Chapter 31

Blaines POV

I lay awake that night completely unable to sleep. Ever since Anna had told me about what she had seen I’d just had the images of my whole family being stuck in that hell hole going through god knows what in my head. It was times like this when an overactive imagination can really be a downside. No matter what I did to try and distract my brain it always somehow lead me back to my family.

Everything I thought about just seemed to make me madder and more terrified than I already was. If I thought about food it just seemed to make me think of my brother and how much he enjoyed to eat, no matter how much I teased him about becoming fat one day. If I thought about fighting or running or anything remotely physical it just made me think of my dad. He was the one that taught me everything I knew about how to survive as a rogue out in the forests.

If I thought about Anna or Hannah it just reminded me of my little sister. She was so similar to them it was almost comical. I never thought she really belonged in the rogue lifestyle, and my thoughts had only solidifying when I got to know my two girlfriends here. They were thriving in this kind of pack environment and I couldn’t help but wonder how different her life would have turned out if we hadn’t been born as a rogue.

The person that really broke me to think about though was my mum. She was such a kind hearted and free spirit, I couldn’t help but shudder when I thought about her being involved in something as horrible and gruesome as a fighting ring. She could never harm anyone, even when we were fending for ourselves, so the idea of having to fight some strange wolf just for the enjoyment of the onlookers made me physically sick.

I sighed as I sat up in bed, the duvet falling off of me slightly as I made myself comfortable against the headboard. I knew there was only one thing, or rather one person, that could help ease my mind enough to fall asleep right now, but I just couldn’t bring myself to go to him. We had come so far in our relationship since our first meeting and I was worried that if I did go to him, to wake him up and ask for some company, it would backfire on me.

It was weird, in this moment I had more people looking out for me and genuinely wanting to be in my company then I had ever had before, but at the same time I had never felt so alone. The pain I felt from the absence of my family was like a gaping hole in my chest, a hole I knew could never be filled until I found them and had them back in my life.

I sighed again in frustration before thinking to hell with it. If I couldn’t go to Xavier in my hour of need without him having a bitch fit then maybe it was a good thing that we hadn’t let things escalate. Mates were designed to be there for you whenever they needed you and if Xavier didn’t want to be with me and deal with what was going on then maybe he didn’t deserve to be my mate.

I flung the covers off my legs before walking over to my slightly open door and across the hallway until I was standing right outside his room. I stood there for a second as I thought about what to do next. I mean do I knock or do I just walk straight in? It was extremely likely that he was asleep right now so he probably wouldn’t hear me if I gently knocked, but the idea of walking in and standing over him whilst he slept also didn’t seemed appealing. What if he woke up before I got a chance to wake him and he just seems me standing over him, watching him whilst he slept. No thank you. I eventually went with knocking on the door whilst letting myself in, hopefully I could wake him up before getting to close to him and seeming like some sort of creep.

“Xavier” I whispered as I walked into his room. I don’t know why I did that, whispered his name. My goal was to wake him up so why did I say it in such a quiet voice. Even I wouldn’t be able to hear it, and I was a light sleeper.

“Xavier” I whispered, a little louder this time. He groaned as he heard my voice before shifting in his sleep and passing out again.

Really? I sighed before walking a little further into his room, whispering his name again as I went. Well this wasn’t at all creepy.

Finally he stirred awake, rolling over so that he was on him back. He didn’t open his eyes though, meaning he was probably still half asleep. I stared at him for a second, a small giggle escaping my lips but when Xavier finally muttered something I stopped dead in my tracks.

“What do you want Louise” he grumbled. Even with his voice still think with sleep there was no denying what he had just said. He’d called me by a different name.

“Really?” I yelled as I walked over to him, there was no way that I was going to let him get away with that. “After everything we’ve gone through and everything I’m currently going through you go and call me a different name?” I screamed at him, no longer trying to gently wake him up.

“Blaine?” He mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, obviously confused about what was going on.

“Oh so now you get my name right?” I rolled my eyes as I stood over him, with my arms crossed and my hip popped there was no denying that I was pissed off.

“What the hell are you talking about?” His own duvet fell from his shoulders, leaving his chest bare for me to see. I stared for a second, admiring the way his chest tensed whilst he stretched, before shaking my head and looking back up into his eyes.

He had seen me admire him but decided not to mention it as he got up and walked over to me. I tensed as his steps brought him closer and closer to me but I otherwise didn’t move. No way was I going to be the girl that cried and ran away as soon as they found out they were being cheated on. If Xavier was seeing someone as well as me he deserved to feel the full force of my fist.

“What’s the matter Blaine, you look like someone just spat in your cheerios” he chuckled as he gently placed his hands on my shoulders. He tried to pull me in for a hug but I remained stationary, not allowing him to draw me close enough to wrap his arms around me.

“I honestly didn’t think you had it in you” was all I replied with as I stared into his eyes. They showed no sign that he knew what I was referring to, they just looked confused and a little hurt when I didn’t allow him to hug me.

“Didn’t have it in me to do what?” He questioned.

“To cheat” I clarified as I continued to stare him down, I mean why else would he mutter another girls name when I had walked into his room and woken him up.

“Cheat?!” He exclaimed as I watched his eyes bug out of his head, “Why on god’s green earth would you think that I could ever cheat on you?” He questioned as his grip on my shoulders tightened, as if he was scared that I would disappear if he let go.

“You called me by another girls name when I came into your room and woke you up, that’s like red flag number one! When a guy calls you a different name you run for the hills, every girl knows that!” I yelled.

I looked at me confused for a second before realisation seemed to dawn on him and he sagged slightly. I guess he knew he’d been caught in the act. “I-I called you... Louise didn’t I” he muttered, seeming almost pained when he stuttered out the other girls name.

“Yeah you did” I confirmed as I re-crossed my arms, making sure they were secured so that I couldn’t reach out and comfort him after seeing the look of pain in his face.

“Blaine, I’m not cheating on you” he sighed as he turned around and took a seat on the edge of his his bed, quickly resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “Louise she... she’s my sister” he muttered, not looking up at me.

I stood in silence for a second in the middle of his room, unable to move. Had I really just gone off on my mate and accused him of cheating on me all because he’d called me his dead sisters name? I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than I had a while ago, when I was staring at my bedrooms ceiling alone, but I can tell you now I definitely felt worse.

“Xavier I’m-”

“No no it’s fine” he cut off my apology as he waved his hand dismissively at me, “I would have probably thought the same thing if you’d called me a different name” he sighed.

I stood there for a second, unsure about what I should do, but after studying his broken stature as he sat slumped forward on the edge of his bed, I had made my mind up. He needed me. I walked over so that I was sitting next to him on the bed before taking his hands in mine and pulling his head so that it rested on my shoulder.

I new the basics about what had happened to his family, a rogue attack, but he had never gone into to much detail about it.

“I’m sorry, talking about your family must have made me think of mine without even realising it” he muttered as he wrapped his arms around me, shifting us so that I was now resting in his arms. “I used to do stuff like this all the time, confuse people with certain family member, but I haven’t done it in a while.”

“It’s okay” I shrugged as I settled into his arms. “I am sorry though” I muttered “I feel like a class A bitch right now for accusing you of doing something like that”.

“It’s honestly fine” he smiled slightly as he kissed my forehead and squeezed my shoulders. “I’m just glad you’re here” he mumbled.

It was hard for a mated pair to cheat on the other, both physically and mentally, but it was even harder for a pair like us. A couple that shared a blood bond, even one that wasn’t fully formed yet like ours, meant you physically could not live without the other. It was as if the Moon Goddess new that we would struggle with our pairing and so formed a blood bond between us so that we could never be without the other.

A blood bond was similar to a normal mating bond, only a lot stronger, and once it was formed it could never be undone or broken. I had cursed it in my earlier years, hating how an unformed blood bond had made me feel so hollow and empty at times. Now though I cherished it. With Xavier by my side I felt whole and nothing was going to stop me from being with him, he was my drug and right now I was as high as a kite.

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