Chapter Twenty-Four

Apollo rose on his feet and turned his back to me. His muscles were tense - it was evident - and his hands were balled into fists, the flames dying down. I rose as well, getting rid of the grass that stuck to my clothes, and wiping my sweat. I looked at him, my heartbeat loud in my ears, and I expected to be attacked by flames or something like that, considering he was the most terse I’d ever seen him.

I couldn’t stand the silence between us, and so I said quietly, “Sorry. I-I’ll go now.”

Turning around, I started walking away but a hand suddenly wrapped my wrist and I stopped in my place. I turned my head back in surprise and saw Apollo’s lowered head, his hair long enough to cover his face from me. After we stood like that for a while, I blurted out, “Apollo?”

“When John died,” he spoke softly, causing me to freeze, “something in me died with him.”

His voice was somber, and when he raised his head, I could see his face was full of agony. For some reason, it hurt me to see such an expression on his handsome face. “John wasn’t just a friend,” he said raspily, “he was like a brother to me. Ever since he was murdered… I haven’t been the same.”

He left my wrist, putting his head in his hands. “Life became clearer and cold. I finally realized that I might live forever, but not everyone would live as long as I would. It’s the reason why I’ve never taken a lover - they were all mortal. They would all die eventually and leave me alone in the world. It’s the reason why I rejected Samantha - because if I let myself be in any kind of relationship with her, I will only get hurt when she dies in the end. Death waits for all of us eventually, even us immortals, but for us it’s waiting far ahead, a lot farther, in millions of years, unlike mortals.”

My heart squeezed in my chest, and I opened my mouth to speak but Apollo talked first. “I treated you badly because I’m already used to treat people as though they’re changeable, even though you’re immortal like me,” he didn’t look at me. “And I still treat you this way, because I’m already used to being an assholw. Living so many centuries alone is not something I wish for anyone - not even my worst enemy.”

He turned his back to me again. “I befriended Fred only because I knew he was strong enough to protect himself from death. Strider may be the only one who’s ever managed to make me change my usual way in this aspect. But as for the rest…” he paused for a moment and raised his gaze to the sky. “I’m not a good man, Angela,” he said, speaking my name for the first time ever since we’d met, “I’m not a nice person. The moment John died, I became who I am now. I’m mean and cold-hearted because that’s what I learned to be during the centuries I’m alive. I needed to toughen up to protect myself - physically and emotionally - and this is the result.”

He laughed humorlessly. “If my mother would’ve seen me right now…” there was something inscrutable in his voice. Nostalgia? Venenosity? “She was a Greek woman, you know, from a warm Greek home. Her husband - my father - was also a good hearted Greek. They both died when one day, when I was seven, I lost control of Pyro and burned the house in which we lived in a small town in Greece.” He closed his eyes. “John came to save me. He took me under his wing, raised mer until I reached the age of twenty-three and I froze in time growing-wise, and became my brother until he was murdered.”

He turned his head to me, his face closed off. “Now that you know, I expect of you to not spread this information in the world. I told you so you get off my back.”

And here was annoying ol’ Apollo - but this time I didn’t buy his mask. He might say he was a mean piece of shit, but I saw him now. I saw Apollo. Without thinking too much, I stepped toward him until we were face-to-face. “You’re not a bad person, Apollo,” I told him quietly. “You’re not cold-hearted. You simply don’t know how to express your emotions after hundreds of years you’ve been blocking them.”

His eyes narrowed. “Don’t pity me, girl,” he threatened, “I’m not like Strider or Fred who would fall for this game. I know you have me as much as I hate you.”

“It would’ve been very believable if you actually hated me and I you,” I told him, staring into his eyes. “We both know you’re trying to push me away because of the same reasons you’ve just specified - that you can’t connect to people because you know death awaits them sooner than they think. You don’t think it’s too much of a morbid, paranoid way of living?” He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. “Werewolves, stupidly, have been avoiding humans for age for the same reasons as yourself - and these reasons aren’t justified! Instead of taking a risk and bond with people, you push them away and you’re left all alone, with no one! Do you really mean to live eternity without having relationships with women? Without befriending new people?”

He was about to look away but I didn’t let him; I cupped his face and straightened them so he would look at me. “True, it will hurt when the mortals you’ll connect with die in the end - but it will be worth it! It will be worth every moment because you’ll always remember the good things from the time you spent with them when they were alive! You yourself said it - death is always lurking ahead, even for us immortal ones, so when you die, you’ll be in the same place where your dead friends are and you can reunite! Think about it from a different angle, Apollo!” My eyes searched his. “John wouldn’t have wanted that all the years he invested in raising you up and making you become the man you are today would go to waste now that you’re an angry, condescending antipathetic person! And your parents wouldn’t have wanted it either - because from the way you spoke about them, they loved you very much!”

“I burned them!” he suddenly snapped, this time his eyes feverly searching mine. “I burned them to death, Angela!”

“You were a little kid, Apollo!” I snapped back. “No kid has a grasp of their emotions - or in your case, your powers!”

“It’s not an excuse!” he shouted, and I could see his internal fight. He wanted to believe me, wanted to act upon what I’d just said, but he couldn’t let himself hope for naught. He couldn’t let his habits, the habits that were already a part of him, go away or at least change.

“Apollo - “ I started.

He cut me off. “You can’t possibly understand what I’ve been through!” he raged. “You can’t possibly grasp what it’s like living with the greatest guilt that I killed my parents! That in the end I led to my best friend’s death! You have no idea - “

“I might not know, but I do know that you need to stop thinking you’re Atlas and that the entire world sits on your shoulders!” I fumed, my hands clenching his face tightly. “You need to understand that you’re. Not. Responsible!”

“But I am!” he roared.

“Stop acting all martyr!” I yelled. “You can’t be responsible for everything bad that happened in your life! You’re not the bastard you think you are! You’re not the cruel person you think you’ve become! And here is an evidence - cold-hearted people wouldn’t have gotten all angry like you do now!”

He looked down at me, his eyes wide, anger replaced by wonder, then, shock, then hope, despair, and desperation. He closed his eyes then. “I’m not a good man,” his voice was barely a whisper.

I softened at once, my anger going away. “Yes you are, Apollo,” I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “You are a good man. Believe it, or at the very least, try.”

It took him a few more moments until he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me tightly, burying his head in my neck. He shivered a little, and I felt my heart squeezing again. I caressed his smooth hair and felt how ever so slowly, the tension left him, and he hugged me even more tightly.

I don’t understand why you’re doing this, Tempest murmured in my head. You can’t see someone who’s in pain and not try to help. Why?

Because I’m not as cold as you are, Tempest, I told her. I can’t see someone who’s obviously hurting and not try and ease their pain.

If the situation was reversed, he would’ve never helped you, she insisted.

That’s why it’s not reversed, I argued.

Sometimes I really don’t get you, she said, frustrated. You’re the oddest creature I’ve ever met.

I’ll take that as a compliment, I responded.

After a few long minutes, Apollo finally pulled away and looked at me like Strider did back at that day he’d learned his mother died - as though he was seeing me for the first time. “I…” he started, looking as though he was searching for words to express something.

I nodded, showing him I got it without him needing to talk. He sent me a grateful look, turned around, and went back inside the college building. I stayed standing in the backyard, a little stunned from everything that had just happened, until I pulled myself together and went back inside as well.

At dinner, I found myself sitting next to Strider and listening to his neverending chatter and jokes that made everyone at the table laugh - except for Apollo, who seemed to be lost in thoughts, and Fred and Sally, who sat next to each other in awkward silence, each of them looking anywhere but each other.

When dinner was over, I filled a bottle of water and went outside after everyone had already left. To my surprise, I found Sally sitting just outside the dining hall with her back to the wall, her face in her hands, and her body shaking from crying violently. “Sally?” I asked, worried, sitting next to her at once. “What’s going on?”

She didn’t respond and continued to weep. I put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped, snapping her pretty face up and looking at me. Her eyes were bloodshot. “I..” she looked at me, heartbroken and torn. “F-Fred… b-broke up with me…”

My eyes widened, and before I could do something, she launched herself at me, hugging me tight. I let her hug me and hugged her back, letting her cry her emotions out, but all the while I had to wonder why people opened up to me lately. First Strider, then Apollo, and now Sally…

Because you’re nicer than you should be, Tempest inside me replied. And because people are subconsciously attracted to people who emit warmth, love, support and kindness like you.

I guess you think it’s a bad thing, I thought a little bitterly.

It’s neither good nor bag, she replied. It’s just who you are, and it makes people literally go putty in your arms.

As I hugged Sally, I couldn’t help but wonder if that who I really was, or, like Apollo, that’s who I thought I was because of past events.

And then something else occurred to me. Fred and Sally broken their thing off. Fred was… He was…

I shook my head, feeling guilty as hell thinking about it while hugging Sally, so I let my mind shut down, and avoided overthinking anything farther for tonight.