Chapter 26

I spent the next night again at Vincent’s house. Thinking about everything that happened I barely slept at all with me overthinking everything about what I am supposed to do and what I shouldn’t. Was leaving really the best thing to do for me? What have I got waiting for me if I had a destined one but I couldn’t be with him? I have been broken for a long time now. Just because I was alone, because I didn’t have anyone to call my own. But what if loneliness isn’t the worst thing that could happen? I didn’t need anyone to make me full. I didn’t need anyone to make me feel happy, I could do that on my own.

I just needed time to heal…

To do that I couldn’t stay here much longer and rely on Jasper’s good heart, this house was now his family’s. Jasper was one of the fewest who would actually do things for my good, but I didn’t want to be his liability. He had his own life and I didn’t want to be in the way. I couldn’t stay with someone else if I wanted to learn how to live by my own.

I woke up and didn’t even bother eating breakfast. Today was Vincent’s funeral. I didn’t know how many people would actually come. Vincent didn’t have many friends but he had many people who he helped get their life together. I expected the majority of the pack to show up and show their respect to him. For giving his life to helping others and giving away every penny he had just so others could live a little better.

And beyond all this sorrow my heart still ached for Death. I knew he wouldn’t be around anymore. I couldn’t just turn off my heart and forget about him. I was a gift for Death. What else was there out for me if I was just running away? This was the place where I was born, this was the place where I will remain. Thinking of running away was the worst possible solution for me to be better. I couldn’t just run away when life gets hard, I needed to find a way to cope with it.

If I was going to stay here I needed to find a place where to stay. I couldn’t stay at Jasper’s house. I knew I would never go back to my parents’ house, and I definitely couldn’t go to Xavier. I already made him believe that I will marry him and then turned him down. Even if he was a really good person I couldn’t use that. Even now, if he was still up for that marriage. I couldn’t marry him, I didn’t need to be married in order to live happily, except the thing that bothers me was that I will never have a family of my own. Maybe not everyone was meant to have a wholesome family?

I took the chance that was most rational. There were many empty houses which were far from the pack center, nobody wanted to live there. I headed to Alpha’s house to speak with him.

I reached his big house where he lived with his family and where he also worked most of the time. He didn’t live in a huge mansion, he didn’t like big luxurious stuff, he was very humble in his ways. His study was in the back of the house, to not disturb family with his work stuff.

I knocked on the door and from the other side Beta opened the doors. “Why are you bothering Alpha Julian?” He asked, annoyed still standing in the doorway like trying to not show me what was going on there. He wasn’t mean just to me, it was just in his nature. He was more bold than Alpha was and more reckless. Alpha and Beta were always working close together and most of the time Beta was the one who decided on things.

“I need to speak with Alpha.” I said to him as politely as I could ignoring his mean tone.

“First tell me if it’s worth bothering him at all,” he stated but I was not wasting this with him just thinking that my ask wasn’t worth anything. I already knew that Beta would turn me down.

“I would much rather speak to the one who is in charge of this pack,” I said trying to sound nice, but still I spat my statement at him. There was no evidence that Beta wanted to be something more than Beta but a lot of times he acted like that. I think he wanted much more power than he was given.

“Let her in!” Alpha said loudly from the other side hearing our conversation. Beta didn’t look pleased at all but he walked away from the door letting me in. Not even closing it, like a gentleman would. He just went over to his little side table.

I tried to not think that he was there to listen in.

I shut the door behind me and walking up to Alpha, I bowed my head to him. “Alpha. I apologize for bothering you,” I said and he smiled at me sweetly.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said. “Why are you here?”

“I have a favor to ask of you,” I said and he let down the pen he was holding in his hands. “Those houses that are on the east side of the pack, they are abandoned, nobody has lived there in twenty years at least. I would like to live there,” I stated and Alpha looked at me deep in thought. He wasn’t making fun of my bold question for him, he was just thinking about it.

“Where are you living now?” He asked.

“Officially I am living with my family in one of the bigger houses in the center, but the past few days I have been staying at Vincent’s old house.” I explained to him.

His expression was like he just remembered something. “Now I recall Vincent saying good words about you,” he said and that made me smile. Vincent spent a lot of time with Alpha because Vincent was always making sure that there was nothing more he could do. I never would have guessed that he would mention me to Alpha. “What about your mate?” He asked me. When he asked about mates I couldn’t think about anything but Death. He wasn’t technically my mate, but he was my mate in my heart and mind. He was everything my mate was supposed to make me feel. I have heard that being away from mates hurt like nothing else. I guess it was good that that won’t happen to me. It’s not a mate love and by time it will fade away just like the sorrow I am feeling right now.

“I don’t have a mate.” I said confidently, almost proudly.

“Why not live with your parents?” He asked.

“I don’t want to be a bother to them anymore,” I said, hiding the real reason, that they have lied to me and emotionally abused me my whole life.

“I don’t think children are a bother to any parent,” he said, laughing a little.

“Yes, but, if those houses are no one else’s? No one is taking care of them, if I were to live in one of them there would be one more house in the pack which is being taken care of.” I tried to reason with him. “If no one is taking care of them then they will go to waste, they already are looking very old, but only a little touch of caring hand will make them usable again.”

He touched his bearded chin while thinking. “Well then I see no problem with this,” he said in a smile and a smile emerged onto my face as well. “Is your family aware of this?” He asked.

“Not yet,” I explained, but I will have to let them know.

Suddenly Beta spoke. “But Alpha! What would it do to pack members,” he said and Alpha eyed him suspiciously. “Everyone will think that you can do anything they want, they will all ask for separate homes,” he said.

“There are about ten houses that are abandoned. If they want to take care of them, let them,” Alpha said, being on my side and giving me a piece of paper and a pen. “Write down information about you. And you can choose any house you want, I will later send someone to write down the house you took.

“Thank you Alpha,” I said, grateful and filled out all the needed information.

Since there was still time till Vincent’s funeral I needed to get some of my things from Jasper’s house to my new one. I packed all the clothes I took and carried it down to the abandoned houses.

They were all small ones, one bedroom, one living room, bathroom and kitchen. There was everything needed, nothing more and nothing less. I chose the one that was in the best condition. White paint on the outside was already ripping off, nothing that a paint job couldn’t do. The electricity worked well and everything else was fine.

This was the place where I would settle down, live my life how it was always meant to be, alone but where I had always been. I didn’t have many things with me, all the rest were at my family’s home. I knew I would need to go there at some point to collect all my things so I didn’t have to return there ever again. I spent my rest of the day cleaning up the house, but still I wasn’t done with everything.

As the evening got closer I changed into one of my nicest black dresses. I let my hair loose down and headed to pack’s cemetery. I reached my destination and noticed Magdalena with Adrian standing holding hands next to the cemetery gates. I walked right up to her and she untangled her hand from Adrian and hugged me tightly. “How are you feeling?” she asked in a worried voice.

I smiled at her and broke the hug while still holding her hands. “I’m good.” I looked at Adrian “Good to see you here,” I said and he nodded.

“I am sorry for your loss, I remember you telling me about how good friends you were.” he said truthfully. It made me smile that he hasn’t completely forgotten about me.

“Does that mean that you will leave?” Magdalena asked in a low whisper looking down.

I smiled at her and shook my head. “I will remain here,” I said and her face lit up and she hugged me once more.

I looked a little further and there was Alpha standing with Beta. I guess Beta didn’t want to be here, but he was just escorting Alpha here. Vincent had done a lot for the pack and the least that Alpha could do was to be here to pay his respect. Here was also Jasper with his wife. Doctors from the pack were also here. In the distance I noticed Xavier approaching and smiling at me. I left Magdalena with Adrian and walked up to him. He offered me a hug and I gladly took it. He patted my back. “I don’t know what to say to make you feel better.” He said in honesty.

“No need to say anything. This is perfect.” I said and let go of our hug. “I am glad you are here.” I looked around to see if his family was here. “So did you come here alone or… you would like to be in my company?” I asked, trying to lighten up the dark mood.

He chuckled and reached his hand towards me to take it.

Vincent’s casket was being carried in front of us and we all stood next to the grave that was dug for him. Alpha said a few words about Vincent, and it was almost impossible not to cry.

I was deep in my thoughts of how my life will forever now be changed with him gone, I will need to live without him, and try to not feel heartache when someone mentions his name.

He was always on the move, he was always doing something, never bored, but now he will finally have time to rest his bones. Vincent died but he will still live until everyone will mention his name the last time. I cannot forget how much he had taught me, how much he meant to me.

He was my family. I have had the honor to know him and I will carry Vincent in my heart for the rest of my life. And when I will wish for him to be by my side, my memories will always bring him back to me…