4.4

Hi my lovies thank you for your patience! There was a big loss in my family in April and I'm still recovering from that. I have had a very rough few months, and I apologize for the inconvenience.

Also, I have like a thousand messages in my inbox and I'm so sorry but I cannot get back to all of you! 🥺 but I appreciate you all checking in on me! ❤️

~~

Dear Louis Tomlinson,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted in London's Institute for Fine Arts. We will soon be in touch with you! -

Louis couldn't even read the rest of the letter, he was so stunned. He'd officially gotten into the university of his dreams. He was now actually on his way to becoming a real life actor. He could feel his hands shaking as he set the paper down on his bed stand. He reached for his phone but... who could he call?

His mum was currently on a jet back home. Calum and Niall were too busy for him recently. He and Ed were still rocky after the recent encounters they've shared. Roni was a bitch. Jade was still out of town. Harry was pretending he didn't exist.

He hesitated before picking up the phone and making a call. He knew he'd probably regret it, but wanted to share his news.

He was surprised when Harry answered the phone, and he let out a breath in relief.

"Louis? Are you okay?" Harry asked, probably since they hadn't really spoken in a while.

"Oh... well - yes. Yes, I'm great. I ... uh - I got into the Fine Arts university I've been telling you about, in London. And I - I wanted to let you know." Louis was so nervous. Would Harry be angry that Louis called him for this?

"Oh," Harry said quietly. "Uh.. Louis, that's great. I'm so happy for you," he finally said. Louis could tell he meant it, but he wished to have a hug from Harry.

"Yeah, I'm just.. You're the only person I really wanted to tell," Louis admitted.

Harry seemed surprised at that, letting out a small, "Oh", before adding, "I was?"

"Of course," Louis said quickly, sitting on his bed. "I .. I want you in my life, Harry. I want you in my future so I want to keep you updated about it."

It was silent for a moment. Louis was afraid Harry hung up for a moment. Then the man spoke.

"Well, I'm truly happy for you. I hope that works out for you."

Louis sighed, falling back on his pillow. "Harry... come on. I've had some time and I still want to be with you."

"Louis... we've had many breaks and I've never felt secure enough to come back to you. I don't feel secure as we speak so I'm not ready to get back together. Not until I know it's right," Harry explained softly.

"Well... can we hang out, please?" Louis whispered. "I'm about to practice makeup looks for prom."

Harry took a moment before he was saying, "Okay. I'll be there soon."

Louis sighed in relief as he hung up, and then he was scrambling to get ready. He showered, shaving his legs just for the heck of it, and putting on a pair of comfortable cotton shorts and a cropped tee. He was extremely more comfortable about what he wore these days, and he wanted Harry to be aware that he was the reason for it.

The doorbell rang and he headed downstairs in excitement. It didn't even dawn on him that this was Harry's house and he wouldn't be ringing the bell. It was Ashton at the door, not Harry.

He took a moment, catching the way Ashton's eyes drifted over him, and then Louis was blushing. "Why are you... what's going on?"

"I .. Liam and I broke up," Ashton breathed, shifting on his feet. "And I .. I - just really wanted to see you. I'm sorry. This is dumb. I just... you always make me feel .. you make me forget about things."

Louis's heart was racing in his chest. He knew, though, that Harry was on his way and he had to get Ashton out of here. Harry had a history of swinging at people and Louis wasn't going to risk that again.

"I am incredibly flattered, Ashton. But... I'm, uh - I'm sick." He shifted on his feet. "Ill. Not feeling good at all. So... you know, You can text and we can meet up tomorrow."

Ashton bit his lip before nodding. "Okay. I'm sorry, I understand. It's just.." He moved forward, his hand was resting on Louis's  jaw and the lad was frozen as Ashton kissed him. It didn't last long, two seconds maybe, and Ashton was gone, leaving Louis paralyzed.

~~

Harry was nervous about heading back to his house. He wanted to see Louis, badly, but he needed space. He decided he wouldn't be over for long.

He headed to his house, pulling into the drive and heading inside. Louis was fumbling around in the kitchen and it made Harry smile fondly.

"Hey," he said quietly, moving closer to the lad, motioning at the tea pot. "You need a hand, there? You okay?"

Louis took in a breath, nodding. "I'm okay, yeah. I just - thank you for coming. Thank you. I appreciate it. I know it wasn't easy for you. But I'd love to just hang out."

"We can hang out, but... I mean, since you won't be my date to the prom, it will kind of make me sad to see you choose a makeup look," Harry explained. "Olivia Burke asked me to prom, by the way. She said she had no idea I was seeing you and apologized profusely."

"Are you... so you're still seeing me?" Louis asked slowly. "Uh.. aren't we technically single?"

Harry was surprised at the question. Then, he shrugged. "We aren't together, but... well, you're mine until you're someone else's. We lost our virginity to one another. You're the first person I've ever loved. We are single, I suppose, but.... I'd never go to prom with anyone else."

Louis blushed at that, looking at Harry before pouring his water and dropping in a tea bag. "Okay. Yeah. I'm glad to hear that, Harry. I'm so glad. So... shall we head upstairs?" He asked gently, biting his bottom lip.

There was a voice in Harry's head telling him that something was off. He took a moment to sip the tea Louis handed him before he decided to just rip the bandage off.

"Are you going with someone else?" He asked slowly.

"No, no!" Louis said quickly. "No, I'm not going with anyone. It's just... I don't know. I was just asking a question."

Harry sighed and looked at the lad for a moment. "I'm hoping you're not keeping anything from me."

"No, I'm not," Louis said quietly. "There's nothing of importance to tell you."

Harry sighed before he nodded a bit. "Okay. If you're sure... let's head upstairs."

They took their mugs upstairs and he sat on his bed as they went into his room. It looks like Louis's been sleeping in there. He really did miss his own bed.

"I'm going to be coming home next week," he informed the lad. "With graduation coming... it will just be nice to spend a few months at home before moving in the fall."

"This is your home, Harry," Louis said gently. "I'll go back to the guest room." He hesitated before asking, "How's therapy?"

"Really good," Harry's said honestly. "I'm down to three days a week. It's just important to me to get healthy before I move off on my own. I think I'll have difficulties if I'm not able to learn how to control some of my issues."

"I'm happy for you," Louis replied, taking Harry's hand. "Haz... I miss you so much. Can we try to talk about us?"

"No, I'm not ready," Harry said, pulling his hand away. "I can't tell that things have changed and I really need to see effort before committing myself back to you." He honestly wished Louis would go to therapy as well, but it didn't seem like Louis was going to do it. He had common sense - if he wanted to go, he would.

"Harry-"

"Maybe this was a bad idea," Harry said quietly, standing. Louis stood at the same time, panicking as Harry was trying to leave. His small hands came to Harry's shoulders, and Harry immediately grabbed onto his wrists, looking at Louis for a long moment.

It was only a second before they were kissing, Harry's hands gripping onto Louis's wrists tightly, pushing Louis back into the wall. The kissing was desperate, nothing slow or sensual, nothing showing any forgiveness, but more so just showing a moment of weakness.

Louis's hands were coming up to unbutton Harry's flannel shirt when Harry was pulling away, taking in a breath as he looked over Louis before he was walking out of the room without another word.

~~

Louis was frozen to his spot against the wall for nearly half an hour. He was trying to comprehend everything that happened between them, whimpering eventually before the tears were coming.

He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower, undressing and sinking to the cold floor, just sobbing for a good half hour. He was just about to get out when the bathroom door was slammed open. He scrambled to get it together but then he froze again when hearing Harry's voice.

"Lou... are you.. are you okay? I'm .. sorry that I left you like that. It was wrong," Harry said quietly, voice rough but genuine.

Louis nearly melted. His voice was broken as he said, "It's fine. I understand."

"That shouldn't have happened," Harry mumbled, and Louis heard ruffling. He furrowed his eyebrows as the shower door opened. Harry, fully clothed, sat in the shower beside Louis, arm wrapping around the lad and holding him close as Louis started crying again. He was so broken, so hurt, and he wanted nothing more in the world than for he and Harry to fix this.

Though, it felt nearly impossible at this point.

~~

Hi, again, thank you for your patience! Everyone is asking about my daughter and I'm so happy you guys are so supportive! She's 2, she goes by MK, and she is the light of my life!

My birthday is next Saturday, December 4th, and I plan on having a very special update by then! Thank you guys for everything. I'm so happy to be back again! I'm hoping to get back to twice a month updates!

x Queen B