CH 73

Putting the past into words was difficult for me to do. On top of that, I had just seen the room that was hibernating deep in my memories, so I felt like Woorim’s question was punitive. I furrowed my brow and combed through the conversations I had with Yeonseon in my head.

“…According to Yeonseon, he was worried that someone normal would show up in front of me one day. Even though I told him that I was fine as we were.” I was fine even if we didn’t have an eternity together.

Yeonseon thought that I would one day suffer because of his emotional hunger. Yeonseon’s perfectionist side made us the most imperfect couple in the world. No matter how I accepted and loved the emptiness he held, it was useless. Yeonseon abhorred the hole in his heart.

Our love was paradoxical. The more I loved him, the more he reproached himself for not being good enough. The wound of his self-hate grew deeper. It was deep enough to annihilate any love for himself that he had.

“Haeseo, you must have liked Yeonseon a lot,” Woorim said. I looked at him. I saw a youth with a straight nose bridge, big yet long eyes, and a slim jawline. His eyes were filled with a muted passion and affection. His desire was serene and stable, swirling in his eyes definitively and peacefully. They were feelings I never witnessed when I was with Yeonseon.

As I looked into the other’s eyes, I remembered the lyrics of the song Yeonseon used to hum. “I’ll bring you a rose made of diamond dust, filled with warm sunlight and pure snowflakes. As you sleep more tranquil than the moonlit forest, I’ll place it next to your head, so you can sleep soundly in the paradise of roses in your dreams.”

The song was surely from Yeonseon’s perspective, but I felt like I was the narrator of the song—even more so because it was a song for his fans.

“I looked at Yeonseon the way that you’re looking at me right now,” I said.

“…”

It was so direct that I might as well have asked if Woorim liked me. However, Woorim wasn’t shaken by that. His eyes folded into half-moons as he smiled. What he said next surprised me. “You loved him a lot then.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes, very much so,” he replied like he was talking about himself and then stroked my cheek with his other hand. The hand that was holding onto my fingers had wrapped itself around my shoulders before I noticed.

I was probably a mess from exploring the mansion since the morning, but Woorim handled me like a delicate leaf of gold. When our eyes met, his face was briefly filled with joy.

Afterward, satisfaction lingered.

“Tell me honestly. You kind of like me, right?” Woorim acted like his lengthy one-sided crush finally ended. I replied quietly, “…A bit.”

As soon as I said that, his lips touched mine. The tender skin that pecked lightly made me want more. I felt like a shooting star that tasted the petals of flowers for the first time. After Woorim pulled away, he wrapped both hands on my cheeks. His smiling face was one I was used to.

“You know, that’s one of your habits. When you say ‘a bit,’ you actually mean ‘a lot.’”

“Right,” I agreed readily and my face was pulled forward slightly. Woorim’s lips fell upon mine once again.

“That’s just like you.”

Unlike last time, his tongue slipped in between my lips. Despite his lukewarm skin, his tongue was extremely hot. Between our tightly pressed lips, the wet flesh traversed several times. When breathing became a bit difficult, we would part slightly, but unsatisfied with the brief separation, he pressed his lips back on mine.

Because of the old dust on our faces from the mansion, I could taste the bitterness of dirt other than the taste of the other’s saliva and warmth. However, rather than feeling disgusted, I was more excited. I wrapped both arms around him, pulling Woorim closer, and closed my eyes. I could hear the wet sound of our flesh colliding.

For me, this was the second kiss where Hyehyun wasn’t watching.

The first was obviously Yeonseon.

“And what else should I call you but friends? Did you ever go out with each other? I never heard anything of the sort from Yeonseon. Or did the two of you really go out when I wasn’t there?” I thought back to what Hyehyun said shortly after we arrived at this mansion. “He couldn’t even talk to you properly when I wasn’t there. Are you telling me he asked you out?”

I wanted to shout at Hyehyun, who sneered as he asked. Yeah. I wanted to slam into him with my jaws clenched tight. Yeah, yes, we did…!

I kissed Yeonseon where nobody was watching, when his defenses—which were at their lowest—had all but disappeared, and his self-esteem was completely consumed by self-hate. Then, the very next day, Yeonseon died in a car accident, without even hearing my answer to his confession.

And thus, we became an imperfect couple from then until eternity, never to change.