12. First Kiss

It was Saturday, and Becky showed up earlier than usual. In no time, they were on the road, driving to the place Becky had promised to take Freen. Not only that, she also kept her promise to show Freen what sunlight did to her.

How could Freen possibly describe Becky in the sun?

In the light, her skin reflected hues in brilliant, holographic colors—scintillating, surreal, and absolutely dazzling. Freen couldn't tear her eyes away from her, even if she wanted to. She watched as Becky lay in the flowerbed, eyes closed but clearly not asleep. She basked in the sun, every inch of exposed skin shimmering. Becky was perfectly still, posed like a statue carved out of moonstone. Her skin literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in its surface.

Freen sat up, knees pulled to her chest. Despite being in the most beautiful place she'd ever seen, her gaze was stuck to Becky like glue. She took in every inch of her, worried that if she looked away, Becky would vanish. The wind was gentle, tangling in Freen's hair and ruffling the grass that swayed around Becky's motionless form.

The meadow, so breathtaking to Freen at first, now paled next to Becky's magnificence.

Hesitantly, Freen reached out one finger and stroked the back of Becky's shimmering hand, where it lay within reach. When Freen looked up again, Becky's eyes were open, watching her. Butterscotch today, lighter, warmer after hunting. Becky's quick smile turned up the corners of her flawless lips.

"I don't scare you?" she asked playfully, but Freen could hear the real curiosity in her soft voice.

"No more than usual." Freen moved closer this time, finally able to trace Becky's new features gently. "Do you mind?"

"You have no idea how strange that feels." Becky maintained her grin but didn't bother opening her eyes, relaxing. "I haven't felt someone so warm in a long time."

Freen continued, trailing her hand up to caress Becky's cheek. Becky flinched, drawing herself away from Freen's touch.

"Sorry," Becky said quickly, her eyebrows knit together in embarrassment. "Force of habit."

"I'm not afraid of you." Freen said, looking defiantly at Becky.

"Part of me wants you to be. Needs you to be."

Freen frowned, lowering her hand. Becky seemed deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Freen asked.

"You," Becky blurted out.

"What about me?"

"How you're real, and how I found you. I still can't believe it," Becky paused to collect her thoughts. "It's terrifying."

"What's terrifying?"

"It's hard to put into words that make sense."

"Use words that don't make sense, then."

Becky moved so fast it was disorienting. Suddenly, she was sitting up, her left hand holding Freen's, her right arm keeping herself propped up. Her face was now far closer to Freen's. It should have scared Freen away, but she didn't move an inch. "What are you afraid of?" Freen challenged.

Absent-mindedly, Freen tried to lean in, but she felt a light breeze, and Becky was gone. Freen blinked, and then Becky was twenty feet away at the edge of the meadow.

It took a significant effort for Freen to hide the pain of rejection.

"I'm sorry," Freen's voice wasn't loud.

"It's not your fault," Becky spoke, her voice softer now.

"I should have asked," Freen shook her head.

Becky took a second to reply, "Just give me a moment."

Becky waited, ten agonizingly long seconds to herself, before walking back slowly. Freen picked at the grass as Becky sat down beside her.

Becky sighed, "I'm sorry... It's not your fault."

"You said that," Freen stated, not looking up.

"It's true. It's not your fault. I'm the world's apex predator," Becky lamented. "I don't even need to try. I attract you like a moth to a flame. My looks, voice, and scent all evolved to lull you into a false sense of security. Not that I need it."

Too fast, Becky was up and darting around the meadow in the literal blink of an eye.

"I'm faster than you," she was smiling, but her voice had a spiteful edge. A carefully constructed mask cracked before Freen's eyes.

With one hand, she ripped a two-foot-thick branch off its tree.

"I'm stronger than you," she looked solemnly at the remnants of the branch.

Freen was finally seeing Becky Armstrong, the real Becky. Not the perfect human she tried to be for others. Even if it was just a glimpse, it was intense, powerful, and utterly terrifying. It left Freen frozen, staring in awe, like a deer in headlights.

Becky met her gaze again. Her eyebrows knit together in instant regret upon seeing Freen's expression. "Don't be afraid," her voice was strained, "I'm sorry – I didn't – I won't."

Becky struggled for words.

"I won't hurt you."

Becky stepped closer to Freen, walking slowly, repeating, "I won't hurt you."

"I know," Freen's voice came out soft. Becky took another hesitant step forward.

Every movement she made was slow, like she was calming a cornered animal. She sat a foot away from Freen. "I'm sorry."

"You apologize way too much," Freen's voice was quiet.

"I'm under control, I promise."

"I know," Freen insisted, her voice returning.

"Are you okay?" Becky asked, slowly placing her cool hand back in Freen's.

Freen looked down at it and couldn't help the smile on her face. "Yes."

"Is it really so crazy that I enjoy being with you like this?"

"Absolutely," Becky withdrew her hand, pulling into herself. "You've forgotten that I'm more dangerous to you than anyone else. As much as I enjoy your company, there's something I want much more."

Becky looked off at the flowerbeds, her head resting on her knee.

"I don't follow. You don't feed on humans, so why should you be dangerous?" Freen said. Becky turned to look at her, smiling at her apparent naivety.

"How do I explain..." Becky pondered out loud.

Becky turned toward Freen, her hand falling back into Freen's. Freen held it tight this time. Becky got distracted and looked at their hands as she gathered her thoughts.

"Have you ever been to an AA meeting?" Becky asked.

"No," Freen replied.

"Well, I have," she elaborated, "Robert took me while I was struggling more than I was now. The first thing they tell you is that you're powerless over your addiction."

Freen grimaced. "That's depressing."

"I found it surprisingly cathartic. Admitting I was struggling."

"So, you're powerless over your thirst?" Freen guessed.

"Precisely. After realizing that and knowing that I'll have to live with it for the rest of... well, forever, I had to begin working on managing it. Animals keep us at bay, and with every day without human blood, it gets easier. I was at a point where I was hardly ever tempted in public... and then I met you."

A chuckle escaped Freen's lips. "What makes me so special?"

"Excuse the excessive alcohol metaphors, but most people are like wine coolers and Bud Light to me; nothing special," Becky's face was neutral as she described others, but her expression shifted as she described Freen. "Your scent to me is like an aged wine, so hard to resist."

"Does this happen often?" Freen asked.

Becky looked off to the distant tree canopy, thinking about her next words. "I asked a few family members about it. Billy's been around for a lot longer than me. He had instances where he had strong bloodlusts. It didn't go well for him."

"So when you say that, you mean he..." Freen let herself fill in the dots.

"Yes," Becky sighed, "It was a while ago. He's still beating himself up over it."

"And you've never felt this before?"

"Nope," Becky eyed her, desperately trying to make something of Freen's blank expression.

"So what are my chances?" Freen asked. "Is there no hope of this ending well?"

"What? No!" Becky's expression suddenly firmed, straightening up. "Of course there's hope. I won't – Billy's situation was different. He was a new vampire. He hadn't even joined our coven yet, and they were strangers. You're... I won't let the same thing happen."

"You say that now, but what if we met under different circumstances? Say, in a dark alley..." Freen let Becky fill in the blanks.

"Oh, ye of little faith," Becky teased. "I'll admit, upon meeting you, I was... struggling. My mind went to some desperate places. Contemplating taking out an entire classroom in order to..." she cut herself off, but Freen got the graphic picture. "I tried to think of everything our family had built over the years. All that I would ruin for some cardinal desires... oh god, I can only imagine what you were thinking."

Freen tried to pull the memory up. "I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly..."

"I was angry. I knew you'd done nothing wrong, but the scent coming off you... I was instantly addicted, and you were just in my reach. It drove me insane. An hour felt like a decade. I kept thinking about my family, and when that failed, I kept reminding myself that you were innocent, that you hadn't done anything to deserve it. I had to run out of class before I could ask you to follow," Becky looked back up at Freen through pale lashes, her emerald green eyes captivating. "Would you have followed?"

"You know the answer to that," Freen said.

"Right, you have no sense for danger," Becky's small smile disappeared as she looked down at their intertwined hands, lost in memories again. "And then when you walked into the office, you managed to take me by surprise... It would have been so easy then."

Becky shook the thought out of her head. The light of the sun was warm, but Freen shivered regardless.

"It was easier to think outside when I couldn't smell you. I dropped off the others at home, not telling them what was going on. They could tell something was up, but I couldn't bring myself to admit anything. I just drove to the hospital to tell Robert I was leaving for Alaska."

"I was in Alaska by morning," she sounded embarrassed. "I was staying with some old friends for two days, but I couldn't help feeling ashamed for leaving it all behind. The mountain air cleared my nose and my head. I managed to get a grip on myself. It astounded me, how easily I managed to lose my nerve, how I was certain running away was my only option. All over some girl from California," her mouth turned back into a grin, "I wanted to come back out of spite. To prove I was stronger than my temptations for you."

Becky had that miles-away look on her face.

"I prepared hard before seeing you again. Took every precaution I could. I was determined to treat you like any other human. That would normally mean being indifferent, but I underestimated my own curiosity..." she paused, "not knowing what you were thinking was difficult. The plan was to simply learn about you through your friends' thoughts. That proved to be frustrating. Everyone saw you differently. No one could come to a common consensus. It was too frustrating," she frowned just from the thought.

"By biology, I was dying to pick your brain for myself. I realize I must have come off as a complete asshole, but everything you did was so interesting to me. Your mannerisms, your expressions, your word choice. It felt so all-encapsulating."

"And then you were almost crushed to death in front of me. After that, I tried to think of a million excuses as to why I saved you. The most reasonable one would have been that I would have completely lost control and exposed myself if your blood was spilled all over the parking lot... but no! At that moment, the only thought in my mind was 'not her.'"

Freen was at a loss for words. Finally, hearing Becky's side of the story was like a waterfall, a rush so intense you felt powerless against it.

"I was angry. I had just risked everything for a girl I barely knew. Naturally, everyone was pissed at me. Richie and Irin especially, but even Billy had some choice words..." she trailed off before finding her voice again. "It was one of the worst fights we'd ever had. But Robert and Rawe were on my side. I couldn't leave again."

"The next day, I was reading everyone's mind only to be surprised you hadn't mentioned what you'd seen. Regardless, I had to still try to keep my distance. Keep away from temptation. Even if every day your scent hit me harder than the last."

"That worked out great, didn't it?" Becky laughed with little humor. "Honestly, it would even be easy right here, right now, with no witnesses..." she didn't finish the thought.

"Why don't you?"

"Freen Sarocha," Becky had never called Freen by her full name, it was a warning. "Haven't you realized by now that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you?"

Freen felt Becky's free hand ruffle her hair and felt blood rush to her face.

"I don't remember how I lived so long without knowing you," Becky was too earnest, like she was trying to remember. A big smile appeared on her face. "The world has never been so bright."

It felt like a jump, going from talking about the several times Becky almost killed Freen to the way she actually felt about Freen now.

"Bright," Freen repeated, "that describes it well."

Freen's head was spinning. She looked down at their hands, still connected, before looking back up at Becky.

"I'm an idiot, aren't I? Trying to date a vampire and all..."

"Try being the vampire trying to date a human. I'd say we're both being pretty stupid here." Becky laughed.

"I need to ask," Freen started, "what made you run off just now?"

"You know what," Becky accused.

"No, I mean, what did I do?" Freen clarified. "I guess I mean, what are your boundaries?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Becky assured her. "You just took me by surprise. You were so close. I haven't been so close to someone in a while. Not to mention the scent of your throat."

"Right," Freen chuckled. "Careful about the throat."

Becky laughed too. "It was mostly the surprise, honestly. Just warn me before trying anything."

Freen nodded. "Understood."

"Great," Becky hesitated a moment before brushing a stray hair behind Freen's ear. She followed the movement by resting her hand on the side of Freen's neck. "Is this okay?"

"Mhm," Freen couldn't quite form words. Her brain was stuck. The cold feeling of Becky's hand burned against Freen's skin.

"You look cute blushing like that," Becky's low voice didn't help Freen's situation. Becky freed her hand from Freen's, lifting it to her face and cupping Freen's cheek. "Be still for me."

Freen was already frozen in place, but she held her breath to be safe. Becky slowly, ever so slowly, leaned closer to Freen. Freen closed her eyes and waited for impact. It came in the form of Becky's head on her shoulder, her cheek leaning into Freen's neck like she was listening to her pulse. In return, Freen listened to the sound of Becky's breath.

The way the sun and wind danced off Becky's sandy blonde hair, like a field of pale gold wheat, made Freen forget there was anything unhuman about her. "Can I... play with your hair?" It wasn't embarrassment that made Freen hesitate, just awe.

It took Becky a moment of deliberation before deciding, "You may."

Even with her permission, Freen kept her movements slow, watching for any signs of discomfort. Freen's fingers massaged through Becky's locks with care, noting the subtle ways the colors changed in the light. Becky's breathing hitched, but she didn't flinch away like earlier.

Strands of hair slipped through Freen's fingers as Becky moved. Becky's lips ghosted over Freen's collarbone, and down until her head was steady against Freen's chest. Becky was listening to Freen's heart beating out of her chest. Freen shifted her weight, putting her hand at the back of Becky's head to keep her close, moving until she was laying back in the tall grass, and Becky was resting on her chest.

It felt surreal, like a vivid dream; the world was bright, and Freen was weightless.

They stayed like that for god knows how long. Minutes, seconds, hours—Freen couldn't keep track. Her nerves were suffocated under the weight of Becky's head on her chest, like her own personal weighted blanket.

Becky pulled away first, lifting her head to look at Freen, sheepishly smiling before sitting up straight. "That was harder than I thought," she admits. "I'll pull away sooner next time."

"No need," Freen insists, sitting up to join Becky. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Better than okay, definitely." She looked down, then back up. "You?"

"I'm great," an embarrassed giggle escaped Freen's throat.

"Good," Becky chuckled. "You're unimaginably warm, you know that?" Becky grabbed Freen's hand and pulled it to her face. "Here." It was warmer than Becky normally was, almost like a real person, but it was hard to think about while Freen had Becky's face cupped in her hand.

"Warm," Freen agreed, her voice coming out aloof, too transfixed on the flesh behind her fingertips. She swiped her thumb across Becky's smiling cheek. Her grip migrated down Becky's face, to her jawline, down to her chin, and then just below her bottom lip. Becky's lips parted under Freen's touch, tempting, but Freen didn't want to push Becky too far. Her hand dropped.

An apology hung on Freen's tongue, but Becky was faster to speak.

"You don't know," she whispered, "the things you do to me. The complexity of your touch, you couldn't begin to comprehend."

"You sound like Shakespeare." Freen teased.

"It's hard to explain without sounding a bit pretentious. I haven't felt this way in god knows how long, and never like this," Freen felt Becky's hand slip into hers again. "It's incomparable to any feeling I ever had as a human. As an undead, it's something stronger than thirst."

"Lust," Freen offered.

Becky hummed. "No, something stronger. But I suppose it also fits. I haven't felt this alive in a while; I forgot what it's like."

"I wish..." Becky's voice was soft before she tried again. "I want to be close to you. I just don't know if I can yet."

Becky averted her gaze.

"Hey," Freen called. She met Freen's eyes again. Freen slowly leaned toward Becky, warning Becky with her eyes. She moved until her head was resting on Becky's chest.

All Freen heard was the sound of Becky's breathing.

"This is enough for me," Freen whispered.

Freen felt Becky's head rest on top of hers, her nose against Freen's hair, slightly less rigid than before. Free yet unwilling to move. The sunshine gave way to a cool shadow; the day was ending, but Freen didn't move.

"We should get going soon."

Freen groaned into Becky's chest. "I didn't want you to say that."

Becky chuckled. "Sorry."

The top of Freen's head was still pressed against Becky's chest, taking in the moment, before sighing and looking up. "I guess we should start walking."

"We could," she paused. "Or..."

"Or?"

"Or... I could show you a faster way to travel."

"Are you going to fly us out?"

"No." Becky stood up with a grin on her face, offering her hand to help Freen up. "Just trust me on this."

Freen hesitated a moment, partially in doubt, but mostly in awe of how Becky looked standing in the sunlight. Freen shook her head and reached out to Becky, taking her hand.

In a swift motion, Freen was off the ground and in Becky's arms. Reflexively, she wrapped her arms around Becky's neck.

"Don't worry. I won't drop you."

"Are you gonna tell me what...?"

Before Freen could finish her sentence, Becky took off. Freen was yelling like she had just fallen from the peak of a roller coaster.

Becky ran like she was trying to outrun the reaper. Trees became blurs, and the ground under them was irrelevant. Despite this, Freen didn't even hear a labored breath escape Becky's lungs.

Meanwhile, Freen was trying her best to ignore the motion sickness. Too scared to close her eyes, yet equally terrified to keep them open. Her grip tightened on Becky.

And then, in no time at all, they were back at the end of the road where Freen's truck was parked.

"Exhilarating, don't you think?" Becky sounded rejuvenated. She looked back at Freen, probably waiting for her to climb down, but she stayed still. "Freen?"

"Hm?"

"You okay?"

"I think I'm stuck like this now." Freen's muscles refused to relax.

Becky stifled a laugh. "Sorry."

She gently placed Freen down. Becky held onto Freen, making sure she didn't fall, probably for the best because Freen's legs felt like jelly.

"How do you feel?"

"Overwhelmed," Freen answered, "and dizzy."

"Try putting your head between your knees."

Freen did as told, sitting against the side of her truck, taking deep breaths to recenter herself. Becky sat with her.

"I should have gone slower," Becky sighed. "Suppose it's a lot for the human body to process at once."

"I think I should have closed my eyes," Freen hypothesized. "Keep it in mind for next time."

"Next time? I didn't scare you enough the first time?"

Freen chuckled, rolling her eyes internally.

"Freen?" Freen heard the question in Becky's tone, so she looked up to find Becky's face too close to hers. "I was thinking..."

"About?" Freen pressed in a whisper. Becky placed her hand on Freen's cheek.

"Can we?"

Freen knew what Becky meant by the look on her face.

"Are you sure?" Freen wanted to be sure. She didn't want to force Becky.

"As sure as I can be," Becky seemed to steel herself. "Just hold still for me."

Freen couldn't take her eyes off Becky. Maybe that was her brain cautioning her that she was about to kiss a vampire. Becky hesitated a long moment before leaning in, just like you would before a first kiss; gauging the other person's reaction. But here, Becky was preparing for her own reaction. Freen wanted to reassure her, but all she could do was close her eyes and hope Becky wouldn't disappear.

Freen waited until the feeling of cold, satin-smooth lips met hers. It felt like electricity, the slow feeling of Becky's lips moving against hers. Freen wanted more; she wanted to deepen the kiss, to taste the depth of Becky's mouth, but she didn't want to move and scare Becky away. Becky did pull away slowly, but too soon.

Freen opened her eyes to find Becky still there, slightly more radiant than usual.

"Now, was that so hard?" Freen teased through an involuntary smile.

"I did better than I expected," Becky admits.

"Why was this such a big deal?" Freen asked.

"You're my first and only human," Becky explained.

"I'm honored," Freen chuckled. "I hope I represented humanity well enough."

"Well enough is quite an understatement," Becky insisted.

Becky stood and held out her hand to help Freen up. Freen didn't hesitate to take her hand.

A petty smile curled Becky's lips. "I will drive."

"Not a chance." Freen stumbled a little, still feeling the effect of motion sickness.

"Come on! You don't look fine." Becky objected.

Freen sighed. "Fine," she fished her keys out of her pocket and tossed them to Becky. "Be careful. She's delicate," she said, pointing at her truck.

Becky smiled mischievously before moving to the driver's seat. "No promises."

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