, considering I hadn’t told him I would be coming.

“Terrin, I wasn’t expecting you. Are you all right?” he asked, coming to crouch before me. He frowned in concern and touched my face, checking for signs of illness.

“I’m fine,” I told him to ease his worry, but he wasn’t convinced.

“Actually, I’m not fine,” I amended, grabbing his wrist and resting his hand on my cheek. “Tell me what you are hiding,” I pleaded with him.

I saw the panic in his eyes, but I gripped his wrist tighter, holding him in place when he attempted to pull away. “Don’t deny it, Syn. I know you’re keeping secrets. But I need to know before we move forward.”

I moved my hands to cup his face, trying to tell him with my eyes not to be afraid. “Please,” I whispered. “Please just tell me. Don’t make me find out on my own. Don’t betray me, Syn. Don’t abandon me like the others.

“I can’t lose you. I can lose anyone but you.” I gazed at my lycan mate, unashamed of the tears trailing down my cheeks. I would be vulnerable for him if he would be vulnerable for me.

“My secret…,” he trailed off, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on mine, making them touch. “The words I hold close to my heart in fear that they will drive you away…”

I could feel his own tears fall on my hands as I held his face. “My secret is that I love you, Terrin.”

A strangled sob was pulled from my throat. I held nothing back as I kissed him. My hands slid around the back of Syn’s neck as he pulled me off the chair and into his lap.

Sitting in the cradle of his crossed legs, I pulled him down to meet my lips. “I pick you,” I said as we broke apart for breath. “I pick you. I picked you days ago. I knew I would pick you since the moment you danced with me.”

I don’t know why I held back my own confession of love, saying “I pick you” instead of “I love you,” but Syn seemed to understand. He knew what I was telling him.

“Mark me,” I told him. “Mark me so the whole world knows I picked you.”

No other words needed to be said between us. It had taken us five years to get here.

For five years, I had been determined not to give in to this, had been afraid of this. I was a fool—a stupid, blind fool—to have waited so long.

And Syn—my beautiful, wonderful mate—was the only reason I was experiencing this now. Without his persistence, I never would have had this, never would’ve known this.

Syn kissed my neck, licking and sucking on the skin he would soon sink his teeth into.

I moaned, throwing my head back, giving him complete and utter access to my neck.

I wanted nothing to hinder this, and as his nose brushed against the column of my neck, sending goosebumps running up my arms and chills down my back, I knew he wouldn’t be stopped.

My hands dove under his shirt, traveling over the hard muscles beneath. The hard muscles that I had glimpsed only a few times since I had met him, the latest being when I had dressed him for the festival.

My fingers traced every ridge, every edge, of the battle-hardened male who was holding me.

Then my mate bit me, his teeth piercing through my skin, gracing me with his mark that would turn me into a lycan.

I grunted, inhaling sharply at the pain but biting my tongue to keep from crying out. My mate retracted his teeth immediately and began to lick and kiss the mark as if hoping to dispel the pain faster.

His hands clutched my hips, his fingers digging into the soft skin there.

I was panting heavily now. As the pain faded, all I was left with was the sensation of his touch, his large hands on my skin, and it was making me burn with lust.

I had gone from sating my urges almost nightly to a three-month dry spell after meeting Heidi.

Although I had once believed it would be impossible for me to feel this kind of attraction toward the lycan, now I couldn’t believe I had ever lived without these feelings.

Syn was gorgeous. His skin had a rich sun-kissed tan that contrasted with the ash-gray, silvery blond color of his hair.

His liquid mercury eyes—deep set and heavy, with flecks of green floating in them—were framed by sharp cheekbones and long, dark lashes.

They were accented by straight, full brows that pinched together when he was disappointed or deep in thought.

His chiseled, angular face, with its defined square jawline, looked like it could have been cut from marble.

It was complemented by those chapped beige-gold lips that were usually pulled tight because of the serious, grim look he always had on his face.

Honestly, the lycans needed to lighten up. Hakota, Sitka, and Syn had matching expressions most of the time.

His nose was straight with a slight point at the end, which kept it from appearing too flat on his face.

He was devastatingly gorgeous. All of the lycans were beautiful, but there was just something more to Syn that made him stand apart.

And I wanted him.

Gods, did I want him.

So without thinking twice, I grabbed his chin, forcing his face up from my neck to capture those delicious lips. I nibbled and sucked, teasing him with my tongue.

When Syn had finally had enough, he pinned my tongue to the bottom of my mouth with his own. Then we engaged in a battle of dominance that he, of course, easily won.

My hands inched to his waistband, dipping below the fabric, gliding across hot skin, soft, supple skin that—

I tumbled out of his lap as I was violently shoved away, my head smacking against the chair behind me.

I winced, lifting a hand to touch my throbbing head and hissing at the sharp pain. Tears flooded my eyes, my body’s automatic reaction.

I blinked rapidly to stop my eyes from watering, trying to clear the stars from my vision.

Syn had scrambled away from me, his chest rising and falling in what I believed to be a panic attack at first, but upon turning my gaze to his face, I corrected my assumption.

He looked angry.

Really, really angry.

“Why did you do that?” Syn snarled. “Don’t touch me like that. Don’t you ever touch me like that without my permission.”

I flinched as if struck and curled into myself, confused and, honestly, a little scared.

I hadn’t seen this kind of rage from him since that day in his house when I had rejected his help and told him that he was nothing and that I would never need him.

The wrath in his eyes pushed the air out of my lungs and quickened the beating of my heart, my instincts kicking in and alerting me of the danger, telling me to run.

“I-I-I…” The words wouldn’t form.

I had nothing to say because I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t know what had happened, didn’t understand why he had blown up to this extent.

Naturally, I had sought out the next step in the process.

I had been marked, and that usually prompted mating. Surely, Syn was expecting this. This was what he wanted, right?

“I don’t want to have sex with you, Terrin, and I know I’ve never said or suggested anything that could lead you to believe that I did.” His voice was cold, freezing the blood in my body.

He had never used this tone with me, no matter how angry I made him.

More than that, the words themselves stung. I felt so dirty, so disgusting, and so…unwanted.

“I don’t understand,” I whispered brokenly.

“What’s not to understand?” he growled. “We aren’t having sex, Terrin.”

I willed myself not to burst into tears on the spot. “B-but I thought—”

“What? That just because we’re mates, that means I should automatically want to have sex?”

I was struggling to breathe, panic rising within me. I heard every rejection he uttered, the unspoken “I don’t want you” in every sentence. He didn’t want me. He was rejecting me. Just like Heidi had said.

He had gotten his mark on my shoulder, and now he was done playing with me.

He was just like everyone else, no different. He was tossing me aside just like everyone else in my life had.

I was humiliated, but more so, I was heartbroken.

“But we’re mates,” I said for my own benefit, trying to convince myself that this couldn’t possibly be happening right now.

“I don’t care. That doesn’t give you rights to me.”

Cold.

It felt like the temperature in the room had dropped several degrees, like the blood in my body had turned to ice. I wasn’t sure if it was chills or fear that made me quiver, perhaps both.

He didn’t care.

He didn’t care I was his mate, just like I hadn’t cared in the beginning. Is this how he had felt every time I had rejected him? No. He had never felt this way because it had all been an act.

He had been able to handle the rejections because they hadn’t mattered to him, not like how they had mattered to me.

My hand went to the fresh wound adorning my neck. It was still bleeding—not surprisingly, considering how deep his teeth had punctured.

And then it clicked in my head.

Just like Heidi had said, the game had ended for him once his mark was on my neck, once he claimed victory in our five-year battle of wills. He had won, and now he was done.

It was over for him now, which meant it was over for me.

Desperation for escape set in. I had to get out, leave before he saw, run before he realized how much this hurt me, disappear before he understood how deeply in love I was.

I wouldn’t be able to take it when he started mocking me for my stupidity, throwing the words I had spouted at him for years back in my face.

I would break fully.

I wouldn’t be able to recover if I had to hear those words from him. I wasn’t as strong as him. I would never be as strong as him.

Get out! Get out! Get out!

Unable to hear any more forms of rejection leave his mouth, I scrambled to my feet and made a mad dash out the door. I tripped over my feet several times, stumbling as I tried to regain my footing. I ran and ran and ran.

Away from him, away from the seemingly perfect world I had thought I was about to have, which had just burst into flames.

Tears blinded me, and I choked on my sobs. There was not enough air in my lungs to support both my sprint and a hysterical breakdown.

Stupid! I was so, so stupid! I had done my best to stay strong, to resist him, and yet in the end, I had still been too weak. I had fallen for his lies, played right into his hands.

I was pathetic. So naïve and gullible.

My legs took me right back to the one person who had warned me, who had been trying to tell me all along that this would happen. I banged on her door like a lunatic, not caring if I disturbed the neighbors.

My fist pounded incessantly until it swung open to reveal a very annoyed female, her blue eyes narrowed and ready to tell off the crazy psycho at her door.

Seeing me, her expression immediately morphed into one of pity.

She took one look at the still bleeding mark at the crook of my neck and my puffy, red eyes and tear-streaked face before wordlessly opening her arms for me to fall into.

I collapsed into her, hugging her tightly as I sobbed.

“You were right!” I wailed as she guided us into the house, shutting and locking the door while somehow managing to support me with only half her body.

“What did you think was going to happen,” she scolded me gently. “He’s a lycan, Terrin. You know they are cruel and heartless,” she said, lowering me onto the couch with her.

She rubbed my back like a mother would to console her child. “I told you from the beginning this was all just a game for him.

“He just wanted you to fall for him so he could prove to everyone that even a Forester alpha can’t resist the lycan mating bond, that you don’t deserve to be alpha material.

“Syn only wanted to prove that you are no match for a lycan. They’re sick, Terrin. All of them. How could they advocate for him, for his scheme? He did it solely for the joy of breaking you.

“He doesn’t care about you, Terrin, none of them do. No one does but me. I do. I care about you, Terrin.”

How could everything have been a lie? How had I not seen through any of them? “But he told me he loved me!”

The female clicked her tongue at me in disappointment. “And that’s what made you give in, right? He said it only to win. He didn’t mean it.”

I sobbed harder.

“Terrin, you’re just a werewolf. You would never have been good enough for him. Forget about him. Forget about Cleo and her stupid pack.”

How was I supposed to forget? How could I brush off all of the pack dinners?

The conversations with the lycans, playing with the pups, having a purpose and a job in their pack.

Why did I always have to be the one forgetting?

Why couldn’t I, just for once, hold on to the memory of someone I had thought was close to me? Why couldn’t I, not even for once, keep ahold of someone? “Why can’t anyone love me?” I asked Heidi.

She pulled my head down to rest on her shoulder, my nose pressing against the side of her neck. One of her hands combed through my hair. “I love you, Terrin. I love you, my sweet alpha. That lycan never deserved you.”

She rocked me gently, kissing my head and cheek softly as I cried.

After my sobs had subsided, I took some time to clear my throat, just enough to utter a few simple words that had haunted me my whole life.

“I feel so alone.” The words were barely audible. The gaping maw of darkness had taken hold of me. I was drowning in its black depths, struggling to breathe.

My air, my life, my light had been so close. I had nearly been pulled from its clutches, I had been allowed a glimpse of a world outside my nightmare of solitude, before being shoved back—down, down, down into the pit.

And I stopped fighting.

Stopped trying to claw my way out of the dark tendrils that refused to let me go. I stopped reaching out for the light that was always impossibly far away. I just accepted that I would be stuck, caged within myself, forever.

My hope was gone.

All I could feel was bone-chilling loneliness seeping into me, staking its claim on my body forever. It would never again be chased away by the warmth that only came from Syn’s touch.

He didn’t want to share his warmth with me. Why would he?

He was a lycan, with beauty to rival the gods. He was a warrior. He was everything I was not.

How could I, for even just a second, believe that he would cherish me, be my mate, want me when no one else ever had?

The nobodies of the world wanted nothing to do with me, so why would he, of all people, decide I was worth something of value?

“You’re not alone.” Heidi’s voice was nearly drowned out by the ones in my head. “You have me. You’ll always have me if you mark me, claim me as yours. No one will be able to take me from you, Terrin.”

Her languid voice was almost hypnotic.

My alpha’s voice from the time I was just a young pup rang in my head. Once a male lays claim to a female, the only thing that can separate them is death.

Even if ten years from now Heidi changed her mind and no longer wanted me, it wouldn’t matter. In the Forest Kingdom, they weren’t allowed to leave.

The only thought in my head was to do it. To mark her so she couldn’t leave.

So in my heartbreak, misery, and unstable state of mind, I did it. I bit her, my teeth digging into her flesh as if I were a wild animal. I was without reason, my consciousness somewhere far away.

This animalistic instinct, this beast ruling my body, could only be explained as The Wild.

How, I wasn’t sure.

The Wild only happened to lycans. Maybe Syn’s mark was already changing me.

After I removed my mouth from her neck, she pulled me down for a kiss.

I did not kiss her back. I stood there and took what she gave, making her do all the work. I did not love this female.

My body went through the motions, but my heart wasn’t in it. My soul was dead.

“Let me give you the night you wanted,” she purred.

I said nothing, some part of me knowing that I couldn’t, even if I tried.

She took my silence as a yes and started slowly pulling up my shirt. She didn’t even get it over my head before the front door was, quite literally, blasted off its hinges.

Splinters went flying as the door was thrown back into the house and smashed to the floor.

Syn stood in the doorway, panting, his eyes alight with a crazed spark.

That wild gaze landed on me, and his mouth tightened into a grim expression. “Terrin, we need to talk.”