Chapter 19

SAMANTHA

~Naturally, the first man I let into my heart since Travis turns out to be a total jerk.~

~Maybe?~

I wasn’t certain. I was utterly bewildered and so heartbreakingly sad. Emerick had confessed to his promiscuous past, but he had insisted it was never anything serious.

So, the last thing I’d anticipated was the letter on my desk—a three-page document detailing every aspect of Celeste and Emerick’s relationship.

After hearing Em’s explanation, it was painfully obvious why she was so wounded by him seemingly choosing to have a committed relationship with me.

I also understood why she had included the snippets about what he’d said before we met and about how she was the one he’d called after the challenge.

She wanted me to feel the same pain she did.

And it had worked.

Perhaps it was all just as Emerick had said. At the end of the day, I couldn’t see how he would be using me. He hadn’t pressured me into making any decisions or asked for anything.

In fact, I had practically fired him from his position as beta, and he accepted it with as much grace as could be expected.

But what if there was some other hidden agenda that I hadn’t figured out yet? After all, I was still new to werewolf life; I had no doubt there was still so much I didn’t understand. So much I missed.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. The screen lit up with a photo of Luke, me, Mom, and Dad.

At first, I winced. ~Why are all the men I love lying to me?~

But as I stared a little more, I found myself longing for my family.

~What am I doing here? I just want my life back…~

Tears stung my eyes, and I had to squeeze my shirt at the chest to keep myself from sobbing.

~Travis should be here—~the thought made my heart clench.

~Oh god, I feel so alone.~

~“You are never alone, Sam,”~ came the soft voice.

Ayisha, of course. Her presence seemed to wrap my mind in a warm embrace.

~“Your family knows you’re safe now. They’ll be here soon.”~

I wiped my tears away. ~“Ayisha, I’m so out of my depth. I don’t know who is with me or against me, who supports me or wants to kill me…~

~“…who loves me…”~

Ayisha growled so softly that it was practically a purr, and I felt the tension unwind from my muscles.

~“It will all be all right, Sam. The path may not be clear now but—”~

I scratched at my temples, at my cheeks, at my eyes. “No!” I shouted aloud. “No, no, no! Get out! Get the fuck out of my head!”

~“You’ll settle in. Give it time.”~

I slammed my hands down on my desk. “I don’t want to settle in! I don’t want ~this~! I want to go home, to ~my~ home! I want to see my son, I want to talk to my friends.”

I picked up a glass cup holding pens and hurled it against the wall where it shattered into a million tiny pieces, much like my reality had a few days prior. I gazed upon them with a sense of irony.

~“You’re a wolf, Sam,”~ Ayisha insisted, maintaining her annoying calmness. ~“A wolf needs a pack.”~

I wanted to rip the hair out of my head. Instead, I put my face into my hands to muffle the scream that tore from my throat.

Ayisha was quiet for a long time after that. I assumed she could sense I needed a moment to catch my breath. After all, as reluctant as I was to admit it, she ~was~ me.

I looked down at the photo of my family again.

~God, I hope they’re okay.~

My thumb gently stroked over Luke’s brightly smiling face. He was my ~why~. I was here to protect him, and there was nothing that would break my resolve to do so.

I stared into my dad’s dark, intense eyes through the screen.

~Was this how he felt too?~

It wasn’t hard to imagine loneliness eating away at a teenage boy with no one to turn to. I swallowed a pang of guilt and pressed the button to darken the photo.

Wiping away my tears, I looked around the office. It was sparsely decorated, but between the piles of paper and thick binders on the shelves, I spotted the occasional photograph.

Christian smiled brightly in each one, sometimes alongside his parents, William and Serena. Even Stephen and Emilia were grinning in one of them.

In most, he had his arm wrapped around his mate. They gripped each other the way I’d seen Michael hold Cassie.

The way Emerick had held me.

This world was different. It was a drastic change from everything I thought I knew.

But I was being called to something bigger than myself and the human life I was leaving behind. Despite my reservations, I believed that ~had~ to mean something.

I wiped my cheeks and jumped to my feet. ~“I’m sorry, Ayisha.”~

She nuzzled at the back of my mind, sending jets of warmth through me. It was the closest thing I was going to get to a family hug at that moment.

I bent down and started gathering up the glass I’d broken. Each piece was jagged and sharp, but the way the light glinted off them was beautiful.

It would never be a cup again. But perhaps it would fulfill another purpose.

~“You’re right. A wolf needs its pack,” I said to her. “And a pack needs its alpha.”~

I moved around the desk and pulled the nearest pile of paper in front of me. “Let’s get to work.”

***

“Alpha,” Jessica said from her desk outside the office door, “Michael Stevens is here to see you as requested.”

I put my finger over my cell. “Great, send him in.” I put my phone back to my ear. “Sorry, Luke, I have to go.

“But you’ll pass the message on to Pops and Gran? After Emilia’s sentence later today, I’ll know when it will be safe for you to come.”

“Will do, Mom. Can’t wait. Pops won’t tell me much about what it’s like to be a werewolf.”

I wanted to tell him it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, but I couldn’t bear to crush his hope.

Michael walked in, his face as stone cold as ever. I held up a finger.

“Okay, sweetheart, I’ve got to go. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Ma.”

“Good afternoon, Michael,” I said as I hung up the phone.

“Alpha Paulson,” he said, bowing his head.

“Have a seat, please.” I gestured at the chair on the other side of my desk.

He grunted and settled in.

“I’ll cut right to the chase,” I said. “I want you to be my beta.”

He shifted uneasily. “Alpha Paulson, I’m honored, but I’m not sure I’m qualified for the job.”

I shook my head and gestured to the file in front of me.

“I disagree. You graduated top of your class at the pack’s high school, then went to Berkeley and got a master’s degree in political science, as well as a bachelor’s in psychology.

“Accepted into a doctorate program at Stanford, but you turned it down to return to the pack, where you climbed the ranks among the Pack Enforcers and have been in charge for five years.

“Highly respected, I haven’t been able to find one person with a negative thing to say about you.”

I paused. “So, tell me, what am I missing?”

“Do you know why I turned down the doctorate program at Stanford and returned when I did?” he asked.

I settled into my seat, letting him know I wanted to hear his story.

“My dad isn’t a werewolf. He and my mom met while she was attending college. They fell in love, and he moved back here with her.

“I was born a werewolf, but my little sister isn’t, and it can be hard for humans to grow up among wolves, especially once the teenage years hit.

“With all the hormones floating around, plus the first shift, it’s a recipe for disaster, and werewolf teenagers can…get out of control.”

I nodded as I thought of Luke. Although he was a level-headed kid, he could be extremely headstrong, and there were times I questioned my sanity while arguing with him.

Throw him shifting into his wolf for the first time, and I knew parenting him was only going to get that much harder.

“A she-wolf can defend herself to some extent, but a human is a sheep among lions.”

He took a moment to compose himself. “For a while, everyone left Stella alone. I’d protected her growing up and made sure everyone knew the consequences of messing with her.

“Even after I went away, I checked in often, and all seemed to be going well. She was getting ready to graduate from high school when I was making plans for Stanford.”

He stared off to the side, and I could tell his mind was somewhere else.

“So, why didn’t you end up at Stanford, Michael?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

He sighed. “Stella called me one night, beside herself in a panic. It was hard to understand what she was saying, but I pieced it together eventually.”

He looked back at me. “She had been attacked by a group of boys she knew from school. They raped her.”

He kept his tone even, but I could see the torment he was feeling. I stayed silent, giving him the chance to find his words.

“I took the first flight home. Stella was…broken. My parents were devastated. They tried to get her help, but Stella refused to leave the house. She was terrified of encountering another wolf.

“Eventually, they decided it would be better to send her to live with my father’s family. That way, she could have a chance at a normal life where she could feel safe.

“I figured it was just a matter of time before the Enforcers found the men responsible, but Stella refused to talk.

“There were rumors about who had attacked her, but those accused denied it, and there was no hard evidence to pin on them. It became a sort of open secret among the pack.”

Michael cracked his knuckles. “I got tired of waiting for justice, so I joined the Enforcers to hunt them down myself. If I dedicated my time, I was sure I would find ~something~.”

“One night, Stella finally let their names slip. She soon realized and begged me to let it go. She told me she had moved on and I should too. I couldn’t, though.”

His entire body was tense, his jaw set. Even now, he looked murderous.

“I hunted all four of them down.”

“But you weren’t arrested?” I asked.

“Just like them, I left no trace. And just like them, I continued my life like nothing happened.”

“But everyone knew it was you, yes?” I mean, how could they not?

He nodded. “It was an open secret what they did to my sister, and because of that and my standing with the Enforcers, it was an open secret who had killed them.

“Their families tried to get justice, but lots of people looked the other way, including Alpha Christian Redding.”

“Why are you telling me all this, Michael?”

He looked back at me. “I don’t think I’m a very diplomatic option. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not the warm and friendly type either.”

I smiled. “You say that you aren’t a good option because of what you did. I say that’s what makes you perfect for the role.

“I don’t need someone to hold hands and kiss babies, Michael. I can do that myself. I need someone who will guard those he cares about—those I care about—by any means necessary.”

He gave me a calculated look, considering my words. I figured he would argue. He didn’t seem like the type that enjoyed the spotlight.

“You have a security force to protect you and your family,” he said.

“Sure. But I want anyone who thinks about threatening me to know that you are my right hand.

“On top of that, I was extremely impressed by the advice you gave me the other night, and from everything the Enforcers say, you are a magnificent leader.

“After all, my security team will keep me safe from immediate threats, but a good beta will help me make decisions to keep everyone safe long term.”

I leaned forward with my hands folded on my desk and waited until he looked into my eyes.

“I want someone who is going to do what he feels is right, regardless of the consequences.”

I could see him working to come up with an argument.

Apparently not finding one, he asked, “Can I have the night to think about it? I need to talk to Cass.”

“Fine, but I want an answer in the morning.” I got up from my desk and walked toward the door. “For now, I need you to come with me.”

He looked stunned. “Why? Where are we going?”

“You’re coming with me to the council meeting. Today is Emilia’s sentencing.”