Chapter 77

ASHER

She steps back, her tears drying up, and that familiar wall of hers starts to rebuild itself. But she let me in, even if it was just a tiny crack, and that…that has changed everything. She’s not as okay as she’s trying to make me believe.

And I can’t stand here and hurt her more than I already have. She’s messed up… And I’m the one to blame for making it worse.

“Did I push too far?” I ask her as she steps out of the stall and into the enclosed pasture. Black is surely out there; he loves basking in the afternoon sun.

I trail behind her, determined to understand how I hurt her. To learn what I did wrong so I can make it right.

“Was it physical or emotional?” I call out to her as she dashes toward Black, who’s standing by the fence. He’s gazing longingly at the open pasture, almost pleading to be set free.

His ears flick back as he hears us approaching. I’m worried he might get spooked. We don’t usually disturb him out here in the open, but he seems excited, bouncing on his hooves.

I shift my focus back to Maddison, chasing after her. “Was it the scars?” I ask, in a desperate attempt to understand if it was physical or emotional.

She stops. Her feet freeze in place, and I collide into her, pressing myself against her to prevent us both from falling.

“The scars?” I ask again. She remains silent, a look of revulsion crossing her face as the words leave my lips.

She despises her scars. Those small white lines that mark her in the most intimate places.

I wonder if they bother her because of how they look or the memories they carry. I’m guessing it’s both, but perhaps more the latter.

And that thought saddens me. Did I trigger a memory that made her relive her past, like Mama sometimes does?

I don’t know much about flashbacks, but they’ve always been a painful part of Mama’s past, and I don’t doubt that Maddison, with what she revealed to the officer, has those moments that take her back to a traumatic event.

“I don’t think this will work,” I say. “You need to talk to someone; my mama knows a doctor. She helps…”

“No!”

“Why?” I ask, confused. She’s rejecting help, and I realize that I’ve hit a nerve.

“I’m not talking to a shrink, Asher. I can handle this on my own. It wasn’t the scars. It was physical,” she says.

I watch her climb the fence, positioning herself strategically in the middle of Black. She swings her leg over him, mounting him before looking down at me.

Fear is evident in her eyes—strong and palpable as she looks at me with apprehension.

“Then how did I hurt you? Please talk to me, Maddison. I’m here; I’m ready to listen.”

“You’d be repulsed by the things I have to say,” she says while guiding Black to the gate.

I walk beside them, frustrated that she’s trying to shut me out. “Please, help me understand… Let me correct whatever I did wrong back there,” I beg.

“You did nothing wrong,” she lies.

“Then why were you crying?” I ask, alarmed that she has the gate open and is leading Black into the open pasture.

With just a nudge of her legs, she could set him running, as he loves to do. She’d effectively shut me out, knowing I couldn’t keep up with a horse of his size.

“Maddison.” I make one last attempt. She looks back at me. Her eyes are wide, her body tense.

“It’s a physical pain, Asher. It comes out of nowhere… You didn’t do anything,” she assures me.

“Physical pain where? Maddison, you should see a doctor; I’ll have them examine you.”

More fear flashes in her eyes, just like it did in my father’s office.

“No… No, it’s okay,” she lies before they both take off, running away and leaving me to ponder over the situation.

What should I do? How can I help her?

I clench my teeth in frustration, watching them vanish into the field, growing distant as I start to panic.

My mind is racing with possibilities of why she’d be in physical pain. Could it be nerve damage?

Does she have an illness, or is something wrong with her? Where is the pain?

She needs to see a doctor! Medical—Mama.

Damn, why didn’t I think of this sooner? I sprint back through Black’s outdoor pasture, into the stall, and through the barn.

I dash out of Sense, down the driveway, and into the house. Mom’s not in the kitchen, and I’m pretty sure she’s still upstairs with Dad.

But this is more urgent than…well, whatever they’re doing. Right now, this is what matters.

I sprint up the stairs, taking them two at a time. When I reach their bedroom door, I knock hard.

There’s no response, but I’m pretty sure my hunch about Mom being in there is right. And sure enough, I am.

She opens the door, looking a bit disheveled in her robe. Her smile is so radiant, it’s like staring directly into the sun.

“Mom, Maddison needs you,” I say. She glances over my shoulder, probably expecting to see Maddison, but she’s not there.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, her voice laced with concern.

“She’s hurting—and she won’t do anything about it,” I explain. She studies me, her eyes taking in my worried expression, and then she nods.

“Just a minute,” she says. Then she closes the door. I lean against the wall, waiting while she gets dressed.

The silence stretches on, filled with my anxious thoughts, until she finally reappears. She’s wearing a flowing white dress and simple slip-on shoes.

“What do you mean she’s hurting?” she asks.

I hesitate, unsure if I should confess what happened. But who am I kidding? I have to tell her everything.

“We went to the stables after she finished talking to the cop—and we, um…” I shrug, hoping she’ll get the hint. “But instead of the usual, she started crying and said she was in pain.”

“Asher!” she scolds me.