If You Love Me: Chapter 23

“Knock, knock.”

Peggy leans around her computer monitor and a smile curves the corner of mouth as she spots the edible bouquet in my hand. “How did you know I needed cookies today?”

“Hollis might have made an offhand comment about picking up supplies, and I read between the lines.” I set the cookie bouquet on her desk. “How are you feeling? You need these too?” I pull a pack of painkillers from my pocket.

She laughs. “You’re already dad of the year. You don’t need to bring me PMS meds. And besides you, Hollis is the only other man in my life who’s offered to get me supplies.”

“He’s a keeper, then.”

“He is,” she agrees and pushes out of her chair. She wraps her arms around me. “Thank you for being so thoughtful.”

“Thank you for giving me a reason to smile every day.” I squeeze her. “You got time for lunch?”

She glances at the clock. “I have a meeting at two thirty, but that’ll give us plenty of time. I’ll just let Hemi know.” She grabs her purse, coat, scarf, and toque and pops across to Hemi’s office before we head for the elevators. We pass the coaching staff on the way out, and I try my best not to let my gaze linger on Lexi.

Peggy and I make the short walk in the blustery January afternoon to our favorite lunch spot. They serve the best homemade soup and sandwiches.

We settle in at one of the tables by the window after we order. “Are you glad Flip is back on the ice tonight?” Peggy asks.

“Definitely. We’ve beat New Jersey once already this season, so we’re in a good position to do it again. Hopefully he can play the entire game.”

“How’s he been at practice since the talk?” She stresses the word talk.

As much as Flip and Connor would love for their secrets to remain in the locker room, all the girls with partners who were there for the come to Jesus talk are now also in the know.

“Good. They’ve both been better. I think they’re equally mortified by their actions.”

The server drops off our soups and sandwiches.

“I’m really glad we both decided on grilled cheese.” She presses her lips together, fighting laughter.

After a moment we both lose the battle and end up in tears over it, garnering looks from several patrons.

“Teenage boys do such stupid things.” I wipe under my eyes with my napkin.

“This is so true.” Peggy picks up half of her grilled cheese and dips it in her tomato bisque. “And probably one of the many reasons I barely dated in high school.” She rolls her eyes.

“I’m glad you didn’t date jerks in high school.” I dip my bacon and grilled cheese sandwich into my loaded baked potato soup.

“Oh, I did. I just broke up with them before you met them.” She eyes me from the side. “Speaking of dating…”

I give her a look.

“Seriously, Dad. You need to put yourself out there. You have so much to offer. You’re the most amazing parent. The team loves you; you love the team. You deserve someone to share life with.”

I desperately want to tell her I’ve already found the perfect woman. That I’m in love. But I can’t do that to Lexi, and I can’t put that on Peggy. It’s bad enough that I’ve been lying to her for months, I don’t want her to carry around this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, or keep my secrets.

So I say the only thing I can, “Let me retire. Then I’ll start dating.”

“How long before the girls get here?” Hollis asks for the third time in ten minutes.

“Text my daughter.” I sip my scotch. He convinced me to come out for a drink.

“I did. She’s not responding.” He arches an expectant brow.

“I’m not checking my app for you. It’s your own damn fault that you haven’t asked her to add you to the circle.” I fight a smile at his irritated expression.

“They’re here.” Flip squints. “Who’s with them?”

I follow his eyes. Dred, Hemi, Rix, Essie, and Peggy, plus one, are heading our way.

“Oh shit. Is that Coach Forrester? Wow. Just…okay.” Flip refocuses on his beer.

The girls must have persuaded Lexi to come out tonight. And they clearly dressed her up, too. She’s wearing a deep rose slinky number that conforms to every single one of her curves. All the years of hockey and her time on the ice with us have sculpted her into a masterpiece. If she turns around… Do not think about fucking her from behind. It’s too late, though. The memory of her french braid slipping through my fist slams into my brain. I tighten my grip on my scotch. I’m so fucked. So, so fucked.

Her gaze catches mine for a moment, and she fiddles with the clutch hanging from her wrist. What I wouldn’t give to get out there on the dance floor with her. To put my hands on her, to feel her body melt against mine. To take her home so I can experience the soft and sweet sides of her. But we have months until the season ends.

“You okay, man?” Hollis asks.

“Fine. Great.”

“Aurora will be fine. Dallas and Tristan and I will keep an eye on the girls,” he assures me.

“Yup.”

“But that’s not what this is about.” He focuses on his glass.

I say nothing. Hollis watches out for Peggy these days. But Lexi is a new problem. She looks incredible, and if Flip’s reaction is anything to go by, we won’t be the only ones to notice.

Peggy and the girls stop by our table. It seems Shilpa and Ash opted out because Shilps wasn’t feeling the best. But I still wonder how they persuaded Lexi to come. Did she leave Fee in charge tonight? Her phone is clutched in her hand, and she checks it every few seconds. I get it. She wants to have a life, but she feels guilty for having fun.

“You’re coming out to dance with us later.” Peggy points a finger at me, then leans in to kiss Hollis on the cheek.

I look away, because I don’t need to see them making eyes at each other. Once again, my attention shifts to Lexi. She gives me a small smile. Dred glances between us. Her expression makes me question whether Lexi finally cracked and confided in her. And if so, what exactly has she said? Dred waves at the table, then links her arm with Lexi’s and pulls her toward the dance floor. Unfortunately, I have an excellent view of them. And now my head is spinning worse than it already was.

Drinking my feelings away won’t help, and it certainly won’t make me an asset on the ice tomorrow, so I switch to water and try my best to keep my eyes to myself.

After a few minutes, Hollis, Dallas, and Tristan head for the dance floor to play bodyguard and get up close and personal with their significant others. Flip stays behind with me.

“You don’t have to hang back if you want to get out there.”

“Just saving my ankle for the ice.”

“You still hurting?”

“Nah, just want to be an asset to the team and make good choices when it comes to taking care of my body. Besides, I feel like I have some making up to do for all the stress I caused in the first half of the season.”

“The issue seems to be resolved,” I reply.

“Yeah. Seems pretty fucking stupid in hindsight.” He slaps his thighs. “Anyway, Hollis and Hammer seem good. You handling that okay?”

“My daughter is happy, and that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah. Changes things, though, doesn’t it?” Flip muses.

“Yeah, it does,” I agree.

I watch Lexi part from the group and head toward the bathroom. At least half a dozen heads turn as she passes. I hate that I have to sit back and do nothing when the mere idea of her getting hit on makes me twitchy—especially by drunk idiots with dicks for brains. “You mind holding the table for a minute? I gotta use the bathroom.”

Flip nods. “Sure. No problem.”

“Thanks.”

I slide out of the booth and walk the perimeter of the dance floor, positioning myself across from the bathroom to wait. Lexi appears a few minutes later and weaves between the press of bodies, but she pauses to check her phone. She worries her bottom lip as she scrolls through the messages. As predicted, some young douchebag approaches her. He’s probably her age—in his late twenties, still all balls and no brains.

There’s no way I won’t do something regrettable if I see some guy flirt with her. So I step up behind her and skim the length of her arm. She startles, and goose bumps rise along her skin. She nearly drops her phone, but I catch it and slide it back into her hand.

The guy’s expression shifts above her head, and his eyes flare.

“She’s with me,” I grind out.

He raises his hands. “Sorry. I didn’t realize.”

He backs away as Lexi spins around. If I wasn’t fucked before, I certainly am now. Her braid hangs over her shoulder, begging to be wrapped around my fist. Her eyes are on fire, her lips glossy and pink and entirely too fucking enticing.

“What are you doing, Roman?”

Digging my hole deeper, apparently. “He was hitting on you.”

She props a fist on her hip. “I’m fully capable of handling myself.”

“I know. I can’t, though,” I admit. “I just saved him from a broken nose and me from an assault charge. Not proud of my complete lack of control when it comes to you, but at least I can admit I have a problem.”

Her eyes narrow, and she pokes at her lip with her tongue. “I should not find that sexy.”

“I find you sexy.” I give her a heated once-over.

Her fingers flutter near her throat. “You have to stop looking at me like that.”

“Again, I know, but I can’t.” She’s so fucking full of sass; beautiful and brilliant. She’s right in front of me, but I can’t have her. “This is torture.”

She scans the room. “This was such a bad idea.”

That’s a gut punch I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from. I don’t know what my expression must be, but her fingers curve around my wrist.

“Coming out tonight, I mean,” she clarifies.

“Because I’m here.”

“No. Yes. Not because I don’t want to see you, Roman, but because I do. And it’s so hard to stay away, especially when you’re being all alpha possessive and you look like this.” She gestures to me and seems annoyed.

“Look like what?”

She rolls her gorgeous, expressive eyes. “You hardly need me to spell it out.”

“Maybe I do. Maybe I need to hear that you’re struggling the way I am. Because I’m losing the battle here, Lexi.”

“Every room you walk into, you’re all I see.” Her expression is pained. “Every time my phone goes off, I hope it’s you. When I feel your eyes on me, I want to beg you to take me to bed so I can be yours again.”

My relief that she feels the same is tempered by all she stands to lose.

“I should go.” Even as she speaks, she takes a step closer. “Before someone notices us. I need to get back to the girls anyway—my sisters, I mean. Callie’s having trouble sleeping.”

“I could drive you. I’ve only had one drink. Let me take you home, Lexi.”

“It’s too risky.”

I tip my head in understanding. It is, but we’ll have a moment alone. Many moments. No text messages to delete right away. No one watching us. No one to stop us from acting on the feelings we’ve been fighting.

“I have to tell you something important.” She fiddles with the collar of my shirt, eyes on her fingers. Her inability to meet my gaze tells me whatever she’s about to say makes her nervous.

“Okay. I’m listening.”

Her eyes lift. “Dred knows.”

“Knows what exactly?”

“That we slept together before I joined the Terror and then again at Christmas. She said she picked up on a vibe, but no one else suspects anything. She won’t tell anyone.”

Dred is as loyal as they come. “Okay.”

Her hand settles on my chest. “You’re not upset?”

“I know this isn’t any easier for you than it is for me. You need someone to talk to. I’m glad you have her.” And it gives me hope that we want the same thing, which is more than a stolen night together.

“Who do you have?” she whispers.

“My position is different than yours.” I give in to the urge to skim her hip, just the hint of connection. “Let me take you home. We can talk without an audience.”

She drops her head and sways into me. Her forehead rests against my chest and her hands curl around my biceps for a moment, nails biting into my skin. I stroke her cheek and press my lips to the top of her head. Holding her in my arms makes me feel like a king. I would fight a thousand armies just to have this moment with her.

She grips my shirt and spins us around until her back is against a wide column, obscuring her from view. I brace an arm above her head, and she looks up at me. Conflict is written all over her face—the weight of our feelings pushing us to the edge of our limits. “I can’t, Roman.”

“I’ll stay in the car.”

“I’m worried about what will happen when we’re in the car.” Her fingers drift up my chest. “I will break if I’m alone with you. I’m breaking now.”

I search her eyes. It wouldn’t be hard to convince her that I’ll keep her from making a mistake she can’t take back. But it would be a lie. “I understand.”

I start to step back, but she fists my shirt, eyes darting to my mouth. The tension between us is electric. “Give me permission, angel.”

Her eyes lock with mine, and she mouths the words, Kiss me, please.

I angle my body, making sure she’s completely hidden before I cover her mouth with mine. Desire runs through my veins like fire as her lips part and our tongues tangle. Brushing and whispering with all the words we can’t say. Her soft body presses closer. It’s weeks of pent-up need, lust, longing, unquenched desire. It’s bliss and agony.

But we’re in the middle of a nightclub, and the longer we stand here, the more at risk I put her. Every taste, every touch leaves me craving more. Eventually I pry my lips from hers. “You need to go, Lexi. You are a temptation I don’t want to resist.”

Her lips brush across my throat as she slips out from between me and the column and disappears into the crowd. The end of the season has never felt so impossibly far away.

And early retirement has never seemed so appealing.