Chapter 50

Chapter 50

The tension was palpable between the three of us. It was eerily silent and I can hear our breaths rise and fall to different rhythms.

Axel scratched the back of his head reading the room. "I'm gonna go?"

"No, stay."

Dean raised his brows in surprise and muttered under his breath, "Unbelievable."

"Axel, please continue the spreadsheet, I'm just gonna go talk to Dean for a while."

Axel nodded and walked back to the kitchen island while I grabbed Dean's arm and dragged him to the living room.

"Bloody hell, Lauren, what is this? Now he's in your flat?" He hissed.

"Let's talk outside."

I tried my best not to slam the door behind me.

"Explain yourself." He demanded.

"Excuse me?"

"What is he doing here? Have you gone mental? You're hanging out with him as if nothing had happened. Do you not remember what he did to you?"

"I do remember."

"Then what is he doing here?"

"I invited him here."

"Oh, really? Well, my apologies for disturbing you two."

"What is it you want, Dean?"

"What is it you want, Dean? Have we really gone to that?"

"I'm asking you a simple question, what do you mean? You came here unannounced. What am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know? But not this."

"Then what did you expect? You can't just show somewhere and expect everything to go your way. Trust me, I learned that the hard way."

"Oh, I know. I thought maybe by now you'd have gained an ounce of dignity."

"I'm sorry?"

"No, I'm sorry. For interrupting your would-be hook up," he said with the dirtiest look as if he threw up in his mouth.

"How dare you go into my home, ask me to explain myself, and accuse me of something absolutely horrible?" My jaw clenched. "You have no right."

He nodded, his tongue touching his lower lip, "Alright, then just answer me this. What is he doing here?"

"It's none of your business."

"Is it really none of my business when you dragged me into this?"

"What do you mean I dragged you into this? I did not drag you into this. You volunteered. You were the one who brought it up."

"Is it now? Last time I checked you even suggested we further this relationship."

"Last time I checked you were with Katie Swanson."

He exhaled loudly, exasperated. "Again with the Katie issue. I told you we were working on a campaign together."

"Yeah, a mysterious campaign even I can't know."

"I thought you said it was okay with you? That you understand confidentiality very well, might I add?"

"I do understand. But for Christ sakes, was that stupid campaign a matter of life and death that you can't even tell me?"

"First of all, it wasn't stupid."

"You know how I feel about Katie. You knew what she did to me."

"Yes, I know. That's why I can't even comprehend what Axel is doing in your bloody apartment."

"As I said, it's none of your business."

He laughed humorlessly, "First the Instagram follow, now you can't even tell me why he's here." He raised his hands in the air.

"How did you know about that?"

"Are you joking? You're trending on Twitter."

"What? That was only minutes ago."

"What can I say? He's famous. Hell, maybe that's why you're still hanging out with him somehow, right? Because he's more famous than me, innit? Do it for the clout."

That was the last straw.

Before I knew it, my hand flew of its own accord, making contact with his left cheek.

"I thought you knew me better than that," hurt evident in my voice.

"Well, now it's pretty obvious that I don't, don't I?"

"Apparently, you don't. Is that why you're here? Because of a fucking Instagram follow?"

"No. I was only made aware of that on the way here."

"By whom?"

"What does it matter?"

"Then why? Why did you come here?"

He exhaled slowly, trying to even his breath. "I wanted to apologize for being so secretive."

"So much for an apology," I muttered.

"To be honest, I wanted to tell you everything but I kept it to myself cause I thought it'd be a nice surprise. It's just bad that you caught me with Katie."

"Oh, so if I didn't catch you, it'll be all good. Is that what you're saying?"

"That's not what I'm saying," He exhaled loudly. "But I reckon it'll be a whole lot easier."

"Are you shitting me?"

"Well, it's not like you're fault-free here either. You're with Axel right now, are you not? He's literally inside your flat at this very moment, is he not? For Christ's sake, you didn't even allow him to leave. You just led me out here to talk outside your door. What is that?"

"That is not the same thing. I invited him here, he is a guest."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, really."

"Really? You invited him here?"

"Yup."

"What about our plan?"

"What about it?"

"Oh," he chuckled breathily.

I stared at him as he leaned his head back as if he realized something. "I get it."

"What?"

He leaned closer, smirking with a squint in his eyes. "Is this part of the plan?"

My head backed up a bit in surprise. Is he for real?

"Did you know about it?"

He shook his head slowly, the cheeky smirk still plastered on his lips.

I moved closer, voice coming out in a whisper, "Then no."

His smirk faded, lips transformed into a thin line then he burst out, "Then what is this? What is happening?"

"What happened is that from the moment you decided to fool around with Katie,"

"I did not!"

"Our deal?" I smacked my palms together twice, "Is kaput."

"I did not fool around with her, Lauren. Can you just listen to me?"

"I am listening, okay? I am. I am all ears. Just tell me what you were doing with her."

"Are we really circling back to this? I told you we're both working on a campaign. It's not like I decided to cast her."

"Well, that's just it! I know you can't control who you work with, but you can decide who you're gonna spend your time after – who you're gonna have dinner with."

"Oh, so, now it's my fault? Great, I'm the bad guy."

"That's not what I'm saying. You know about our history; you could've given me a heads up. But instead, I had to find out by accident."

He guffawed, "Was it really by accident?"

"What are you implying? That I was following you?"

"Those came out of your lips, not mine."

"You are unbelievable, Dean. I did not expect this from you."

"And I you."

My lips formed a frown but I held my head high.

"You know what, Lauren, I don't know what to tell you anymore. You're being very paranoid. You're making this all about you."

"Oh wow, if I had a penny for every time I heard that line." I took a deep breath, "Fine."

He shook his head, wondering where I'm going with this.

"Fine. I won't ask you anything about this anymore."

He exhaled a sigh of relief, "Finally."

"But we can't see each other again."

"What? No."

"I can't see someone who can't be honest with me."

"But I am honest with you."

I shook my head, "Omission is a lie if you don't know yet. And in this part, we're both guilty. Remember our deal? No secrets? We can't fulfill that. This isn't going anywhere."

"Oh, come on now, Lauren. You can't be serious."

"Goodbye, Dean."

I turned to open the door.

"Wait!"

My hand stopped at the doorknob.

"We can't end like this."

"But we already did."

"So, you're choosing him over me despite everything he did to you?"

I turned to face him, "I'm not choosing him, Dean. I'm choosing myself."

"Bollocks. That's the most cliché line I've ever heard. How? How is 'you choosing yourself' related to him? Does that have anything to do with him?"

"I..." I wanted to tell him about Katie's lawsuit, about her plans in sabotaging me, about how Axel and I are just working together to try and save the agency, but Katie may have gotten inside his head too much. I think he's already corrupted and I don't even know if they're in it together before he even met me. I don't know if he is part of Katie's plans.

"You what?"

"I can't tell."

He laughed humorlessly. "You can't tell? Well, that's just ironic, isn't it?"

I shook my head.

"Brilliant!" He exclaimed.

"I wish I could, but I can't."

"Of course, you can. You just won't. Well, now I guess we're even. I can't tell you about the campaign, you can't tell me about what's going on with you and Axel."

I said nothing.

He shook his head, "No. This is not even. This is not even remotely the same thing. I can't tell you about my work because I am legally bound to. You? You just can't tell because you don't want to."

"Can't you see? Maybe I can't tell because there's too much into it. I can't risk it, you wouldn't understand."

"Then make me understand." He moved closer. "Help me understand. Because we can't end like this, Lauren. Not like this."

His eyes were pleading. And it breaks my heart even more.

If only I could be the old me. If only I could trust blindly and hope everything will be okay. If only I could let things happen without foresight. Then maybe, just maybe, we could work.

But I'm not the same girl as I was before. I can't trust him if he can't trust me. If a simple campaign secrecy is worth losing me.

My throat felt constricted with his intense gaze and searching eyes.

"I can't." I managed to get out.

He moved away and nodded; disappointment painted on his face. "I can't fucking believe this. Katie was right."

"Katie? You're listening to Katie?"

"She's right. You are too caught up with Axel that you'd drop anything for a chance to be with him."

My mouth opened, about to defend myself, but he continued.

"When we made the deal, you told me you hated him. But from what I can see? You like him more than you'd like to admit."

"That is not true."

"His value to you outweighs mine. And I get it. He came first. You shared more experiences together. I just," he breathed. "I just wish I had the same chance." His eyes cast under the hallway light.

"You could have the same chance and more. I just need honesty."

He smiled sadly, "And I too. But I guess it isn't something we both can afford right now."

"I guess so."

He nodded, mouth twisting in distaste.

"I'll go. I was never welcome in the first place."

"Dean,"

"No." he held out his open hands, "Good night, Lauren."

I watched him disappear down the stairs and all I could do was close my eyes and will myself to be okay.

"Lauren?" Axel peered his head out the door.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" he closed the door behind him. "I was worried when it suddenly became silent."

"You heard everything?"

"No," he shook his head. "Just the parts where you were shouting at each other."

I exhaled loudly, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause your relationship any trouble."

"I have a hard time believing that." I opened the door and went inside my apartment, Axel followed behind.

"While it's true that I like you, and I have no shame in admitting that, I don't want to hurt relationships."

"Yeah, well, let's not talk about it." I made my way to the kitchen and checked on my laptop. "Did you finish it?"

"We can finish that next time," he suggested.

"Okay," I nodded. "I think it's for the better too; I don't think I'm in the right headspace right now."

"Of course. Take all the time you need."