18: Studying isn't all Bad

Gracen's view

I was mentally freaking out. I remembered bits and pieces of what happened the night of the party, but I couldn't piece together everything. Ughh, it's so complicated. I wonder how Emery will act around me, yesterday she acted as if nothing happened. Did nothing happen? It's weird how that kind of bums me out. So I'm dreading to see Emery later today. Ugh. Do I tell her I know or not? Or what? I guess I'll figure it out when I get there.

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Emery's view

I kept tossing and turning all night. I couldn't stop thinking about Gracen and what it might finally feel like to have her lips on mine. I can't suppress my feelings for her much longer. She's an amazing person, so why wouldn't I give it a try with her? But she's my friend and I don't want her to look at me like I'm damaged when she finds out the truth.

She texted that she was on her way, and I kind of freaked out. While my brothers and Jordie and Clare were getting ready downstairs to study, I was in my room pacing around. When I heard the doorbell rings, that's when I told myself to suck it up and go down. The moment I saw Gracen is when all the feeling came crashing back on me, she was just beautiful. We both stared at each other for a while before everyone else came to say hey to Gracen.

We all went to go sit the table to start. However I did the mistake of sitting across from Gracen, which just made me blush whenever I looked straight at her.

After about an hour and a half of studying for literate, we switched for history. It was my turn to get the books, but they were heavy, so I asked for help. None other than Gracen offered to help, oh no. We both walked to the big bookshelf in the other room to get the history books. Oh course, Aiden had to leave a bunch of his stuff on the floor for me to trip over. Luckily, Gracen caught me, then she took a step but slipped too. We both came crashing down. She lifted herself off of me at elbow length away. We both stared at each other really intensively. I longed to kiss her more than anything, but I had to keep my mind of off that, so of course I had to say the dumbest thing possible for this scenario.

"It seems like we kind of have a problem falling for each other,"

She blushed and looked away and at that moment I noticed how wrong that statement came out.

"I mean I'm clumsy. I'm the one who has a habit of always falling," I said trying to fix the situation.

Gracen giggled before saying, "Hey, with me, you'll never fall alone again," and then she gave a heartwarming smile. My heart could have melted right there and then.

She got up and helped me up. Then something on me got her attention, I was about to look down at my sweater when she places a gentle hand on my collarbone. The place where she gave me a hickey the night of the party. This makes my breath hitch and my heart starts pounding so fast.

"Why didn't you tell me about this? Where you mad?" She asks, looking me directly in the eyes.

I look down before answering, "I could never be mad with you Gracen. I just didn't want you to freak out, because at the time you were drunk and maybe you weren't thinking," I replied.

She sighs and then gently grabs my chin up to look at her as she says, "Emery, I may have been drunk and not thinking with my head, but I was going with my heart."

The moment she said that my heart pounded crazily. I got the biggest swarm of butterflies in my stomach. Is she referring to her feelings for me? The thought was just so overwhelming.

"Sometimes I wish I could see the creative thought process in your head Em. Or maybe how you feel at the moment." Said Gracen.

Obviously I blushed at that moment. I look away briefly before thinking what the heck. I look her in the eye and take a step closer. We both slowly start to close the gap between us. Our lips are barely a centimeter away and I can already feel the buzz and bliss that's waiting. Our lips barely graze each other's before we hear,

"Hey!! What's taking you guys so long? Need help with book?" Asks Aiden as he was about to walk in.

Gracen and I immediately jump back, away from each other. Of course with my luck, I trip over a lacrosse stick.

"Clumsy as ever sis," says Aiden while he laughs and helps me up. He helps with the books and Gracen and I follow him back to the table without saying a word.

We continue to study. Every once and a while I can't help but look at Gracen and think about how our lips were so close. We didn't even kiss, but I feel like the happiest person on earth because she likes me. But of course my life had to come crashing down like always. I can't ever have happiness long enough.

Ethan gasps at his phone and then his face is immediately changed into an angry one. He shows me a picture on Instagram of Liam, Jackson and Lyla. The three people I hate the most in the world. The caption said, "Can't believe we are all back. Going to be a fun senior year." Great, just great. The people who tormented me and deeply hurt me are back. What was I going to do. Everyone turned to look at me and I couldn't take it. Knowing Liam was back hurt, but I could handle it. But Jackson and Lyla are too much. Because if they are back, then so is my dad, and I don't want to see him so soon again. I'm still not over what happened when he abandoned my mom and I. He never even said goodbye.

I couldn't take it so I got up and walked out of sight, then ran to my room and locked the door. I sat down and hugged my knees close together and let the emotions out. The worst part was that I couldn't cry, not for them. They just made me feel empty inside, and that's the hardest part. People think depression is bad because of the sadness, but it's not that bad. I have my lows that are awful but I know they never last long. The emptiness feels like it lasts forever though. After a while I finally fell asleep.

,*Say