thirty-six

Hyunjin sends a text to Minho. He says he told his mother. She'd love to have them for dinner.

Minho is a bit scared. Jisung's not used to it. He'll be nervous. Aware that his Mama Haeun is there.

But Hyunjin said she doesn't always join them for dinner. It depends on how she's doing. So that made Minho quite relieved.

Minho shuffles to the bedroom. To tell Jisung. He finds him already in bed. He's sitting up against the headboard...

And a comic volume's in his hands... "Jisung?"

The other gasps. Slaps the book to his chest. His face is pink.

'Uh... you okay there?" Minho says.

"Y-Yeah! I'm great! Just fine!"

Minho hasn't been checking what he reads. He knows Jisung's curious about the relationships in these stories.

He's obviously read some adult scenes.

"Minho, did you—um, did you eat breakfast?"

"Jisung, it's eleven at night."

"D-Dinner! I meant dinner!"

"We had dinner together," Minho says. Moves beside him.

Jisung bows his head. The book is held tightly to his chest.

Minho pecks his cheek. "What's the matter?"

Jisung pulls away the book. Minho holds back. From grabbing it out of his hands. It's open to a page with two lovers. They're kissing...

And one is giving the other a hand job.

Minho peers at Jisung. "W-What are you thinking about?"

"If you'll teach me this?" Jisung says. His eyes are hopeful.

"Oh. Y-Yeah? I mean... if you want me to..."

Jisung's eyes light up. He flips to the next page. Holds it up to Minho.

There are speech bubbles. I love you's. Praises. Beggings for more. Minho lowers the book. His eyes close. His face's hot. "Uh... I..."

"Look, he said it's love—" Jisung brings his book up again.

"I looked. I drew it. I know."

"Oh yeah, so you know!" Jisung looks at it himself. Sighs. "Does it really feel good though? I... I want to know... I'm curious..."

"Um..." Since Jisung came back human... Minho's thoughts for him have been clean. He has urges to hug. Kiss. Keep him safe. Happy.

But they'll shift so easily.

"It must... feel good..." Jisung says.

His eyes are on the characters. His mouth's so... pouty. He sighs again. Closes the book. Puts it on the table. Slips under the covers.

He blinks up at Minho. "Before you kicked me... you said you wanted to feel me. You meant it like that, right?"

Minho's heart is beating rapidly. He nods slowly.

Jisung's lips protrude more. He's trying not to cry. "I ruined it.. because I didn't know how to do it... I'm so sorry..."

"N-No, it's just..." Minho's not sure how to explain it again.

"If I don't do anything," Jisung says. "Then... you could feel me how you want... and you won't have to kick me off like last time—"

Minho places a hand over his mouth.

"Please don't talk about it like that..." He feels horrible about what happened. It's stopping him from wanting to indulge. "Jisung...  I just need to be sure that you can tell me when you don't like it—"

"I will like it!" Jisung says. His eyes are eager. "Because it's you! I like your kisses, and they make me feel good and... when I imagine you doing other things I... I feel good too."

Minho's blood is rushing. But he doesn't know. What kind of good Jisung means. He takes his hands. Kisses each one.

"Okay," he says. He's nervous. Wanting. Really wanting. But he's worried. "What... what would you like me to do?"

Jisung gapes. His face turns pink. "W-What would I...? Wait, you..." His eagerness dims. He slowly pulls his hands from Minho.

"Wait," he says. "Minho... will you like it? You seem like... you don't want to... If you don't want to t-then I don't want to as well..."

Minho's surprised. That he'd think that. Notice it. He's touched. There would've been hurt behind words like this. Situations like this.

But Minho only sees concern in Jisung's eyes. Concern for him. For his feelings. Without any hurt of rejection.

Minho hugs Jisung gently. Drops kisses on his shoulder. His neck. His jaw. Then his lips. "Jisung, you're so special. I really love you so much."

"Me too! I love you so so much too!"

Minho's throat gets tight. He hugs Jisung again. Hides his teary eyes. He takes a few breaths. Pulls away when he's composed himself.

"Okay, Jisung. I know I always just tell you a bunch of things that you don't really understand, but I have to..."

Jisung nods. "It's okay. I want to understand better."

"I just want you to know... I'm worried about hurting you. I don't mean kicking you, I mean... if we do something and I like it, but you don't?"

"Or y-you can't tell if you really like it, or you're okay with it because I like it? I know this... isn't making sense to you but if any of those things happen, I'm going to be really hurt too..."

"And I'm scared of that because I love you and I don't want to ruin this experience for you... and for us, because you mean so much to me..."

He's also honestly afraid... of the other becoming mannequin.

Jisung's quiet. His eyes are round. He watches him in thought. Then touches Minho's face. "I love you... and I want to love you for a long time. I don't want you to be hurt..."

Minho smiles. "I know. I just needed you to know..."

"Okay," Jisung says. "Is kissing okay? With tongue? Can you kiss me like that? We don't have to touch our cocks or fuck—"

Minho covers his mouth. It's a shock to hear those words. From such adorable lips. This pretty face. In this cute voice. But... Jisung obviously would know them from Minho's books.

Minho swears internally.

"Sungie," he says. "Please don't say such things so casually."

"Mhmmff?" Jisung's frowning.

Minho removes his hand. Lets him speak.

"I just wanted to say! If you feel like doing those things and you're not scared, you can touch me! If you don't, you can go to the bathroom!"

Minho's now feeling embarrassed. He covers his own face. Groans.

"Minho! What's wrong?"

Jisung climbs over him. Hugs him. He tries kissing his face. Many times. But Minho keeps hiding. Because Jisung's known he flees to jerk off...

Even if he hasn't known fully... he clearly still had some idea...

"Minho?" Jisung says. Touches his face. His voice has gotten sad. "I'm sorry. Are you okay? I'm sorry, I won't say cock and fuck again—"

Minho pinches his lips. Carefully pushes himself up. He holds Jisung. Lets him remain sitting on him.

"Sungie..." He says. Places a kiss on his lips. "Can we talk about this after you've seen Grandma Haeun?" He brushes his bangs away. "We will have lots of time to learn and do what you want, right?"

He's telling him this again. He feels bad. Because Jisung wants love in the form he reads about. Gosh, why couldn't Minho have been an illustrator for children's books?

"Okay," Jisung says. Twiddles his thumbs. "I'm sorry. I will stop annoying you about it."

"Sungie, no, I... I like that you bring it up," Minho says. Honest. He holds his cheeks. "Then I won't have to hide how I feel from you..."

"You don't have to hide anything from me! You can trust me!"

"Alright," Minho says. Smiles. "Thank you."

"Can't you thank me with kisses?"

Minho pulls him. Presses his mouth to his. Jisung's hands hold onto his shirt. A contented sound leaves him.

Minho smiles between their kisses. Caresses the other's back. His face. Tastes his mouth tenderly. Feels warmth through his body.

He admires his misty eyes. Jisung's painting softly. Minho joins their lips again. Licks into his mouth. Moans.

The way Jisung curls his tongue with his. Makes those pleased sounds. Moves closer and closer to his body.

He can get Minho aroused so easily.

Minho brought a hand to Jisung's behind. He has a thin frame. But he's soft. Minho's hands grope his small buttcheeks. Pushes his tongue deeper at the same time.

He wants to do so much with him. But he holds back.

Minho's always been aware of his own urges. Very aware. In all the times they've kissed... Minho's never felt the other become visibly aroused.

When he absently caresses Jisung... when Jisung squirms on his lap... when Jisung was kissing him so hot and deepply that time... about to suck him off before he got kicked...

Yes... Minho's hesitant now because of that incident. But for Jisung... it might still be too early. He might enjoy kissing. Enjoy being loved by Minho. But what if he's not sexually attracted to him?

The thought makes Minho feel dejected...

It would help if they get to a stage where he can tell. Ask Jisung.

Minho strokes Jisung's back. Kisses his mouth. His face. Brushes his hair back. Smiles at him. "Sungie, let's go to sleep... okay?"

"Okay..." Jisung says. Moves off his legs. "I'll wait for you..."

Minho leans over to give him another kiss.

Then he escapes to the bathroom.

To be continued...

Tomorrow is the last day of my exams, gwahhhhh. Uhg I can finally sleep more tomorrow. I can't wait for that moment.