Chapter 20: Flashback

Kemar kept texting and calling me several times a day, but Keesha threatened to tell my mom about him if I answered, so I never did.

And I refused to go back to the library where he worked, even though I needed a couple of books to study. Instead, I made one of my classmates get them for me, without really telling him why I couldn’t go myself.

And by the end of the week, it seemed like Kemar had finally given up.

Now it was Saturday, and my parents went out to dinner like they often did on the weekend. I didn’t complain, because that meant I had the whole house to myself for a few hours, and like always, I invited Keesha over.

After all, it was better to be alone ~with~ someone than being completely alone. I didn’t mind being by myself as long as I could get absorbed in a good novel and listen to my favorite music, but only for a couple of hours at a time.

And yes, I was well aware that I was the biggest baby in Chicago.

Keesha and I immediately made plans for which movies to watch, trying out new hairstyles or makeup, and painting our nails. Just typical girl stuff.

However, an hour before she was supposed to be there, she canceled because her grandmother had to go to the hospital. Legit reason, of course, but it still left me home alone, alone.

And for some reason that made me anxious. I couldn’t explain why, but I had a gnawing feeling that had been there all week, and it didn’t seem to go away either.

When the doorbell rang, I ran to open it and hoped it was Keesha coming after all, and that her grandmother was okay.

“Keesh…What?” I exclaimed after I’d opened the door. Then I backed up a couple of steps and wished I had checked the peephole first, because the person was not someone I wanted to invite inside.

Unfortunately, it felt like I didn’t have much choice when Kemar stepped forward with a large bouquet of red roses and a heart-shaped box of chocolate.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, both skeptical and confused.

“I need to apologize,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to push you into having sex with me. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

He looked sad, and even though I knew I should tell him to leave and close the door, I had an urgent need to cheer him up. I ended up inviting him in and thanked him for the flowers.

And while I searched for a vase to put them in, he remained standing in the hallway with his hands in his pockets.

I wanted to ask him how he’d been lately, because I wanted to know if he was just as heartbroken about this as I was, but I didn’t dare to ask.

Instead, I put the flowers on the kitchen table, clasped my hands together, and smiled.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I asked politely and wondered if he realized that he never offered me that on our so-called date. But that was water under the bridge now.

He was here to apologize, and since there wasn’t any card for the occasion, I expected him to say it himself. Surprisingly enough, it never came.

He seemed content with buying me flowers and telling me that he wanted to apologize without actually doing it, and now he seemed to be lost in thoughts while he chewed on his lip.

“Kemar?” I asked, and he snapped out of whatever train of thought he was in and became the Kemar I knew.

The charming, mysterious, and devastatingly handsome man who had captured my heart to the fullest. The man with the dark-brown hair and steel gray eyes.

Eyes that had made me speechless countless times, and that caressed me the way I wanted his hands to caress my body. I just wasn’t ready for that last part yet.

“Yes, please. What do you have?”

“Let me go see,” I said and hurried back into the kitchen. Then I shouted out all the options I came across.

“Do you have any wine?” I suddenly heard right behind me, and I jumped and let out a little yelp.

“Oh, my God! I thought you were still standing in the hall,” I laughed. But when he didn’t laugh with me, I felt awkward again. “Uhm…wine.”

I knew my mom had a few bottles stored in the basement in case we had dinner guests. And technically Kemar ~was~ a guest, so hopefully my mom would understand if I gave him a glass.

But that also meant that I would have to tell them about him, and I dreaded the moment when I told them his age. I sighed. That would be a problem for later.

“Yes. Just give me a moment, and I’ll get it.”

I ran off and grabbed two of the three different bottles I found. I had no idea which one was better, but I knew one of them was an expensive one Dad had saved for a special occasion.

I didn’t know what kind of special occasion he was waiting for, but today was definitely not it. Satisfied with my choice, I turned to leave and…

Crashed right into his chest.

“GREAT GOD! You need to stop doing that!” I exclaimed, startled, and clutched the bottles to my chest. It was actually a wonder I didn’t drop them.

But Kemar was busy studying the bottles and wrinkled his nose in disgust when I showed him the two I’d picked out for him.

“You can have one of these,” I offered, and hoped he didn’t plan to drink it all. It would be flat-out rude to say that. But what he did next left me so perplexed that I didn’t react before it was too late.

“This’ll do,” he said and reached around me so he could grab Dad’s finest bottle of wine. Then he turned away from me and started walking.

“And someone should teach you a little about wine,” he added over his shoulder just as he started up the stairs, and I felt so stupid. So, so stupid.

Why did I allow that to happen? I could’ve just stopped him and put it back. Yes, that’s what I was going to do.

“Kemar?” I called after him. “Kemar, that bottle belongs to my dad, and…”

But it was too late. He’d already opened it and was searching through the cabinets for glasses, and I was completely stunned by how he acted like he lived there.

I’d never had the audacity to behave like that in someone else’s home. I didn’t even do that when I visited Keesha, and we’d been best friends for years.

But instead of staring and maybe provoking him, I decided to do what I’d planned all along. Only I wished it was Keesha who was here, and not him.

“So…I was thinking about ordering a pizza,” I said a little too cheerfully and rubbed my palms together.

I desperately needed to focus on something other than being annoyed at him practically stealing my dad’s wine right in front of my nose.

And I swore to myself to buy Dad a new bottle of the same brand the next day and apologize.

“Sounds good. What kind?” Kemar asked, sounding quite nonchalant.

“I don’t know. You can choose.”

He caught my gaze and held it until I started to feel uncomfortable. “No. I want to know what ~your~ favorite is, sweetheart. I want to know everything about you.”

I gasped quietly because of the intensity in his eyes, and when he gave me his cocky smirk and a wink, I found myself blushing against my own will.

This guy still managed to make me swoon even though I was starting to see a quite disturbing side of him.

“I want to know everything about ~my girl~.”

Seriously? Now I was just confused.

“So, you still consider me as your girl, even after…?”

He held up his pointer finger to stop me.

“That was just a minor misunderstanding, sweetheart. Nothing to worry about. Now tell me, what kind of pizza is your favorite? I’ll pay, of course.”

“The vegan one,” I answered after painful moments of hesitation.

“You’re a vegetarian?”

I shook my head. “No, I just like the taste, that’s all.”

“Aha. Good. You need proteins, you know. For rough times.”

He had a glint in his eyes that made me frown, but it was gone so fast that I must have imagined it. And nervously, I dialed the number and ordered one large pizza and a bottle of soda.

Then we sat down on the couch in front of the TV just like we’d done at Kemar’s place, except this time his attention was fully on me. Me and the box of chocolate in his lap.

“Open your mouth,” he said and held up one of the chocolate hearts he’d brought.

“But Kemar…it’ll ruin my appetite.”

But my protest fell on deaf ears.

“Nuh-uh. If I want to feed my girl, then I’ll feed my girl,” he said, and didn’t budge until I accepted. And I had to admit, the chocolate was absolutely delicious.

“Good, right?” he asked, and I nodded. Another bite followed, and just like he’d done in the restaurant, he made me suck on his finger. It made me nauseous.

“Fuck…,” he mumbled, then put the box away. “I’ve got something for you, sweetheart.”

I raised my eyebrows and watched him get up and walk over to his coat. It was already the middle of autumn now, and the air was colder. Still, the coat he’d chosen wasn’t especially thick.

I don’t know why that detail seemed important to me, but it did. Seconds later, he returned with a little present and his widest grin.

“Wow, Kemar,” I said, but instead of feeling flattered, I felt more uncomfortable. “But it’s not my birthday.”

“I know. But I thought you deserved something special, and when I saw this in the store, I just ~had~ to get it for you. Now, open it.”

It was a necklace. A beautiful golden necklace with a little pendant on it shaped like a drop of water.

I know it should have taken my breath away. I know it should have left me speechless and given me a fluttering heart, and all those kinds of things. But it didn’t.

“I don’t know what to say,” I whispered. But Kemar took it, and gently placed it around my neck. Then he shook his head in disapproval.

“Nah…That’s not it. Don’t you have anything else to wear? Something more like what you had on before you changed when I took you out to dinner?”

My eyes widened, and I suddenly became very self-conscious. I’d completely forgotten that I was wearing my baggy sweatpants and a washed-out Michael Jackson T-shirt.

It was supposed to be Keesha and I, and that was our usual outfit for the movie night we’d planned.

“Oh, gosh! I’m sorry. Of course. I’ll go change right away. Just give me a minute.”

“And don’t hold back on anything this time,” Kemar continued. “It’s only you and I, so I wouldn’t mind if you dressed a little sexy. Or slutty. You choose.”

I blushed even harder and didn’t know how to respond. To save myself from embarrassment, I just turned around and ran upstairs, already trying to figure out an outfit he would like.

I didn’t even know why I was trying to please him.

I only knew that I didn’t want to tick him off and make him angry, and judging from his reaction last time, I had a feeling that he was a ticking time bomb. And I did not want to be alone with him if that happened.

I returned with black, high-waist, slim-fit pants with snakeskin imitation you only saw if you studied them closely, and a pink crop top that wasn’t too revealing.

I also put my hair into a messy bun so he could see the necklace better. And Kemar seemed content enough.

“That’s my girl,” he said with a smirk and stood up.

I was glad he was pleased, but now I started worrying if my parents suddenly decided to come home earlier than expected, since that would cause major explanation issues. It would save me from the devil’s grip, though.

“I’ve always wanted to see you like this. And even with less clothes, too. Or none.”

I pushed him away when he tried to kiss me. “You’ve been picturing me without clothes?” I blurted out, and disgust was evident in my voice. Then I faked a smile to keep up a calm façade.

“Of course,” he laughed and sounded quite patronizing. “All men envision their girl naked until they get to see it with their own eyes.”

I shuddered and swallowed the anger that bubbled up inside me.

“Don’t get any ideas. You know I want to wait,” was my short reply, which made him throw his head back and holler.

“Saving yourself for marriage, I see. Well, well. I guess we’ll need to get married soon, then.”

I swear I was so close to snapping that I was shaking. But just as I was about to start yelling at him, the doorbell rang, and I opened it to find a short, chubby guy with a goatee and a pizza box in his hand.

If only he’d been taller than Kemar, I’d have begged him to fight for me like a damsel in distress. Instead, I tried to mimic for him to call 911.

I didn’t dare do it myself, since Kemar was following me pretty much everywhere I went.

And now he suddenly appeared right behind me and placed his hand on my lower back while he showed off his biggest smirk. I was completely frozen to the spot.

“That’ll be $16.99, sir.”

“$16.99?” Kemar reiterated with raised eyebrows, and the young man nodded eagerly.

“The soda and home delivery,” he explained, and I tried to catch his gaze. Unfortunately, he only smiled and nodded both to me and Kemar, then left as soon as he got the money.

“Let’s eat then, shall we?”

A couple of minutes later, we were sitting in the living room with one pizza slice each. I chewed slowly while I studied the man who was practically holding me hostage in my own home.

“This vegan stuff isn’t really that bad,” he mumbled between mouthfuls, and before he’d even swallowed the last piece of his slice, he’d served himself another one.

“You know, for a moment there I thought you were one of those fanatic people who doesn’t eat anything else but vegetables, because they can’t stand the thought of killing an animal.”

He chuckled, but I wasn’t very amused.

“Killing is a natural part of human nature,” he said bluntly, still with food in his mouth. He wasn’t at all the well-mannered man he pretended to be at the restaurant.

And now he gulped down my dad’s wine like it was water and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

Then he sat back and folded his hands behind his neck and stared at me while I ate, and I felt more uncomfortable than ever.

“I’m not…like…I don’t have anything against those who are, because it’s a personal choice, but I don’t mind eating a little meat and fish. I love sushi, and I ate the…uhm…the crab, and…

“Well, it was okay, I guess. But I don’t like bacon. Not because I can’t stand the thought of…uhm…the killing…I’m not that naive to not realize where meat comes from, but…”

Kemar cut me off with a sharp glare. “Sweetheart, you’re rambling again. We don’t need that.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and lowered my head.

But then he suddenly reached out and wiped my mouth with his hand and kissed me. I was so startled that I didn’t register what happened until our lips parted, and he looked at me with a dazed expression.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

He kissed me again, and I tried my best to act like I enjoyed it. And when he ended it, I gasped for air, and was annoyed by how easily he wrapped me around his little finger.

How was this man able to make me weak and freak out at the same time?

“I want to go on that double date you were talking about,” he said proudly, as if he’d just achieved something really admirable. “And…”

He made a theatrical pause.

“…I want to meet your parents. Or should I say my future in-laws?”

I hated that he kept talking about marriage all the time. He seriously considered that for a simple fuck?

“I’ll do it for you, Skylar. I’ll do it for my gorgeous girl, because I love you.”

Nooo, he didn’t! He said the L-word like it meant nothing at all, which it probably didn’t.

I didn’t even know what angered me the most: The degrading of a meaningful word or him saying it way too early in a relationship. And we didn’t even have a relationship!

“Kemar…I…I have no idea what to say. I’m glad you accept the double date. I really am. But we don’t even…I mean…”

My heart was beating heavily in my chest, and I writhed in my seat, and somehow Kemar took that as an invitation to another kiss. But I couldn’t pretend anymore.

I was scared, and I was about to panic, and I was dangerously close to doing something stupid. Something that definitely would compromise my safety. Like running. Or screaming. Or grabbing a knife to stab him.

Suddenly he grabbed my boob and started touching my body, and I stopped him. Or more specifically, I tried to, because he ignored me.

He was even a bit forceful, and his lips that had been so soft and tender now felt hard and hasty against mine.

Gentle hands that had placed the necklace so carefully around my neck felt greedy and hurtful, digging into my waist and thigh. His body felt heavy against mine and his alcohol breath violated my nostrils.

“Kemar! No!”

Since pushing him away didn’t help, I finally managed to twist myself out of his grip and slipped down to the floor, which caused him to sit up on the couch and scowl at me.

Then I got up in a hurry and placed myself on the other side of the coffee table to keep some distance between us.

“What?” he yelled. “I bought you a really expensive dinner. I took you out to a fancy restaurant. You got a ride in my Mustang. Twice! The flowers, the chocolate, and now this necklace.

“Do you know how much it cost? Giving me a little taste of that pussy of yours is the least you can do for me!”

“But you can’t buy me like that!” I yelled back and ducked when he jolted up, because I thought he was going to attack me.

“You’re just like my ex! No matter what I did, it just wasn’t good enough. She used me and drained me for everything I had.

“Then she kicked me out of my own house and told me to go fuck myself. Is that what you’re going to do? Are you going to dump me too?”

“No, but…” I was caught off guard by his reaction and the amount of drama he put into it.

Either it was true, or he was a really good actor, because it was so over the top that I would have laughed if it weren’t for the expression on his face.

“You!” he shouted. Then he did something completely unexpected. It was like someone switched a knob, and he was suddenly calm again. Eerily calm.

“Can you find a date that fits both us and those friends of yours? Do you think you could do that, sweetheart? You can decide whether we should go out, or just have a calm dinner at my place.”

I almost coughed. His place? That was definitely not an option. However, I felt so shocked about him and the whole situation that I just nodded.

Slowly, a plan formed in the back of my mind. I would find a way to let him down in a way that he understood that I didn’t use him for money and hope he wouldn’t get mad.

And with Keesha and Brad together with me, I was pretty sure I would be safe even if he did, since Brad was way more muscular and probably also stronger than him. Yes. That was definitely the better option.

I let him kiss me and hugged him back half-heartedly.

Then I faked a smile and thanked him for the gifts and for a lovely evening, and as soon as he’d left, I locked all the doors and windows in the entire house and closed the curtains.

Maybe home alone, alone wasn’t such a bad thing after all? At least it was better than having a guest like Kemar.