If You Love Me: Chapter 44

“Thank you so much for coming tonight. It really means a lot, Dad.” I usher him into my hotel room here in New York. I leave for the arena soon, but we’re managing a short visit before he fits in another quick meeting prior to the game. How much of it he’ll actually see is a question mark, but he’s here supporting me, and that’s the most important part. I’m learning how to accept his limitations and appreciate these moments for what they are.

Having Roman definitely makes it easier.

“I’m glad I could make it work.” He hugs me tightly, then holds me at arm’s length. “How are you holding up?”

I’m sure I look tired. Sleep hasn’t been the greatest the past few days. “Okay. Happy to be back at work, but nervous about the media after the game.”

There will be questions. I’ve been on leave for almost three weeks while they performed the internal review. Evidently Donnie threw everything he could at trying to discredit me. He said I was biased because I was in a relationship with the goalie, and favoring Roman. Thankfully, the defensive line shot holes in that theory by saying Roman had been helpful in supporting me—and them, as he has for years—rather than the other way around. As a veteran player, his knowledge base is far more expansive, and his willingness to share it has helped the team.

The support from the players has been a balm. Every time a player is questioned, he has the nicest things to say about me and my role as an assistant coach. The same goes for Vander Zee. It’s been rough watching games from the couch, but I’ve finally been cleared to travel with the team. Head office is still in the process of filing the paperwork, but they’ve deemed Donnie’s allegations unfounded. With playoffs coming up, and the importance of having the full coaching staff available, I’ve been allowed to return to work.

“Your team supports you,” Dad reminds me.

“I know. But playing against New York is always tense,” I admit. Bowman continues to be a dominating force on the ice this season.

“How’s Roman?” Dad asks.

“Good. Protective. Worried about me more than anything.” I smile at the memory of breakfast in bed this morning and how he takes care of me. “He has my back every step of the way, though, and it’s just…so nice to have him to lean on.”

“I’m glad you found each other.” He means it, but there’s sadness in his eyes. “How are the girls? Are they settling in okay?”

“They’ve been great. Callie is in love with her bedroom, and Fee and Aurora, Roman’s daughter, are really connecting, which is good for all of us.” Being away from them is tough, but Dred sleeps over when we have away games and Aurora is traveling with the team. She’s a great friend, and I’m so thankful for her.

“I’m so glad to hear that. And the girls like Roman, too?”

“They adore him as much as I do. He’s fantastic with them. He’s an incredibly supportive partner.”

Dad smiles. “I know this hasn’t been easy, but I’m proud of you. And I will always be proud of you, no matter what. I haven’t always showed up the way you need me to, but I’ll try to be the best dad and grandpa I can to you and those girls,” he says.

“It means a lot that you’re here now.”

His phone buzzes with a call.

I give him the permission he needs. “You should check that. I need to head to the arena anyway.” I can love him, and love that he’s trying, but he’s still a workaholic lawyer. That won’t change.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and glances at the screen, his expression apologetic. “I should take this.”

“Go ahead.”

“Kristoff here. Can you hold for a second, please?” He mutes the call. “I’ll be cheering you on rinkside, okay?”

“Sounds great.”

He kisses me on the cheek. “I love you, Lexi.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

He unmutes the call as he leaves my room. He’s showing up the way he knows how. And that’s the important part.

“Do you want to talk anything through before you’re behind the bench?” Hemi asks as we head to the arena. “Any direction you need regarding the interview after the game.”

“I should stay focused on the game play and my role as an assistant coach.” I recite what Vander Zee has said.

“For the most part, yes, but they’ll ask about your relationship with Roman, and being honest is better than being evasive. I know where Vander Zee wants the focus, mostly because he’s been the front line on this. But you’re back in the game, so the questions will come. The team has been backing you the whole time. Everyone has said the same thing, Lexi—that they miss you on the ice, and you’re an asset to the team.”

“I’m just nervous. It’s one thing to be on the sidelines. It’s another to be in the line of fire.”

“I know. But we’re all behind you. The team is motivated to win this game for you.”

I stop and take a breath. I’m so emotional. “I need to have my shit together so Roman isn’t worried.”

“Roman is fine. He’s got this, and we’ve got you.” She settles her palms on my shoulders. “All we’re waiting on is paperwork to be filed. You wouldn’t be back at the game if they were seriously concerned about your competency or your agenda.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. Thank you.”

She pulls me in for a hug. “I was in your shoes last year. It sucked, but I got a great guy out of the deal and so have you.”

“Roman is amazing.” And I can handle the backlash that comes with marrying him because he’s my person.

“Just remember that when the assholes are assholes.”

“Everything okay here?” Vander Zee asks.

“Everything is awesome. We’re ready to kick some ass,” Hemi says.

Thank God for these women and this team. I wouldn’t have made it through this without them.

The game is tight. Roman’s focus is singular. After a goal scored by Bowman in the first few minutes of the first period, Roman has deflected every shot, and the enforcers are defending the net. But Bowman is on fire. His stick-handling skills keep improving. It’s mind-blowing to watch him snag the puck out of midair.

But in the end, it’s this maneuver that’s essentially New York’s downfall. Bowman gets a penalty in the third period for high sticking, and Madden scores the tie-breaking goal during the power play, giving us the lead with only four minutes left in the game. We manage to hold on. It’s a rough loss for New York, but a solid win for us.

My anxiety is at an all-time high as we enter the press box a few minutes later. And I’m unprepared for the number of microphones suddenly in my face. “Coach Forrester, this is your first game back in three weeks. Rumor has it that you’re married to Roman Hammerstein? Are these two things connected?”

“I’ve already answered that. Coach Forrester was on leave and has returned to her role as coach,” Vander Zee states, brow furrowed in irritation.

“Were you involved with Hammerstein before you joined the team?”

I go with honesty, because lying seems pointless and will only create more issues down the line. “I met Roman a few years ago, but I hadn’t seen or spoken to him again until after I joined the team as an assistant coach.”

A woman thrusts her microphone into my face. “You made history this year as the first female assistant coach in the league. How do you think marrying the team goalie will impact the opportunity for other women to progress in the league?”

I knew this question was coming. But it’s still a knife to the chest. “How many men have married their subordinates and faced the same public ire?” I throw the question back at her. “Look, love doesn’t always have convenient timing. Sometimes it shows up when you least expect it and knocks your whole world, or in this case, your whole team off balance.” I roll my shoulders back, thinking about how proud my husband already is of me. “And let’s be real, I was under a microscope prior to marrying Roman. I have been since I stepped into this role. It doesn’t matter that Roman is retiring. I will always be the assistant coach who married the goalie during the season. But he is the love of my life, and I’m the love of his. And I will take whatever is thrown at me because he is worth it. My being married to Roman might not be convenient or palatable for the masses, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m good at my job. I was the most qualified candidate for the position. And I believe my track record this year indicates that I am still the most qualified person for the job.”

“Why did you want the job? Was it so you could get closer to Hammerstein?” she asks.

I level her with an unimpressed glare. “I have lived and breathed hockey since I was three years old. It is my life and my very first love. It’s second now only to my husband and my sisters. I wanted this job because it gave me the opportunity to work with one of the top teams in the league.”

“You work primarily with the defensive line,” she states.

“For this team I do. I was a defensive player during my hockey career. It’s where my strengths lie.” I pause a moment. “We’re talking in a circle here. Our team stats speak for themselves. My being married to the goalie can’t skew the numbers.”

Vander Zee steps in. “Coach Forrester is an asset to this team and we’re grateful to have her back. She’s been instrumental in helping bolster our enforcers and working with Hammerstein and Coach Boxer to prepare Ryker to take over next season. And she’s done a damn good job, which everyone on the team has already stated over the past few weeks. Several times. If you’re looking for a scandal, try another team. Can we please focus on the game and the on-ice performance of the players, rather than our assistant coach’s personal life?”

“I do understand the fixation, though. Our goalie is a pretty great guy,” I add.

Vander Zee cracks a rare smile and that gets a round of chuckles from the media.

The questions shift to Roman’s retirement and the fact that Hendrix is in a contract year. Vander Zee vague-talks around it. In house, we all know how Hendrix feels. He’s expressed interest in coaching with Roman at the Hockey Academy next year. I can’t blame him. Life is short, and Peggy is his priority. He wants her to have a career and pursue her own aspirations, just like Roman’s wants for me.

Vander Zee answers a few more questions before we leave the press behind. “You handled that well, Forrester. They’ll keep pushing this angle for a while because it’s juicy gossip as my daughter likes to say.” He rubs the back of his neck. “But they’ll move on when they realize there’s no dissension on the team over it.”

“I know.”

“I’ll keep Hemi and her team on top of social media, but once Roman retires, things will settle down,” he assures me.

I’m the biggest target out there now. “I had to have thick skin to get where I am. That won’t change. I’m sorry for the headache it causes you and management.”

“Honestly, it would have been a battle regardless. If you’d waited until off-season, we would have heard about it in the fall. At least he gets to finish his last season happy.” He clasps me on the shoulder. “I’ll check on the guys and make sure you’re not getting an eyeful.”

I wait outside the locker room until I get the all clear from Vander Zee. When it’s safe, I join the rest of the coaching staff and the team.

“You did well,” Boxer says as I take my place beside him.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.” It’s nice to know that despite the headaches I’ve caused the team this season, I still have his support.

Fielding steps up and gives a short good-work-and-excellent-playing speech before we leave the arena and return to the hotel.

“I have plans for us tonight.” Roman guides me in the opposite direction of the team.

“We have a flight in the morning,” I remind him.

“I’m aware, but it’s the first time we’ve been together in New York since the weekend we met, and I want the night with you.” He kisses the back of my hand and guides me to a waiting car. “Don’t worry. We’ll make it back to the hotel tomorrow morning before anyone notices we’re gone.”

My stomach is full of excited butterflies as Roman helps me into the back of the waiting car and slides in next to me.

“What about all our stuff?”

“It’s already taken care of.” His expression makes my stomach tighten as he stretches his arm across the back of the seat.

My phone chimes with a message from the girls, asking if we can chat. Roman pulls me close so both of us are visible in the dimly lit car as I video call them.

“Hi, Lexi! Hi, Roman! Great game tonight!” Callie exclaims. She plops down on the couch between Dred and Fee.

“Nice win,” Dred adds.

“I only caught the third period because I had to finish an English essay that’s due tomorrow,” Fee admits.

“I proofed it. It’s an excellent essay.” Dred smirks. “Very passionate.”

“Thank you.” Fee rests her chin on her hands and bats her lashes. “I loathed the book, but it’s good to know I can still write something compelling.”

“Exceptionally compelling.” Dred bumps her shoulder.

We chat for a few more minutes before we wave goodbye and end the call.

“Dred is the best,” I tell Roman as I put my phone away.

“I agree. She’s been good for them.” Roman kisses my temple. I’m glad we can help her a little as well. The extra money we’re paying her—which she tried to refuse—can’t hurt. I don’t imagine the rent in her building is cheap.

I lace my fingers with his. “You know, when I took this job I wanted it to be a good move for all of us, and I feel like we’ve given my sisters the family they always deserved.”

“And you, you deserve it, too.” He lifts my fingers to his lips and kisses each one.

The car stops, and the driver lets us out in front of the hotel we stayed at the weekend we met in New York. “We won’t get much sleep tonight, will we?”

“I hope not.” He chuckles and brushes his lips over mine. “I thought a trip down memory lane would be welcome, especially with how challenging the past few weeks have been.”

“This is exactly what I needed.”

“Good. I’m glad I got it right.”

That same giddy anticipation I felt when Roman invited me back to his hotel all those years ago overwhelms me as we step into the lobby. My stomach tightens at memories of that weekend—how voracious Roman was, the way he owned my body and brought me limitless pleasure. How dedicated he was to uncovering every way to wring an orgasm out of me.

“How long have you been planning this?” We pass through the lobby to the elevators.

“Since our wedding. I know we’ll have time for a proper ceremony and honeymoon once the season ends, but I wanted to steal a little time with you and pay homage to the weekend that changed my life.” He ushers me into the elevator. The doors slide closed, and he waves the key in front of the sensor, hitting the button to the penthouse floor. “I was crushed when I woke up alone. I want to replace that memory with a new, better one where I wake with you in my arms instead.”

I run my hands up his chest and link my fingers behind his neck. “I’m sorry I left the way I did. I didn’t want you to think I’d slept with you just to advance my career.”

He settles his hands on my hips. “I wasn’t ready back then—any more than you were—for what was ahead of us. But we’re here now.”

When the elevator doors slide open, he links our hands and guides me down the hall to the same room we stayed in three years ago. Pink rose petals litter the floor and the bed. Champagne chills in a bucket, and green apple slices with caramel dip adorn the dining table. It’s exactly what we came back to after we went for a private dinner at an exclusive restaurant all those years ago.

Knowing Roman the way I do now, I’m aware that this level of extravagance is reserved for only the most treasured people in his life. Even then he made me feel special. Wanted. Protected.

I turn to face him. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” He kisses me. “And I’m going to show you exactly how much I appreciate and love you, as my wife and partner.”

“No one loves me better than you.”

“Come.” He laces our fingers and guides me to the bathroom where the massive tub waits, filled with steaming water, rose petals floating on the surface. The scent of orange blossom brings with it a deluge of fond memories.

“We had so much fun in that tub last time.”

“You soapy, covered in bubbles is a delight.” He pushes my hair over my shoulders. “I loved how soft you were. And I appreciate it even more now that I know all the sides of you.” He takes my face in his hands. “You’re going to be my sweet angel and let me take care of you exactly how I want, aren’t you?”

My knees go weak and a shiver skitters down my spine. “Yes, Roman.”

His smile grows wicked. “Good girl.”

Heat floods my center as his fingers trail down my arms and he slowly, carefully undresses me, pausing to kiss and nibble exposed skin as each article falls to the floor. But he avoids all my most sensitive places. We both know I’ll be putty in his hands by the time he finally touches me where I want him to.

He traces my collarbones as he circles me, lips ghosting my shoulder as he adjusts my position so I can see our reflections in the mirror. “Look at how beautiful you are.” He cups my breasts and kisses a path up my neck. “And you’re all mine, wife.”

“Only yours, husband.”

He’s still fully dressed, wearing his post-game suit as he runs his fingers through my hair and carefully braids it. I’m in such awe as I watch him work. This huge, imposing man can be so wonderfully gentle—and such a demon between the sheets when his careful control snaps—belongs to me.

When my hair is secured, he moves it to hang over my shoulder, his chest pressed against my back. One hand skims my hip, and he circles my navel with a single finger before dipping lower. At the same time, his other hand slides over my collarbones and up my neck, caressing the edge of my jaw as he turns my head and presses his lips to the corner of my mouth. He grazes my clit and growls the same phrase that made me melt all those years ago. “I’m going to make this pretty pussy weep for me tonight, Alexandria.”

“Yes, please.” I arch into the touch, pressing my ass against his still covered erection.

“My beautiful wife, always so polite when I get you naked,” he murmurs.

He steps back, and I whimper my displeasure. His answering smile tells me tonight will be the most delicious torture. “Undress me, wife.”

I eagerly loosen his tie as his fingers trail down my side and over my hip. I already know what’s coming as I rush to unbutton his shirt, and I moan as his hand slips between my legs. He cups me in his palm, and I falter.

“The sooner I’m naked, the sooner I’ll give you what we both want.”

He drags his fingers back and forth, barely grazing my clit. My pussy clenches in anticipation. I’m already on the edge. It won’t take much for him to make come, not with all the memories of our time together here overwhelming me.

“So wet already. Would you come if I filled you with my fingers? Cream all over them before I even get you in the tub?”

He reads me so well, knows exactly what to say and do to make me hot and needy.

I manage to slide the final button through the hole as I lift my gaze to his, bite my lip and nod. He releases me so I can rid him of his jacket and shirt, but as soon as they’re gone his hands are on me again. Fingers exploring between my thighs, making it impossible to concentrate.

I struggle with his belt, and the fly of his pants as he dips a single finger inside me, then withdraws and circles my clit. My knees nearly give out, but I manage to get them undone.

His hands leave my body again. “You don’t come until I’m naked.”

I groan, the ache between my thighs almost unbearable now. I sink to my knees and tug his pants and boxers down his thighs. His cock juts out, thick and hard and weeping.

I tip my head up and lick my lips.

A salacious grin tugs the corner of his mouth. “We’ll put the caramel dip to good use a little later.” He crooks his finger. “Come here, angel.”

I rise and he wraps his hands around my waist, spinning me around, he sets me on the edge of the tub and angles me so I can see our reflections in the mirror.

I part my thighs before he can even issue the command.

His lip curls deliciously and he glides a single finger through my slit. “Should I get you ready for my cock?”

“Yes, please.” I’m shaking with anticipation as he eases a single finger inside, pumping once before he adds a second and then a third, stretching me. I give myself over to the sensation, pussy contracting as the orgasm rolls through me.

“Fuck, you’re coming already.” Roman’s fingers disappear and I clench around nothing as he spins me around. “Grab the edge of the tub,” he commands. Excitement makes my blood hot. We did this the first time we were here, but in the living room, me holding on to the couch as he fucked me from behind and held my braid.

I do as I’m told, and he wraps my hair around his fist and gives his cock a rough stroke, coating himself with my juices.

“Ass out.” He smacks the right cheek.

I arch my back and he twists my head toward the mirror. He rubs the head of his erection over my pussy. “Ask nicely for what you want,” he demands.

I love that he knows exactly what I need. What I crave. And that I understand his desires the same way. I arch further and wiggle my ass. “Please, Roman.”

He cocks a brow and taps my aching clit. Waiting for the filthy words he loves so much.

“Please fuck my greedy pussy.”

“Good girl.” He fills me in one rough thrust.

His praise satisfies a deep, carnal need to please him. And those two sweet words send the orgasm rushing through me. I shudder as Roman starts a punishing rhythm, hips slapping my ass on every stroke.

He uses my braid to pull my head back, leaning in, eyes on our reflections as he slides in and out of me. “Look at you, my perfect doll, taking every inch of my cock.”

I can’t stop coming, or moaning his name as he hammers into me, fucking me, claiming me, owning me. His teeth sink into my shoulder, and he fills me one last time, cock pulsing as I clench around him.

When we’ve both come down from the high, he slowly eases out, wearing a satisfied smile as his cum drips down the inside of my thighs. “Now we can use the tub for its intended purpose.”

I laugh and his eyes crinkle at the corners. He lifts me easily over the edge, which I appreciate since my knees are overcooked spaghetti noodles. Roman climbs in after and moves me to straddle his lap. I settle over his erection as we kiss and touch, fingers and lips exploring.

When we’re both desperate for more of each other, and I’m once again begging him to fill me, he dries us off and carries me to bed. Still in no rush, he pulls the sheets back and stretches out over me, fitting himself between my legs. I wrap them around his waist, unable to pry my gaze from his. So much about this night is the same, but the emotions are different. He’s the one person I can give all of myself to.

This time he’s slow and tender, filling me in one smooth stroke, he stays deep, eyes on mine as he makes love to me. In one night, we reframe that weekend, create new memories to go with the old, replacing the hurt of ending our time without a goodbye with the promise of our forever.

“I love you,” he whispers against my lips.

“I love you, too. Endlessly.”

I come in waves, pleasure sweeping over me as he rolls his hips. I moan his name and cling to his shoulders, as we tip over the edge together. I’m lost in him, drowning in his love.

We lie there for long minutes, just kissing and touching before he leaves to get a damp washcloth so he can clean me up. ‘Should we enjoy the caramel and apple slices the way they were meant to be?”

“You mean actually dip the apples in them and not your dick?” I ask.

“Exactly.” He kisses me softly. “Let me get you a robe.”

He helps me into the soft plush terry, and we snuggle on the couch and feed each other while we talk.

“I wish my mom could have met you.” My throat tightens with emotion.

“I wish I could have met her, too.”

“Our relationship wasn’t easy or perfect, but she would have liked you. She would have been happy that I found someone who loves me the way you do.”

“My dad would have felt the same way about you,” he says softly.

“Does the hurting stop eventually?” I ask.

Roman’s smile turns soft. “The edges aren’t so sharp after a few years. I still miss my dad, but the way it hurts is different, if that makes sense.”

“I think so. It helps a lot that I have these new women in my life. I’ve never had that before.” I had teammates, and friends, but these women are special. I feel blessed to know them.

“They are wonderful people, and I’m so glad they’ve become a support system for you. When we get back to Toronto, we can start planning our summer wedding, if you want one,” Roman says.

“I do. Just something small and intimate, though, with the people we love the most.”

“Exactly. And then we’ll go somewhere private, where I can love you all day long.”

That I get to spend my life with this man is a joy and an honor. “That sounds beyond perfect.”