If You Love Me: Chapter 15

“I really hoped you’d bring a date this year.” Peggy adjusts my tie as we take the elevator to the conference hall.

“And ruin my perfect record?” I joke. But not really. Next year everything will be different. I won’t be part of this team. Hell, I could be coaching kids who might end up on the Terror. And all the red tape surrounding me and Lexi will have disappeared.

She rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Dado, you need to start dating.”

“She’s right,” Hollis agrees.

I motion between them. “You two don’t get to gang up on me.”

Peggy slides her arm through Hollis’s and rests her cheek against his biceps. “If you had a date, we’d be evenly matched and you wouldn’t feel ganged-up on.”

“I’m going home if you don’t drop it.” I almost mean that. Keeping stuff from my daughter and my best friend is high on the list of things I don’t enjoy. But there’s someone I want to see tonight more than I want to forgo the frustration that comes with Peggy and Hollis trying to set up online-dating accounts on my behalf.

“Don’t be such a grump.” Peggy pokes me in the side.

The elevator doors slide open, giving me an escape.

Tonight is the Terror’s annual holiday party. Everyone on the team attends and brings their significant other, if they have one. Even the guys without serious girlfriends usually bring a date. But there’s only one woman I want on my arm, and I can’t have her.

As soon as we’re through the doors, Peggy kisses Hollis on the cheek and tells him she’ll find him at dinner. She flounces off, her gold dress billowing behind her as she rushes across the festively decorated room to be enveloped by her friends. My little girl is all grown up.

“They were together almost all day getting their hair and nails and makeup done,” Hollis grumbles.

“They’re not having a slumber party tonight, so you’ll survive.” It comes out with more bite than I intend.

Hollis turns to me. “You okay, man?”

“Yeah. I’m great.” I’m the opposite of great. I’m on edge. It’s almost five thirty, and I haven’t seen Lexi since practice yesterday. I love practice as much as I loathe it these days. I can’t escape her when I’m sleeping. She’s on my mind every waking moment of the day. I’m jonesing, and I need a fix. I can’t escape her, and I now know I really don’t want to. The future possibilities hold too much allure.

“We gonna talk about this?” Hollis asks.

“Huh?”

He arches a brow. “Dude.”

“What?” I wish I could shove my hands in my pockets, but I’m wearing a tux and that’s impossible.

“You gonna tell me what happened in New York?”

“We beat them, but it wasn’t clean.” That lead weight is back in my stomach, but still, I try not to be obvious as I scan the room.

“Not what I’m referring to, and you know it.”

The second I find her, I’m utterly transfixed. She’s a fucking vision. Her hair has been braided and weaved into an intricate knot at the base of her elegant neck. Her dress is a pale, blush pink with a matching lace overlay that drapes across one shoulder and frames her cleavage, dipping low enough to be seductive, but still modest. The slit in the side shows off her toned leg from long days on the ice. It’s very reminiscent of the dress I had delivered to our room during our weekend in New York. I took her out for dinner and dancing, and then brought her back to the hotel, peeled her out of the dress, and kept her in bliss for hours. The next morning I woke alone.

“Dude, you’re as subtle as a fart in an elevator.” Hollis pats me on the shoulder and walks away.

I barely spare him a glance, though it’s highly problematic that he’s noticed the way I look at Lexi. I don’t know what she was thinking, bringing her dad to the Watering Hole last week with the whole team there. Hollis asked about it the next morning on the way to practice. I pretended I had no idea what he was talking about and switched the subject to holiday plans, all the while feeling like a hypocrite for doing exactly what he and Peggy did last season. I wonder if this is how he felt when he was hiding what was going on with Peggy at the start of their relationship. I’m not sure how I missed his caginess, or the way he looked at her. Maybe I didn’t want to see it.

Lexi crosses the room, heading for the bar, so I do the same. I need to be in her orbit for a minute. Her head turns, as if she can sense my approach. Her throat bobs with a nervous swallow, and her tongue sweeps across her bottom lip.

“Hi, Coach Forrester.” I prop my elbows on the bar top and try not to look directly at her.

“Hello, Goalie.” Her gaze locks with mine in the reflection behind the mirrored bar. Her fingers flutter around her collarbones before she drops them and clasps her hands.

I order a scotch, neat. I need something stronger than beer with her looking the way she does. “Where’s your date?”

“He’s not available tonight. Yours?”

“Can’t have her.”

Just because we’ve acknowledged our mutual attraction doesn’t mean she sees what we could be the same way I do. How I could be the one she spends her nights and mornings with. Though I can’t imagine she’s had time to date anyone since she arrived in Toronto. Not with an eight-year-old and a seventeen-year-old to take care of, on top of coaching a professional hockey team.

The bartender passes her a glass of ginger ale. Lexi isn’t much for the taste of alcohol. We move away from the bar, and she turns to face me. “You can’t look at me like that, Roman.”

“We’re not on the ice. You can’t tell me what to do, Alexandria.” I sip my scotch to hide my smile at her frustrated expression.

“Seriously, this needs to stop. I feel like I’m wearing a scarlet letter whenever you’re around.” She keeps looking to the side, clearly nervous to be seen talking to me.

“As far as anyone knows, we’re just two people who work for the same team having a conversation. Unless you’ve told someone,” I press.

“I haven’t told a soul.” Her emphasis is offensive.

“Why? Are you embarrassed?”

She rolls her eyes. “You players are all the same. Egos like eggshells. That has nothing to do with it. This is my job, Roman, and I’ve worked hard to be here. We can’t keep dancing around each other like this. Someone will notice.”

I don’t tell her someone already has. I’ve considered confiding in Hollis, but he’s dating my daughter, and I don’t know if he’d be able to keep this from her.

“Whoa, this looks heated. You two debating the merits of Ash and Grace playing on the same line?” Flip asks. “Perhaps recognizing the error of your ways, Coach?”

I don’t know where he came from, but the fact that we’re having this discussion in the middle of a public place speaks to how fired up we are. I shift my attention to him. “It seems you have feelings about that.”

Flip shrugs, attempting nonchalance. “Ash plays best when he’s on the same line as Dallas. So yeah, maybe Grace is better behaved for the time being, but it’s dragging Ash down.”

I’m a second away from telling him to watch his mouth, but Lexi beats me to it.

“First of all, regardless of the casual setting, I’m still your coach. You don’t get to tell me how to do my job. And secondly, it’s your behavior that’s problematic. Your negativity toward your teammate directly affects everyone’s performance on the ice.”

“But he⁠—”

“I don’t want excuses. You and Grace need to deal with your decade old grudge and get over it. This isn’t high school, this is the pros, and I expect more from you. Especially since you’ll be one of the more seasoned players on the ice after your goalie retires. What is the legacy you want to leave behind?”

Flip opens and closes his mouth. “I just want to keep the team intact.”

Lexi’s expression softens and her defensive posture relaxes slightly. “I get it. There’s been a lot of change, professionally and personally for you. But we can’t fight change. It happens whether we want it to or not. You can be part of the solution or part of the problem, Flip.”

“I’m not the only problem, though,” Flip states.

“No, you’re not. But someone has to be the bigger man. And wouldn’t you rather it be you?” Lexi arches a sexy, expectant brow.

“Coach has a point,” I say.

Flip’s defensive posture deflates.

“Think about it. And in the meantime, go enjoy your night.”

“Yes, Coach.” Flip heads toward the boys, rubbing the back of his neck as he goes.

“You’re fucking gorgeous when you’re schooling these boys,” I say.

Her head snaps in my direction. “I need to use the ladies’ room.” She skirts around me and moves toward the hall.

And like the obsessed, completely out-of-control man I am, I leave my scotch on the bar and follow her. We’re alone in the hall, so I grab her hand, tugging her in the opposite direction of the bathrooms.

“What are you doing?”

That’s a great fucking question. “We need to discuss a few things.”

“This is not the time.”

“It’s never the time, Lexi.” I try the handle on a conference room door. It opens, so I push my way inside, but drop her hand.

The lights flicker on automatically. She crosses the threshold, eyes on fire, and the door falls shut behind her. Energy crackles between us, familiar and heavy and desperate.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Roman.” She crosses her arms.

For you to give in to this horrible, awful, unreal draw we both feel. “I don’t know if you’re ready for what I want.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I wish like hell I had an ounce of self-restraint when it comes to you, Lexi, but I really fucking don’t.” I drink her in. She’s stunning and heated and all I can think about is how good it would feel to snap this wire of tension between us.

Like every other time we’ve found ourselves alone together, we’ve gravitated closer. One step on either of our parts and the toes of our shoes will touch.

She tips her head up. “We can’t be alone together like this. There is too much at stake for me. I have everything to lose.”

“You think I don’t know that? Messing up this opportunity for you is the last thing I want. I’m trying to stay away, but I’m powerless against the draw. You’re everything I want and can’t have. It’s killing me, Lexi. You’re killing me,” I grind out.

“You think it’s any different for me? You think I wouldn’t love to spend hours talking game strategy with you? Or that I don’t love it when I see the pride on your face after I make a good call? I miss the way your arms feel around me. And I desperately miss the way the world would fall away when it’s just you and me. You being right in front of me, but untouchable is torture, Roman.”

We’re both so worked up. So frustrated. “I’m at my breaking point. You should walk away.”

Her tongue sweeps along her bottom lip. “I should.”

I clench my fists at my side. “Tell me kissing you is a bad idea.”

“The absolute worst,” she whispers.

I give in to the urge to skim the edge of her jaw.

She whimpers, and that one sound nearly brings me to my knees.

Her hand settles on my chest.

“You should go.”

“I can’t.” She grips my lapel and tips her chin up. “Please.”

“What do you want, angel?” I curve my hand against her delicate cheek, the relief in being able to touch her overwhelming.

“You.” The whispered word floats between us.

I pull her against me. “Soften for me.”

And she does. Instantly. Perfectly. Every curve melding to my hard lines.

Her lips part on a needy sigh, and I angle her head, taking control of the kiss. All the frustration slips away as she moans into my mouth. She loops her arms around my neck, holding me tightly as our tongues tangle and explore. Her mouth is bliss, the taste of her a balm for the ache that’s been wrecking me.

The memory doesn’t do the reality of Lexi justice. She’s so soft under my touch, pliant and accommodating. Such a force on the ice and a pleaser in the bedroom.

“There you are. I’ve missed your sweet side,” I praise.

She moans again, fingers sliding into my hair as she pushes up on her toes, fighting to get closer. I walk her back toward the conference table. Shoving a chair out of the way, I lift her, our mouths still fused as she adjusts her dress, and hooks one leg behind my knee.

She’s as warm and rich as melted caramel on my tongue, and I can’t get enough. Each seductive stroke takes me higher, makes me crave more. We’re frantic—hands roaming, her heel digging into my ass cheek as I settle between her legs. We both groan when my erection presses between her thighs and she rocks her hips.

I keep one hand curved around the back of her neck. The other skims the outside of her thigh as I separate our mouths.

She makes a disappointed, plaintive sound.

“Are we done fighting?” I gently suck her bottom lip.

“So done.” She moans and tilts her chin up, seeking more. “God, I’ve missed you so much.”

I stroke her jaw with my thumb. “It’s the same for me.” It’s a relief to be able to act on it, even if we shouldn’t. “I’ve been dreaming of this tempting mouth.” I drop my head, stroking inside once, twice, a third time, before I pull back again and press my hips into hers, eliciting a deep, primal moan. “Of those exquisite little whimpers when I made you come, of the scandalous things you can do with these pretty lips.”

Our mouths collide again, hands gripping, bodies grinding. Somehow I knock one of the chairs over, and we both startle.

“Oh my God.” Lexi’s eyes dart around the room before settling on me again. “What are we doing?” She doesn’t push me away, though.

“Giving in.”

Her eyes fall closed as I run my thumb along the contour of her bottom lip, savoring what’s left of this stolen moment.

When they open, they’re full of the same yearning I feel. “I don’t want to blow my life up, but staying away from you is breaking me apart.”

I brush my lips over hers and straighten. I don’t want to stop touching her, so I carefully smooth out her dress and help her to her feet. “We’re almost halfway through the season. Once I retire, we’re not breaking any rules.”

“Six more months.” She fingers the lapel of my tux. “I don’t want to ruin this thing I’ve worked so hard for, but I don’t want to lose the possibility of us either. I feel like I belong with you.”

“That’s because you do. And I belong with you. We can make it through playoffs and stay professional.” I hope. “Go back to the party.” I kiss her one last time, in case I don’t get to do it again for several months.

When I try to pull back, she winds herself tighter around me. I gently pry her hands free and kiss her fingertips. It’s agony to let her go again. If we stay in here much longer, I won’t be able to resist her, and we risk getting caught. “Go find the girls, angel.”

She nods, steadying herself. “Yes, Roman.”

“Good girl.” I press my lips to her temple and lead her to the door.

She runs her hands over her hips, smoothing out her dress. I make sure the coast is clear before she steps into the hall and heads for the ladies’ room on not-entirely-steady legs.

I give myself a couple of minutes to get my body under control again before I leave the conference room. I pull my phone out and send Lexi a message.

Waiting for the right time to show her how good it can be is the ultimate test of my self-control.