9. Secret meetings and Sleepovers

...

Katrina Khan took a deep breath and let it out.

The air flowed smoothly into her lungs, without hiccups. It filled her cavity and expanded her chest. Then she released the air. It flew out just as effortlessly, lightening her aching heart in the process.

This was a different kind of breath, easy and pumping life into her body - than the ones she had been taking for the past couple of days, labored, painful and dragging. The latter breaths raked her chest in a way it made her feel like she was running out of air, rather than breathing; the more she dragged in, the more painfully breathless she got.

Panic attacks, her father called them. Katrina never had one before, but she had been constantly having them since the evening she found out about Ashiq's wedding.

The first one happened when she learned of the news. Katrina didn't even realize when she started gasping for air. But she was, a heaviness was pressing across her chest, making it hard for her to breath. People were starting to gather around her.

"Katrina," someone breathed down her neck. "Oh my God, Katrina. Are you okay?"

All eyes across the room were drawing towards her, more than it was already. The pressing on her chest was getting worse.

Before the staring could get out of hand, Zeenat grabbed her by the wrist and started dragging her out of the restaurant. Katrina walked behind her, floated would be the more accurate word; severed from reality, and struggling to breath. Time started trickling like a spoon being stirred into thick molasses.

They walked out of the stuffy room, Katrina only realized because of the faint tinkling of bell hitting her ears. The air outside didn't help, there were only thick pollution and perverted eyes of men. Just a typical evening at their city.

Tamara followed soon after. Her face was pale, lips clamped shut and eyes sparkling with disbelief. Katrina had never seen her this quiet.

"Is this happening for real?" Zeenat asked, her tone ever so steady.

Tamara nodded, as if still in a daze. "I just spoke with Arif Chachu, he said the Salehins did not even bother with a proper explanation yet."

Her panic attack got worse. The useless breaths were now accompanied by sobs racking her body. Both eyes turned to her. The confusion and stupor turning to concern and sadness.

"Katrina," Zeenat let out a labored whisper.

Tamara stepped in front of her. Katrina saw her through the haze of tears. She was worried, she was lost, and in pain. "Breathe," she cried.

She was trying, but failing.

"Katrina!" Tamara cried, firmly grabbing her cheeks, staring directly into her eyes, her own gaze wide with fear.

Their eyes were locked, brown to brown. Katrina knew this was Tamara freaking out. Her cousin didn't know what else to, or how to make her breath. So in a true Tamara fashion, she did the first stupid thing that came to her mind - invade the personal space of, and scream into the face of, someone having a panic attack.

But it worked. Noise stopped distorting, people's face stopped blurring, the ground stopped toppling. Katrina was starting to see sense of reality again.

Tamara let go of her. She stepped back, her frazzled gaze still on Katrina.

Nothing passed between them after. No words. But reality was settling into Katrina heart, in the most ugly and painful way.

Katrina let out another free-flowing exhale, coming back to her present. She dropped her face into her hands. Perhaps this was a bad idea, coming to office two days after it happened. She knew if she went to her supervisor and asked for another day off, she would get it, no questions asked. Nadia was an absolute sweetheart after all.

Her parents advised it too, they kept requesting her to take another day off, since things were nothing short of a mess back home. There were constant meetings being held, unpopular opinions being offered and tears being shed.

The couple interactions that took place between her parents and the Salehins could only be described as cries of war. Her parents demanded justifications and apologies.

"How could you do this to my daughter?" she had heard her father spit into the phone. "To us? We sat down together, in our homes, and discussed becoming a family. Do promises mean nothing to you people?"

Apparently, the Salehins were now claiming that they never gave any solid word. In fact, Ashiq's mother said, as Katrina's father conveyed to them, "Bhai sahib, we never approved of your daughter in the first place, and we were upfront about it. She sunk her talons into my son's back and refused to let go. He has now finally managed to shake her off and see sense."

A bitter taste filled Katrina's mouth as the memory peaked into her mind. No, this was good. Getting away from her home was needed. The constant meetings, her mother's and grandmother's tears, and the debates her father was having about he said-she said; Katrina was slowly losing her sanity at home.

Then again, coming to the office wasn't proving to be much better as well. Her colleagues had been staring at her with pity since the moment she arrived. They had been treating her like she was made of glass, or some with apprehension as if she would go into another panic attack any moment.

There were also theories being exchanged, people trying to decipher what truly happened. Their love story unfolded in the hallways of this very building, after all. They all knew Ashiq and loved him. He still had friends in this office, even more so than her.

Katrina stared at the files in front of her. She raised her fingers to her head and slowly rubbed her temples. There was no way she was getting any work done today. She let her arms drop to her side and checked the timing. Still a long way to go.

Katrina pushed back from her desk and got to her feet. She randomly grabbed for her already full water bottle and headed for the water filter placed in the snacks' lounge. She could feel the eyes drawing to her. Her skin crawled as embarrassment seeped in. She didn't know what made her feel worse about the memory of finding out about Ashiq's wedding - the feeling of her heart shattering in the most brutal way possible or reacting to it the way she did in front of the whole office. Perhaps the latter; broken hearts could heal, but embarrassing memories were forever.

The air conditioned lounge now smelled of curry and onions - and no amount of lemon air fresher could cover it. People weren't supposed to eat here, this room was supposed to be solely reserved for relaxing. There was a dining room in the floor above, but that never stopped anyone from sneaking in food all the time.

Katrina halted in her tracks as she almost crashed into the chest of a very familiar guy from Sales. The blood drained from her face. Salman was impassive at her sight, but his eyes remained on her face. Only for a second. Then he stepped aside and let her through.

She let out the breath she was holding, a part of her feeling grateful and another part utter humiliation. Her cheeks were starting to flush. Just perfect, she thought with irritation.

Katrina murmured a excuse and stepped aside. She walked past him into the room without another word. A moment later, she heard his footsteps moving away from her, not towards her. She let out a sigh of relief.

The day after it happened, the chaotic scene at the Chinese restaurant, Katrina had actually appeared in the office promptly next morning. She was in no state to work, nor was her heart. Then again, Katrina wasn't the kind of person who took a day off because her heart was bleeding. After all, she was healthy enough to get up from her bed and get to her feet; and she had been taught that was reason enough to go about her life and hustle.

However, for the first time she realized that work required full attendance of her brain too; and that emotional pain could sometimes hurt more than physical ones.

Salman Bashir had walked in on her as she was having another crying episode, right in the middle of the curry-lemon smelling lounge. Katrina was mortified that he had seen her like this, but her heart was bleeding too much for her to care.

Their eyes met briefly, through her tears, but he didn't say anything to her. The look he had given her had something in it - something warm and understanding. And then when the other guys from Sales were making their way into the room, Salman quickly stepped in and stood between them and door.

"Room's occupied, guys," Katrina heard him telling them.

"By whom?"

They couldn't see her from where they were standing.

"Me," he simply said,

She thought this wouldn't work - but it did. They said "okay" and left.

No words weren't exchanged between them after that. Salman kept glimpsing at her every once in a while. Katrina would have preferred if he had waited by the door to give her some privacy. But was starting to learn he had very little sense of boundary. At the same time, he also patiently waited until she wiped her face and left, and did not spill a single word about the incident to anyone.

It had been a long week for Dahlia Ahmad.

Her mornings started just after Fajr (she could no longer fit in a nap afterwards) and her nights sometimes stretched into the deepest hours - what with her MBA assignments and all.

She swept her glance across the room. Her sister Lily was on her phone, already yawning. Layla Fayyad was bringing the rest of the snacks. They were definitely getting too old for sleepovers. Dahlia could no longer stay up till late (her hectic schedule had put her body into a natural routine), the comfort of her own bed now called her more than the thrill of these late night gossips (what else were brunches for anyway?), and none of them could snack on junk so late at night without the calories going straight to their hips.

Heck, that didn't stop them from camping at the Fayyads and having a sleepover anyway, neither did it stop Lily Ahmad from shoving her face down a packet of Nacho Cheese flavored Doritos. The sisters needed the space from the chaos inside their home, and Layla was unemployed and persistent.

"By the way, Malika said if we keep making plans of which she can't be a part of she'll give us baad dua," Lily spoke up from foot of the sofa, where she was sitting cross-legged. "She'll pray that we don't get married before we hit thirty and our husbands will have hereditary baldness."

"What makes her think she can't join us?" Layla asked, taking up the space besides Dahlia, folding one knee underneath her and her curly hair wild and free. "She's free to come over anytime she wants, with or without the kid."

"That's what I keep telling her, but you know she's in a different headspace now. Dealing with motherhood has her exhausted, so she's resorting to baad duas."

"Tell her if I end up with a bald man in my old age, I'm coming for her."

"I already told her if her dua comes true I'm simply coming for Ibrahim's hair." Lily shrugged.

Layla let out a chortle. "Even better. Anyways, Little Mermaid or Sleeping Beauty?" she asked, picking up the remote in her hands.

"Prince Eric," Dahlia murmured, shifting in her position, snuggling the blanket over her body closer. She was lying down, her petite body taking up half of the seat, eyes already starting to droop.

"Nah, I want to watch Flynn Rider," Lily said

"That's all we watch every sleepover," Dahlia argued. "I can't look at that stupid smug face one more time without throwing something at it."

Lily twisted her torso to shoot her a wide-eyed look. "How dare you call that handsome face stupid! Flynn Rider is the best Disney Prince."

"He's not even a prince, he's a thief," she snorted. "Sorry if my standards prevent me from finding him attractive."

Layla sniggered. "Touché."

"Funny you say that, since your standards did not prevent you from developing a crush on Faizan Iqbal."

Dahlia's jaw dropped as she let out a gasp. Layla burst out laughing.

"Excuse me!" she cried defensively, starting to look slightly flustered. "I did not have a crush on Faizan Iqbal."

"Uh-huh, and I'm eating a salad for lunch tomorrow to make up for the crap I'm eating tonight."

"Fine," Dahlia huffed. "Watch your stupid movie that romanticizes unskilled thieves."

"At least Rapunzel isn't as dumb as Ariel!"

"It was time appropriate, okay."

"Oh really," Lily sneered. "Don't know in which time it was appropriate for a whiny fifteen year old to run away from home and sell her voice to the sea witch just so a boy would fall in love with her!"

"You know what, I'll just put on Beauty and the Beast," Layla let out a sigh, growing tired of the sisters' banter, but sat straight the next moment, "Now don't you start your ramblings on Stockholm syndrome!"