33. exhale

THIRTY THREE

exhale

Friday, May 23rd

Isaiah was a whole new level of nervous. More so than when he'd first kissed August. More so than when he'd confronted Marcus months ago. He was nervous, and he wanted to back out, but he knew it was too late.

He'd been sitting outside his house for the past fifteen minutes, trying to give himself a mini pep talk. It wasn't working, and now he really wished he had August here to reassure him. But he couldn't rely on him to always make him feel better, so he inhaled deeply and slowly got out of the car.

His hand was shaking terribly as he attempted to unlock the door, and it took much longer than it should have, but he made it inside. He pressed his back against the door once he'd closed it, feeling his breathing stutter in his throat. He felt like his heart was trying to break free from its cage and run to safety.

His safety was at home, not here.

"Isaiah, baby? Is that you?" his mom's voice rang out, and Isaiah curled his hand into a fist, squeezing tightly.

"Y-Yeah," he replied, inwardly cursing at himself for the shake in his voice. God, this was overwhelming. He knew it would be difficult and nervewracking, but he didn't know it would be to this extent.

Isaiah could hear the smile in her voice when she said, "Come into the living room! Jordan told us you wanted to say something." Isaiah rubbed his sweaty palms against his jeans and entered the room, sending a weak smile to his family. "Sit down, mijo."

"I-I think I'd rather stand," Isaiah admitted. If he sat down, his fidgeting would be more apparent.

"Is this baseball related?" Dad asked, both arms settled against the back of the couch. "Did you change your choice for college or something?"

"No, no," Isaiah replied, shaking his head. "That's... not it. Um." He looked over at Jordan, and when he did, she sent him a reassuring smile, hiding a thumbs up at her side. Isaiah relaxed just a bit, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip.

His nerves must've finally become obvious, because his dad furrowed his brows and his mom looked like she was ready to get up and hug him. His whole body was trembling; his skin on fire in the worst way possible. He was sweating profusely, felt like he was running out of air. I don't like this feeling at all. Fuck.

"Isaiah, honey," Mom cooed, frowning. "¿Que pasa, baby?"

That was enough to make his knees give out, and he dropped to the floor with a dull thump, hands gripping his knees. Mom immediately slid to the floor with him and gathered her son in her arms, holding his head to her chest, other hand rubbing his back lovingly. Isaiah started to cry.

"Hey, hey," she murmured, placing a kiss to the top of his head. "You're okay. Take your time, there's no rush. Breathe, mijo."

He sobbed against her shoulder, hands grasping onto her arm that was locked across his front. He rubbed his finger against her bracelet, trying so hard to calm himself down. But then his Dad was kneeling down on his other side, hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. It only made him cry harder.

"Is he okay?" he heard Dylan ask, sounding more concerned than awkward for once. Jordan murmured something to him, Isaiah couldn't make out what, but he did hear Dylan's quiet "oh" in response.

"I'm sorry," Isaiah cried, "I'm sorry. I can't—" He inhaled shakily, feeling his nose become runny. When he opened his eyes, warm tears blurred his vision and slid onto his cheeks, creating tear tracks all the way down to his chin. He was an absolute mess.

Dad squeezed his shoulder. "Nothing to be sorry for, kiddo," he told him. "You'll be okay. Talk when you're ready."

Isaiah swallowed the lump in his throat, tongue feeling dry. "I—" He groaned, wanting to get the words out, but they felt stuck. "I don't... I, fu—shoot." He let out a watery laugh, finding it hilarious how he still found it weird to cuss in front of his parents, even in this situation.

"Mom," Isaiah whispered, hiccuping. "Dad, I-I'm gay."

His mom didn't move from her position, but Dad's hand slid from his shoulder. He felt panic consume him immediately—his breathing became faster and he felt like his whole body was about to give up on him.

"That's okay," Mom murmured in his ear. "That's perfectly okay. Te quiero mucho. So, so much. Nothing could ever keep that from happening, sweetheart."

Isaiah hesitantly lifted his head and glanced over at his father, who looked like he was deep in thought. "Dad?" Isaiah whispered, voice cracking, and the sound snapped him out of it. "Dad, please... please don't hate me. Please? I can't... I don't know what I'd do if... if..."

"Woah, kiddo," the man said, taking hold of his son's hand. "I'm so sorry, I was just surprised. I always expected Jordan to be the one saying that, not you." And then he let out his signature booming laugh, and Isaiah chuckled weakly, wrapping his arms around his father's torso.

"Why does everyone think I'm gay?" Jordan whined. "I literally can never get a boyfriend because they all think I'm into girls."

Dylan gasped. "Wait, does Isaiah have a boyfriend, then? Huh? Isaiah, do you?" he pushed, abandoning whatever game he was playing on his phone.

Dad held Isaiah at arm's length, eyes narrowed, but a playful smile pulled at his lips. "Do you have one?" he questioned. "If so, I need to meet him."

"I, uh," Isaiah stammered, sitting back against his heels. "Yes?" He wiped at the tears on his cheeks, sniffling. He didn't think they'd ask him if he had a boyfriend. He would've told them either way, but still.

"I know who!" Dylan exclaimed, eyes wide. "I bet I know. Is it that white boy with the long hair? The one with the fake leg?"

Isaiah felt his face become hot. "He... yes. His name is August." He averted his gaze to the floor, refusing to see the looks on everyone's faces. It would just make him even more embarrassed.

"Oh," Dad said in realization. "The kid that you hugged the shit out of after that one playoff game? He seemed nice. I thought it was just a friendship thing, not a relationship thing. Considering how affectionate Ashton is."

Mom seemed happy with the news. "I knew it," she gushed. "At the little get together I made you have, I wanted to do it mostly because I wanted to try and spot the one you either were dating or had a crush on." Isaiah was staring at her in horror. He knew she was up to something. "He's so sweet!"

Isaiah sighed. While the conversation was a bit embarrassing, it was helping calm him down. It distracted him, kept his mind on the topic of August, and that was enough to have his mind coming down from its overwhelmed state. He leaned back against his mom, let her hug him once more. He was beyond relieved.

"I-I'm gonna go upstairs," Isaiah mumbled, interrupting their conversations. "I need to take a shower and relax. Is that okay?"

Mom let go, allowing him to stand on shaky legs. "Yes, that's perfectly fine," she said, smiling warmly. "But come down when you feel better. Jordan bought this card game she wants all of us to play."

Isaiah cracked a smile. "Okay. I will. I love you. All of you."

"We love you too, buddy," Dad replied, patting his shoulder. Isaiah laughed, then made his way upstairs, collapsing onto his bed once he'd shut the door behind him. It felt like he'd been holding his breath the entire time, and now he could finally exhale.

He'd come out. He'd told them. He'd revealed something that had been weighing him down for months. Holy fucking shit, I did it. Isaiah scrambled for his phone, typing rapidly into the group chat.

Isaiah: guys. Guys, I did it. I came out to my oarents and I'm frekainf the fuck out

august ❤️: YOU WHAT! IZZY AODIDKDM I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, YOU LANKY NOODLE CALL ME PLEASE

steve-o" Holy shit, dude. That's huge. Congrats! <3 How did they take it?

marco polo: damn bro. congrats, I really hope it all went well (:

ash: YOU DID ITTTT!!! LOOK AT U GO, GOOD JOB ISAIAH WE LOVE U SM

morgannn: omgomgomgomg congrats bb!!!! that's awesome!!!!

Isaiah: It went really well. They're all okay with it, I'm so happy

Isaiah then went to August's contact and pressed the call button, calling him like he asked. August picked up almost immediately. "I'm so proud of you, holy shit, Izzy."

Isaiah grinned, placing his hand against his forehead. "I can't believe I did that," he whispered. "I just chose to do it on a whim when I was leaving your house."

"God, I —" August cut himself off, letting out a breathy laugh. "I want to say something, but I can't really say it over the phone. Fuck."

Isaiah furrowed his brows. "Say it," he replied. "Say it. I want to hear."

August exhaled softly, and Isaiah gripped the phone a little bit tighter. "Isaiah, I..." he trailed off, and Isaiah heard shifting before August finally said, "I love you. So fucking much. This isn't the most ideal way to tell you that, but... I do. I love you. And I'm so proud of you."

Isaiah was speechless. But he was beaming, cheeks hurting because of it, and he buried his face against his pillow. He felt like a giddy toddler when he kicked his feet happily against his duvet, heart swelling with so much love for the boy on the other side of the phone. So much of it.

"It's okay if you don't feel the same yet," August rambled, and he sounded nervous. "I just wanted to tell you. Because I can't hold it in anymore. I've liked you since the day your silly self asked me to talk to your mom so you could stay at the batting cages. And I've loved you since the day we were talking about colleges. And again, it's okay if—"

"August," Isaiah interrupted. "I love you, too. A lot. So much. So don't worry, I feel the same exact way about you. I'm fucking crazy about you."

"Oh, that's a huge ass relief," August stated, letting out a sigh. "Fuck, I want to be with you right now. I wanna kiss you and hug you so bad."

Isaiah probably could've burst into tears in that moment. He had so many emotions running through him. "Tomorrow," he mumbled. "I'll see you tomorrow, and you can be as clingy as you want."

August hummed. "Sounds good to me."

"You mean a lot to me, by the way."

"Same here. I love you."

Isaiah had adoration flood through him. He bit his lip to keep back a smile, closing his eyes. "I love you, too."

"Goodnight, Izzy."

"Goodnight, Auggie."

"Oh, you fucking—"

Isaiah hung up.

He crawled out of bed and took a shower like he told his parents he would, and once he was done and dressed, he made his way downstairs. Everyone was gathered around the coffee table, and Jordan patted the free spot next to her, waving her cards in her free hand. Isaiah chuckled and plopped down beside her, scooping his own deck of cards into his palms.

"What are we playing?" he asked, flicking the top of one of his cards.

Dad looked smug. "Bullshit." And now Isaiah knew why he looked that way; he was a fucking god at this game. He sighed, slumping forward in disappointment.

"Oh, Isaiah," Mom chirped suddenly, and Isaiah looked over at her. "Ask August if he'd like to join us for dinner on Sunday. We want to meet him. As your boyfriend, not your friend."

Isaiah's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Oh, yeah, sure, I can do that." He pulled out his phone and typed out a quick text, smiling at the dozens of sad face emojis he had sent after he'd hung up.

Isaiah: my mom wants to know if you want to come over for dinner on Sunday! is that cool with you?

august ❤️: hell yeah that's cool w me!! I get to see you two days in a row. or three, I guess. but yes!! I'll be there x

Isaiah: (-: nice, I love you

august ❤️: I love you too, izzy

Maybe I'm saying it too much now.