Fadel

I don't know how we got here. How I went from pretending I didn't care to suddenly feeling like my whole damn world has shifted under my feet. For weeks, I convinced myself that Kant wasn't anything special, that he was just another person I had to deal with, like so many before him. But now, standing here, I know it's a lie.

At first, he pissed me off and everything about him rubbed me the wrong way. I hated how he didn't take shit from anyone, how he always seemed like he was holding something back, like he was just one step ahead of everyone else, including me. I told myself I didn't care—hell, I wanted to not care. The last thing I needed was some guy who made me feel like I was constantly chasing after something just out of reach.

But then... then there were those moments—small moments when he let his guard down just enough for me to see a different side of him. The way his eyes softened when we talked about things that mattered. The way he stood by me, even when I wasn't asking for it. And hell, when we were stuck on that rooftop, it felt like the whole world was ours for a second, like we didn't have to pretend with each other anymore.

And God, I hated it. I hated how much I started to care.

I tried to ignore it, to push it down. I kept telling myself it was just some stupid phase, that I didn't need to waste any more energy on him than I already had. But the more I tried to avoid him, the more I found myself thinking about him—wondering what he was doing, if he was okay, if he needed someone to just be there.

And now, here we are.

I'm standing in front of him, the tension between us thick enough to slice through, and all I can think about is how much I want to be closer. I can feel it in my chest, in my stomach—this stupid, insane desire to just grab him and kiss him. To make all the mess between us go away.

I know it's crazy. I know it's not supposed to be like this. But when I look at him, I can't stop the way my heart races. I can't stop the way every part of me wants to reach out and close the space between us.

I open my mouth, but the words get stuck. What do I even say? How do I tell him what's been building up inside me for weeks? How do I admit that I'm not as indifferent as I've been pretending to be?

Instead, I just stand here, my hands trembling at my sides, trying to make sense of all the things I can't say.

Fadel, stop. You can't do this. You can't let him in like this. He's not—

But the thought doesn't finish. Not when I look at him, not when I see that look on his face, not when all I want is to kiss him and make everything right.

The silence stretches between us, heavy and thick. I want to break it, I want to move, to do something. But I don't.

God, I want him so badly. More than I'm willing to admit. More than I know how to handle.

I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared. But I can't keep running from this. Not anymore.

Kant's POV

I stand there, frozen, my mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. The weight of everything between us presses on me, heavier than I ever imagined it could be. Fadel's standing right in front of me, just a few steps away, and yet I feel like the distance between us has never been wider.

I thought I had this figured out—thought I could control it, bury it, pretend like I didn't care. But all this time, I've been lying to myself. The truth is, I care more than I want to admit. I've been running from it for weeks, trying to convince myself that I didn't need him, that he didn't matter.

But right now, looking at him, feeling the tension in the air between us, I know it's too late. It's too late to pretend anymore.

I want him. More than I can put into words. And I'm terrified. Terrified of what happens if I let this in, terrified of what I might lose if I let him know my true feelings.

But more than that, I want him to hold me. To hold me like he's the one thing that makes me feel real, like I'm not just some mask I've been hiding behind. I want him to kiss me, to tell me that I'm worth breaking his walls down for, that I'm worth the risk.

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to push down the swell of emotions threatening to break through. It's all too much. All of it. The fear, the desire, the uncertainty of where this is going.

But I can't ignore it. Not anymore.

I want to say something, to explain all of this, but the words don't come. I don't know how to tell him how much I need him; how much I crave the simplicity of him holding me and making all of this go away. I just want to feel like I matter. That I'm not just a guy passing through.

But he's right here. He's right here, standing in front of me, and I'm terrified of losing him. Terrified of showing him how much I care. How much I need this.

Please, I think, without saying it aloud. Please, don't leave. Don't let me push you away again.

I don't know if it's the right thing to say. Hell, I don't even know if I'm ready to admit it. But I can't keep pretending. Not with him. Not anymore.

I look up at him, my chest tight with vulnerability, my heart thudding in my ears. This is it. There's no going back.

And then, I take a step forward, the words bubbling up before I can stop them. "I just... I just need you to... to hold me, Fadel. Please."

Fadel's POV

The moment those words left Kant's mouth, something in me snapped. I couldn't hold back anymore. I didn't want to.

I stepped forward, reaching for him, and then, without hesitation, I kissed him. It was like everything—every thought, every fear, every wall we'd both built—disappeared in that instant. His lips were soft, but the urgency in the way he kissed me told me everything I needed to know. He was just as lost in this as I was. I could feel the weight of everything we'd been hiding from in that kiss, and I gave myself over to it completely. No more pretenses, no more holding back. I kissed him with everything I had, pouring every feeling I hadn't let myself admit into that single moment.

Kant responded just as fiercely, his hands gripping my shirt, pulling me closer, as if he was trying to make up for all the time we'd wasted. My breath caught as his hands slipped under my shirt, dragging it off in one swift motion. The cold air hit my skin, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the feeling of him against me, the intensity building between us with every touch.

His hands were everywhere, pulling at my jeans, tugging them down impatiently. I didn't care. I couldn't care. I was so lost in the moment, in the rawness of it all, that everything else—everything that didn't matter—faded away. I needed him, needed this. Needed him to see me the way I was seeing him now.

I pulled his jeans down in one quick motion, the urgency making my movements sharp and quick. There was no more hesitation. No more second-guessing. The world outside of this rooftop, outside of us, didn't exist. It was just him and me, two people who had been circling around each other for far too long, now finally giving in to everything we had been too afraid to face.

His skin was warm under my hands, his body pressing into mine as we fumbled to get closer. It was messy, frantic, but it felt like the rightest thing in the world. I could feel the weight of everything we had been hiding—his doubts, my fears—disappearing with every touch, every kiss.

I wasn't sure where we were going, or what would come after this, but for the first time in a long time, I didn't care. I just wanted him. All of him. And nothing was going to stop me from having him right now.

He gasped against my mouth as I kissed him harder, my hands now on his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart under my fingertips. I wanted to mark this moment, to make sure neither of us would ever forget this raw, unfiltered truth we were sharing.

And mark I did, bruising his lips then his neck and then I pushed him against the ledge as I kneeled down to mouth his cock. The very cock that had been throbbing and waiting for me. It was like as if I needed to mark every single bit of Kant to let him know that I wanted him.

I pulled apart for just a second to look up at him.

"Fadel," he breathed, his voice hoarse, as if he couldn't quite believe this was happening either. But all he said next was, "Do not stop. Please."