18- 🌟 (pt. 6)

LISA

"That's the only way to fix me... "

Silence..

I wait for her answer, I know it's not going to work, my brain ask me to leave.. But my foolish heart ask me to stay, stupidly hoping for something surreal. What are you waiting for Lalisa? Crushing yourself with a heartbreak from this girl who will never reciprocate your feeling?

Lisa you are stupid..

I know..

You are just her little brother Lisa..

I know..

Give up..

I am..

I clench my eyes, admitting my defeat.. Gosh, why does it hurt so much.. My tears keep falling even I tried hard to stop, I look weak, after years of building my self confidence.. It's like tearing the masterpiece in instant as this helping angel crush it with a silence. My body reminiscing the old day..

She didn't answer.. Back away Lisa..

"Just...go back Jennie, I knew from the start, I'm no one for you, just like what you said long time ago" I step back and was to close the door..

"Lisa.. "

"No Jennie, please leave me alone from now on, please understand that I need time to heal.. I don't want to face you, I don't want to talk to you.. " I mumble weakly, I have no strength anymore.. This is too much. "Lisa! I can't loose you!! " she yells, I grab my hair in frustration.

This is too much..

"You lose me from the start Jennie! It's just because I was gripping on you that I was still with you! And I'm giving up, because you'll never feel the same!" she pull my body from the door but I quickly shove her and the force from my maximum anger made her fall down on the floor, my blinded angered brain made me heartless, I slam the door and kneeled down right away.

This is too much..

I waited for an hour for her to leave, despite my wild mixed feeling right now, I still care for her.. stupid.. I know.. She's still in a crying mess, I don't know what she feel.. I just want her to retreat and stop this crazy drama. I called Chaeng to pick her up, and awhile later.. Chaeng calm her down with a hug, and leave after minutes..

It's funny to feel broken when you don't even own a relationship.. Why does it feel so damn hurt?

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Days turn to weeks, it's been two weeks since Lisa gave up on Jennie. Jennie in the other hand is hurting as much as Lisa, she doesn't know why does it feel painful that she loose Lisa, not physically but emotionally. Why does it feel empty when she still can see Lisa's existence, why does it hard to sleep at night when her brain ask her to sleep but her mind wander on flashback moments with Lisa, why does she stitch her heart when she know it's not bleeding.. But actually it's bled.

She craved.

A sad melody keep playing on her mind.

2 weeks have passed since she lose Lisa's affection, her distance is backfiring, no cuddles, no sweet kiss, no clingy Lisa. Devastated by her own remorse. Jennie Kim is broken hearted. She tried to own Lisa back with her usual behaviour but all she gained is coldness between her line, between her stares, between her gesture and body language.

This version of Lalisa Manoban wil never ever suit her. She miss the goofy monkey a.k.a her possessive little star. Day by day she is more tired to feel the pain of Lisa's change.

She's gone mad at thinking she can't always have her around.. The lyric she wrote resonant in her mind everytime she feels hurted by Lisa's shrug. Funny.

Lisa..

She cried again at night, Lisa wander in her mind.. "Jennie? " a voice appear, it's Jisoo. She stack a pillow on her face as soon as she heard the older girl's voice. She knew Jennie was crying, she was giving her space, but as she hears Jennie cry turns hectic, it send a thud in her heart. She sits carefully beside the laying girl, she gently strokes Jennie's back to ease her. "Jennie.. Come here.. " she needs a shoulder, Jisoo thought.. because Jennie have never talk about her and Lisa, she only knew about them after Chaeyoung told her about what they've been through.

She pulls the latter to sit up and wrap her hand, embracing the younger girl and waiting for her to calm down. "Unnie..  Why am I hurting? " Jennie voice cracks after awhile, she's still sobbing.  "Unnie why does it feel so hurt when I feel like I lose Lisa when I actually did't own her? " she mumbles again. "Why does it feel like we ended up something when we didn't actually start anything? "

Jisoo pull their body apart, staring at the sobbing girl, this talented girl isn't talented at all in understanding her own feeling. Jisoo let out a sigh. "Jennie, are you aware of your feeling towards Lisa? " Jennie bow down her head, and keeping her silence. Jisoo sigh again, silly lovey dovey girl. "What do you feel about Lisa actually Jennie? " Jennie frowns.. "I like Lisa.. " she mumbles in a low voice. "You don't like Lisa at all Jennie, for Pete's sake.. You're in love with her!" that send a big thud in her heart, suddenly all the moments between her and Lisa are playing back.

Jennie stunned for minutes, "Jennie yah.. You don't feel broken like this if you don't have a mass of feeling towards Lisa, I've been eyeing on you both.. I'm sorry to say this but you're such a dumbass for not realizing your own feeling" Jisoo pat the younger girl's shoulder. "I-i.. Didn't know that I.. I love Lisa? " she's still doubting but it all make sense now that she feels all of these crazy hurting feeling.

"I-i.. Thought I like her as my brother, but I kissed her.. Yes I kissed her, but it happened so naturaly.. I was feeling something beautiful in my stomach.. I shrug it off because I thought there is no way I can love her.. And..and.. I was playing girlfriend on her, I acted sweet, let her kiss me and it gives me a good butterflies in my stomach.. And.. I keep denying.. Till I lose her.. "

Gosh, Jennie.. She feels her heart rumbling emotions, it's shifting from happy because she finally realized that she loves Lisa.. To an incredible frightening feeling of loosing Lisa forever.. Because all she sees between them is distance.

I loved her then and I love her still..

I asked myself how to fix her when I already own the tools to do so, I didn't know till I lose her, I take her for granted..

I will give myself a chance..

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JENNIE

I don't know what I'm doing, what I'm going to say or how I'm going to say.. I found the answer to fix this mess.. To fix Lisa.. No.. I don't want to deny it anymore..

I love Lisa.. I love her so damn hurt..

Knock! Knock!

"Lisa!"

Knock....

"What is it Jennie? What do you want this time?" Cold. I can't face her, why does this situation looks like a fucking Deja Vu? "I.. I want to talk about us.. I know it must be too late but... " I was cutted immediately by the Thai girl "There is nothing to talk about Jennie.. It's okay.. I'm moving on, I don't need you anymore Jennie, I don't need you to pick me ever again.."

I swears I feel my heart fall apart, her words immediately made my tears bulged up. "I want to fix you Lisa! Because I've never know I'll be broken like this, Im hurting so damn much.. And I want to start over.. I love you Lisa.. " I see Lisa clenches her hands. Her stares shoots a fury rage. "You don't say you fucking love me when all you want is to run from this mess!! " she yells at me, and it send a ringing in my head.

She doesn't believe me..

"I know how a Jennie Kim work, she'll do and say whatever to gain back what she owned even she doesn't mean it.. " what I heard from her collapse me down instantly. "I mean it Lalisa.. Just please give me a chance to work on it.. I love you Lisa.. I've just realized how much I love you when I lose you, I took you for granted.. God, how much I broke all the day when I see your smile on everyone else but me.. Because I fucking own that smile!" I beg her.

Devastating.. Am I loosing?

"Jennie, it doesn't matter now.. I can't mess with my feeling anymore.. I gave up.. I was hurting for years because of your oblivious self, I fucking mess up my feeling for you, hoping you'll realized it sooner.. But.. I don't know Jennie, I gave up already.. I'm moving on.. The night you give me a no with a silence answer.. I gave up..and I can't trust you..this past month is enough to make me realize we just can't be together, you are just feeling a temporary feeling for me..because I used to be so whipped for you.. "

Why Lisa?

"I broke apart so many times that I can't do this anymore.. "

End.

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LISA

I was hurting because the words I throw at her, I hate that I made her cry, I hate that I shattered her heart but fear is surrounding me, I don't want to feel the same pain anymore. I look out from the window, she is a sob mess walking away weakly.. Gosh.. What did I do to her.. I was too harsh.. Aishhh...

I was on my bed, trying to sleep and trying to shrug my thought off about the guilt I keep, I made a Jennie Kim cried, never in my life I could forgive myself for making her cry.. I've been rolling back and forth on my bed..

Ring! Ring!

Ring! Ring!

It's Jisoo unnie, she want to scold me for making Jennie cry.. I sigh hard, frustration is howling on my ear asking me to pick the phone up because it's been peppering for minutes but I keep ignoring it.

That's it..

"Hello..."

"Lisa! Help me.. Help me to find Jennie please.. She's been drinking madly that I loose her from my sight! " Jisoo's voices isn't kidding, her crying sounds mixed with worried. "Wh-where are you now? " I can't think of anything else, my heart beat crazy.. Anxiety is taking over me, I'm choking with a worried feeling.

Damn it Jennie Kim!

"Lisa! " I hurriedly step towards Jisoo as she cried my name, I can see from her dreadful face her scared trembling feature, Guilt.. Fear.. Worry.. Anxiety.. It's bulging in my body, right.. I'm here at the night club Jennie went not long ago. "Lisa.. I found Jennie but.. " she cry and scoop her head in her hand. "Tell me unnie.. Where's Jennie!! " I can't breathe. She slowly point her finger at her left.

"I'm too afraid to get closer because I see them trying to touch Jennie.. They might rape her in a minute Lisa.. Please help me.. "

I fumed right away at the sight.

Jennie with few guys are on a VIP table, she's crying.. She's afraid.. I boiled in rage and storm towards them.

"KEEP YOUR HANDS FROM HER!"

They were harassing her, touching all her body... I fucking saw them trying to strip Jennie off, she is trembling. Oh god... Why did I let her go!

One guy stands and immediately grab my hands trying to pull me to join them. "This friend of yours said she need a company.. Perhaps you want to join too? " I shove him away with all my might and it made him almost lose his balance. I immediately pull Jennie in my arms, I can feel her grip on my hand tight, like she's depending her life on me.  I won't let them touch you ever again Jennie.

"let's go.. " I whisper into her ears and that moment the guy before pull my shirt behind and tried to kiss me.. Fucking son of bitch, I pushed his face and with all my woman strength I KICKED HIS BALL. Gladly he was too drunk to fight back, he lose his balance and fall down on the floor. "Try to make baby with that balls fuck boy" and we leave..

I hold Jennie tight, pulling her as close as I can. She didn't let me go, still wrapping her hand around me as she cry. I kiss her head to assure her that I'm here with her.. And she'll be safe with me.. "Let's go back.. " I whisper a soft voice to sooth her and she nods weakly. I fix her messy clothes, her upper body mostly exposed and put one my jacket on her.

As soon as we arrived at her dorm, I asked her to take a shower. "Lisa.. I want you to stay.. " gosh.. How can I refuse with this look on her face, she was traumatized that it took me an hour to assure her nothing gonna happen to her, that they'll never see her again and they won't go and find her after this.

"I wont.." I said as I squeeze her hand.  It took her half and hour to finish her shower. "Lisa.. " I look behind her hair is still wet. "Why haven't you dry your hair? " I stand and grab the towel from her hand and start stroking her head to dry her hair.

"I was hurried to see you.. " she mumbles in a raspy voice. I paused and tilt her chin up to look at me.. Gosh I miss this cat eyes..

"Did you drink? " I ask her as I stare into her eyes. She nods slowly. "I drink a bit.. " and bow down her head. This time I cup both her cheek and tilt her head to look at me. "Jisoo unnie said you drank madly" Yeah.. That was what Jisoo said. "She does? No.. I didn't drink that much, Aish.. That chicken unnie was exaggerating.." she rolls her eyes. That made me smile. "Why did you go there? I told you before not to go to that kind of place .. I told you don't sneak out at night.. " I stare deeply into her eyes

"You don't care about me anymore.. " she avert her eyes from me. I sigh. "I do care about you.. Well, I went there immediately as soon as Jisoo unnie called me? Because I was afraid if someone hurt you.. I told you before,  I couldn't inhale hapinness if something happens to you.. " I'm telling her the truth. "I almost raped.. Those bastards try to rip my clothes off" Her tears flow again, deep inside.. I'm dying hurting with guilt because I threw a nasty word to her, that's why she ended up in there.. I hugged her tighter, cupping her head with both of my hands into my crook. "I won't let anyone touch you like that anymore.. "

Jennie.. You're making me crazy.. What even are you?

"You are such an oppa" she chuckles between her cry. "I am.. " I kiss her head.

After minutes of crying and Jennie finally regain her calm, I pull our body apart and wipe her tears, gently.. "Jennie.. I am sorry for what I said to you.. I didn't meant it.. I swear.. " finally, I blurted out my guilt to her and at that moment, she shoot her cat eyes deep on me, I know she's going to say something. "No Lisa.. It's not your fault, it was mine all the time.. " she hang her head low.

"This is not the best time for an explanation.. But I want to clear up our misunderstanding." my heart rate increase dramatically.

"I love you Lisa.. I do really..really love you.. "

Thud!

"... I was in love with you all this time but the idea of you as my little brother were clouding my actual feeling.. "

Another thud..

".... I took you for granted, and when I actually lose you, I feel devastated and all I inhale was pain..and.. Lisa.. Don't get it wrong, I've never pick you because you were alienated.. But because you were a hidden star among all of us.. I saw your talent in your pain.. That's why I want to stay close with you.. Because I like you.. "

I'm chanted paralyzed hearing her.. confessing at me .. This is.. A dream ..come.. True..

"....and Lisa? "

She cup my cheeks.. I can feel her heart beat on my chest. "I love you.. and It's real, our moments were real.. The kiss was real.. And this.. " She pull my head to lean closer to her, I close my eyes and in a second I feel her lips on mine.. Our lips synced effortlessly, her lips are soft and addicting.. Am I floating? Because I can't reach the ground, if I fall will she catch me?  She part our kiss after awhile.. It was a gentle kiss, a symbol of love..

"....This is real... "

Yes.. She catched me..

"I love you too"

She peck on my lips..

"Will you be my girlfriend Lalisa? Right now? Right here? Because I'm done waiting.... "

I smiles...

"Are you crazy Jennie Kim? I was going to ask you.. You cutted me.. " She slaps my hand slightly, "Kill joy! " I chuckles at her annoyed face.. "Well.. You can ask me to be your wife later, and I allow you to put a ring on my hand..but..just say yes first.. "

I smash my lips on her, gosh.. I'll never get enough of this..

"Yes Jennie.. "

I am Jennie Kim official girlfriend..

Am I hearing thing? Because I can hear my heart is serenading for us.. Well..

Love can make everything possible.