Chapter 44

I started looking around. I had no way out.

"Samantha?" Jenna was kneeling in front of me. "Samantha? What's wrong?"

I couldn't answer her. I looked around frantically. I had to escape. I had to run. I had to save myself before one of them started beating me. Because it would be three against me. And I'd never survive.

I made a decision and pushed Jenna, then ran towards the door. If I could catch him off guard, I might be able to push Josh off balance enough to get away.

Jenna fell over and I bolted for the door. Josh was too fast. He grabbed me. I went limp.

"Oof. She's heavy!" Josh said, sinking to the ground with me. I curled up into a ball, doing my best to protect my head and stomach. "Kid, what's going on? Hey, kid?"

"Samantha?" I heard Jenna say. Everything started sounding far away. "Samantha, honey, are you okay? What's wrong sweetheart?"

"It's my fault," I heard Tyler say.

"Tyler, I doubt that," I heard.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me and just hold me. Whoever it was was rocking me and whispering in my ear.

"You're okay, you're okay. It's alright. You're safe. You're okay," the voice kept repeating. "Josh, can you get her kit off her night stand? I want to make sure she hasn't gone low."

I felt a sharp pain in one of my fingers.

"It's okay, Samantha. You're okay," the voice kept repeating."

"How's her blood sugar?"

"It's fine. I don't know what this is, but it's not a low or a high sugar."

"It's my fault. It's my fault."

"Tyler, please. I can't handle this and you right now. This can't have been your fault,"

"I just came in here to talk to her. I wanted to see how school was, and her doctor appointment. And to tell her I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what happened though."

"It's okay, Samantha. You're okay," I kept hearing in my ear.

"She's practically catatonic."

"Samantha?" I heard Tyler's voice. "Samantha, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry."

"You're okay, Samantha. You're okay."

I closed my eyes. Everything was just too much.

————

Jenna's POV

When I went to check in on Tyler and let Samantha know dinner was almost ready, I wasn't expecting see Tyler sitting on her bed. But the scene I walked into had my instincts up. Samantha was holding her knees and was as curled up into herself as her desk chair would allow.

I asked her what was wrong. She wouldn't, or couldn't, answer. I knelt in front of her and looked at her. She wasn't responding and barely focused. Her eyes were darting around the room.

Josh came in a minute or so later, and stood in the doorway.

Samantha looked in my direction and suddenly sprang out of the chair, pushed me over and bolted. I saw Josh grab her and sink to the ground. She'd just gone limp.

Tyler kept saying it was his fault. That Samantha was scared of him. I moved over to Josh and took Samantha from him and hugged her to me. I whispered in her ear that she was okay and safe.

I asked Josh to pass me Samantha's test kit in case this was a high or a low. I tested and her blood sugar was fine.

Tyler kept saying that it was his fault and I had to tell him that I couldn't handle him and Samantha right now.

He said he'd just come in to talk to Samantha and see how school and the doctor were. And how sorry he was for yesterday, but he didn't know what happened.

Josh noted that Sam was practically catatonic and Tyler kept apologizing to her.

I kept reassuring her she was okay.

Samantha closed her eyes. I kept holding her. I didn't know if she was asleep or if she had passed out. But whatever it was, I was going to continue holding her until she woke up. Her entire body finally relaxed.

"Josh," I whispered. "Can you go take the casserole out of the oven? We can reheat it later."

"Sure," he said and went downstairs.

He was back upstairs in a few minutes.  He sat down beside Tyler and talked to him quietly. I could hear him telling Tyler he was okay, too, and that none of this was his fault.

I held Samantha and rocked her, whispering in her ear that she was okay, and she was safe.

I'm not sure how long we sat there before Samantha started stirring. I kept holding her tight-ish to me, hoping she'd stay relaxed. She opened her eyes and immediately tensed.

"Shh, shhh," I said. "You're okay. You're safe."

She looked up at me, then at Josh, and then at Tyler, who was still sitting with his head in his hands muttering to himself.  Samantha pulled herself into me even tighter.

"Shh," I reassured her. "You're okay. You're alright. You're safe."

"Samantha," Tyler said, looking up, tears running down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

Samantha looked at Tyler, but couldn't seem to release her death grip on me.

"Sam," Tyler said. "I'm sorry I yelled. I was trying to protect you. To tell you not to move so you didn't step on any glass. I didn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Hear that, Samantha?" I said. "Did you hear Tyler?"

She nodded into me. Her body started shaking and at first I was worried she was starting a seizure. But after a short while, I realized she was crying.

"Hey," I said. "What's this?  What's the matter?"

"I thought," she said. "I-I thought he came in here to beat me for breaking the glass. He-he came in and wasn't looking at me. And I got scared."

"Samantha," Tyler said. "I would never, ever hurt you. I would never hit you. Never."

Samantha hugged herself to me and continued to cry into my shoulder.

Tyler looked at her sadly, and made to get up. Josh put his hand in his shoulder and made him stay sitting.

"Dude, no. We're going to work through this now. Both of you need to."

"Samantha," I cooed. "I know Tyler and I, and Josh, can probably never understand what you've been through with your dad. And I can't imagine how hard it is to change the way of thinking you have because of the way things would occur with your dad. I can't make you believe us, but we will never hit you. Not for anything. Not for breaking a glass or a plate. Not for getting angry, either because of your blood sugar being high or low, or for any other reason. That's not who we are. We will always protect you."

Samantha loosened her tight grip on me finally. She relaxed a little bit, but still had her face in my shoulder.

"I got snot on your shirt," she mumbled into me.

"And I have lots of shirts and a good washing machine. It's okay," I said. "We really do want you to feel safe here, Samantha.  And we're trying really hard."

"I know," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for. You have had years of whatever your dad did and said to you. We can't make that go away or how you react to certain things happen overnight."

Samantha pulled herself away from me just a bit and looked over at Tyler, who was still holding his face in his hands.  Josh smiled at her and I looked down at her and saw she was smiling back, just a little. Josh tapped Tyler's arm. Tyler looked up and then looked at Samantha. He still had tears in his eyes.

"Why, why are you crying?" Samantha asked Tyler quietly.

He sighed.

"Because I worry I'm not good enough to be your dad. I want to be, but I think maybe you deserve better than me. I messed up when I shouted to stop you from stepping on glass."

"You didn't mess up. You scared me, but you didn't mess up. If I'd broken a glass at home," she stopped.  "When I lived with my, uh, Stanley, he would have beaten me. And when you yelled my name, I thought you were mad. And then, when you came in here today and we're talking, but not even looking at me, I thought you were getting ready to beat me for breaking the glass. I'm sorry Tyler. I'm sorry I made you sad and think you're not a good dad."

I heard two very important things in what Samantha said. She was starting to think of her life with her dad in different terms - she'd called him by his name, rather than her dad, and I could hear tears forming at the end of what she said to Tyler. And that she sort of called him her dad, in the sense that she recognized him as a father figure.

Tyler looked up at Samantha again and she let go of me and crawled over to him and gave him a hug. Tyler's body language changed completely.  I sighed and looked at Josh. He looked visibly relieved as well.