CH 122

Late afternoon when the Limapheus returned.

Cersinia asked Limapheus to set up a guestbook to be signed by hand in order to identify the list of nobles attending the banquet on the day when all the nobles gathered. Limapheus readily replied he would do that.

Verne followed Limpheus into the palace. They were sad to be departed, so they hugged each other and said goodbye several times.

“I hope to see you again, Lady.”

“We can meet any time.”

Cersinia held back her tears, soothing Verne.

“Ben, what are you worried about?”

She asked, worried about him, who had a dark expression on his face throughout the conversation, sitting alone by the window. At some point, Ben’s expression suddenly darkened.

“…”

Even after waiting for a long time, his lips didn’t move. Cersinia held his hand silently.

“If it’s because of what has happened, don’t worry too much. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

She doesn’t know why but looking at his deep expression, she wanted to comfort him a little. However, Ben is still silent. His dark purple eyes were settling very deeply. He kept his mouth shut without interfering with the story.

“I brought some refreshments.”

It was a maid who broke the silence between the two of them. The maid’s voice was heard, along with the sound of knocking on the door.

“Come on in.”

When the permission was given, the door opened, and a maid with the refreshment table entered.

“It’s hot, so be careful… Aargh!”

The maid, who was carefully putting down the teapot, missed the handle because her hands were slippery. As the teapot fell on the table with a crash, hot tea poured out.

“I-I am sorry! I am really sorry! I hope you’re not hurt, kyaaak!”

“Do you want to die?”

“Ben!”

He quickly grabbed the maid’s wrist strongly.

“Who is it? Who commands you to do this?”

He growled as if he was going to chew the maid’s bones at any moment. His unhidden aura was so ferocious.

“Th-There is no one who commands me… It is really just an accident…”

“Ben, let go of her hand.”

The frightened maid dripped thick tears. Cersinia grabbed the maid’s wrist and placed her hand on his, which was reluctant to let it go.

“It is true, my Lord. It was an accident… I am sorry. Huhu, I am really sorry.”

“Ben, what’s wrong? Let go of her hand.”

His fierce aura, which couldn’t be subsided with the anger, was softened by Cersinia’s words. Cersinia removed each of his fingers from the maid’s wrist. As the maid’s wrist was freed, the maid bowed down with tears flowing endlessly.

“I am sorry… Heuk, I am so sorry.”

“It’s all right. I’ll clean this place up. Go out.”

Cersinia intercepted the maid and Ben, then quickly let her go out. As the maid quickly left the room, the two of them were left alone. There was only the sound of water dripping from the table between the two of them. The dripping water made the end of her dress wet.

“Ben.”

Cersinia spoke first. Her face hardened with a rather angry voice. Ben kept his mouth shut without saying anything. She was very startled by his unexpected sudden behavior.

“Everything that threatens Cersinia even in the slightest will be removed.”

The looks in his eyes were dangerous as if he was serious about dealing with that maid. Cersinia looked into his eyes.

“It’s just a mistake. She didn’t mean to do it.”

As she clasped his hands, his distorted expression softened a little. Cersinia seemed to understand why he was overreacting. Because Roena, whom he hired, was the one who helped the mastermind behind it to put a false charge on Cersinia. She didn’t even know it made him traumatic. She also didn’t know that Ben thought it was his fault that Cersinia was engulfed in flames and nearly died.

“I know what you’re worried about. But I will always be by your side, and if anything dangerous happens, I will ask for your help. So you don’t have to react to every single one of these things.”

“It will be too late when you ask for help. Like last time…”

“Ben.”

“In the end, it was all my fault… It was all my fault that I put you in such a threat.”

Pain emanated from his crumpled face. His slightly trembling eyes were wet.

“It’s not your fault.”

“From Roena to the Duke Kailos… If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be in danger.”

As the great remorse colored the room with the sunset, Cersinia was instantly dazed.

‘Why did the story of Duke Kailos suddenly come out of his mouth?’

“What are you talking about? How is that your fault? Duke Kailos just—”

“If I hadn’t hired Roena… If I hadn’t get rid of Count Dexter… this wouldn’t have happened.”

He could hardly forgive himself for the thought that his own existence had put Cersinia in danger. He vowed to protect her, even if the price is his life, but it was him who almost killed her. That fact bound his whole body like shackles.

The contempt for her that fell on her chest like a heavy lead, and reproachful rebukes rang in her ears to the point of bleeding. If it weren’t from him, Cersinia would have been fine. She shouldn’t have gotten involved with this. He blamed and resented himself for all this.

“…”

Cersinia couldn’t say anything hastily. Because Ben’s eyes were fluttering helplessly, like delicate grass that flutters in the wind.

At that moment, his stinging wound, which had been crushed and burst, rose to the surface. The wound that he was holding down was like swallowing bitter medicine. The reproachful wounds he now harbored were too large to be measured.

“So I will cut the buds first. Forgive my selfish desire to stay with you in this way…”

While confessing what he felt, he avoided Cersinia’s gaze. Because of his guilt, he couldn’t look her eyes directly. Exhaling painful breath, he closed his blurry eyes. His whole mouth was bitter with the stinging pain inside his throat.

“…I don’t like it. That others pose a threat to you. I don’t like it.”

Her heart sank. Now she fully understands his feelings of being left alone. It was clear that Ben was blaming himself because of the wound he felt when he saw her not being able to get out the great fire.

Ben hated his helpless self who couldn’t do anything. Even though there was a certain person who had committed it, he was blaming himself from the guilt of not being able to protect her. But this case involved Roena and Duke Kailos. He couldn’t stand it. He must have thought that beyond his helpless self, his wrong actions had caused the events of today.

“I’m sorry. I thought I could handle it well. It wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t lose consciousness… It’s my fault for being negligent. I hurt you with this…”

Cersinia choked up and couldn’t speak properly. On the other hand, it was easy to understand him. When such a danger occurred to her, it was obvious that Ben would hate himself if he was in a situation where he couldn’t do anything. On top of that, if he finds out that the people that are associated with you are the culprits, you will be disgusted with yourself. Because the person he loves is in danger because of himself. The guilt will be more powerful than the pain of tearing your heart out.

“No way! How is that your fault!”

Ben strongly denied it. The slightly frowned eyebrows were even pitiful.

“You told me it was dangerous. Even so, I was the one who insisted on going there.”

“No, I should have been a little more proactive. If I hadn’t been involved with them—”

“You respected my opinion. As always, if I hadn’t been involved with them, this wouldn’t have happened.”

It was her who hurt Viscount Montene and to live as Cersinia. Ben just believed in her and was always there for her.

“Ben. The one who is at fault are they. They don’t even reflect on their mistakes, so why should you embrace the guilt and suffer?”

It was a ridiculous sight for others to see. They were fighting each other, saying their own fault was bigger. But the two were sincere no matter what they said. They were terribly concerned about the wounds they would have suffered from each other.

“Cersinia.”

“I’ll tell you first. I know this has already hurt you. So, I’m so sorry…”

Cersinia then whispered to Ben.

“I will think of myself first in the future. For you, who obviously have something to worry about, I will do my best to make sure this doesn’t happen. So Ben, don’t hurt yourself. It’s never your fault.”

She couldn’t contain her feelings and hugged him.

Lovely person. Someone who you can’t help but to love.

“Don’t blame yourself.”

Cersinia cleared her throat and said what she felt.

Ben’s arms were always like a wide sea. The wide sea that you can forget all your troubles if you are in these arms. However, there was only one time when these wide arms collapsed. Cersinia knew it was something to do with herself.

The thought of Ben, who had fallen endlessly because of looking at her engulfed in flames, Cersinia’s eyes tingled, and her heart ached.

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I’m sorry for making you feel that way.”

She didn’t even think about the people left behind to walk a different path from the original. She is only thinking about herself. Selfishly, she didn’t try to understand his feelings. The tip of Cersinia’s lips trembled with regret.

“Cersinia…”

Ben couldn’t speak properly. He just held Cersinia in his arms tightly with a pitiful expression. He really can’t stand it. The hatred, self-denial, and deep wound on himself, which had weighed him down until just now, disappeared as if washed away with her words.

“I’m okay. As long as you stay by my side, everything will be fine.”

He crouched down as much as he could and buried his forehead deep on her shoulder. It was only then that he realized. All he has to do now is not to make her say sorry but to make himself strong enough to go through something like this.

“No one can touch you.”

It’s a warning and determination that he will never forgive those who were involved in this.

“I’ll make it happen.”

It was his pledge not to repeat the same thing when he tasted despair. To make Cersinia laugh without worrying about anything else. This was his only goal now.

Soon, the hot breaths of the two intertwined. Tears of each other penetrated between their lips, and warm and salty flavors overflowed their mouths.

Evening when the sun had not yet set, the two constantly craved each other’s body temperature. In their embrace, sometimes strongly, sometimes softly, coveting each other, they confirmed each other’s feelings again and again until darkness fell.