Chapter 50

ASHER

I spend the entire night watching Maddison sleep. Her eyes flutter rapidly beneath her closed lids, her breaths are shallow, and her skin is damp with sweat. She must be having a nightmare, I think to myself.

This girl needs more help than the other two, but she’s so resistant to accepting it that I feel helpless. Completely helpless. How can I just sit here and let her leave tomorrow morning, looking like this?

Maybe I should take her home with me. Maybe my mom could help her see reason. But then I’d have to admit to the two underage girls I’ve been paying for.

I’m not sure my mom would be too thrilled about my recent choices in trying to help these girls. I spend most of the night thinking about this, all while watching Maddison sleep.

And I can’t help but crave the drugs that are just a few feet away from her, tucked away in a drawer. They’re whispering sweet temptations to me. They’d stop this overthinking.

They’d keep me from acting on my thoughts, and that’s almost reason enough to reach into the drawer and pull out a joint and lighter. But I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t give in, that I wouldn’t surrender to the cravings inside me.

That I’d practice what I preach while making Eb go through withdrawals too. Although I’m not entirely convinced she’s withdrawing. She’s so still, so normal, when her symptoms should probably be much worse than mine.

Her withdrawals should be on a whole different level than my simple cravings. Maybe she’s just good at hiding them, or maybe they haven’t started yet. Did the drugs I gave her help ease her into a slow withdrawal?

I don’t have the answer to that, but I’m betting she’ll soon start the begging stage of coming off the heroin—the stage where her body shakes with need, her skin itches like crazy, and her brain will promise anything to get the fix it’s craving.

That was the hardest part of coming down from heroin for me. My skin felt like it was on fire as I scratched at it with my nails, leaving trails of blood behind after hours of relentless scratching.

I promised my life, money, and even holy water to my mom, who sat beside me, unwavering, reassuring me that I’d be okay. Disappointment never crossed her face, unlike two of my three fathers.

Callum was the most disappointed, followed by Tyler. For once, I hadn’t let Zach down. His own drug use gave him a different perspective compared to the others.

Yes, you heard that right. The great Zach Henderson has done and still does drugs. There have been times when he’s been out in the fields smoking a joint while Mom is on one of her tirades because he’s upset her.

That’s his way of calming down, and I guess we have that in common because I also use drugs to relax and calm down. Like father, like son, as they say.

Anyway, my drug use has always been a big deal to some of my parents. I don’t stay in bed much past sunrise. There’s no point.

I can’t sleep, and I need to distract myself from the marijuana calling my name. So I get up, moving quietly through the apartment, trying not to wake anyone as I slip out in my workout clothes, shoes in hand.

The gym is empty, not a soul in sight, but I like it that way. I have the place to myself, free to decide how I want to work out. I start with some stretches, watching myself in the wall of mirrors.

Taking a good look at myself for the first time in days, I hadn’t noticed before, but my skin is already damp, I’m pale, and my lips are a bit dry. I guess I hadn’t realized that I was starting the withdrawal process too.

I suppose using for so long will cause early symptoms. Ignoring my reflection, I move from machine to machine, transitioning from a light workout to a full-body workout.

Pushing every muscle I have because I’ve been slacking off lately, ignoring the need to work out in favor of lying in bed and relaxing. By the time people start to trickle in at six o’clock, I’m finished, my muscles feeling like jelly and my clothes sticking to me with more sweat than I care to think about.

I make my way out of the gym, heading for the elevators. Walking as quickly as I can to get back to my apartment, where I can be alone. Well, as alone as I can be with three girls staying with me.

Maybe Maddison’s already up and about, having realized she shouldn’t have come. Maybe she’s already gone. That might be easier for both of us.

I wouldn’t have to struggle to keep her here. I wouldn’t have to try so hard to make her understand. But as fate would have it, I don’t even reach the elevator because I bump into my mom and Zach.

They’re strolling in through the front doors, hand in hand, with smiles that could tell a thousand tales. Specifically, that they’re here for a good time. If you catch my drift. That is, until they spot me.

“Son,” Zach greets me, his smile never wavering. He’s always been good at hiding his true feelings, unless he’s mad, of course.

“Baby boy, so nice to see you up and about this early,” my mom chimes in before I can respond to Zach.

“Mama,” I reply, veering toward them instead of the elevator. I can’t just ignore them, can I? Even though I desperately want to.

I’m sweaty, I stink, and I really don’t want to leave the girls alone any longer than I already have. My mom wraps her arms around me, more like a snake coiling around my waist, and we hug like we always do. Zach invites me to breakfast.

I want to say no, to point out that I’m not dressed for it and I’m not ready for breakfast, but arguing would be pointless. So, I agree.

“Join us for breakfast? Your mother and I were just headed that way,” he says, smooth as silk.

I highly doubt they were heading toward the restaurant. More likely, they were off to his office or their favorite suite that they always keep vacant for spontaneous trysts.

But I’m not about to call them out on their lie or refuse their invitation.

“Sure,” I reply quickly, steering my mom in the direction of the restaurant as we head to our usual table.

“Have you been working out again?” my mom asks as we walk.

“You could say that,” I reply, and she beams up at me as if her world still revolves around me.

I wish it did. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so alone all the time.