If You Love Me: Chapter 42

I hold the door open for the guys as they file into my penthouse.

“This one says Callie’s bedroom,” Flip’s voice comes from behind a large cardboard box.

“Second door on the right,” Peggy replies. “It’s a pink room. You can’t miss it.” She was the one who suggested it for Callie.

Tristan and Nate are on his heels. “We’re heading there, too.”

Hollis and Ash are next. “We have stuff for Lexi’s office.”

“Those can go in my office.”

“Got it.” They keep moving.

“I’ll show Dallas where Fee’s room is.” Peggy motions for him to follow her.

I put the door stopper down and check on Lexi in the kitchen. “How’s it going?”

“I can’t believe how much stuff we have.” Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, flyaways sticking to her temples. She props her fists on her hips, surveying the stack on the floor. “I don’t know why I bothered to pack any of this. You already have a stocked kitchen, and your stuff is way nicer than mine.”

A week or so after the wedding, once Callie had recovered, we broached the subject of the move with the girls. As predicted, Callie was all for it, and Fee was less excited. We brought them to my place for dinner the next night so they could see the house and the spare rooms. Peggy is thrilled that Callie fell in love with the princess pink space that was once hers. Fee grudgingly admitted she liked the room we suggested could be hers.

With Lexi on leave until the internal review is complete, she’s had more free time than she’d like, so it took less than a week to pack up the contents of their condo. Today is move-in day.

“We’ll sort through it, and whatever we don’t need we can donate.” Or we can put it in storage depending on what Fee’s post high school plan is. “We’re almost done unloading the truck, and the girls are picking up the food. We don’t have to unpack everything today.”

“I know. As long as the girls’ rooms are set up, I’ll feel reasonably settled, and hopefully so will they.”

“It’s okay if it takes some time for them to acclimate.”

“The housewarming committee has arrived!”

Rix, Essie, Hemi, Tally, and Dred appear, laden with not only takeout bags from Callie and Fee’s favorite restaurant, but also wrapped gift boxes.

“What’s all this?” Lexi’s brows furrow.

“Housewarming gifts for the girls,” Dred explains. “We know this has been a lot for all of you and we wanted to get them something special for their new home.”

“You’re doing so much already. You didn’t need to buy presents.” Lexi bites her lips together. It’s what she does when she’s fighting to keep her emotions in check.

“We brought food and went shopping. The guys are doing the hard work.” Hemi gives me a side hug. “Besides, they’ll use it as a workout replacement.”

“And honestly, I’ll find any reason I can to order a cake from Just Desserts,” Rix adds.

“I’ve considered pretending to be engaged for an excuse to test their cakes,” Essie admits.

“I’m zero percent surprised to hear this,” Rix deadpans.

“I happen to love their cakes—and also unpacking,” Dred says.

“Can you point me in Fee’s direction?” Tally asks. “I want to see her room.”

“Third door on the right, just after Barbie’s dream bedroom.” Peggy motions toward the hall.

Shilpa appears in the doorway and walks directly to Lexi and me, offering us both an uncertain smile, which is unusual for her. “I know I’ve been quiet in the Babe chat, but I have a line to toe.”

Lexi’s expression softens. “I understand that your allegiance is to the team.”

“It is.” Shilpa takes Lexi’s hands. “But outside of the office, you have my and Ash’s full support, okay?”

Lexi exhales what seems to be a steadying breath and smiles. “I appreciate that, and that you’re in a difficult position.”

“Even though this review is a pain in all our asses, mostly yours, I’m still glad you took the steps you did to safeguard yourselves. I also love the two of you together, and off the record, so does the rest of the team.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

Her expression shifts to chagrin. “I’m sorry for how salty I was with both of you when I initially found out.”

“We understand it threw you for a loop,” Lexi replies.

“It did,” she agrees. “But I’d also just found out I was pregnant, and I was trying not to barf every five minutes.”

“Oh my gosh! Congratulations! That’s fantastic news. How far along are you?” Lexi hugs her. “I’m so sorry we caused you added stress!”

“I’m used to stress. You should have seen me last year with Dallas and Hemi.” She chuckles and rolls her eyes. “We passed the eleven-week mark and heard the heartbeat yesterday, so we’re in the clear to share the news with our friends,” Shilpa explains.

“What news?” Hollis appears, carrying another box marked kitchen.

“Is it finally sharing time?” Hemi’s eyes light up as she hugs Shilpa from the side.

“It is.” Shilpa is all smiles.

“Let me get everyone together.” Hemi calls the group into the room.

The rest of the guys put their boxes down, and the girls come out of their rooms to join us.

Ash is beaming as he puts his arm around Shilpa and announces, “We’re having a baby!”

The room turns into a flurry of excitement and congratulations, and not for the first time, I consider what it would be like to start again, with a partner this time—how different it would be, how much I’d love to have the chance to do this with Lexi.

Post baby announcement, we set up all the food on the kitchen island, buffet style, and everyone grabs a plate. After they’re loaded up, we sit in the formal dining room. The table is huge, but it’s still a tight fit.

Callie is between Peggy and Dred, talking a mile a minute. Fee is sandwiched between Tally and Tristan.

“Fee seems okay,” Lexi observes.

“She does,” I agree. But she’s been moody and quiet the past couple of days. She could be putting on a brave face because of our company.

“This team is so special.” Lexi dabs at her mouth with her napkin.

“Yeah. It’s a great group. Everyone looks out for each other.” I kiss her temple.

“They really do. Not every team is like this.”

“There’s a reason I wanted to finish my career here.”

When everyone’s plates are empty, Peggy taps her glass with her fork. “Before we have cake, it’s time for presents!” She pushes back her chair, and Hollis and Tristan do the same, following her out of the room.

Callie’s mouth hangs open. “Presents? Whose birthday is it?”

“We’re celebrating the new move,” Dred explains.

“Oh wow. I think I like moving parties!”

That earns a collective chuckle from the table.

Peggy, Hollis, and Tristan return with stacks of boxes.

Most of the gifts are for the girls’ rooms, to make them feel more like home. Fee unwraps the lava lamp she’s been in love with forever, and Callie is thrilled about the giant axolotl to go with her small one.

“Connor wanted to be here today, but he had to take his grandma to an appointment,” Tristan explains as he passes Callie a very large, very flat gift wrapped in unicorn-printed paper. “He said he’d come to your game tomorrow, though.”

“He loves his grandma.” Callie opens the card first, grinning and blushing as she reads it, then sets it aside. Dred holds the gift steady while she carefully peels the tape free and reveals the contents. Callie bursts into a fit of giggles.

“Seriously, man?” Flip mutters.

“That’s awesome.” Nate snorts a laugh and Flip side eyes him.

“Oh, that is magical,” Rix snickers.

“So magical,” Dred agrees.

“We all need your talent in our lives.” Essie points at Peggy with her lip gloss wand.

“Thank you,” Peggy says, smiling widely.

“You helped with this?” Flip looks put out.

“It’s sweet,” Tally says defensively. She turns her unimpressed gaze on Flip. “You don’t have to like him to acknowledge that.”

He holds up his hands. “You’re right, Talls. I’m just jealous I didn’t think of it myself.”

“Oh, I can make this happen for you, too.” Peggy grins.

Mounted on a board the size of a movie poster is a picture of Connor, dressed in full hockey gear, wielding his stick like a sword, riding a unicorn up a rainbow. It’s been signed by Connor as Callie’s number one fan.

“Can I ride a dragon instead?” Flip asks.

“You can ride anything you want,” Tally pipes up. Her eyes go wide, and she sinks into her chair.

“She means I can photoshop you riding any animal, mythical or otherwise,” Peggy clarifies. “I can even make you ride a dinosaur, if you want.”

“I want in on this,” Dallas says.

“Of course you do, honey.” Hemi smirks.

“Should I jump in on this, Callie-wallie?” I ask.

She shrugs. “If you want. But I don’t need a picture of you on my walls because now I get to live with you and see you all the time when you’re not traveling, and you’re going to be my dad, which is the best present of them all.”

“He’s married to our sister, Callie. He’s not our dad. Our dad is gone!” Fee snaps.

The room is silent for a moment. Her face turns red, and she pushes her chair away from the table, rushing down the hall to her bedroom.

Callie bursts into tears.

Lexi stands, rounds the table, and hugs her sister. “She’s not upset with you. She’s just overwhelmed, Callie. It’s a lot of change.”

“I could see if Fee’s okay?” Tally offers.

“She probably needs a minute to herself, but you could text her later,” Lexi replies, still hugging a tearful Callie.

Tally nods, and everyone rises to help clear the table. Once everything is put away they excuse themselves shortly thereafter, despite there still being cake and more housewarming gifts to open.

“I’ll be right next door if she needs someone to talk to later,” Peggy offers as she and Hollis follow the rest of the crew to the door. “I know it’s not the same, but I understand that the change is hard.”

“I’ll let you know how things go,” I assure her.

By the time everyone leaves, Lexi has calmed Callie down, helped her bring all her new gifts to her room, and goes to check on Fee. I meet her in the hall, looking frantic. “I can’t find Fee. She’s not in her room, and she’s not answering when I text.”

“Let me check.” I remember how hard it was for Peggy when she first moved in here.

I knock on Fee’s open bedroom door and call her name, not expecting an answer. Empty boxes have been broken down and left in a pile in the corner. More boxes litter the floor, clothes are piled on the bed—half of them on hangers, the rest waiting for the same treatment. Her phone sits on her nightstand. At first glance, the room appears empty, but the closet door is ajar. I hold up a finger to Lexi and cross the room, poking my head inside.

She’s exactly where I expected she would be, curled up in the corner of the closet beside the laundry hamper, head resting on her knees, shoulders shaking.

“Hey, you’re having a tough time today, eh?” I say quietly.

She dashes away her tears. “I’m embarrassed.”

“You don’t need to be. Everyone understands that this is hard,” I assure her.

“We love you, Fee. And we know this is a struggle,” Lexi adds.

“Lexi! Can you help me make my bed?” Callie calls.

I squeeze her hand, gauging what she needs from me. “I can go if you want, or I can talk to Fee. It’s up to you.”

“You stay with Fee. I’ll help Callie.” Lexi kisses the edge of my jaw and leaves me.

“Can I come in?” I ask.

Fee lifts a shoulder and swipes at her tears again. I grab the tissues from her nightstand, set the box beside her, and sit down on the closet floor across from her. “When Peggy first moved in with me, she used to hide in her closet. Scared the crap out of me when she fell asleep in a pile of stuffed animals and I couldn’t find her for twenty minutes.”

“I’m sorry if I scared you and Lexi.”

“I had a solid idea where you were. My phone gets an alert when someone enters or leaves this place, so I knew you couldn’t have gone far.”

“Is Callie okay?” She sniffles and picks at a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

“She’s all right. Lexi has it handled. I want you to know that I understand how hard this is. You’ve lost a lot in the past couple of years, and so much has changed in a very short time. You’re going to have some big feelings about that. But it’s important that you talk about those feelings. It doesn’t have to be to me, or Lexi. You can talk to your friends, and Peggy can be a great sounding board. She’s had a lot of experience dealing with me, and while her mom is still alive, she can relate to how hard this all is.”

“Her mom lives in California, right?”

“For now she does. They move a lot. Which is why Peggy came to live with me when she was six. It was tough for her and her mom, but it was best for Peggy. She needed a home base, and Zara couldn’t give that to her,” I explain.

“Why not?”

“Because Zara needs frequent change. Some kids can roll with it. Peggy wasn’t one of those kids. It took her over a year to really settle in with me. She was so used to moving every few months. She didn’t trust the stability at first.”

“Oh. I didn’t realize that.” She dabs at her eyes with a tissue. “It’s not that I don’t want to live here with you, or that I don’t like you.” She bites the inside of her cheek. “But I just got used to living with Lexi, and now Callie and I have to get used to living with you. And I feel bad because it’s so nice here, and I know you’re trying hard, and you’re such a good dad, but I miss my dad.” She sucks in a shuddering breath.

It’s a pain I’m familiar with and I want to give her hope that it will get easier. That even though these deep wounds leave real scars, they hurt less with time. “I know you do, kiddo. I get it. I lost my dad more than a decade ago, and it still hurts. I still miss him. But you’re not betraying his memory or your love for him and your mom by allowing yourself to find the joy in this new life, either.”

She lifts her head, eyes wide. “That’s it. That’s what’s so hard. Because this is such a nice place, and I really like you, Roman, and I love my sister, but I feel like I’m not supposed to like it as much as I do. Everyone on the Terror is so kind, and it feels like this big family I’ve never really had before.”

None of them have, I realize. Especially not Lexi. I want this for them, for us. To have this tight knit group who will love and support them. “It’s tough, isn’t it? Wanting to embrace it, but feeling like you shouldn’t?”

She nods.

“I have a tendency to overdo it. I just want to be enough, you know? And I want to be loved like everyone else. When Peggy was young, I wanted to make up for the years that were hard for her, and for the fact that she couldn’t be with her mom.”

“Peggy adores you. Everyone does,” Fee says.

“I don’t want to lose that, though. So I overcompensate. I understand that it can be hard to trust that this won’t disappear on you, but as unconventional as we are, we’re a family, Fee. We don’t bail on each other. Even when it’s hard, we’ll stand by each other, okay?”

“Okay.” Her bottom lip trembles.

“You want a hug?” I offer.

“Yeah.”

I extend a hand and pull her to her feet, then wrap her in my arms. “We’ll get through this. That’s what families do.”

I help her unpack for a while, and it’s late by the time I finally leave Fee’s room. I find Lexi and Callie cuddled up in her princess bed, both out cold. I carefully gather Lexi up and carry her down the hall to our room.

“I fell asleep in Callie’s bed, didn’t I?” She nuzzles into my neck, all warm and groggy.

“You did.” I pull the comforter back and set her down. Lexi lets me pull the covers over her.

“How’s Fee?” she mumbles.

“She’s okay. We talked it out. She was just overwhelmed.”

“Thank you for being there for her, for all of us.”

“I’d do anything for you and the girls.” I press my lips to her forehead. “I just need to brush my teeth. I’ll be right back.”

Two minutes later, I slide under the sheets next to her. She snuggles into me. “I love you,” she mumbles.

“I love you, too.” I press my lips to her temple and marvel at how much my life has changed and how I wouldn’t trade it for the world.