Chapter 20: "Twenty-Two Stan" (II).

Kai

Life shouldn't be this complicated, but it has been. I made my life complicated, and now I was feeling regret towards what I did yesterday. I slept all alone by myself in the bedroom and I left Stan outside without anything for him to sleep at night. Gosh...

"I'm... an idiot," I whispered to myself. I got angry... but it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault that he was happy we're together. I can't just force him to not say that. It was his right to say so.

I'll go apologies then... but, somehow I remember the time when Stan from eight years ago... Seventeen Stan wanted to say something towards me. But he's gone, and this Stan couldn't possibly remember what he wanted to say. What was he trying to tell me then?

"Since a month ago, the 'me' at this time-"

A month...

Don't tell me... that he disappeared because he found out that we broke up? It was the only true relation to what had happened one month ago. We broke up... Then... this Stan too... Will he go back once I tell him the truth that we broke up?

I walked out of the bedroom to went searching for him. I didn't tell him that we broke up but instead tell him that we would be over if he goes back... There was a huge part in my heart that hope he didn't take that as what he thought would mean...

"You're awake now...?" said the twenty-two-year-old man, his eyes droopy, his nose was red and runny. He sat on the couch with his arms and legs crossed, and I gain a shiver from looking like him that.

My legs rushed towards the man - worry and panic overthrown me and immediately I put my hand onto his forehead. "What the... you caught a cold?!" He brings his knees to his face, hugging himself like a small kid. His face showed annoyance.

"Of course I did. Since you left me out here all alone without even giving me a blanket," He returned, looking sideways to avoid my gaze. My mouth gaped from hearing that I left him all alone. How cruel was I...

Then, he begot the courage to look back at me. There was an expression on his face that tells me he still thinks about yesterday. "You're not angry anymore, are you?" He asked.

My hand went to his face and bring him closer to me, our forehead touching. "I'm sorry...," I paused, staring into his eyes. "I wasn't angry at you,"

"But it felt like you were mad at me," He murmured. I wasn't angry at him. No, I was angry at the reality that when he left, I would be all alone. "No... no... I've calmed down now,"

Stan smiles softly, giving a quick kiss on my lips. "I'm fine with being right now because you're here with me... without you here, there's no way I'd be this calm. That's why I acted as I did... I have you, no matter what age you are,"

I was left surprised by how he doesn't care that he was here. He could be with my twenty-two self, but he chose to be fine about this. "Is there... anything you want me to do to make it up to you?" I asked.

"Maybe? Like, stay with me all day?"

My brain was going to agree with what he wanted me to do but realized... "I can't do that. I have work today"

"Aw... of course, you have a job in this year...," He frowned. It was hard for me to not correspond with what he wants, but I have this slight fear that I can't leave him alone like this. Especially not when he got the cold. On top of that... if I do tell him the truth... will he disappear as well?

Stan shuffles in his seat, fiddling with his fingers. "I wonder if I can go out-,"

"I won't go to the office today," I declared, cutting him off. It was best for me to stay with him.

"Huh?! Why?"

"I- I can't just leave you here when you're not feeling well," I sputtered.

His eyes grew into a bright smile. "Wait... I'll really like that but is that okay?"

"It's alright, I'll just file a sick leave...," I returned, turning away to get my phone.

I had no one else to call to file this sick leave instead of my dad. I know when I do tell him that I was sick, he would start bothering if I have eaten or did I take my medicine. So, before I even make the call, I mentally write a script in my mind of how I wanted to reply to my dad's words. Without hesitation, I press the call button and put the phone to my ear.

In about a couple minute, dad answered me with the sound of my mom talking to Bubby in the background. It felt like they were having so much fun in the morning while I'm here was starting my day with an apology and feeling shitty that I got mad towards Stan. With all my might and the persuasion power of an only child, I spoke into the phone starting with the most believable but fake - the sickest cough and sneeze coming from me that shook my dad and also Stan who was staring at me from the couch.

"Hachoom!!"

-

I end up finally not going to work today and after knowing so, I quickly made some breakfast and some chicken soup for Stan. Getting to shower was a hard thing to do since he would rather suggest both of us shower together... again. But luckily, he just seems to understand that I wasn't comfortable showering together and went on to shower by himself.

After that, we sat at the dining table. When he saw that I was making soup for his cold, he immediately tensed. "I told you, I'm not that sick...," The man groaned, staring at the soup with so much emotion.

With a spoon in my hand, I pointed it towards him. "Still, it's better to stop your cold from getting even worse," As I said that, he started to eat his soup obediently while looking at me through his sharp eyes that I couldn't hold my gaze long enough to see them. There was something about me being older than whenever I told him what to do or what not to do - he would listen to me without any hesitation. But if we were the same age, that would be very hard to execute.

We started eating in silence and amongst those silence, he would throw in some comments and I would reply casually back. I was beginning to think about what I had thought earlier when I woke up. That, if he knows the real truth about our relationship now... would he went back home?

"It's all good between us now, right?" He suddenly asked, bringing me to glance from my food towards him. "Huh?" I let out, taken aback by his question that was very much related to my thoughts.

I smile softly at him, gathering the largest warmth I could give. "... Of course, it is. We're all good," I replied, extending my hand to touch his.

He closes his eyes, nodding at me. "I see... that's a relief then," I just had to question myself that if he doesn't know that we broke up... would he stay forever?

If you don't know... that maybe I can keep-

Bullshit.

I clench my hang tightly - my teeth grinding against each other and just because of that, I let out a frustrated hiss that came out of nowhere. Not even I realized that I was doing so.

"Kai?! What's wrong?" Stan asked worriedly.

I can't be that selfish to keep him here in this timeline. What about my twenty-two self? Even he was me, and I was him... I can't be that stupid to have him stay here and go against the rules of time... or whatever shit that is. It's just... risky and very ignorant.

"Hey...? Are you alright...? It looks like you're the one whose sick instead," He smiled lightly, brushing through my hair to comfort my sudden mental outburst. I can't deny that statement though... it feels like I'm the one with the sickness...

A mental sickness.

And maybe that's why Stan left me...

"I- I'm fine... I just... everything is very...," I trail off, not having the idea to continue my words. It was like I was speaking nonsense - speaking like I know what I'm talking as if I know what I want to tell him but... I don't. I'm thinking about things that I couldn't tell him and making up excuses that are just pathetic.

"Kai?" He called my name, and I force my self to snap out of my thoughts. I kept wondering with my mind...

He smiled. "What are you thinking about? You're being so absentminded," I look at him with a weak smile. Lately, I was being so lost in my mind. To think that the whole thinking would solve this problem... it would be that easy.

"I'm sorry... I was just spacing out for a moment there,"

"What? You really sure know how to scare a man...,"

I laughed at his comment. I sure know how to scare him with my wandering mess. It had known that I always like to wander around with unrooted thoughts that sometimes, people would see me as a crazy person. Do you know that kind of thoughts that just make you sit still and look at absolute nothing and one that would make you talk all alone?

Those kinds were the things that I always do.

But I never expect it to be this often.

Having to finish eating my food, I stand up to wash the dishes then continue to search for some pills that Stan could take for his cold. "Yeah, yeah... finish your soup. I need to give you your medicine after this," The man slumped in his seat upon hearing 'medicine'.

"Aw...,"

- - -

I hope you have a wonderful time reading!!