Chapter 47

That day I nearly cried my eyeballs out, but it felt good and I did calm down rather quickly. I leaned a little out of his embrace, to look at his face, earning a broad smile, which I happily returned. "How do you feel?", he removed a few tears with his thumb, like he did before. "Better, but tired.", I said, yawning as on command. "I bet you are. You can take a nap if you want to.", he offered, his hand still on my cheek, cupping it slightly.

"No it's fine.", smiling, I scratch the back of my head, taking in Nathans appearance. I know that I should stop doubting myself, but I guess it takes some time to completely get rid of it, at least I hope so. "This simply screams for a kiss, don't you agree?", without waiting for my answer, he closes the space between us, sealing our lips with pure gentility. He broke it a few times, looking at me with an expression I couldn't exactly interpret, like he was checking if I'm fine. I closed my eyes, leaning into the kiss, as his tongue slid over my lower lip, just like the first time.

Even though, I did know what I was supposed to do, I was still afraid of doing it wrong. I tried to push that stupid thought aside, opening my mouth a tiny crack, enough for our tongues to touch. Breathing through my nose was the only option for oxygen intake into my body, not much though, since I couldn't concentrate on both things at the same time.

He gently pushed me down on the mattress, one hand rested next to my head, the other on my chest, applying little pressure. I started to ease more into it, moving my tongue with his. After a few more seconds he broke the kiss, looking down at me as he was hoovering above me. "I could kiss you all day long.", he grinned at my breathless self, as I tried to catch up on the lack of oxygen. My heart was beating painfully fast, throbbing inside my chest like a raging bull in a cage.

Without saying anything in response, I leaned up to him, sealing our lips once more. He followed, as I laid my head back on the blanket, letting him take over the kiss, like he always does. The hand on my chest trailed over to my neck, stroking it slightly, while adjusting my head with his thumb. I felt myself getting excited over the kiss we broke a few times just to continue again. And I guess so did he, because soon after he stopped, extending his arms, so he was further of the mattress than before.

"You should get some rest.", Nathan sat down on my stomach, grinning at me like he just won a teddy bear or something. But I guess I was looking at him the exact same way. "Maybe you're right, but I want you to nap with me.", I demanded, my voice feeling rough inside my throat. With one last peck on my lips, he rolled off of me, laying down and pulling me closer to him, so my back was against his warm chest. I could feel his heart beating and to my surprise, it was in sync with mine, which would make up for a super cheesy line, but instead I slowly drifted of into a deep and comforting sleep, right in his arms.

I woke up to somebody moving behind me, opening my eyes and turning over to face Nathan who flashed a smile at me. "Well, good morning.", he joked, sitting up straight and running a hand through his silky hair. "It's been a while since I last slept this good.", I admitted, stretching my arms over my head and yawning. "That's good, cause I did too.", he placed a kiss on my forehead, soon after, he left the bed to go over to the desk where his phone was. Looking at it, while scratching the back of his head.

He turned back to me, gesturing to his wrist, like he was asking for the time. I looked down, seeing a few messages displayed on the small screen. I furrow my eyebrows as I go through them.

Claire

Claire

Claire and so on

Hey, sorry I didn't say goodbye, but I wanted to check out the new ice cream shop with Dillon and we wanted to hurry up before the whole school would be there

Hey baby bro, are you mad or why aren't you answering?

I'm getting kinda worried here, Nathan won't answer his phone either. Where are you? Are you with him?

Helloooo? Please answer meee!

I'll just call your place and see if you're there.

So you are at Nathans, Alex told me, but that's not an excuse for ignoring my messages.

Are you guys behaving or do I have to kick somebody in the face?

Well, you obviously don't want to talk, so might as well stop trying to create a meaningful conversation with myself

Thank you very much for nothing!

Just kidding, you guys just keep doing what ever and I'll text you later

She really is a handful. But, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to answer, I mean, she clearly ditched me before and now she's all friendship, I don't know. Looking up at Nathan, I see him holding the three rats in his hands bringing them over to me and placing the black on top of my head. Just like the first time we spend time at his place. He sits back down next to me, the two white ones, crawling over his lap in excitement.

"So, anything you want to do now?", he smiled at me, his features seeming endlessly relaxed and happy. I guess I am too, though. "I don't know, food would be pretty neat.", the rat on my head almost fell off, but caught herself on my hair, which was rather painful to be honest. "Good idea, I'll cook something.", I couldn't help but laugh at his statement, since he can't cook, not even a bit. "Fine fine, you'll cook.", he frowned at me, although it wasn't for long before he cracked a smile again.

Can this boy even be anything else than happy?

Well, there was the time when we first met, he didn't seem all that happy then, but now, sometimes he's like a little child. Cheerful and way too energetic. Seeing him serious and angry, is very rare, at least when I'm with him, I wonder if that's because of me. Probably not, but oh well.

After a few more minutes of rat cuddling we headed downstairs, meeting his mother, Liza, in the kitchen where she was already cooking something. "Hey boys, I saw you sleeping so I decided to make you a lunch, I hope that's okay.", she smiled at us, mostly me. Oh help, she saw us? Like cuddling? Well, actually this isn't the first time she caught us, more like the third or something.

Liza, exchanged a few words with her son, gesturing over to the living room. I'm guessing she wanted us to wait in there. Nathan took the lead, as I followed him over to the huge couch, sitting down next to him. We sat there in comfortable silence, playing with each others hands and fingers while we waited.

After the lovely lunch his mother had prepared for us, I headed back home to do my homework and study a little. Come to think of it, summer break is in one and a half weeks, which doesn't even amplify for serious studying anymore. But there is one thing that comes with the end of the school year, prom. The last few times, I didn't go, even though Claire would beg me to. But this year, I don't know, maybe I should ask Nathan if he wanted to go there with me. Or should it be the other way around?

I finished my things, leaving my room to check on the family, it's already 6pm, so dinner should be ready in a bit. Although, I'm not actually hungry, since I literally just ate an hour ago. Alex was sitting at the counter, talking with my dad who was standing at the stove, stirring in one of the pans. They both turned their attention towards me, smiling as I took a seat next to my sister. We talked for a few moments, before my mom came home from work and ate with us, since we were waiting for her to return.

This evening, just like many before, my thoughts weren't where they're supposed to be, instead, they jumped from one thing to another. Mostly about this afternoon, when Nathan and I kissed. It felt so good, that just thinking about it makes my lips tingle in excitement. Never have I ever felt this way, but this constant fear of rejection was still within me. I don't even know if it will ever subside or if I have to deal with this for the rest of my life, at least, I do hope it will pass. Nathan has given me so much, but me? What impact do I have in his life? I'm nothing really special, unlike he. I could never imagine myself forgetting about him, or even wanting to forget all the hours we spent together. The gentle moments, the kind moments and even the ones where we both behaved like total assholes. All of these memories are so special to me, like, I never want to miss a second of what had happened between us.

He is the first person to make me feel like this, to leave me with so many thoughts that I can't even think straight anymore. But I'm not complaining, he is such an awesome person, how would I ever deserve someone like him? Never! I could never be good enough for him. He said he liked me for who I am, but I still don't understand what he meant by that. Can you really just like another person, without judging them for their past or what they can give you in return?

I noticed my parents and sister staring at me, both worried and irritated. "Sky, baby, what's wrong? We're starting to worry about you. I know you're more quiet from nature, but even for you that's a bit too much. You seem endlessly troubled by something.", my mother put down her fork, frowning at me with tired eyes. "It's nothing really. I'm just tired and anxious about the last days of school.", I lied, putting a smile on my face, before trying to look extremely concentrated as I ate the rest of my food.

It's not like I don't trust my parents or anything, I'm just scared they won't understand or have a problem with it. Who knows, maybe they actually are homophobic and their biggest fear is their son being gay and in love with the neighbors boy. That would make up for a lot of family drama and disownership if you ask me. And that's really the last thing I want to cause.

I took my plate and silverware and brought it back to the kitchen, heading upstairs. During dinner, I could feel my watch vibrate multiple times and from what I could take a peak it was both Nathan and Claire texting me. I haven't written her back yet, so that's probably why she's still desperate to get in touch with me. I grab my phone and throw myself on my bed, unlocking it in mid-air and going through my messages.

****************************************************************

I am so so so so so so so so  sorry! It's been way to long since i last updated, but I've been so busy with school and life. I will try to update every two days or even every day from now on!