♦⊱ Chapter 32 - Drowning Love ⊰♦

Kichiro sama pov:

I looked out of the window of Ruka's house, my eyes narrow and my expression a glare. We had just returned from meeting an old man who said he could send us back to our time, the past 400 years before now. That was good news but I was angry, furious even, for Ruka had lied to me, betrayed me, only proving the truth that no one could be trusted. She didn't love me like she had said – she embraced others just as she did with me. What was the difference between other people and me then?

I was her husband. She was mine and mine alone, from the very moment I had brought her to my palace. And yet, this is how things were ending.

She was a fool, like all the other fools who had though that they would be forgiven after making a mistake, that they would be spared. I would never forgive Ruka – I would do away with her just like all the other wretched fools who had insulted me, plotted against me, betrayed me. People who stood against me didn't deserve to live!

And yet, the very thought of killing Ruka made an intense tightness rise in my chest. I felt weak, unable to instigate what I could have done to anyone else without a bat of an eyelid. I hated this weakness! I hated how I still desired to trust Ruka, to have her to treat me the way she used to, with affection and care and concern.

"Your Majesty," Kijima broke my train of thought. I rewarded him with a sharp, threatening glare under which he flinched. However, it didn't stop him from saying what he wanted to say, "Your Majesty, have you decided what we will do now, about Her Highness and going back to the empire?"

"We will leave to my empire tonight," I said, "but not before I give Ruka what she deserves for betraying me. She is wrong if she thinks that I will forgive her for treating me like a fool, for insulting me and pretending to get along with me. I will kill her along with this b******."

I eyed the leader of the Red Eagle Organization who was asleep a few feet from where I sat. He was being so careless now, so open to attacks – I could kill him and he would never know. Yet I didn't, as Ruka's plea for us to not cause trouble echoed in my ears.

"Your Majesty, I do not mean to speak out of turn, but if I may," Kijima spoke, waiting for permission to continue. I nodded and he said, "I may be wrong but I'm tempted to believe that Her Highness may not have betrayed you."

I clenched my fists, feeling a jolt of uneasiness suddenly. Not one person could be trusted – these words weighed on me heavily. I narrowed my eyes at Kijima dangerously and seethed, "Are you supporting her, Kijima? Are you planning to turn into a traitor as well? Be aware that I will kill you as well if such is the case!"

"I am not supporting her, Your Majesty, but I do not want you to lose someone whom you've come to trust. I do not wish for you to go back to being alone – Her Highness, Ruka sama truly cared for you and loved you and I want it to be true now as well," said Kijima as I reached for my katana to end things once and for all. I stalled though, frowning at him as he added, "If you permit me, Your Majesty, I would like to speak with Her Highness once before you see through your decision of punishing her for what she did."

I couldn't think of anything that could be spoken about with her. She would most definitely cover up her mistakes with stupid reasons and beg for mercy, which I had no patience to give. Despite the uncomfortable hesitance I had at the thought of killing Ruka for what she had done, I wouldn't change my decision.

However, I had grown up trusting Kijima. His loyalty had always been unquestionable and so had his unchanging concern for me. He was the only one I was lenient with...and I couldn't help but desire to give him a chance to prove that Ruka had not betrayed me. An unexpected desperation for Ruka to have not betrayed me bothered me.

I nodded to Kijima, giving him permission to speak with Ruka as I put away my katana. We stepped to the kitchen where she was preparing our lunch. While I remained outside the door, Kijima stepped to her. She was gazing out of the window she stood in front of, peeling a carrot. She had long peeled off the peel of the carrot and was scraping off the main part of the vegetable while lost in thought. It wasn't until Kijima had called her thrice that she blinked and met his gaze, a little startled from being brought out of her thoughts.

She put down the carrot she was peeling, regarding Kijima with a smile that I could make out was fake, "Oh, Kijima san, I'm sorry I didn't hear you. Is there something you need?"

Her voice was soft and gentle, the tone she always used when speaking to me. It made me desire to stand in front of her, look into her eyes, and listen to her soothing voice.

"You must be glad," said Kijima. Ruka's expression turned to one of confusion.

"Glad? I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Kijima san."

"You must be glad that you're finally sending us back, that you're going to be free from us, free from His Majesty, Kichiro sama," explained Kijima.

Ruka frowned slightly and clenched her fists. Her voice was strained but remained soft and soothing when she spoke, "Kijima san, why would you say that? Do I look happy to you?"

"You don't seem sad," stated Kijima.

I noticed her eyes well with tears, she looked to the side momentarily, dabbing off a tear while sniffling. She looked back at Kijima, her expression no longer placid but one of sadness, anxiousness, and unease. "Kijima san," she said, "how can you even think that I'm not anxious about this? I am sad that you and Kichiro sama have to leave. I love Kichiro sama and he's leaving and I don't know what to do."

My nails dug into the skin of my palms painfully as I clenched my fists. She was lying. She wasn't sad that we were leaving. She wasn't sad that I was leaving. She was lying, she had to be.

"You love him?" questioned Kijima, raising his voice a little and making Ruka flinch ever so slightly. "Why did you leave if you love His Majesty? Do you think we are fools to believe the stupid reasons you've given?"

"Kijima san, please! I'm not lying and I know you know that too!" Ruka raised her voice as well though it shook a little. "This is my home, Kijima san. This is the place I have lived in for fifteen years of my life! I don't know how I suddenly appeared up in the Edo Period and I don't know how I came back here but my love for Kichiro sama isn't a lie!"

Ruka averted her eyes to the side, her breathing heavy as tears fell from her eyes. I frowned not just because I was unsure of whether to trust her after she had said that her love for me wasn't a lie but also because seeing her cry made me incredibly uncomfortable. I didn't want to see that expression on her face – I didn't want to see any expression besides her smile.

When I thought about it, I couldn't find reasons to prove that she was lying. We were in a world very different from my empire and we had come here so unexpectedly. If Ruka really wanted to get rid of us, she wouldn't have bothered bringing us to her home and nursing us back to health. She could have left us to bleed and die, or at least left us to rot at the hospital where we had been treated.

"I would be lying if I said that I wasn't happy when I returned here and got to see my family. But I missed Kichiro sama so much, I was devastated that I wasn't with him anymore. When I tried to tell my family and friends that I was in the Edo Period for two years, that I married an emperor, no one believed me. They thought I was crazy, that I had lost my mind, all the more because I had no proof of having been with you. I was taken to doctors for counseling, made to believe that all that had happened was just a hallucination, a dream...and I couldn't help but begin to believe that I had hallucinated everything because I had nothing more than my memories for six months," Ruka explained, the tears falling from her eyes not ceasing in the slightest despite her wiping them off every now and then. "But when you three turned up here, I was so happy, so glad that all the memories I had of Kichiro sama were real! I was so happy that I was reunited with him but...he hates me now. He thinks that I betrayed him and he hates me, doesn't he?"

"Your Highness," said Kijima, looking a little uncomfortable.

Ruka wiped off a few more tears and looked at the boiling broth on the fire. She shook her head and said, "Now that I know that everything that happened to me in the two years I was in the Edo Period is real, I can never forget Kichiro sama. I can never fall in love with anyone else – no one can take the place Kichiro sama has in my heart. I love him more than I've loved anyone in my entire life...but what's the use now? What use are my feelings when he hates me?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper by the end. However, the confidence with which she had said she loved yet again rattled me. I wanted to hear her say she loved me again. The insecurity I had always felt when she wasn't close to me hit me hard, making me want to hold her in my arms right this moment.

"You know, there's a saying that I find to hold so true right now for me – it takes an eternity to build trust but a mere moment to break it. It's so true, isn't it?" she asked, meeting Kijima's eyes with a bitter smile. Her expression soon turned sad again with more tears falling from her eyes. "Kijima san, please help me. Please, tell me what I have to do to make Kichiro sama trust me again. I want to be with him, I want to go back with him, but I can't bear it if he doesn't trust me anymore. I can't survive like this...please, I'll do anything. Tell me what I should do to make him trust me again and see that I really do love him."

Now I felt uncomfortable beyond bearable. Her expression and her words had shown me that she had not lied but I had misunderstood. I had been with her long enough to see the truth in her expressions – and she was being entirely truthful now. She had confidently confessed her feelings for me several times and she was ready to leave her family to be with me. She saw me as more important than her own family.

I felt immensely possessive of her again, and I was sure that I would not let her escape from me again.

Ruka pov:

I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry my heart out from how terrible I felt right now. I had confessed how I felt to Kijima san but I couldn't change the fact that he and Kichiro sama hated me now, thought that I had betrayed them. I loved Kichiro sama more than anything and wanted to go back to the past with him but I didn't know what I had to do to make him trust me again. He was so close to me yet so far out of my reach...and I didn't know what to do to reach him.

I wiped off the tears that fell but they were only replaced by more gushing out from my eyes. My eyes prickled painful and my heart hurt and I couldn't calm down. I was so lost, so anxious that I would have to say goodbye to Kichiro sama when I didn't want to.

"Kijima," I heard Kichiro sama's voice suddenly and it made me tense.

I looked to the door of the kitchen to find him standing there and looking at me, his expression sharp. My heart was in my throat, choking me. Had he been listening to our conversation this whole time?

"K-Kichiro sama," I stuttered, my heart racing.

Kijima san bowed and left the kitchen, leaving us alone. I felt nervous and I swallowed the lump in my throat with a lot of effort. I couldn't break eye contact with Kichiro sama despite feeling rather frightened by his expression as he stepped into the kitchen.

"Come here, Ruka," he commanded, his voice deep. I trembled momentarily but stepped to him, not wanting to anger him any more than he already was.

I flinched and shut my eyes when he lifted his hand. I was almost sure that I would be slapped and I waited for the pain that never came. Instead, I felt him brush my cheek gently with the back of his fingers. I opened my eyes to stare at him dumbfound.

"K-Kichiro sama?" I mumbled hesitantly. My heart squeezed when his eyes softened as he continued to look into my eyes.

"I will not allow you to leave again," he said and my eyes went wide.

My heart skipped a beat and tears of relief and joy fell from my eyes almost immediately. I felt so happy that I couldn't stop from standing on my toes and wrapping my arms around his shoulders in a much needed hug. He tensed momentarily but wrapped his arms around me in return while hunching slightly to return the embrace. I smiled through my tears, closing my eyes and burying my face in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

"Kichiro sama, I love you. I love you. I love you, Kichiro sama," I whispered.

I never thought that I would be forgiven but he wasn't angry anymore. He had forgiven me, trusted me again, given me the chance to be with him again. He was alright with me going back with him to Edo Period. He said he wouldn't let me leave again and I had no plans to. I would never leave him. I couldn't and wouldn't.

When I pulled out of the embrace, I met Kichiro sama's eyes that had regained the gentleness they always had when he looked at me. I smiled saying, "I love you, Kichiro sama, and I'm so sorry for what happened. I promise I'll never leave you again."

He didn't say anything in response but glanced at my lips before capturing them in a kiss, a kiss that I had missed, a kiss filled with longing. I closed my eyes and leaned against him more while parting my lips to deepen the kiss. He copied my actions and a shiver ran down my spine at how blissful I felt. We caressed each other for several moments, just drowning in the presence of each other...and I felt whole again.

I could tell that Kichiro sama liked it when we kissed, even though he didn't quite know what to do to make our moments more passionate and merely copied the actions that I did. I knew that he was possessive and proud too, since I had heard that Kijima san had told him that he was the only one who could receive my kisses. Although, he seemed a little hesitant right now, probably because it had been more than half a year since we had seen each other and been so...close. Besides, it had been several months since I had seen him and we had kissed, so he was more hesitant than before.

His innocence in the matter of love was adorable. I didn't want anyone else to see this side of him.

When we parted from the kiss, I smiled at the serenity of his expression. I raised my hands to cup his cheeks and I rubbed my thumbs gently below his eyes. Smiling a little wider, I said, "I missed you, Kichiro sama, so much."

He remained silent again, his expression didn't change, but he glanced at my lips again. Blushing, I raised myself onto my toes and met his lips. He responded immediately, tilting his head and parting his lips to caress me immediately, as I had done before. I smiled into the kiss and enjoyed the warmth of our moment...all until a slightly burning smell reached my nose.

My eyes went wide as I broke the kiss. I was rewarded with a glare but Kichiro sama's expression eased out when I rushed to the boiling broth.

"Ah!! I hope it's not too burnt!" I hollered as I turned off the stove and shifted the vessel onto a mat on the counter. I did a taste-test and sighed in relief – the food was saved from tasting burnt even though I was sure some of the broth had got stuck to the bottom of the vessel. Wiping the remnants of the tears I had shed earlier, I glanced at Kichiro sama with a sheepish smile, "I got so carried away that I forgot about the hotpot. Why don't you relax in the living room – I'll have our lunch ready soon."

He nodded and stepped out of the kitchen. I bit my lip and did a weird dance where I stood to express at least a little bit of the euphoria I was feeling at the moment. A big smile was plastered onto my face and I got back to finishing making our lunch.

After lunch, we took a nap and then spent some time talking about random topics over cups of green tea. It was close to seven when Kojiro reached home after cram school and nearly eight by the time Mother and Papa were back from work.

"Oh dear, the office was such a buzz today! So much work! I'm exhausted!" Mother exclaimed as she sat down on the couch with a sigh. She thanked me for the green tea I handed her and I took a seat next to her, opposite to where Kichiro sama, Kijima and Tomoki were sitting.

I glanced at them and then at Mother. I had finished preparing dinner but we had at least half an hour till we ate so I figured that this was the best time to tell my family about my decision to go to the Edo Period. I felt a twinge in my chest at the thought of leaving my family but it had to be done.

"Mother," I said, gaining her attention, "there's something important that I need to tell you, Papa and Kojiro."

"Oh, then I'll call them here. Honey, Kojiro, will you two please come to the living room? Ruka says she has something important to tell us!" she called and we were soon joined by Papa and Kojiro.

"Well, we're all here. What is it you want to talk about?" Papa asked, looking at me with a warm smile. Yet again I felt a twinge in my chest.

I inhaled deeply before I said, "Okay, um, these three are people from the Edo Period and I want to go with them to the past tonight."

We were enveloped by silence. While my family watched me with placid stares – which were actually a little worrying – Kichiro sama, Kijima san, and Tomoki narrowed their eyes slightly at the reactions my words had got.

Mother was the first to break the silence. She put down her glass of tea and straightened up while looking at me. Carefully, she said, "Ruka, we've already spoken about this matter before, haven't we? Why are you going back to that topic when we decided not to talk about it? They're all hallucinations that you got over with counseling, remember?"

"I know it sounds crazy and we concluded it as hallucinations but everything I told you guys then is true. These three people are from the Edo Period, from 400 years in the past, a past that doesn't actually coincide with our history books though. Kichiro sama is the emperor and I married him. I love him and I want to go to the Edo Period with him. I want to spend my life with him."

"Honey, could you get the phone please? I think we should call the psychiatrist and get an appointment with her," Mother said in a shaky voice.

"Mother, stop it! Why won't you believe me? I'm not lying! I don't have anything to prove it but everything I've told you is true! I spoke to a fortune teller in the market place today and he's preparing to send us back."

I mentally cursed for mentioning the fortune telling because mother freaked out even more than before. "Honey, the phone," she said and stood. Her voice was sterner than before.

I stood up too, hollering, "Mother, Papa, please!"

"No, Ruka, not another word. I'll request the doctor to see you first thing tomorrow. I'm not going to let my daughter have hallucinations again." Just as Mother had the phone in her hands, I snatched it away from her and put some distance between us. She held out her hand with a stern look, "Give me the phone, Ruka."

"No, Mother, this time you guys are going to sit down and listen to me until I'm done." She trembled and looked at Papa anxiously but too a seat on the couch soon enough. I sighed deeply, kept the phone down, then sat down on the floor in front of them "Look, I know it's difficult and maybe even a little scary to understand and accept. But every word I've said about what happened to me and about these three is true. I mean, they even katanas with them, real, sharp katanas. I love him, Mother, Papa...I love Kichiro sama and I want to go back with him."

"Ruka, you were supposed to marry me! I won't allow you to go with this b******!" Tomoki fumed, standing up.

"Shut your mouth, fool! She is His Majesty, Kichiro sama's wife! I'll kill you if-"

Irked, I shut my eyes and clenched my jaw. "Stop it, both of you!" I said, silencing both Tomoki and Kijima san. "I'm discussing something important with my family right now. You can deal with your differences later."

It was more than an hour before Mother, Papa, and Kojiro were convinced about the Edo Period. I narrated almost everything that happened, ignoring the brutal parts that I was sure would only worry them. It also spared me from having to deal with any sort of uproar from Tomoki.

"There's no way you could hallucinate so many details," Mother mumbled when I had finished speaking.

"Exactly," I replied, smiling, "it's what I've been trying to make you understand all this time."

"So, you want to go back with them? If you go with them, we'll never see you again, will we?" Papa asked, his voice soft.

My eyes prickled and I couldn't bring myself to answer his question. I averted my eyes to the floor feeling burdened. However, I met Mother's gaze when she got off the couch and sat on the floor in front of me. She cupped my face with tears in her eyes and that made the tears that had gathered in my eyes fall. She wiped them off gently.

"Mother," I whimpered, "please don't cry. If you do, I won't be able to leave."

I could feel Kichiro sama's, Kijima's and Tomoki's gaze on me but they remained silent.

"Shh," Mother cooed. "I'm so proud of you, Ruka. You've grown up into a fine woman, thinking of your husband first. You've made the right decision, choosing him over us, even though it's sad that we won't see each other again. I just wish I was there to on your wedding."

Papa and Kojiro came to sit around me too and we fell into a group embrace. I closed my eyes and let a few tears fall, the pain of leaving this family that I loved so much so much. I was giving them so much pain too...I was so selfish.

When we pulled out of the embrace, Kojiro was the first to speak, "So, you're leaving tonight, huh?"

"I am...I'm sorry, Kojiro. I'm sorry for being so selfish." I placed a hand on his head with an apologetic smile.

"You're not selfish, Onee chan. I want you to be happy and if going with Onii san makes you happy, then you should do that."

"You've grown up too, you know?" I said with a soft laugh. "But you're still as cute as ever."

He blushed at my words and glared playfully. "Hey! You're not supposed to call boys cute! You should say I'm handsome!!"

Mother, Papa, and I laughed. Mother then caressed my head with a smile, "C'mon, honey, I'll prepare some of your favorite dessert to eat after dinner. And I want to spend every minute of the time left for us together."

>>Time Skip 11:45 PM

I was restless as I stood next to my family watching the fortune teller make preparations to send us to the Edo Period. Kichiro sama and Kijima san were discussion matters of the empire, about what had to be done when they returned and Tomoki was standing away from them while glaring.

"Sweetheart," Papa said and I met his eyes. My eyes stung and I fell into an embrace with him, my heart pounding in sudden nervousness. I was leaving my family, going away forever, and I was tough to take in.

"I'm going to miss you, Papa," I mumbled.

"I'll miss you too, sweetheart," he replied, kissing the top of my head.

I pulled out of them embrace and hugged Mother and Kojiro too, trying to ingrain to memory the feel of their embraces. Out goodbye was much too short since the fortune teller called us – all preparations were done and he was ready to send us back to the past. My heart continued to pound hard as we stepped to the strange pattern he had drawn on the sand – a spell diagram that would act as the portal to the Edo Period.

Just before we stepped into the pattern, Mother, Papa, and Kojiro stepped up to Kichiro sama and Kijima san. While the former narrowed his eyes slightly to stare at my family sternly, Kijima san was placid.

"Please take good care of my daughter," Mother said to Kichiro sama. She glanced at me to caress my cheek, tears welling in her eyes. "Ruka is a gentle child and I can see that she truly loves you. I know she will be happy with you because you too are so gentle with her. But as a mother, I cannot help but make this request, ask you to take good care of her."

Kichiro sama merely nodded while Kijima san bowed and said, "You have nothing to worry about."

"I'm going to miss you all so much. I love you," I said, falling into one last group hug with my family. When I pulled away, I met Kojiro's gaze, "Take good care of Mother and Papa, Kojiro."

"I will, Onee san, and you be happy and safe," he said, giving me another embrace.

With our goodbyes said, Kichiro sama, Kijima san, Tomoki, and I stepped into the spell diagram. I waved to my family, my heart heavy but also with the joy that I would be with Kichiro sama from now on. The joy was only increased when Kichiro sama took a hold of my hand. I met his gaze with a smile and held his arm in return.

I looked back at my family when the fortune teller began to recite the spell to send us to the Edo Period, "Heavens, earth, water, air, bringing all elements of life together. Spirits of all creatures, give your strength! Open the gate that separates these worlds! Send these back to where they belong!"

I shut my eyes as we were enveloped by blinding light. I tightened my hold on Kichiro sama as we braced ourselves to be greeted by the Edo Period.

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I'm going to let you guys rant on this chapter. I'll spare you from my ranting for once XD

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