Chapter 169

169 v. Conflicting Emotions

When the throes of passion has died, Mary felt the pang of guilt. Of course she has a conscience, just that during moments when they were intimate, she always seems to have amnesia.

Fuck. That wasn’t a suitable excuse. She needs to find her friend. Only the gods know what he has been subjected to until now.

The problem is finding out where Dominus has kept him. She couldn’t risk angering him more by continually asking for Malavar’s freedom.

He will just become more inclined to hurt her friend, given his jealous streak. If she didn’t want her friend’s head to roll, she better keep her mouth shut.

It will be even better if she can pretend not to care for him. So that is exactly what she was trying to do.

Of course, because she knows these rules, she tries to abide by them. She smiled as if nothing is wrong in the world as Dominus lowered the vines for her to pick a cluster of grapes.

“Care for a taste?” she asked him, smiling as she wiped a grape with her

skirt.

He nodded and opened his lips, lowering his head for her to feed him, “Thank you, my queen. I knew your taste never changes.”

.....

“What do you mean, my knight?” since he liked being called that way, isn’t it better to call him that during this very delicate situation of another kidnapping?

“We used to walk this very vineyard and live in that villa we are presently residing in,” he smiled at her, his voice very sincere.

Ahhhh, if only she can believe that. It is far more reasonable to think he has lost his mind and has delusions over his different versions of reincarnation.

She bit her lip, the problem is the books she has written contained similar scenes that he has described. No, she couldn’t possibly believe in something as insane as reincarnated lovers.

Especially since believing that is giving him more leverage. He didn’t deserve that leverage.

What he was doing. And what he keeps on doing... is manipulating her into staying.

Not like she can possibly escape from his grasp even if she wanted to, “How I wish I have even a bit of recollection of what you meant.”

“It’s the blood curse making you forget about the lives we have shared. No curse comes without some payment. That was the payment the gods deemed sufficient,” he said the words as if he really believed in them.

She continued to walk and adjusted her hat, as if trying to go protect herself from the scorching sun, “I see. If you think about it, that can be somewhat a plausible excuse. I just hope I can believe that.”

He laughed and adjusted her hat for her, “I do not need you to believe me. You will stay by my side regardless of your preference and beliefs. Do you understand? There is no way out for you, my love.”

She felt anger bubble inside her. Trapping her like this like she was some kind of a toy for him made her feel like a prisoner being forced to play in a doll house.

“Don’t be too sure. Who knows what tomorrow brings,” she whispered.

She gasped when she felt his hand on her neck, squeezing tightly and all so suddenly, “Don’t say such preposterous words, my love. Don’t let me hurt you more than I already did. You are mine and mine alone. You will never leave my side. Do you understand?”

She tapped into his arm since she couldn’t breathe much more talk. He let go of her neck and smiled as if nothing wrong has been done by him.

“I understand,” she whispered, her breathing erratic and her heart feeling like it will burst.

“Good girl,” his joyous smile reached his golden eyes, and his expression brightened.

These things cannot be faked. He didn’t know that he did something wrong.

It was in the lack of guilt reflected in his eyes and his sure and steady voice as he smiled innocently at her.

He reached out to her, touching her cheek so gently, “The sun is too harsh on your skin. Do you know how jealous I am of how it tans you? It drives me crazy when anything other than me affects you.”

She kept silent, unable to respond. He lead her to a hut made for the farmers in the center of the vineyard.

“Let’s rest here for a bit,” his deep voice occupied every corner of the small space.

There was a bed in the corner of the room, and two windows. The bamboo materials of the house caused them to feel cooler somehow.

“The heat is already too strong outside,” he took a clean towel from a cabinet and poured water from a basin.

“I thought this is a farmer’s hut,” she admitted.

“Yes, but I have told them to put on supplies since we will be coming here. I wanted to be prepared in case it took us a bit of time to finish. I didn’t want to rush you when you are enjoying yourself so much,” he handed her a glass of water for her to drink while he wiped her forehead with the cool towel.

“Thank you,” she mumbled and took a sip.

He really is full of contradictions. One minute he is the domineering man who scares her so much, and another minute he is so sweet and gentle, and makes her feel so cared for.

“You must realize I have some redeeming qualities too,” he teased her.

She blushed and looked away, “That is preposterous. You always act so cutely, it drives me insane.”

“Aha, so you find me cute,” he said as a matter of fact.

“I didn’t say that,” she insisted, sidestepping him as she tried to run away.

“You did say it. You said it just a while ago. You can’t deny this thing,” he grinned, his boyish charm overtaking her heart by surprise.

“Fine. Now let me rest,” she walked towards the bed and sat on the edge.

He knelt in front of her and clutched her hand into his heart, “Don’t give up on me yet. I know you find me frustrating. I can’t claim to be normal. There are times I act on impulse. For one, jealousy always takes the better of me.”

He traced her lips with his thumb, “I am far from perfect. I am rude and possessive, and I have an evil streak in me. My actions are rough and unforgiving. But all of me is preoccupied with only you. My mind, my body, my soul, it is only you I crave and long for.”

“There is nothing in the whole world I wouldn’t do for you. All of me only knows you. You are my dream, my past, my future. Can you blame me for wanting to protect you from everyone else?” he continued.

“It is easy to judge me for being selfish. But no one really knew how much it hurts to be away from you. I long to be close to you. Even when you are sleeping beside me, even then I miss you. Do you know how that feels? To have someone I constantly want to be with me. To have someone preoccupy my very being. There are no thoughts for me except for you, and no memories I treasure more than ours,” he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

“Do you think you can give me a chance to make you love me too? Even a fourth or an eight of the feelings I have for you. I wish you can try to return them. Maybe that is all I have waited for. Please try to understand me. Please don’t cast me aside when all I am doing is necessary to keep you beside me. Can you try not to hate me so much, my love? Truly that is all I ask,” he held her hands and pressed them both on his cheeks until she herself caressed his cheeks gently.

She remained silent, not knowing how to react to his words. Was she being molded into his plaything? That toy he can break and come back to anytime he wanted?

He had caused her countless sufferings and even now her friend is missing because of him. These are not easy flaws to accept or forgive.

What was she supposed to say? She opened her lips but no words came out. Her lips trembled as he met hers with his mouth.

She felt like she would melt with him for all eternity. She clung to his shirt, almost ripping his clothes as she tugged on his buttons.

His eyes were full of passion as well as their kiss. It was not something that can be faked. Her reaction to him is honest and real.

What is happening to her and the defenses she continuously piles up? She closed her eyes as she let out a sigh.

He stopped and studied her, with her lips wide open it was as if she was waiting for more. She opened her eyes and blushed, she was a fool.

He chuckled when she turned away from him. He sat beside her as he pulled her close to him.

He reached from the back and rest his face on her shoulder. Burying his face on her neck he whispered, “Why do you always run away? Can’t you really accept me for all that I am? I like everything about you, Mary. To me you are perfect. Why don’t you just accept me too?”