Chapter 20

The next morning Cassie was woken up by Damien entering the bedchamber. 'Good morning, Cass,' he said softly as he smiled at her from the doorway, 'I have brought you a cup of tea.' He walked over to her side of the bed and placed the cup and saucer on the bedside table. 'I know fashionable ladies always have a cup of chocolate in the morning, but I'm afraid we have none, so I have brought you the next best thing.'

Cassie stretched and sat up. 'It is a good job I am not in the least bit fashionable,' she said smiling up at him. 'Anyway, Betsy would have been disgusted at the thought of starting the day with anything less than a cup of tea.'

Damien laughed. 'Indeed, she would,' he said as he sat on the bed next to her and held her hand, 'she believed it was the panacea for every ailment.'

'Thank you,' she said as she looked at him, a tear threatening to fall down her cheek. She was touched by his kindness. Cassie could not remember a time when anyone had done anything quite as considerate for her. It may have only been a simple gesture, but it was thoughtful and one that touched Cassie deeply.

He cupped her cheek in his hand. 'Don't cry, Cass,' he said tenderly as he stroked her cheek with his fingertips. 'I did not mean to upset you last night. I should not have let you stay with me.'

'Oh, Damien,' she said as she looked at him and rested her hand on his shoulder. 'Please believe me,' she said earnestly, 'you have not upset me. Last night, I wanted to be with you. It was as much my choice as it was yours, and I do not regret it. It seems a little foolish to be crying when I feel so happy,' she said smiling through her tears.

'You do not regret what we did last night?' Damien asked her seriously.

Cassie smiled and reached over to kiss him lightly on the lips. 'No,' she said, shaking her head a little, 'I do not regret anything.'

'Good,' he said as he picked up the cup and handed it to her. After she had taken a few sips of tea, he then said, 'today I have a little treat planned for us both.'

'A treat?' she said enquiringly, 'what kind of treat?'

'Since we arrived at Abbotgate, we have both been working hard trying to put a little order into the chaos we found. I think that it is high time we have a day to ourselves.' He walked over to the curtains and opened them, letting the morning sunshine flood into the room. 'It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, and it promises to be lovely and warm. I propose that we go to the beach for a picnic lunch and a leisurely walk.'

'Do you think that is wise?' Cassie said between sips of tea. 'Don't you have to go to town with Appleby today?'

'The farm can wait,' Damien said as he sat back down next to Cassie. 'We deserve a day to ourselves.'

It was tempting for Cassie to agree and be swept along with Damien's plan, but she wondered if she should leave the safety of the house and venture outside? Then she looked into his eyes. As soon as she saw the spark of excitement sparkle in them, she knew that she could not refuse him. Why should she not have a little fun? It had been such a long time since she had enjoyed a picnic. 'I think it's a lovely idea,' she said smiling at him.

Later that morning Cassie was sitting next to Damien in his gig that was drawn by one of the farm horses. 'Cass,' Damien said as he held the reins of the horse, 'today, I would like to take you to the beach and show you the caves where my great-grandfather used to smuggle brandy from France. Do you remember that I told you about them when we were in Brussels?'

Cassie looked at him and smiled. 'I am looking forward to seeing the caves,' she said, with excitement, 'do the tunnels still lead to the house?'

'No,' Damien replied, 'the tunnels were blocked some years ago by my grandfather. He didn't want the locals using the tunnels again for smuggling.'

Cassie sat next to Damien in the gig, looking at the scenery, that seemed to be flying past them. It was the first time since she had arrived at Abbotgate House, that she had ventured outside the gates of the estate. As the journey progressed, she was becoming a little uneasy. She was growing increasingly afraid that she would be seen by one of Damien's neighbours. Damien, sensing her discomposure, said to her, 'come, Cassie, take my arm.' He then lifted his arm as an invitation for her to rest her hand on his wrist.

'Do you think that is wise?' Cassie said looking at him seriously, 'what if we meet someone you know? I don't want to be the cause of any embarrassment to you. I know that if any of your neighbours see me, they will start to gossip about you.'

'I'm not ashamed of you, Cass,' he said gravely, 'and I will never be ashamed to be seen with you.'

'But, Damien,' she said, looking at him gravely, 'I am an unmarried woman, with a dubious reputation, I can only do your standing in the community harm.'

Damien pulled gently on the reins and brought the gig to a standstill. He took her hands in his and kissed her gently on the lips. 'I refused to be ashamed of you, and I will not have you hidden away from the world at Abbotgate House. Look, Cass,' he said touching her cheek, 'I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. If you had not nursed me back to health, I would have died in the weeks after Waterloo. I owe you my life.'

Damien took her arm and placed it on his, picked up the reins and flicked them gently by the side of the horse.

Cassie leant her head against his shoulder and began to relax. It was now the end of April, and it was a glorious spring day. The sun was shining, and the countryside was alive with the sound of birdsong. As they travelled down the narrow lane in the gig, the smell of spring flowers and cut grass hung heavily in the air. The fruit trees in the orchard were laden with blossoms, and the spring flowers that had made their welcome appearance over the past week covered the ground with a riot of colour.

Cassie was wearing a new spig muslin dress that she had bought in Brussels last year. The dress had small blue flowers, just like forget-me-nots, printed on the material that made up the skirt. The smart blue pelisse that she wore matched the shade of the flowers, and on her head, she wore a clipped straw bonnet that she had tied around her chin with a blue ribbon. It was the first time that she could remember, that she had worn such a pretty outfit.

After ten minutes, Cassie, who was almost asleep, was awoken by the gig slowing down and then coming to a standstill. As she lifted her head from Damien's shoulder, she could feel the muscles in his arm stiffen.

'Good morning, Laws,' Cassie heard a smartly dressed man, who was sitting on a large, sleek black horse, say to Damien, 'What a lovely morning to go for a drive.'

Damien did not reply, he just scowled at the man.

'Are you going to introduce me to your beautiful companion?' the man said as he got down from his horse and then walked over to the gig. 'My name's Delaney,' he said with a bow as he took Cassie's hand and brought it to his lips, 'and you, my dear, are very lovely.'

'I think you should go, Delaney,' Damien growled, 'the lady does not want to be subjected to your gallantries.'

Delaney, who had been looking at Cassie, then turned to face Damien. 'Do not be touchy with me, Laws,' he said, 'I was only introducing myself to your... lady friend.' There was a suggestive tone to his voice that Cassie found disquieting. 'There is something familiar about your face, my dear,' he then said, as he continued to stare at her. 'Have we met before? I never forget a face, especially one as pretty as yours.'

Cassie pulled her hand from his and put it back nervously onto her lap. 'I doubt that very much,' she muttered, looking at her hands that she was now twisting together nervously.

'I think we have,' Delaney said smoothly, still looking at her face. 'Don't worry, my dear,' he then said cheerfully, 'it will come to me eventually.'

Damien, who was still eyeing Delaney with suspicion, took hold of the reins and said curtly, 'we must go.'

'Yes, of course,' Delaney drawled as he stepped away from the gig, 'I won't keep you any longer from your little outing. I do hope that you have a lovely day. The weather promises to stay fine,' he said smoothly, as he lifted his hat to Cassie and gave a slight bow. 'I shall look forward to seeing you again, my dear. And, I have no doubt, that the next time we meet, I will remember where and when we last met.'

Damien quickly flicked the reins, and the horse immediately broke into a trot, leaving Delaney behind. Cassie could not help but glance back at the man, who was now standing in the middle of the lane, staring at her with a half-smile on his face. Even though she could not remember him, she knew that he was someone she had met when she had been working for Ellington. As he had looked at her, when they had been talking, she had recognised the light of recognition in his eyes. And she was certain that he had known exactly who she was and where they had met.

They did not talk for the rest of the journey, and Cassie found it difficult to relax. She just continued to stare at her hands that were still resting in her lap, while Damien looked grimly at the road ahead. How could a day that had started out so perfectly, suddenly turn sour?

When they arrived, Damien helped her out of the gig. As he offered her his hand, he said, 'we must not let a busy-body like Delaney spoil our day. Come, take my hand, and we will walk to the caves.' Cassie smiled at him and took his hand, and they began to walk towards the beach.

Even though the sun shone brightly, it was a breezy day, and Cassie had to keep one of her hands securely on the top of her bonnet to stop it from being blown away into the sea. Damien kept a firm grip on her other hand and guided her down the narrow path to the beach. The tide was out, and all they could see was a vast expanse of sand that stretched out as far as the eye could see.

'It's this way,' Damien said, still holding her hand and pointing with his other hand. They went towards a large cliff that had an opening. 'Be careful,' Damien said as he turned around to her, 'it is very slippery in here.'

Cassie gingerly entered the cave, keeping close to Damien. She looked up and saw that the walls were covered with a dark green slimy looking plant. When she touched the wall, they felt greasy to the touch and the inside of the cave smelt strongly of the sea. 'Look,' Damien said to her, 'can you see into that chamber?'

'Yes,' she said, 'it is very big.'

'Apparently, when my great-grandfather was alive, this chamber was often full of brandy kegs,' he said as he put his arm around her waist. 'Let us go back up to the gig. Mrs Appleby packed us a picnic, and I'm starting to get hungry.'

They made their way up the cliff, along the same path that they had descended earlier. Once they had returned to the gig and had collected the picnic basket, they selected the perfect place to eat their lunch. The spot they had chosen was partially sheltered by a few oak trees, and Cassie took off her bonnet so that she could savour the warmth of the spring sunshine, shining through the branches of the trees, onto her face.

Cassie sipped at a glass of wine that Damien had poured for her, as she looked around at the scenery. 'Cass,' Damien said, after they had sat in silence, 'I need to talk to you.'

Cassie looked up at him, with a concerned look on her face. 'Oh,' she said, with a furrowed brow, 'what do you want to talk to me about? It is not that gentleman we met on the way. I am sorry if I embarrassed you.'

Damien shook his head and put his hand reassuringly on hers. 'No, Cass,' he said gently, 'please do not worry about him. I do not care what rumours he spreads about us.' He poured a little more wine into both their glasses and then said, 'I want to talk to you about something far more important than Delaney: I want to talk about our future.'

'Oh,' Cassie said quietly, almost to herself.

She had always known that she would not be able to stay with Damien at Abbotgate forever. The possibility of leaving was something she had suppressed. It was a thought that had always been too painful for her to contemplate. But, she knew that at some point, in the not so distant future, she would have to leave and let Damien live his own life. 'I can leave if I'm causing you any embarrassment,' she said quietly.

'Cass, my love,' he said with a sigh taking both her hands in his, 'I do not give a damn what anyone thinks of you, or me for that matter. I only care about what happens to us.'

Cassie just stared at his hands that were still holding hers and said nothing.

'Cass,' he said seriously as he reached into his jacket pocket, producing a small box. He opened it and took out a ring that consisted of a small ruby surrounded by diamonds. Damien looked at the ring and took Cassie's left hand. He then looked into her eyes. 'Cass,' he said after taking a deep breath, 'will you marry me?

Cassie looked at the ring. 'Oh, Damien,' she said as a few tears welled up in her eyes, 'it is beautiful.'

'I'm afraid the ruby is very small. I wanted to buy you something much better than this,' he said apologetically.

'It is perfect,' she said as she touched the setting, 'but I cannot accept it. Damien,' she said earnestly, 'you do not have to marry me because we lay together last night. I didn't do it so that you would feel guilty enough to ask for my hand in marriage.'

'Oh, Cass,' he said sadly, 'I was afraid you would say that. I am not offering you marriage because I have a deep sense of guilt for what we did together last night. I want to marry you because I love you.' He said as he looked into her eyes, 'and, I know you love me.'

'Damien,' she said resolutely, 'you need to marry someone respectable, not someone like me. You need a woman who will be able to accompany you into polite society and someone who will be able to provide you with a family. I am afraid I am not her, and I can never be her.'

'No, Cass,' he said, still holding her hand, 'I want to marry you, and I have wanted to marry you long before last night.'

Cassie withdrew her hand from his, stood up and walked over to the nearest tree and leant against the trunk. 'Damien,' she said seriously, 'if you knew who I really was, and what I have done, you would never agree to marry me. I have done terrible things...' she said in a whisper, closing her eyes.

'It does not matter what has happened to either of us in the past,' Damien said gravely, 'remember what Betsy said to you. Please, Cass, don't let your past influence your future.'

'You do not understand. There are things that I have done that I could not even dare to tell Betsy,' she said in a whisper, looking out to the sea.

'Cass,' he said softly, 'it doesn't matter anymore. I do not care what has happened in your past.'

'No, Damien,' she said firmly. 'There are things that I have done, terrible things,' she said in a whisper. 'They are so sickening, that I know that when you hear them, you will change your mind about me.'

'No, Cass,' he said imploringly, 'you do not need to upset yourself about the past.'

'I have to tell you,' she said resolutely. Cassie came back and sat opposite Damien. 'When I first came to London,' she said after she had taken a deep breath and had composed herself, 'just after I first met Ellington at Highfields, I discovered that I was carrying a child. I was never in any doubt that it was his,' she said with a sigh, twisting her fingers nervously together. 'He was the only man I slept with during the first few weeks I was there.'

'The woman who looked after us at the brothel found out that I was carrying a child and told Ellington.' Cassie stopped and took another deep breath. It was difficult to put into words what had happened to her. 'He was furious and told me how useless I was, and he threatened to turn me out on the street. I tried to tell him that the child was probably his, but he just laughed at me. He made it clear that he did not want to look after the bastard of a whore.'

'He arranged for me to go to a woman in Whitechapel,' Cassie said looking up at the sky, not daring to look at Damien in the face, so that she could see the look of disgust that she knew must be there. 'Out of all the terrible things that happened to me, under Ellington's control, that was the worst. I still dream about being tied down in that filthy room with that awful woman standing over me.'

After a long silence, she said, still not daring to look at him, 'I was one of the fortunate ones. I came back alive.'

Damien came over to her and took her in his arms. 'Cass, my dear, dear Cass,' he said in her ear. 'You must not blame yourself for anything that happened to you.'

'But, Damien,' she said as she held onto him, 'can't you see that you cannot marry me.'

'I do not see why not. It doesn't change anything,' he said, still holding her tightly, 'I still love you more than my own life, and I want to marry you and grow old with you.'

'Damien,' she said still clinging to him, 'whatever that woman did to me, I know I cannot have any more children. I will not let you commit yourself to a woman with a dubious past and one that cannot provide you with a family. It is not fair.'

'Cass,' he said lifting her chin so that she had to look into his face, 'I do not care. I would rather be alone with you. Please, Cass,' he said, smiling at her and wiping the tears away from her eyes with the pads of his thumbs, 'it is you I love, and I want to marry you.'

'Oh, Damien,' Cassie said, cupping her hands around his chin, 'I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, but...'

'Then it is settled; you will marry me,' he said smiling at her.

'Yes,' she whispered, 'I will.'

Damien put the ring on the fourth finger of her left hand and kissed her. As he held her in his arms, they were interrupted by the sound of Appleby coughing. 'Excuse me, sir,' Appleby said, rather apologetically, 'but a messenger has come to the house. He says it's urgent and he won't leave until he has seen you in person.'

Damien sighed and looked at Cassie. 'I am sorry, my love. We will have to go back to Abbotgate House and see what it is that needs my urgent attention.'