♦⊱ Chapter 11 - Awkward ⊰♦

The picture just looks so...kyaahh!!! >w<

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Ruka pov:

I sighed deeply while looking at my reflection in the mirror. I wore a fancy kimono-dress, one of the more expensive ones I had been provided with, and Kyo chan was doing my hair. I was to join Kichiro sama for lunch today along with a merchant he was meeting with to discuss business – apparently, Kichiro sama was going to order weapons, poisons, and healing elixirs from the merchant to aid his men fighting in the war.

Knowing that was a little unsettling but being in close proximity of Kichiro sama had me even more anxious. I hadn't been able to bring myself to see him for a whole day after witnessing him killing the man who had broken into the palace two days ago. He was an assassin and it was expected that he would be killed for trying to assassinate Kichiro sama but watching him snap the man's neck and crush it until everything was bloody had made me fear him more than ever before.

My refusal had consequences, obviously. I had gone the whole day without food and water as punishment and had summoned every bit of courage I could summon to join him for meals and company yesterday. The tension in the air around us had only increased because of all that had happened over a span of two days, so much so that I couldn't bring myself to even look at him for a second.

"I'm done, My Lady. You look beautiful," said Kyo chan, having tied up half my hair and adorned it with a simple ornament.

"Thank you, Kyo chan," I responded, my voice soft and my smile halfhearted.

I stood blinking several times to help my eyes lubricate – with nightmares keeping me up for most of the past two nights, I was tired. I felt insecure, I couldn't relax, and I just wanted to curl up in a place where I would never be found. But, obviously, I couldn't do that.

"His Majesty, Lord Kurai summons you," a soldier who had just entered the room said whilst looking at me.

I clenched my fists and inhaled deeply in an attempt to ease the clenching in my chest. I nodded and was escorted out of my room by him and two other soldiers. The closer we got to the dining hall, the faster and harder my heart beat. I remained silent and obedient though and looked up from my lashes when we entered the dining hall.

Unexpectedly, I saw a middle aged man sitting in the seat I usually sat in when dining with Kichiro sama – I figured that he was the merchant. The seat on Kichiro sama's left was occupied by his minister Kijima san. Seeing how things had been set up, I assumed that I either had to just stand with them for company or I would be sitting far away from them for the meal.

"Come here." Kichiro sama's voice jolted me out of my thoughts. Nervousness yet again began to bubble in the pit of my stomach but I inhaled deeply before walking up to him.

Just as I reached him, he grabbed my wrist. I didn't get the chance to flinch for I was tugged forward roughly and swiveled to land in Kichiro sama's lap. I sat between his legs, my back pressed up against his chest. Not only did I feel terrified, I also felt immensely embarrassed. A hot blush rose to my cheeks and I felt dizzy from the multiple reactions my body was having to this unexpected situation.

"K-Kichiro sama?!" I stuttered.

"SILENCE!" he bellowed immediately, making me flinch and shudder.

I didn't move after that, or even breathe, and all I could hear was the loud pounding of my heart. My eyes stung and watered but I blinked rapidly to stop the tears from falling. The attendants brought out food soon, placing two servings in front of me and Kichiro sama. I eyed the food hungrily but didn't make a move to start eating before anyone else began.

"May I have the honor of knowing who this beautiful maiden is, Your Majesty? On that note, I'm glad to see that you are finally showing interest in women and have got your hands on one as beautiful as this. If I was with anyone else, I would have offered to trade her with ten of the fine women I have to sell," the merchant said, eyeing me with a dirty grin.

An uncomfortable queasiness settled in my stomach at his words and his expression. I looked away, only to glimpse at Kijima san. I had only seen him a few times in the palace, the very first being when I had come across Kichiro sama practicing with two swords. He was a calm person, patient and very respectful towards Kichiro sama.

"Watch your words, you insolent fool," Kichiro sama spat at the merchant and I shut my eyes with a flinch. The way his chest vibrated against my back when he spoke sent a shiver down my spine. "This girl is mine and mine alone, and not one you can talk about so lightly. You will do well to keep your eyes and hands off of her."

I felt momentarily hurt by Kichiro sama's words – he was speaking about me as if I was an object that he possessed. I suppose what I felt about his perception of me didn't really matter because there was nothing I could do about it anyway.

"I apologize, Your Majesty. It's just that I have never seen such a beauty in all my years of travelling. I must say, she is indeed a very rare find, the epitome of perfect that only Your Majesty is worthy of." I twitched at the flattery the merchant said – he words weren't entirely true, obviously. He was bootlicking in order to keep himself in Kochiro sama's good books.

Kichiro sama scoffed at the merchant's words before leaning forward to pick up his chopsticks. I tensed when I felt the contact of his chest and my back increase, his body warmth enveloping me. I felt suffocated, as if I was in a cage, just as I had felt when I had been encased in his arms while traveling on his horse when I was brought to the palace. His chin barely touched the top of my head and I hunched slightly to prevent it.

"Why aren't you eating?" he asked sharply, pausing eating after his third bite upon noticed that I was still sitting stiffly with my fists clenched tightly on my knees.

"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled and reached for my chopsticks and rice bowl with mildly trembling hands.

I took a deep breath to regain some composure. I was anxious and embarrassed but I didn't want to make Kichiro sama angry and end up seeing more blood or experience anything painful. I had to obey him no matter what he wanted me to do if I wanted to stay alive...and sane, for that matter.

I ignored the merchant's sleazy gaze as much as I could while I ate slowly. Kichiro sama resumed eating but exchanged words with the merchant and Kijima san every now and then. I barely tasted the food I ate or even realized just how much I ate because of how uncomfortable I was in this situation and with an audience no less. I did, however, relax someway through for I was mostly ignored during the meal and discussions. It was soon replaced by quite a bit of anxiousness because sitting in Kichiro sama's lap was rather warm and comfortable.

With every moment that passed, I felt more and more aware that I was sitting in the arms of a man, a very powerful man. I didn't have the luxury of thinking about anything else because we had finished our meal a while ago and I had nothing to keep myself busy with. I didn't want to listen to the discussion of war merely for distracting myself so I let my thoughts float away to home, remembering my family and friends.

On that note, it had been so long since I had seen pictures of them on my phone. Kichiro sama hadn't returned it to me yet and I wondered when would be a good time to ask him for it. Well, I had been obedient for more than a month now so perhaps he would give it back...right?

A few minutes passed with me lost in my thoughts. I began to feel sleepy – my eyes began to pull away and I stifled a yawn. I closed them hoping to doze for a few short moments without getting caught but was snapped awake when an arm was wrapped around my waist. I looked down at Kichiro sama's arm, a dark blush rising on my cheeks. Kichiro sama stood while pulling me up with him but let go the moment we were standing. Still flustered, I put some distance between us. My blush didn't reduce in the slightest and my heart didn't calm down from its painfully fast pace.

"You may to do whatever you want for the rest of the day. I will not be attending dinner tonight – I will have someone bring you food to your room," he said and I gave him a second's glance.

"I understand," I responded and he walked away out of the dining hall with Kijima san and the merchant.

When they were out of sight and earshot, I exhaled deeply with a hand over my racing heart. I hit my chest lightly a few times to calm myself, then shook my head. Not even one had I thought Kichiro sama would have me sit in his lap. Goodness, that was so awkward!

With a shake of my head, I too left the dining hall, my three loyal protectors following me. I rolled my eyes at the sarcastic title I had given them but didn't dwell on it for long. I had nothing to do so I loitered around the palace for a while, exploring rooms I hadn't seen before, before sitting in one of the hallways to look over a lush garden. I continued my tour of the palace soon after while hoping that I wasn't intruding or trespassing. The soldiers didn't stop me though so I took that as an okay to do what I was doing.

When I was bored of that, I returned to my room and spent the rest of the day relaxing. I conversed with Kyo chan, did some painting and then took a shower. Dinner was brought by an attendant and I ate at my leisure, once again talking about lighthearted things with Kyo chan.

After I changed into my night clothes, I gave my body a much needed stretch while I sat on the bed. I was just about ready to turn in for the night but looked to the door when it was opened. Kichiro sama strode in and I averted my gaze awkwardly. He came to a stop on the other side of the bed and I could feel his penetrating gaze close to boring a hole through my head.

"Ruka," he said. The dominance in his tone when he said my name made me tense. "You will be sleeping in my room tonight, beside me."

I met his sleek, icy eyes, my own so wide that they hurt around the edges, "W-what?"

"I said you will be sleeping next to me tonight," he repeated, sounding a little annoyed.

My heart skipped a beat and felt a chill run down my spine. "S-sleep next to you? B-but...but I don't think...I can't possibly – I mean, I just-" I stuttered both embarrassed and anxious. First he has me sit in his lap and now he wants me to sleep next to him?? What was going on with him today?!

I paled almost as soon as I had voice out my hesitance for Kichiro sama's eyes were dangerously narrow. His jaw was clenched, he was visibly irked, and the aura around him was dark and menacing. My eyes went even wider – if that was actually possible – and my heart raced in absolute terror. Memories of the punishment I had received when I had tried to escape rushed through my mind and my eyes stung. Instinctively, I crawled across the bed to where he was standing and took a desperate hold of his sleeve, burying my face in it with a few tears escaping.

"No!" I begged him to spare me pain in his anger, "I will sleep next to you! I will do whatever you want me to! So, please...d-don't hurt me."

I didn't have the strength to withstand mental or physical pain anymore. I was already so exhausted from living every moment of my life in fear for more than a month, so well aware of what this man could and would do to anyone who defied him. I had seen with my own eyes the truth of the rumors I had heard in the village and I had no wish to go through anything more than what I already had gone through and was living with now.

I shifted away from him when he nudged me. He then held out his hand for me to take and said, "Come."

I placed my hand in his and got off the bed to follow him to his room. The attendants we passed by bowed deeply but I noticed them stare at me curiously and whisper amongst themselves when we were almost out of earshot. It made me blush. I chewed on my lower lip and lowered my gaze to the floor while trying to think of something else.

But the only thing I could think of was keeping my hopes up that everything would be fine, that I would survive this night.

Kichiro pov:

"S-sleep next to you?" she asked, sounding startled. "B-but...but I don't think...I can't possibly – I mean, I just-"

I narrowed my eyes, intense anger bubbling fiercely within me. I was just short of reaching out to her and breaking the first part of her I grabbed but she noticed my anger all too quickly and reacted immediately. Crawling across the bed quickly, she grabbed my sleeve and leaned her forehead against my arm.

"No! I will sleep next to you! I will do whatever you want me to! So, please...d-don't hurt me."

I clenched my fists feeling more irritated than satisfied that she had agreed to do what I had ordered. It had been close to a month since she began to obey me without a fuss, having been taught her place after she tried to escape. But I had felt nothing from her, nothing because of her – no amount of keeping her close for company, holding her hand, or eating with her had made me feel anything besides the darkness, the hatred, the fear and the loathing I was so used to. Ruka was nothing more than a slave following my orders out of fear. To everyone and her, I was nothing more than a monster.

I had thought that way until two days ago when I had taken her to the Imperial Strolling Garden. I had taken her to the garden with just one thought in mind – after that visit, after spending time with her, if I still felt nothing, I would dispose of her. I couldn't let her go free for she had been in the palace long enough to gather information on me and in the wrong hands, it would only be unnecessary trouble for me.

[A/n: Yes, in the Edo Period, they had 'strolling gardens' XD I looked it up online]

However, for the very first time since I had brought her here, she had smiled in my presence. She was awed by the garden and had smiled with the immense warmth I had always wanted her to give to me. It was the same kind of smile she had given me when she had wrapped my wounded arm in her village. I had always desired for at least one person to show me the warmth and affection I had always seen others get unconditionally without even having to put in much effort to get it, but not once had anyone bothered to take a second glance at me. So, I had decided that I would get it from someone, even if it meant forcing them.

First it was the boy and now, Ruka. I had come to believe that she would end up like the boy, dead at my hands because all she could show me was fear and resentment. But the moment she had smiled that day, the feeling that roused within me when with her was suddenly so different, so much stronger. I was suddenly hyperaware of her hand in mine, I couldn't stop from following her with my eyes, and I felt unnaturally whole when I had sat her in my lap this afternoon.

I felt suffocated yet serene, contradicting feelings at once. Physical contact with anyone without the intent to kill them was something I had never thought of before but after the increasing moments of being so close to someone so frail and helpless, I couldn't stop from yearning for it more.

Ruka had avoided me after I had killed that assassin though – angry at her defiance, I had had her go a whole day without food or water. She had become submissive soon enough and joined me for meals yesterday, falling back into the routine I had set up for us. It didn't matter to me what she felt when she had seen me kill that man. She had to obey my orders – that's all that mattered to me.

"Come," I said, holding my hand out to her after her moment of begging.

She didn't hesitate to place her hand in mine and let me pull her behind me through the hallways and to my chambers. Yet again, the feel of her hand in mine was as if a void had been filled.

When we reached my chambers, I guided her to my bed and let go of her hand. "Sit," I commanded and she did just that, though hesitantly. She fidgeted, keeping her eyes averted from me. I watched her for a few moments before heading to the bathroom to shower.

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Ahem, it seems Kichiro sama is kicking things up a notch! He's started to feel emotions he's never felt before and isn't the innocence in it adorable?

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:D