4.5

~May~

Louis sat in the corner of a classroom alone, doing his homework as he snacked on some crackers with cheese, silent as he did so. He'd been doing a lot of thinking lately, and he decided to just get through his final year in one piece before he was making any big decisions about his mental state. Harry thinks he should see a therapist as well - but he couldn't. He didn't think there was anything wrong with him. He had no big trauma like Harry had, and he had no mental problems - like bipolar disorder and depression - like Harry had. He deemed it ridiculous to say he needed help.

He glanced up as the door open and he saw Ashton, which made his heart skip a beat. He hadn't spoken to the lad since they kissed on his doorstep. Well, they didn't really kiss - Ashton kissed him.

"Ashton... I don't really.. I want to be alone," Louis said softly, glancing at the lad.

"Come on... why are you avoiding me? Don't you like me?" He asked quietly. "I need some answers."

"What answers do you want? You're with Liam and I'm in love with Harry," Louis breathed. "You're making my life even more difficult right now by adding more problems on top of my old ones."

"I broke up with Liam," he said quietly, biting his lip.

Louis was quite surprised. "You did? Why?"

"You suggested to do what I thought was best, and this is what I thought -"

The door opened and the two in the room immediately silenced as Harry stepped in. He looked between the two, eyes landing on Ashton, who uncomfortably shifted on his feet before nodding at Louis and leaving the room.

Harry stood for a moment before Louis breathed out. "Harry, we were just talking-"

"You do a lot of talking to him lately. It's whatever, though. You're single. I just need to know... you have to tell me when you're moving on," Harry said slowly.

Louis sighed and leaned back against the wall. He considered telling Harry about the kiss but he decided it would just cause more issues.

"I'm sorry, but I think you're just seeing things that aren't there. Ashton and I are friends. I don't have feelings for him. I have feelings for you. I get that you're insecure because of how I felt about him before-"

"Insecure?" Harry asked with a snort.

"I'm sorry... no - wrong word. I just-"

"I cane to have lunch with you, see if we could talk," Harry interrupted. "Can we talk?"

Louis shifted before nodding, standing up go sit at an actual table. "Sure." He pulled a seat up beside him, but Harry sat across from him instead. "Uh - talk about what? Prom? Because I'd love to talk about that."

"I'm not going to prom," Harry said, shaking his head. "There's absolutely no point in that. I want to go with you and we are on a break right now, so.... I'm just not going."

Louis's cheeks heated up but he nodded. "Oh... well, I hate hearing that. This is a momentous part of being a senior..."

"Yes, but it's just not something I want to do without you... anyways - no, that's not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about our future. I think-"

"Harry, I love you, too, but maybe we should just focus on school before we focus on a relationship," Louis breathed.

"Stop interrupting me!" Harry snapped, starting to get frustrated. "I wanted to talk about uni!"

Louis was surprised. He looked at the man before swallowing back his words. "I'm sorry," he breathed quietly. "I just... I'm nervous. I'm nervous about everything."

"Don't be," Harry said quietly. "I'm getting the help I need to be better. I need your cooperation, and then we should be able to move past our problems. Have you called around for a therapist?"

Louis sighed, closing his eyes. "Harry - I have no reason to see a therapist," he said quietly.

"There's a reason you're so needy for everyone's attention, Louis. This isn't going to work in a relationship. You're going to have to change," Harry said softly. "Therapists aren't just for trauma or disorders. Some people just need to talk, and I think you need that."

Louis pushed back his hair and glanced over the lad. "So, about uni? What is it?"

"I, uh... I decided to take a year off to see... I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, quite yet. So I want to take a year off," he said softly.

Louis was surprised, eyebrows raising. "Oh... well, Harry.. you know that university is important. I think you should think about it some more."

"I've thought about it plenty. I didn't say I wasn't going to go, Louis. But my mum has agreed that this could be good for me. I'm going to do some traveling, some volunteer work... I want to find a purpose to my life and I don't think I can do it while being forced to pick a career," he said softly. "I want more in life. I want... I just need more."

Louis took a moment. He'd always been told that uni was the only decision after high school. He's never been told that he could take any breaks or that he could change career paths. He was trying to understand what Harry was saying before a piece of it dawned on him.

"You'll be traveling," he said softly.

"Yes, I'll be traveling," Harry repeated. "I'll probably go to Italy for a bit. Gemma and Daphne are about to get a place there. I think I'd like to try to stay with them for a bit, maybe. Spend more time with my sister."

Louis sighed. "Why are you telling me this now, at school?" He asked quietly. "I think this is a conversation meant for home. Aren't you coming back this weekend?"

"Well, I'm about to go out to the lake this weekend and do some camping with some of the lads," he said with a shrug. "Luke, Zayn, Calum, Liam and I are going to go out there and just have some time together."

Louis nodded slowly. "Oh," he said after a moment. "Okay. Well, will you be coming home on Sunday? I need to finish moving my stuff to the guest room," he said softly.

"Yeah, I'll be coming home Sunday," Harry promised. "Take your time. I'm not forcing you out or anything. I just need my own room and space."

Louis nodded a bit, biting his lip. "Okay," he said softly. "Okay. I hope you have a good camping trip."

Harry nodded, leaning in to kiss the lad's cheek gently, rubbing his shoulder. "I'll see you on Sunday."

"See you," Louis said softly.

~~~

~TRIGGER WARNING~

Please read this next part with awareness of sensitive situations.

Harry sat in front of a fire with his friends around him, drinking a beer. He was watching the way the fire crackled and hearing the water rushing from the river nearby. He could hear some of the lads splashing out in the water, but he and Liam were silent as the sat at the fire. Finally, Liam spoke.

"So, what made you want to come out this weekend?" He asked softly.

"Uh... well, I just need some air. Some space," he said with a shrug. "What made you come out here with me?"

Liam sighed, rubbing his temple. "Uh... Ashton and I broke up. I also needed space."

Harry was surprised to hear that. "Wow. You did?" He asked quietly. It was very suspicious, but he acted normal, just listening to Liam. "Why?"

"He... is very pushy to know things about me. From where I used to live," he said quietly. "Who I used to be."

"And you're afraid to tell him," Harry said softly. He understood that completely. "Okay... tell me. Tell me and I'll tell you what I think."

Liam took a moment before he nodded. "Okay.. I - yes. Yeah... well, I live here alone, as you know. I moved from this little down. It was... there was an upscale part of town and then... there was the part that was.. it was bad. Unsafe. My mother started seeing someone from that side of town. We lived uptown. It was... I didn't like that. I was... it was scary. And then, one day... my whole family... my mother and my sisters... they were killed."

Harry was in shock to hear that. He shifted, looking at the man. "Murdered?"

"Murdered. And I ... I had walked in, late at night... I hadn't even been home, I was out doing stupid things. And they were dead when I got there. And I ... I stabbed the guy. I - I killed him."

It was a long moment of silence. Harry hadn't expected that. It explained a lot about Liam. But it also showed a lot of bravery. He moved away, and he decided to keep going to school. He was absolutely amazing, in Harry's opinion.

"That's.. wow. So what are you afraid of, when telling Ashton?" Harry asked softly.

"I guess... I don't know. I killed someone," he said quietly. "Someone who killed my entire family. It's very... I mean, I am better. I feel mentally more stable. But that's such a dark part of me."

"Sometimes," Harry said slowly, "The darkest parts of us ... though they show the most vulnerability when we open up about them ... they also show us just how strong we are." He took Liam's hand, squeezing it. "Telling Ashton may seem daunting but I've learned from experience that if he's forcing you to tell you these things, telling you that you don't love him if you don't, accusing you of cheating..." He looked away, taking a breath, "Then he's not ... he doesn't care about you. He only cares about himself. But... if he asks you every now and then, If he encourages you that's it's okay to talk, and he still trusts you... well, then, I'd have told him... I'd - I would tell him." He felt pain in his chest.

"Yes... wow. That's a good point. He's very understanding about it, yes. He ... I think he does just care. He broke up with me over it but I think it was more so to give me some space," Liam said softly.

"Then I'd speak to him," Harry said quietly. "I'd get him back... because, Liam, you are so incredibly brave. And you need to continue to push past that bit of fear to open up to new possibilities - including a stable relationship."

Liam smiled gently at Harry, nodding. "Wow... thank you, Harry. That was... so incredibly helpful. Thank you."

Harry silenced and looked back into the fire, glad to have helped someone... but the realization of just how selfish Louis was... it was daunting.

~~~

Hello my beautiful people! I know this was a very sad and emotional chapter. This is helping open up to a plan I have for Harry! ❤️

If any of you need anyone to talk to, I'm here! I know it's getting sensitive but we will soon go back to our good, fun book, I promise!

Yesterday was my birthday and honestly I'm just so happy to be here on this earth still, that I've made the decisions I've made. I had a very rough few years before having my child and that's why I stayed away from writing. I'm in a great place right now and I'm happy to be here! Thank you so much for your support! Love you guys!!

x Queen B