6. realize

SIX

realize

Wednesday, February 24th

Practice was over, and for once, Isaiah was grateful.

Usually he'd want it to last forever, but  today was Ashton's birthday, and he wanted his best motherfucking friends (as he put it) to go out and eat with him at this retro diner called Marnie's. It reminded Isaiah of Stardew Valley, but he decided to keep that to himself. No need for his friends to know he played a farming simulator on his sister's laptop from time to time.

Then again, Isaiah wouldn't be surprised if Ashton played it himself. He enjoyed shit like that.

"Isaiah," Ashton said, giving the boy a narrow-eyed look. "You're going. No excuses."

Isaiah frowned. "Why would I bail on you on your birthday?"

Ashton shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just saying."

"I mean, you do bail on us a lot," Marcus pointed out honestly. Isaiah's frown deepened. Do I really bail that much? "We barely ever see you outside of school and baseball shit."

Isaiah bit at his bottom lip and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Steve stated, squeezing his shoulder. "Just learn to have fun for once. Baseball does not count."

Marcus and Ashton snickered at Steve's comment, and the three made their way to the locker rooms. Isaiah lagged behind, calves sore from running extra laps due to some of the players acting like neanderthals. Isaiah just wanted to lay down and not get up for a few days. Maybe soak in a hot bath. Like, blistering hot.

He plopped down on the stairs to the bleachers and sighed, flexing his toes in the confines of his cleats. Upon doing so, he heard footsteps echoing against the metal flooring, and he looked back to see a familiar blond limping his way over.

Isaiah swallowed, averting his gaze and preparing himself for some type of insult. "You look like shit."

Isaiah blinked. "What?"

August sighed and carefully stepped down to where Isaiah was, nudging his good-ish foot against Isaiah's thigh. "I said, you look like shit. Nice to know you're actually a human being."

"What else would I be?" Isaiah grumbled. "An alien?"

"Yeah."

Isaiah snorted and shook his head, amused. "Alright."

August was quiet for a moment, standing still until he slowly lowered himself onto the step above Isaiah. He brushed his fingers against the metal railing, a quiet ting sound emitting from between his fingertips and the bars with each swipe. "Morgan told me you were sorry," he stated.

Isaiah glanced over at August's feet, then back at the ground in front of him. "I am. What I said... I shouldn't have. If I could take it back, I would."

"Okay," August said. "You can. Go ahead."

He furrowed his brows in confusion. "What?"

August inclined his head, his knee bumping against Isaiah's back. "Take it back."

"I... I take it back?"

"Good job. Wasn't so hard, was it?"

Isaiah turned to the side, bringing his knees up to his chest. He looked up at August, words dying in his throat as soon as he really laid eyes on him. Isaiah didn't know why, but he always found himself just staring. He'd look away, then up came some random urge to look again. He couldn't help it, and now it was happening once more.

August had an olive green beanie on that brought out the color of his eyes. Strands of hair dangled like pale curtains in front of his face, wind blowing them back and forth, and his nose was tinted pink. His left cheek was pushed up because of the way he leaned against his hand, and he arched a full eyebrow at Isaiah's lingering gaze. Isaiah snapped out of it and mumbled an apology.

"I spaced out," he lied. "Sorry."

"It's fine," August replied, brushing his hair out of his face. Isaiah could feel his eyes burning into the side of his head, and it made him shift absently, the heat of his gaze warming his skin. August chuckled quietly, then slid down to Isaiah's step, gently pushing Isaiah's feet back so he could have space. Both of their backs leaned against opposite railings, the tips of their shoes touching as they sat there. After some moments, Isaiah realized he didn't want to move.

Isaiah bit his lip. "You're really not mad anymore?"

August shrugged. "No, not really. If it happens again, I will be." He plucked a piece of grass from Isaiah's ankle, who jerked slightly at the unexpected action.

"It won't," Isaiah promised, voice shaky.

August glanced up and smiled, revealing two crooked teeth that only fueled Isaiah's confusing interest. "Then we're cool."

"Okay," Isaiah breathed. "Cool."

August opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by shouting coming from the parking lot. Isaiah looked over and snorted at the sight of Ashton climbing onto Marcus' back, Steve trailing beside them with a distinguished scowl. They were making their way over to Isaiah. Once they'd reached them, Ashton slid off Marcus's back and clung to the railing, leaning over into Isaiah's personal space.

"Come on," he urged, pushing at Isaiah's shoulder. "Let's go. Your little boyfriend can come with."

"He's not—"

"To where?" August interjected, unfazed by Ashton's dumb comment. Isaiah felt embarrassed at his own defensiveness when August didn't care, not one bit. He was so put together, and Isaiah envied that.

Ashton beamed. "Marnie's. It's my birthday. I'm eighteen," he said proudly, patting himself on the chest.

"It's surprising that he's older than us," Steve muttered, earning a pout from Ashton.

August chuckled. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you!" Ashton exclaimed happily. He jerked his thumb at August and looked at the rest of his friends. "See, he's nice about it."

"That's because he's a stranger," Steve explained. "And we're your friends. It's our job to be dicks."

Ashton glared and turned back around to Isaiah and August. "Wanna come with?" he asked. "I don't mind."

"Sure," August said, standing up. "Can I bring someone? My friend, Morgan. She usually goes places with me in case my leg gives out."

Ashton frowned in confusion. "But you have a fake one."

August smiled a little and tapped the leg that was real. "This one isn't too good either."

"Oh," Ashton said. "Damn, that sucks."

"Ashton," Isaiah hissed.

"Yeah, it does suck," August responded, nudging his knee against Isaiah's shoulder. He looked down at him and mouthed, "It's fine."

Isaiah sighed and stood up, walking down the rest of the steps. "I'm gonna go change. I'll meet you guys there." He made his way to the locker rooms, and once inside, was relieved that no one was in there anymore. He changed as fast as possible, leaving the room only to come to a halt.

August was still there, except this time with Morgan by his side. He looked at ease, unlike when he was around Isaiah and his friends. Isaiah must have stood there too long, because August spotted him and waved, gestured for him to come over. He hesitated, but did so anyway.

He smiled lightly at Morgan once he'd reached them. "Hi."

"Hey," she replied softly, stuffing her hands inside her pockets.

Isaiah cleared his throat. "Are you two still going?"

August glanced at Morgan, who nodded. August turned back to Isaiah. "Yeah, we are."

"Okay. I'll see you there."

"Alright."

Isaiah lingered, bit at his bottom lip, and then said, "Bye."

August raised an eyebrow. "Bye?" he repeated with an amused smile.

Dumbass. "I mean, I'll see you."

"You already said that."

Isaiah went to reply, but then decided against it and just turned around and left. He squeezed his car keys in a tight grip and internally cursed at himself. Why did he act like a flustered idiot in front of him at random times? He easily spoke to him earlier, so why?

Isaiah shook his head and turned on the radio to try and drown out his internal conflict. But alas, his anxiety was much louder. Was it August he was nervous around, or Morgan? His hands clenched around the wheel. Did he like Morgan? He only seemed to get nervous when she was around. No, that was fucking ridiculous. It was always August.

He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, veins in his hands bulging from his grip on the wheel. Hell, did he like August? Isaiah felt his heart squeeze at the thought, and not in the good way.

He couldn't, could he? He'd never been attracted to a guy before. Then again, he'd never been attracted to a girl either. He always thought of relationships as pointless, so he never got butterflies. Never got flustered around someone. Had never been intrigued by anyone.

Until now.

Do I have a crush? Isaiah thought. Is that what this is? On August? His teeth pierced into his lip, the stinging sensation causing his eyes to water. He couldn't possibly like the guy—they'd just met. And August was a boy; Isaiah never even thought of the possibility of being gay. Or bisexual. Or anything other than straight. He'd always just assumed.

Perhaps that was the problem. That he assumed. Maybe if he'd been aware of sexualities outsider of heterosexuality earlier, he wouldn't be this confused. If only these types of things were introduced when he was younger. Kids were informed of opposite sex relationships as soon as they were fucking born, so why couldn't they know about same sex ones too? It would make things so much easier.

But it wasn't easy. And Isaiah didn't know what to do with these new thoughts running around in his head.

What would he do if he did like August? He couldn't ask him out or initiate anything. For all he knew, August was straight. Or secretly disliked him, and his kindness was just for show. Maybe he did have a significant other, he'd just never seen them together. Long distance was a thing.

Isaiah reached the diner and parked, turning the car off. He slumped in his seat. He could see Marcus, Ashton, and Steve laughing in a booth at the corner of the restaurant, the subject of Isaiah's confusion making his way over with Morgan. His heart jumped due to his anxiety, his limbs jittery and hands clammy.

For a brief moment, he wanted to leave. But then he saw Marcus place a dorky party hat on Ashton's head, and he knew he couldn't. It was his best friend's birthday. Who would he be to forget that just because of some conflict?

He got out of the car and made his way inside, hands clasped together in his hoodie's pockets. He smiled weakly as he approached his friends. "Nice hat, old man," he joked, flicking the little pom pom on the tip of Ashton's cone-shaped hat.

Ashton scowled. "Shut up and sit down."

Isaiah grinned and hopped over the back of the booth to slide in next to Steve, pressing his side against the window. Steve grunted in distaste. "You couldn't just, I don't know, ask me to fucking move?"

"Nah."

Steve rolled his eyes and went back to messing with a straw wrapper, more irritated than usual. Isaiah glanced up, freezing as he made eye contact with August, who had a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips at their antics.

"You took a while," August commented. "Thought you'd get here before us. Did you take the long way or something?"

"Yeah." Actually, I went slower because I wanted to avoid crashing due to you confusing my mind. But thanks for asking.

August shifted and leaned forward a bit. "Remember when you said you'd help me with my calculus homework?"

"Yeah."

"Can you help me out with it tomorrow? During lunch?"

"Yeah," Isaiah said again, face warming at the realization that he said that three fucking times now.

August raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Morgan. He furrowed his brows and reached out to touch Isaiah's wrist, and he jerked back in response, accidentally elbowing Steve in the shoulder. Fuck.

"Dude, are you okay?" August asked, slowly pulling his hand back.

"Yeah." Four times. "Excuse me." He hopped over the booth again and sped to the bathroom, locking himself inside a stall. Oh my God, I'm so stupid, he thought in anguish, leaning his back against the wall.

One stupid thought and now he was acting like a madman. He was probably overreacting and didn't actually feel that way about August. Isaiah was an incredible baseball player, but he was an even better overthinker. Which wasn't a good thing, really.

He took several deep breaths and exited the stall, dragging himself to the sink so he could splash himself with cold water. The temperature cooled his flaming skin and his racing heart, and he inhaled deeply once more, then left the bathroom to go back. But as soon as he stepped out, he came to a stop to avoid running into someone. That someone being Steve.

Steve jerked his chin. "You okay?"

Isaiah forced a smile. "I'm fine."

"Okay," Steve said slowly, unconvinced. "If you want to talk about it, you can. I'm here. Now get out there and support Ashton on his birthday, man." He slapped his back comfortingly, causing Isaiah to let out a pained grunt.

Just before they went back, Isaiah said, "Thank you."

Steve's stoic face softened. "Anything for you dumbass."