Chapter 45

MADDISON

Sleep eludes me after he’s finished with me.

My body is battered and bruised, my spirit even more so.

I never imagined the extent of his brutality.

Even though I lay next to him for hours, all I want to do is flee.

The most devastating part was his whispered “I love you” at the end, accompanied by a gentle kiss as he cradled my face.

That was the final blow—the act that kept me awake when my body yearned for sleep to escape the pain in my shoulder and other places, and the ache deep within me.

I’m not sure what time it is when I finally muster the courage to move from the bed, sliding onto the floor and crawling as slowly as my body allows toward the full-length glass windows.

I sit there as the night sky whispers to me, inviting me to lose myself in the vast blackness before me—a refuge from the world and the horrors I’ve just experienced.

The only relationship I’ve had in this new life has changed for the worse, forever.

Yet, the tranquility is shattered by the fresh wounds bleeding in my mind.

A few hours earlier.

I hold my breath as I hear his belt buckle, but I refuse to look, refuse to give him any satisfaction.

Not now, not when he’s taking me against my will—but who am I kidding?

I want this. No, I need this, but I’ll never admit it to him.

He climbs onto the bed, grabbing my ankles to spread my legs, but I wriggle free.

I manage to land a solid kick to his stomach.

He coughs, sputtering above me, but grabs me again despite his pain.

His hand strikes my cheek, the loud smack echoing in the room, and I gasp as blood fills my mouth.

That’s when he reveals the knife in his hand, the cold metal blade pressing against my throat.

A silent, deadly warning.

That’s when I realize I shouldn’t push him too far—the realization that he’s far more dangerous than I ever thought.

He proves it by taking me with the blade pressed against my throat the entire time, the knife digging into my skin with each thrust.

The worst part, the part that makes my stomach churn, is when he licks my blood off his finger like a vampire from those silly books I used to read. He savors the taste of my blood, and I think that’s what pushes him over the edge into his own pleasure.

He finishes inside me, thrusting until the very end, keeping the blade against my throat until the very end. The thought of him holding something that could end my life terrifies me.

I’ve contemplated ending my life before, even prayed for it, but faced with the possibility that tonight could be my last, I realize two things.

~One, I don’t actually want to die.~

~Two, I can’t be completely broken if I still want to live.~

My mind snaps back to reality, back to the strange room and the window now showing the rising sun. It’s early dawn, and the sky is slowly lightening.

The city is still asleep, and I wish I could join it, but I won’t disrespect myself by sleeping peacefully next to the man I once trusted. I glance at his reflection in the mirror, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed, his hand brushing the cold tile.

His dark hair flops over his forehead, his mouth slightly open, revealing some of his teeth. The tattoo on his back that first attracted me is on display, begging me to trace its intricate lines.

A black and white tiger, perfectly shaded. It’s a beautiful piece of art.

But it adorns the skin of a devil, and while the image is beautiful, the man is not. He’s not the man I thought he could be; there’s no changing him or saving him.

He’s a monster, and I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security these past few months with him. He would always take me, and it would never be gentle.

Maybe it was for the best, discovering his true colors before I got too emotionally attached. The kind of attachment that, when broken, would leave me shattered beyond repair.

I watch the sunrise, its golden rays painting everything they touch as a new day begins. From up here, amidst the clouds, the city below is just waking up.

Cars and people start to stir, and it’s a sight I could watch all day, marveling at the beauty Mother Nature bestows. It’s breathtaking.

But so is his voice.

It sends a shiver down my spine as he wishes me a good morning.

“Watching the world go by again, kitten?” he asks from the bed.

His deep voice is enough to make any girl weak in the knees, and it always gets my heart racing.

But now, things are different.

My trust in him is tainted, stained with suspicion.

I don’t respond, choosing to ignore his greeting as I focus on the tiny buildings below.

~Don’t give him the satisfaction of a response~, I tell myself.

“Hopey?” He calls my nickname with a hint of anger.

I close my eyes, swallowing the lump that’s formed in my throat, knowing I’m provoking the beast within him.

He quickly gets off the bed to stand behind me.

I watch his reflection in the window as he reaches out to stroke my hair.

His fingers brush against the tender spot on my head, a painful reminder of the times he’d slammed it into the headboard.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

~What isn’t?~ I think to myself as his fingers gently massage the base of my skull.

I avoid direct eye contact, but I do look at his reflection in the window.

The man I see is nothing like the one from last night.

This is the Jonathon I thought I wanted.

The one I thought would change when he realized what he had.

But now I understand that he always knew what he had, and he would never change for someone like me.

“Get off me,” I say, shrugging him off.

His eyes flash with anger as he crouches down beside me, pulling my head back so he can see my face.

“What was that, kitten?”

“You heard me,” I dare to reply.

His fingers tighten around my jaw, forcing my lips together.

“Don’t forget your place, Maddison.”

“My place isn’t here. It’s not with you,” I say softly.

“What are you talking about? Where is this coming from?” he asks, sitting beside me.

His grip loosens, his hand falling away for a moment before he reaches out to gently cradle my cheek.

I flinch away, the memory of his rough touch from a few hours ago still fresh.

“No,” I tell him.

“No?” he echoes, disbelief in his voice.

“No,” I confirm.

His eyes widen in anger as he takes in my defiance.

Without a second thought, his hand connects with my face in a harsh slap.

“Without me, what will you have, Maddison?”

“Nothing,” I agree.

“Then choose wisely. Without me, you won’t have protection from those in Sanctum who want more from you.”

“What protection?” I scoff, thinking of all the times I’ve had to submit to a client for Fennick.

“The protection I give you. The freedom to come and go as you please. The chance to have a life outside of Sanctum,” he mutters as he stands up to leave.

“Think wisely, Maddison. Remember who you work for.”

“I want to leave.”

“They won’t let you. I won’t let you,” he tells me.

“Please?” I plead, though I’m not sure if it’s in vain.