Chapter seven | Living More Than Little

Chapter seven | Living More Than Little

A heavy sigh slipped past my lips as I gazed up at my reflection in the mirror. I ran a hand through my hair, checking the time once again. Connor and Navya would show up at eight-thirty.

I once again looked into the mirror, staring and noticing how different my attire was. While I was sporting the regular blue jeans and a white t-shirt, the leather jacket on top gave it an unfamiliar look.

Somehow, even if it was me who was staring back, I couldn't help but feel unfamiliar. The person standing on the other side of the mirror felt different from me.

My thought came to a halt as my bedroom door flew open. I looked up to see my dad leaning against the door frame. He scrutinized my appearance for a second and then grinned.

"Trying to impress someone?" he asked, sounding amused.

I opened my mouth to deny but shut it close at the last moment. Finally, I just nodded and sighed in response. Not a lie.

He came closer and gave me a pat on my back. "Don't be scared and live a little. Make sure you enjoy the party." He paused for a moment, letting his words hang in the air.

"As for your crush, remember to be yourself," he advised.

Something inside of me clenched at his words, and I felt a sudden guilt consuming me. With a meek nod, I averted my eyes from his.

Sound of a car honk filled the house, gaining my attention. I gave Dad a quick smile and thundered down the stairs. Making sure that I had my house keys and phone with me, with some cash, I opened the front door.

"Oh my, God! It is your first party!" Navya squealed as I settled in the back seat of Connor's car.

"Not first, second," I corrected her.

Navya scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. "When?" she asked, trying to recall the memory.

Before I could respond, Connor jumped in. "Freshman year."

"Fresh... Oh!" She said in realization. I was grateful that they didn't mention it again because going to this party was already nerve-wracking for me.

My phone pinged with a text message as silence ensued in the car.

Cynthia: 'Where are you?'

I rolled my eyes at her text. I could practically imagine her stomping with impatience. My fingers quickly moved over the screen, typing in the response.

Elias: 'Just a few minutes.'

Three dots appeared on the screen as I patiently waited for her response.

Cynthia: 'K

Wait for me at the front door.'

By the time I had read the text, the car was stopping in front of a huge house. Stepping outside, I could hear the muffled beats of music. The driveway of the house was dirty. There wrappers and red cups littered everywhere. Occasional pukes manured the front lawn.

I could feel the nervous energy filling me up to the brim. I bit my lips hard, trying to distract myself with some form of pain.

"Come on, let's get in," Connor said as excitement danced his features.

At that moment, I had never been more jealous of him and Navya. Their confidence was something I had always admired and envied.

"Cynthia asked me to wait in the front."

Giving them a hesitant smile, I waved my phone at them, emphasizing my point. Uncertainty crossed through their eyes, but a few seconds later, they gave in.

Soon, I was pacing alone in the front yard. I stopped short when the front door flew open as Cynthia came out. She grimaced a little and took huge gulps of air. Once relaxed, she looked up from her hunched form.

Soon her eyes met mine, and I gave her a nervous smile.

Quickly she rushed towards me and linked her arms with mine. "You came!" she exclaimed. "I seriously thought you were going to bail out."

I chuckled nervously and cleared my throat.

"Idea seriously sounds tempting right now," I muttered under my breath. She turned towards me with a questioning look as I tried to calm myself down.

"Let's get in." She tried to divert the topic away. With a hesitant nod, I followed her inside the house.

My ears rang as the pungent smell of alcohol and sweat hit me straight in the face. Deodorants and perfumes added to the mix made the air toxic to breathe.

"Oh, my God! I can't do this!" I muttered under my breath. Cynthia didn't hear my small admission as the shouts of the crowd drowned out my words.

Stopping near a calmer corner, Cynthia turned around to face me. I was that sure I had a ghostly pale face because her brows drew together in concern.

"Are you ok?" she queried, worried as she saw my form shaking.

"Truthfully, no. I feel like I might puke out right now," I shouted over the pounding bass.

She muttered a low oh shit under her breath as she rubbed my back soothingly.

I pressed my eyes shut, trying to drown out the noises from all around. With the resurfacing memories of my last party, the atmosphere wasn't helping.

"Come on. Let's get some air," Cynthia suggested, pulling me back towards the entrance As we retraced our steps back, I could feel eyes all over me. My skin crawled as sweat dripped down my temples.

"Don't panic, Eli. We are almost there," Cynthia reassured as she tugged my hand.

As we pushed past the door, the crisp night air tickled my overheated skin. I took in harsh gasps, filling my empty lungs.

Cynthia didn't stop there. She kept on dragging away till the sounds of the party disappeared, followed by the line of cars parked around.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked once I was calm enough.

She didn't turn around and kept her pace even. Her grip on my arm tightened for a small second. "Well, since we are not going to the party, I thought that maybe we could spend the time some other way." She suggested.

By now, the house was far away from our view as we walked on the empty roads. Slowly my heartbeat was returning to normal, and the mist in my mind cleared up.

It was calming quiet as we walked through the streets, with occasional honks of cars breaking the peace.

"I am sorry," I whispered apologetically. "I am sorry you had to leave the party because of me."

She turned around and gave me a surprised look. The look soon turned to a mischievous one. "You need not be sorry about anything. What happened can happen to anyone, so don't berate yourself for it." She spoke in a gentle voice, stepping closer to me. "If you still want to apologize, why don't you buy me some ice-cream?" she offered with amusement dancing in her eyes.

A slight smile made its way on my face, and I felt myself nod.

Soon we were sitting on some park swings, eating our ice-creams. While I had ordered cookie dough, she ordered the classic vanilla, stating that simple is the best.

We were calmly sitting next to each other, enjoying each other's company in silence.

"Do they happen often?" she asked out of the blue.

"What happens often?" I was confused about what she was asking about.

"The panic attacks, like the one at the party. Do you get them often?"

As I remained silent for a few minutes, I heard her sigh.

"I am sorry if I cro-" she started, but I cut her off in between.

"It wasn't a panic attack. Well, I don't think it was. I-I just freaked out. I am not used to this stuff," I replied, trying to sound confident.

She hummed in response, but it was obvious she didn't like my explanation. I gulped as I waited for her to react in any way.

"What were you muttering when I was dragging you away from the party?" Curiosity dripped through her words.

I felt my ears turn red as I gave an awkward cough. Scratching the back of my head, I tried to form the words in the best way possible so I didn't seem too much like an idiot (or a nerd, in this case). Fuck it! I thought as I spoke the truth.

"When I freak out, I try to mumble about things I like to divert my attention," I cleared my throat. "Today, I was talking about labile complexes."

Turning her face towards me, she stared at me as I avoided looking at her altogether. "You rant chemistry when you panic. Cute," she exclaimed with a light giggle. "And what is this labile complex?"

Clearing my throat as blood warmed my cheeks, I glanced at her. "They are fascinating. They are complexes that attain equilibrium most quickly when left unattended. In the natural state, they are unstable, but when left alone, they turn to another relatively stable complex."

She grinned at my explanation and leaned closer. "Even if I couldn't get anything of what you were saying, it is fascinating to watch you being fascinated by something," she confessed with awe in her voice.

I coughed under her attention, not used to being complimented for being a... nerd (except for the teachers of course).

We were silent after that, enjoying the sweet taste of our ice-creams. Soon, we discarded the empty cups in the dustbin and took a seat on the grassy ground.

Sprawled on the grass, both of us gazed up at the sky. The thoughts of returning to the party were like a distant memory. A few stars littered the sky with the crescent moon shining brightly.

"You know, when I was younger, I wanted to be an astronaut. The six-year-old me wanted to see if the moon was made up of cheese, or not." Her voice was barely above a whisper as the night air fluttered around us.

"Do you still want to be an astronaut? Maybe for a spacecraft bound to Mars?" I asked, amused.

She scoffed in response. "I can't even handle high school mathematics. How will I handle engineering mathematics?"

"So, what do you want to be?" I inquired, leaning up from my position beside her. She noticed my movements from the corner of her eyes but made no move to mirror them.

"I am not sure. Maybe I will decide after the first year?" She had an odd glint in her eyes as she said those words. "What about you?"

Her eyes moved from the night sky to my eyes, staring and expecting an answer. I gave a simple grin in response.

"I am going with the obvious of chemical engineering."

"Chemistry nerd," she muttered under her breath.

My phone chimed with a message before I could respond. I pulled it out of my pocket, sitting up straight.

Connor: 'Where the fuck are you?

I need a status report now!'

I shook my head at Connor's message and his dramatics.

Elias: 'Status: Alive.'

Connor texted me about taking Navya home as her curfew was almost over. I checked the time, and it was just half-past eleven. I dropped in quick text, telling him to leave without me.

Standing up, I dusted my clothes clean as she gave me a questioning look.

Under the faint glow of moonlight and the lamppost, her skin glowed softly. Her eyes were a warm shade of cocoa that resembled black onyx in the dim lights. My eyes strayed to other features of her that were highlighted by the dim lights.

I averted my eyes as unwanted thoughts made an entrance in my mind. "Come on, let's get home." I offered my hand for her to stand up.

She took my offered hand and pulled herself up. I couldn't help but notice our sudden closeness, gazing deep into her eyes. With a shake of my head, I stepped back, creating some distance between us.

We walked back to our homes in silence. A heavy tension was coiling between us, making it impossible to get any words out.

As we stopped in front of her door, she turned around and smiled at me. "It was nice spending time with you." She had a genuine smile on her face as she spoke those words.

"Me too," I said, awkwardly scratching the back of my head. "Still, I am sorry for any trouble."

She waved her hand dismissively, ignoring my apology. "I should be thankful that you saved me from the trouble of a hangover and one-night stand on a weekday."

I couldn't get her reference, so I maintained my silence.

"So, friends now?" she said, extending her hand forward, breaking me out of the maze of my feelings.

The smile gracing her features made me smile too.

"Friends," I said, shaking her hand vigorously.

"By the way, I didn't say it before, but you look great," she said as her hands gestured to my attire. Her eyes followed the movements, making my fidget on my spot.

"Uh-h, you look gorgeous too," I said in reply, and it wasn't a lie. She shook her head and laughed in amusement.

"God, you are too polite. Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!" she said as she closed her door behind her.

I kept staring at her closed door even after she left (borderline creepy if you ask me).

Shaking my head, I quickly got into my house, being as quiet as possible. As I settled down on my bed, my gaze went towards her window. To my utter surprise, she was looking my way too. She gave me a brilliant smile and waved at me. With amusement taking over my body, I did the same. We shared a brief laugh, enjoying the small irrelevant moment.

That night, it was impossible for me to sleep as I turned again and again in my bed. My eyes drifted towards the window as her smile flashed in my mind. I groaned and buried my head in the pillow.