Chapter (19) Maybe

"I wish I could be a better me for you."

20/05/21

Rewritten :: 21/07/22

I wrote this chapter with a lot of love and emotions, even shed a few tears, don't make me sad by not engaging. ㅠㅠ

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^pic credit to the rightful owner.

Please ignore the mistakes.

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Third person POV

Song recommends :: Itni batein. (Hindi)

If you can't understand hindi, please switch to some soft, sad song.

The mafia let out a breath, finally looking up at Taehyung who was staring down at the bed sheets, opening his mouth to speak something but he stopped when the blonde looked up, brown soft glistening eyes meeting his dark black charcoal blank orbs.

They stared into each other's orbs before Taehyung looked away, shuffling with Jaehyun on his lap, a painful expression making its way on his features that didn't go unnoticed by the raven.

"Why don't you lay him down?" Jungkook's voice was gentle but the blonde still flinched, peeking at the other and then at his boy.

Stuttering, he shook his head, heart still fearing the mafia, nlt trusting with his son whom he had met after so long. "N-no.."

The mafia sighed, noticing the blonde's uncomfortable expressions and him shuffling again and again, trying to hold Jaehyun study for longer with his aching back and legs that were crossed now, hurting more.

Jungkook debated, standing up on his feet to have Taehyung looking at him confused as he made his way toward the blonde, watching him look at him with fear now.

The mafia raised his arms, grabbing the sleeping boy from Taehyung who nearly yelled at the mafia in defence, looking at him with wide fearful eyes.

"W-what are you doing! L-leave him, l-leav–

"Shh! I am not hurting him, see." The mafia grumbled, unconsciously a pout forming on his lips at the blonde's untrust and panic state.

The raven shifted to the other side, laying the sleeping boy down, as Jaehyun rolled in sleep, burying his face in Taehyung's pillow, the mafia chuckling at the boy.

Jungkook sat down on the bed, his orbs filling with fondness as he stared at Jaehyun's sleeping face, eyelashes resting on his puffed up cheeks, button nose and lips forming pout, the small scratch on his cheek resembling a lot of his own.

The mafia couldn't help but think of his messed up life, how he turned from a sweet bunny tooth boy to a heartless mafia who killed and played with blood.

Being a mafia's son Jungkook was always familiar with those crimes and sins, killings, drugs and blood was a part of his life from the moment he had taken birth on this planet.

The raven saw his younger self in Jaehyun, a sweet creature, a timid toddler away from those crimes and abuse but still so much into those. The raven was never a victim of abuse but the hatred and strict nature of his father had always left him heartbroken.

He remembered how he had to sneak out of the house but was always caught by his father and was always punished brutally by getting locked in the dark room for days without any human presence. With no food and water.

The mafia felt a large lump forming in his throat when remembered how his mother used to keep him away from any of those crimes his father performed. She always kept him safe Just like Taehyung did with Jaehyun.

But when an attack by the other rival mafia's took away his mother, he was left alone to suffer through the clowns of his father. He wasn't heartless from birth, his life made him like that. Brutal and merciless.

Jungkook remembered meeting the blonde in his college, and just a mere glance of Taehyung made him remember his mother, soft, caring, timid, always too sweet– and Jungkook wanted to protect the male as soon as he saw him, tucked in soft lilac sweater with white pants hugging his legs, sleeves folding on to his palms.

The raven put all his trust in him, he loved him with everything. The raven got a reason to oppose his father and to stop playing in blood, He left with the blonde to London and worked in a café.

It was difficult for both of them to start a new life without any financial support, his hyungs helping him all the time, even when Yoongi wanted to help them, he couldn't do anything but only make them settle in London.

After that, where Jungkook worked hard in a café, the man who didn't once lifted his own dirty dishes washed the other's dirty plates, there the blonde worked in a hotel, his great looks helping him to be a good receptionist.

But the raven broke down into tears when saw someone harassing his lover and he couldn't do anything, he hadn't the power or money.

Taehyung had given him his shoulder as they both cried to themselves to sleep, cuddling in their cozy room with the fluffiest blankets.

The mafia still remembered that when Jin Hyung had gotten to know about it, his hyungs had cornered that middle aged man with a cloth on his face, murmuring curses and leaving punches and kicks over him.

Everything was going fine, it was so peaceful but his fate, Jungkook's fate took a harsh toll on him again, when his husband, Taehyung the male decided to leave him for another man.

The mafia was once again left heartbroken, the cozy apartment he bought and decorated with so much love become suffocating, his sleep schedule again got fuck up.

The sleeping pills he wished to never see again after meeting Taehyung came back to his palms and he became what he never wanted.

Heartless mafia boss, the male who hated seeing fear even in a puppy's eyes, started loving it seeing in human's dark orbs. Who hated seeing a single particle of dust on his white blank canvas, now had them buried deep inside spider web and dust.

Who loved the fresh paint smell now had them dry from the lack of use. Brushes were his life, the place taken by his rich thick black colour gun residing on his waist band always.

Beating of the heart replaced by anger, the Jungkook who would spin in air with his arms raised now tightly packed in his own flesh and body.

The raven couldn't help but pity himself, what mistakes he had made to make Taehyung not share the truth with him, only if– only if the blonde had shared the truth with him before, only if he could trust him more than Yugyeom.

His son or princess would be beside Jaehyun, they both would be leaving their life, Jungkook wouldn't be the mafia whom everyone feared but a sweet loving café owner. Taehyung wouldn't have to go through so much trauma with Jaehyun.

Only if he could have trusted him, his child would be breathing and alive, his child would be calling him dada. Jungkook would be cuddling with them, he would be teaching them self defense, he would be teaching making them ramyeon.  He would be– he would be– "Jungkook a-are you crying?"

The soft yet deep voice startled the mafia who looked up at the blonde, warm, worried orbs looking at him. That was when Jungkook felt the wetness on his cheeks, slipping down to his lips, and the male was caught bewildered when found himself really crying.

The mafia shook his head, sniffing loudly as he wiped away his tears, orbs glaring at Taehyung not with anger but an emotion that was unreadable.

"Jungkook.." Taehyung whispered again, the mafia continuous stare to his soul making him shuffle uncomfortably on his bumbum.

Jungkook's eyes softened looking at Taehyung, how much he had suffered, those brown chocolate orbs that used to look at him with such love and care were now filled with fear and hesitation.

The blonde who would yell at him in the middle of the marketplace, who would kick his ass in his sleep and wouldn't apologise even once was now afraid of even looking at him. "Am I that scary?"

The man looked down at his hands, they weren't filled with hairs, they didn't have long nails, "I am no beast." The raven thought, his eyes again starting to burn.

He was a human too, he had feelings too, he may have killed many but he had a heart, he also deserved love. Everyone deserves love. Don't they?

If Taehyung got hurt he did too, if Taehyung was traumatised he was too, he had to leave everything behind, he had to become a mafia his mother never wished to see him become.

He had to raise his hand and kill people not because he loved seeing them cry, he did because he had to live and in his world for living you have to kill others.

The mafia's gazed at Taehyung who was already on his feet, taking slow steps toward him worriedly, Jungkook's tears still evident in his eyes but not falling down. Oh! The man couldn't even cry.

The blonde could cry, he could sob loudly in other's embrace, he could ask them for help but Jungkook couldn't, he was a dominant, a man, a mafia, they didn't cry. They didn't have feelings!

"Jungkook.." Taehyung asked again, long slender fingers passing through Jungkook's as he held his hand, worried eyes staring at his, the blonde wiping Jungkook's wet cheeks with his thumb.

The raven took in the sight of the younger, his bruises and worried eyes, "Do I deserve him? Do I deserve to be loved? Do I have the right to love?" A gasp escaped the mafia's lips as he stumbled back, startling the other.

"Jungk–

"I– I need to go, see you later, T-taehyung." The male breathed out, heart hammering in his chest, warmness filling his orbs, "You don't deserve him! No!"

"Wait–" Taehyung squeaked and even when the raven didn't want to, he stopped, hand still clutched around the door knob.

The blonde limped his way toward the mafia who refused to turn around as he held the other's arms, pressing his cheek against Jungkook's biceps, Taehyung felt his eyes blurry from tears.

"D-do you, do you f-forgive me?" The small, hesitant whisler of Taehyung made Jungkook clenched his eyes shut, palm forming into a fist.

Thick silence filled the room, Jungkook's scholder getting tense, opening his eyes the male let his expressions fall down his face, bravely holding onto the tears, turning around, he faced the blonde, who looked up at him with vulnerable orbs.

Jungkook removed Taehyung's hold from his forearm, softly pushing him back. Shaking his head the man looked at the younger with a sharp glare.

"No! Because of you Taehyung, we lost our baby! Because of you, we both had to separate! Because of your stupidity you brought millions of miseries over us!" Jungkook growled, Taehyung already crying, the weight on his chest getting heavier.

"Pl-please, f-forg–

"No! N-never! You are no one to me Taehyung! I ha– I can't forgive you, never! If you could have trusted me eno–

"Yugyeom manipulated me–

"He did because you let him!" Taehyung's mouth shut as he looked down with tears flowing down his chin.

"He hadn't aimed a gun at your head, Taehyung! He didn't hold your wrist or kidnap you! He made lies in front of you and you trusted him! Fine! I understand they were your mother instincts, you were worried for our baby, but tell me Taehyung, when– when Yugyeom lied to you about my health, you didn't once get worried for me?" Jungkook asked, his voice holding the hurt that made Taehyung sob.

"You couldn't tell me about our child but you could have talked with me about my health, no?" The mafia asked, the younger boy sobbing into his palms, he knew, he never once thought about Jungkook, not even once!

"I-i am sorry, v-very sorry.." The male cried out, holding onto Jungkook's shirt tightly, eyes spilling tears, guilt and sadness suffocating him to the core.

"Pl-please, v-very sorry.." He hiccuped, the mafia's nails digging into his palms as he stepped back.

"You remember Tae, before leaving with Yugyeom, you told me that I deserve someone better?" The blonde looked up at the mafia, heart clenching in his chest, as he stopped a threatening sob in his throat.

"I really don't deserve you." And with that, the door was closed as Taehyung stayed frozen there, tears continuously falling down, he hiccuped.

Falling down on his knees, the blonde's palm rested on the wooden frame, as he sat down with knees pressed against his chest, crying into them.

"I-i am s-sorry, very sorry, f-forgive me, koo, I don't deserve you, love.." The male sobbed, heart hurting to the level that it had started hurting physically.

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The mafia's fast pace landed him in his room, shutting the door behind himself as he locked the door, falling down on the floor, his back pressed against the wooden frame, bravely holding tears now falling down freely.

A sob escaping his pretty lips, wide teary bambi eyes shutting and body shaking from hard sobs, pressing his knees against his chest, the man cried into them.

"F-forgive me love, f-forgive me petal, I-i am sorry, v-very sorry. I really don't d-deserve you.." He whispered to himself, crying.

They both were hurting, their hearts filled with guilt of hurting each other, the only difference was that when Taehyung cried openly, where everyone understood his pain and saw his tears, no one was ready to see Jungkook's tears and hidden pain, he was hurting inside.

To feel love, you have to feel pain and maybe they both still had to go through a lot of pain to feel love again, maybe.

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2500 words.

This is chapter (19).

Hope you liked it.

Please comment and vote.

Thank you and take care. ❤❤

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Please tell me you felt a lil emotions, like even a little emotions while reading.

Also as an author, I try my best to understand all of your feelings and try my best to make you understand a characters feelings, but I couldn't help but feel sad when readers don't understand the doms feelings and hurt and pain. 🤍

I Love you! Say it back, pl-please. 😭

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