16.

Had a weekend travel followed by a working weekend. Also a long day at work. Hence the delayed update.

Small chapter today.

Hope you enjoy it ❤️

Love ❤️

Srinidhi

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DHARA

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His eyes widened at my question. It's like, he couldn't believe what just happened. Honestly even I couldn't. I don't know how I mustered up the courage to ask him this question. Especially when I know the concerns everyone has about him. Of course it didn't matter to me because I respect him and adore him for the person he is. However if what his family thinks about him is true, I don't know if I'd ever be able to enjoy motherhood ever in my life. One emotion that I never experienced as a child and one relationship I want to have forever for myself. I knew I wanted to give it to my child what I never got from my mother, well if I could even call her that.

'Are you in your senses?' was the question that brought me out of my reverie as I see Parth on his feet ready to walk out on me. But I immediately hold onto his wrist and he considerably freezes as a reaction. Our eyes meet for a brief period of time as I ask 'What is it? Can't a girl ask a guy's hand in marriage? Only boys have that right reserved?' I say with a smile only for him to shake his head and slowly unwind my fingers holding onto his wrist as he says

'Dhara...it's...not that simple!!!' he says breaking our eye contact and looking elsewhere when I ask 'Is there anyone else?' and he is shocked as he says 'What? Noooo are you crazy! No!!!' and I smile asking 'Then what is the problem?' and he looks hesitant.

This time I hold his hand and yank it a little for him to slowly imbalance a little and he immediately manages to sit next to me as I realise he's trying to hide his tears. I slowly look at him and ask 'If this is about your sexuality and you are uncomfortable about it. Then I'll never ask you that Parth. I promise' I say and he looks at me saying 'Just because you had two bad experiences the world isn't a bad place Dhara. You'll find so many other men. I know I'm just a compromise, but this is a bad deal. There's no hope here' he says with a farther look in his eyes.

'Parth...Not everyone is lucky in love. I don't think I have it in me to love another man. I have lost interest in marriage. I have lost faith in marriage' I say when he chuckles dryly saying 'Marrying someone to run away from marriage? What logic is this?' and I smile saying 'When you are a kid you read about love, when you are a teen you crave to experience love and when you turn an adult you fall in love. You want to love all those bookish moments, you want all your dreams to come true but then no one tells you, not everyone's life is a Wattpad novel with a happy ending. Some don't have their happy endings and then there are some like mine who are a failure to begin in the very first place.

So you know what? It's fine. I don't need a happy ending or a happy beginning. I don't need bookish love stories Parth. I want a simple life where I could live on my terms and conditions. Doesn't matter if I have to put up a facade for the world. If it saves my family's reputation and doesn't harm my Daarji's health any further it's a win win situation for me.' I conclude when he asks 'And what about love? marital life? Kids?' he asks and I smile saying 'If you'll be able to give kids to me someday, I'll be the happiest. If you don't then if I can be a sister to 5 year old who arrived last week to Rab Di Mehr, I can also be a mother to the next one that'll arrive there'

He looks shocked. He keeps looking elsewhere as he closes his eyes saying 'This is an impulsive decision.' and I nodded saying 'It is. But that's all I've got right now. I'm taking my chance' I say as I smile saying 'Take your time to think and give me your answer' saying I'm about to leave when I hear him say

'Its a NO!!! It's a No Dhara!!!' and I ask him 'Why? If this is because you are gay the-' and he immediately cuts me in between saying 'NO!!! It's not because of that. I'm not a gay....I guess...I....I uh...I don't know-...I uh...I don't' and he hides his face behind his palms and I'm confused. I see him too broken and shaken right now. I slowly go towards him and sit next to him.

I hold both his hands in mine trying to see his face. He's having tears in his eyes. He looks lost. Like a helpless child. It makes me feel guilty when I shake my head saying 'It 's ok if you are. It's ok even if you are not!!! I won't judge you Parth. I promise' I say and his eyes meet mine. He has big beautiful eyes with thick eyelashes that are moist now. Those thick eyelashes are drenched in tears now.

'I don't need you in bed Parth. Even if I do, it'll only be as a friend. I know this doesn't make sense to you but all I know is sometimes you only think about your loved ones. You don't need to be happy anymore, all you care about is to keep your family safe. My Daarji didn't earn big money, he only earned respect. That's not a thing to compromise, rest all can be compromised. My life too' I say when he simply looks elsewhere as he confesses

'I am not gay. I wasn't ever attracted to boys!!!' and I don't know why I smiled. But then he immediately added 'But I neither felt attracted towards girls' and now I was curious. I kept listening to him when he says 'I don't know Dhara. I feel nothing. I have even visited a doctor and he says I'm fine but strangely I've never felt aroused for any sexes. That's when the doctor said that maybe I'm asexual' and I'm shocked.

He nods saying 'I can't guarantee you anything Dhara. I couldn't guarantee anything to myself all these years. The reason why I denied getting married. I can't be the reason for someone's dreams being crushed. If I refuse back then to strangers, you are a friend Dhara. How can I push you down a well knowing it all!!! The reason why dad doesn't talk to me. He knows I'm asexual. That night he saw my medical reports and threatened me to get married to one of his business colleague's daughter. He said that no one would ever know, my name would be clean in front of people and society. He even suggested getting an IVF done to the girl with the help of a donor' he confesses leaving me shocked.

'But I denied. Doesn't matter if it's between us all, still the girl doesn't deserve this. It's unfair to her. She also may have her dreams. Just for my father's fake prestige how could I just spoil someone's life. Shatter someone's dreams. I could never forgive myself' he says and my respect increases a hundred folds for this man. He's one strong man and I'm in awe of his courage and strength.

'No Dhara. Never this. We'll find a solution. We'll explain everything. Infact I'll tell everybody that I'm- ' but I shake my head saying 'You will do nothing. I have decided I want to marry you Parth. My proposal still stands tall. I don't want sexual relationship with you Parth. I promise I'll never want anything more than friendship in this marriage. Please say yes!!!' I say and this time he simply shouts saying 'Why don't you get it Dhara. This is not some tv serial? Everyone has needs. Please Dhara. No!!!' and I smile saying

'Your friendship gives me more comfort than any other man's fake promises. If this can solve the situation we are in what is the issue? I don't want what you can't give and what you can do is all I'm asking for...think again. My question still remains the same. Please think over it' saying I walk out of the auditorium while he shouts again 'It's a NO Dhara. It's never going to change. IT IS A BIG NO!!!' and I smile as I exit the auditorium.