Chapter One Hundred Thirty Six

My body was warm, so warm that I was convinced that my body temperature had to be raised. The kiss was mine numbing and even when he pulled back I was left feeling flushed. I shifted my eyes from his almost immediately and he let out a chuckle before using his hand to make me look at him.

"You don't get to kiss me and then act shy when I kiss you back."

I didn't know what to say so I stayed quiet. After a few second passed I looked up at him and our eyes met. I scanned his eyes to only find nothing in them. I reached up and ran my fingers along his jawline. He didn't protest he just laid there and watched me closely.

I looked back into his eyes and for the first time  I wanted to be completely open with him. I want to tell him about my past, and about me. I mean if I didn't now when would I? I don't think he would ever ask that particular question and just like Kang Wu had said it's just a lie that helps me sleep. I'm scared.

"Ba Wei," I called softly.

"Hmm?"

"I want to put my full trust in you." I let my eyes scan his face, "will you listen?"

"Of course."

I took a deep breath and slid my legs in between his. I didn't even know how to start what I was trying to say since I hadn't told anyone about it in so long. I ran through possible ways of how to start it but still couldn't decide on one.

"Hey," Ba Wei pushed my hair behind my ear, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want too,

"No I want too." I grabbed his hand and intertwined our fingers. "I told you that me and Cheng De were friends, a toxic kind but still friends."

"En."

"Well, I never told you what caused us not to be friends." I swallowed hard, "I...I killed someone."

When the words left my mouth my entire body felt numb. I hadn't said that phrase aloud in almost two years now. It's not like I could say it around my father since he basically told me to never speak of it again. It is something that old man would do. Make things that he doesn't want to deal with disappear.

"Of course I didn't mean too but in the end I still did."

I looked up at Ba Wei to see that his eyes weren't on me anymore but rather on the wall. It looked as if he was thinking about something. I wanted to ask what but I wanted to finish telling him before I did.

With a dry mouth I continued, "I don't even know his name. I don't even know how his family is doing. In all honesty I could've avoided ever meeting the guy but Cheng De fed me lies about how he was bad mouthing me. I went there that day just to make him stop using my name but instead I left with blood covered hands."

My voice was trembling at this point and Ba Wei seemed to take notice because he wrapped his arms tightly around me. I closed my eyes and for the hundredth time the events of that day flashed in my mind. The blood, his cries, and then the silence afterwards.

"In the moment I don't know what came over me. Sure one of his friends had hit me on my head but it doesn't justify me beating that guy until he wasn't breathing," I said with a shaky voice.

"Stop," was all Ba Wei said after listening to me.

"But-"

"No buts. Look at me Ji Nan." I looked up at him. "We all have things we're not proud of doing. I know that killing someone scared you and I can say from experience that the feeling never goes away. Instead of burying that memory just let it run its course."

"Ba-"

"What you just told me is nothing to what I've done. I'm a handler for my father. Beating people is my speciality but killing is one of mine too."

His voice was cold and the arms around me slightly tightened. I stayed quiet and processed what he said. It's true that I had never thought that Ba Wei would have to do such a thing but what was I expecting. He's a gang leaders son after all. He was probably taught to kill at a young age.

" I don't take those kinds of jobs anymore though. Usually it's Kang Wu that offers to take them. I don't like the feeling of taking someone's life." He looked down at me, "I know you didn't either. That doesn't define you, and it doesn't change what I feel about you."

"You don't hate me or think I'm a disgusting person?"

"Of course not," he planted a kiss on my head.

I didn't say anything and buried my head in his chest. I took in a deep breath and let my nerves relax. As I lay there in his arms I felt safe. We lay in silence for I don't know how long before Ba Wei began to speak.

"I have to go home tomorrow."

"Huh," I said looking up at him. "Why?"

He let out a sigh and kissed me, "don't react like that. My father wants me at home. There's been a lot of trouble in the other gangs so he doesn't want me to be anywhere alone."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "you won't be alone. You'll be with me."

Ba Wei laughed, "true but even though I know I can protect you and me he doesn't want to take the chance. It doesn't help that he doesn't know about the stab wound yet."

I didn't say anything and just shifted my eyes. That's great, right after I tell him something important he has to leave. I should've just kept it to myself. He's going to leave and never come back.

"Hey. Don't make a face like that."

"I'm not making a face."

"You are." He pulled his arms from a round me and sat up. I watched as he reached over and cut on a lamp by the bed. "It's not like I want to go-"

"Then don't," I said cutting him off. I sat up and as I did the room started to spin. I put my hand on my head and Ba Wei reached out and ran a hand through my hair.

"Babe I don't want to put you in danger."

I didn't say anything and just looked down at the bedsheets. I knew that he wouldn't leave if he didn't really have too. I just was going to miss his presence. It's been a long time since  I had to be in that apartment alone and it scares me.

"Ji Nan," I looked up at him, "you look like I just hit you. Stop making that face."

I was about to say something but Ba Wei yanked hard on my arm causing me to fall forward into his chest. He kissed my head and ruffled my hair.

"It's going to be lonely," I said lowly as I sat back up.

I had thought he didn't hear me but when I straight up and looked at him I knew he hand. He let out a long sigh and sucked his teeth.

"How am I going to be able to leave you when you act so cute."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me and I watched as Ba Weis eyes lit up. My cheeks began to turn a soft shade of pink and A smile spread across his lips,

"You know every since we met I've never actually got to see your face change color until now."

I turned my face away, "don't look."

He didn't say anything and just grabbed one of my arms and gave it a slight pull. I turned back towards him and moved closer to him. I didn't even get to sit back down on the bed before he kissed me. I let out a groan but still kissed him back. He wasted no time in inserting his tongue in my mouth but it wasn't like I minded that much. As our tongue danced with each other I found myself rubbing out of air and without any other choice I pulled away. Both of us were left breathing heavy.

"You told me to behave remember."

He looked me up and down, "I remember."

"Then that means for you too," I questioned?

He chuckled, "I guess so."

I ran a hand through my hair and watched as Ba Wei laid back down. I looked down at his laying form until he seemed comfortable and was about to lay down until he opened his arms towards me. I blushed but still laid down into his arms. When I settled in a comfortable place he reached behind him and cut the light off.

As I lay there in the darkness listening to Ba Weis breathing the only thing that crossed my mind made my heart warm. You're all I want.