chapter 56

Author's povThulir clung to him, her body trembling with the effort to compose herself. When she finally managed to gain control, it dawned on her that Agathiyan hadn't hugged her back, nor had he uttered a single word. His lack of reaction was a crushing blow. She swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes lifting from his chest to meet his gaze. Her hands, still clutching his shirt collar, felt the dampness of her tears that had soaked through. The tear stains on her cheeks were painfully visible, rendering her even more fragile and vulnerable in his eyes. He looked down at her, his expression unreadable, and the silence between them grew heavier. Thulir's lips were dry; she licked them and swallowed again, desperately trying to find her voice."I... I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible.There was no response, not even the slightest flicker of emotion from him. Thulir felt her heart sink. She took a deep breath, readying herself to pull away from him, the ache in her chest intensifying. Just as she began to move, he suddenly encircled his arms around her, pulling her back into his embrace. His movements were almost desperate, as if he couldn't bear to let her go. He buried his face in her neck, inhaling her fragrance deeply, his breath warm against her skin. His grip tightened, conveying a depth of emotion he couldn't put into words.It took her a moment to comprehend his actions, but when she did, she hugged him back with all the strength she could muster. Her fingers threaded through his hair, gently caressing and comforting him. She realized that he was fighting his own battle of emotions, just as she was, and in that silent exchange, they found solace in each other's presence.....After long pause she called him"Agathiyaa""Shhh...pesatha dii"(Shh...don't talk dii) "huh...Agath""Pesatha nu sonein......Nee pesuna varaikum pothum amaithiya iru"(I said don't talk....you already said enough now keep quite) he mumbled Thulir smiled and kissed side of his head "Kovama???"(Angry???) "Huhhuh"Agathiyan shook his head, his embrace tightening as if he could never let her go. He pressed his lips to her shoulder and neck, each kiss a silent promise. Thulir's soft giggle broke the tension, the ticklish sensation of his mustache against her skin offering a fleeting moment of lightness.With a deep breath, Agathiyan pulled away just enough to cup her face in his hands. His eyes bore into hers, a thousand unspoken words swirling between them. He looked at his wife, and a chuckle escaped his lips-a sound filled with relief, affection, and the weight of everything left unsaid."Ena da apdi pakura"(Why are you looking at me like that?) "Therila dii Nee tha solanum ipo naa ena panatum"(I don't know dii.. You tell what I should do now?) He asked, and Thulir frowned, her confusion evident. With a gentle shake of his head, he leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead, then rested their foreheads together. Thulir's frown melted into a smile as she cupped his neck, her thumb softly brushing over his week-old, unshaved beard. He grasped her wrist tenderly and kissed her palm, before gazing into her eyes once more, seeing only boundless love reflected back at him."En dii ena avlo love pandra"(Why you love me too much dii) "Therila Agathiya....en Thapa??"(I don't know Agathiya.. Why is that a sin?) "Ama Thandika mudiyatha Thapu......."(Yes a sin that have no punishment) "Ipo ena Thandikaporiya"(Do you want to punish me now???) "Athu enala mudiyathe Adimaiku Thandikura urimai irukathu dii"(I can't do that..... Slave have no right to punish dii) "Ohohh ena Vasanam la balama iruku"(Ohhhh...trying to be dramatic are we?) Thulir teased him, her voice laced with a playful tone that broke the tension. He chuckled in response, a warm sound that filled the room. She joined in his laughter... Agathiyan leaned back on the sofa, gently pulling her onto his chest. She willingly hugged him, pressing her face against his tear-stained shirt, her eyes closing as she savored the rare moment of closeness.After what felt like an eternity, Thulir broke the silence, her voice hesitant. "Aren't you upset with me, Agathiyan?""I don't know," he replied, his voice heavy with the weight of his emotions."Huh? What does that mean?" Thulir asked, looking up at him with a mixture of confusion and concern.He sighed deeply, his breath warm against her hair. "I truly don't know how to take this. Should I be at peace knowing that you were just searching for a mother for our daughters, not a replacement for you in my life and tried to push me into hell? Or should I be angry that, even then, you decided to leave me alone? Or should I just not react at all because, right now at this moment, my Theeni is in my arms, and that's all that matters?"Agathiyan shared his views, his voice heavy with the weight of his emotions. Thulir listened attentively, her eyes reflecting understanding and empathy. After a brief hesitation, she asked softly, "Won't you ask me who she is?""Who?" Agathiyan responded, his curiosity piqued but his expression guarded."The one I chose to be our daughters' mother," Thulir clarified, her voice trembling slightly.Agathiyan looked at her intently and shook his head. "In any way, I have nothing to do with her, so that thought never crossed my mind," he said, his tone firm but gentle.His words lingered in the air, a testament to his unwavering focus on the present moment. Thulir nodded, her heart aching with the gravity of his confession. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "She was my senior," she revealed, her voice barely above a whisper. Agathiyan's eyes narrowed in warning, silently telling her not to continue. But today, she felt the need to let it all out."Let me, Agathiya," she pleaded, her eyes searching his for understanding.He sighed, the reluctance evident in his demeanor, but finally nodded his head with a trace of disinterest."Mozhi, our College Cultural Club president then. She was just perfect: my mentor, my role model. I kind of had a girl crush on her. She was part of the theater drama organization, and I never missed any of her shows. I admired her deeply. She completed her PG and went abroad to pursue her doctorate, and I was disheartened by her departure. And to top it off, another heartbreak was waiting for me at home during that time.Life moved on with my PG, PhD, and our marriage. I eventually forgot about her until I met her again during my pregnancy. I was one of her favorite juniors, so when she returned to Chennai and resumed her theater drama, I randomly spotted an advertisement, and all the memories came rushing back.At that time, I had just learned about the complexities of my pregnancy and was grappling with the potential consequences. Finding her gave me a different kind of hope. If not me, I wanted her to be our daughters' mother. I didn't know how to ask her because it wasn't a simple thing to ask. Yet, bracing myself, I went to meet her. She recognized me immediately and spoke with such enthusiasm. Seeing my hesitation, she understood I was up to something and asked me to tell her directly.With great hesitation, I explained the complications and the possibility of my death during pregnancy. I told her I wanted her to be our daughters' mother. To my surprise, she agreed right away because she was already applying for adoption. She was a survivor of ovarian cancer and had no interest in marriage, so she readily agreed. She was confident that I would survive and forget about her, which is exactly what happened. I didn't forget her, but I never met her again because I felt guilty for giving her false hope.Recently, I learned that she has adopted three kids. She is living happily. She mailed me last month, saying she was right about my survival and asked me not to feel guilty because she only said yes to satisfy me. She saw the longing and pain in my eyes and knew I could never possibly give my Agathiyan to her. She said if I wanted her forgiveness, I should come to her drama.She reads people so easily, Agathiya."Thulir's voice grew softer, filled with admiration and a hint of regret. Agathiyan listened intently, a mix of emotions playing across his face. Thulir chuckled softly as she spoke, and Agathiyan looked at her with amusement, knowing she rarely praised someone so effusively.Thulir held his hands in hers and looked at him with hopeful eyes. "Agathiya... I know you don't care about her, but could you please come with me to the show?Thulir made her request, her voice filled with emotion. Agathiyan took a deep breath, then smiled and nodded. Thulir's face lit up with a grateful smile, and she hugged him tightly, thanking him with all her heart.