Chapter 40 Holding You Back

I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears, my blood rushing hotly through my veins as jittery bubbles of anxiety popped inside me, making me tremble. My eyes flashed from Pierce to each friend in turn and back to Pierce again as I franticly worked to calm the bedlam taking hold of my entire body.

This had to stop.

Taking a shaky, shallow breath, I took an agitated step forward and started to speak.

"It's n...not what it looked l...like," I managed to say, my tone unsteady, not at all how I had wanted to project it. "Y...you're misunders...standing!" I continued, trying to sound more resolute.

I might as well not have wasted my breath for all the notice I was given.

"I cry bullshit!" Branson retorted.

"Going to have to second that," Noah concurred from over my left shoulder.

I whipped my head to look back at him and frowned in annoyance, slowly turning so that my expression encompassed everyone in the room. They were passing the point of ridiculous. As I went to say just that, Mick started talking.

"Think about it, Jackson. From day one he has been in some way abusive. First verbally, which is how it usually starts. And now he's physically manhandling you. The smack will come next. You can count in it!"

I stood dumbfounded as Mick talked and I watch with increasing alarm as heads began to nod in agreement at Mick's words.

I peeked up at Pierce and was not surprised to find he looked both parts appalled and totally pissed. My stomach churned as the scene continued to play out.

"I would never!" Pierce cut in to emphatically declare but he was interrupted once again.

"Yeah right!" Branson retorted.

"I think you just did!" Noah accused, pointing his finger at my wrist.

"But he d...didn't," I tried again, my voice sounding even weaker than before.

This wasn't how things were supposed to happen tonight! I was going to introduce Pierce and show my friends the side I knew and loved. Instead we had somehow ended up here and worst of all, I felt like I was failing Pierce.

Voices clamored ceaselessly over my head as each of my friends strove to criticize and point out every perceived fault, they thought Pierce had. As their voices beat like frantic shockwaves over my head, I struggled to calm the internal storm that was clamoring just as ceaselessly within my mind and body.

As I was just finding some semblance of control a booming voice ricocheted around the small kitchen area, shutting up the incessant voices in an instant.

All heads swiveled to the source. Pierce stood there, his face stern and cold, his arms down by his sides, his chest puffed out. It was an aggressive stance but not threatening. He made an imposing figure. Enough of one to shut my friends up enough so that he could speak.

"You know you all treat Jackson like he's a child," Pierce started, his voice calmer sounding than I had expected considering his expression. "He's not stupid. Far from it. He's a good judge of character as well. He can tell a good person from a bad. He knows I would never hurt him."

"Until you do!" Mick flashed back.

Several grunts of agreement followed his rejoinder.

I tried again to interject and again I was talked right over, this time by Noah. Pierce stood silently watching as one by one my friends made scathing comments and he watched as I tried more than once to get them to listen to me until it became embarrassing and I lowered my head and swiped at my face in dejection.

It was official.

Tonight, was a complete failure.

And it felt like I was one, too. My anxiety, my fears had won again. Even for Pierce, I wasn't strong enough. How could I say I loved him when I couldn't even defend him?

Pierce started laughing suddenly, right smack dab in the middle of all the crazy, his laughter boomed throughout the room shutting everyone up. Each of us staring at him with varying expressions of confusion.

"Something funny?" Branson barked out belligerently.

Pierce chuckled again and stepped back until his broad shoulders were leaning against the refrigerator. He crossed his arms over his chest in a relaxed pose, his eyes lazily surveying the room, landing lastly on me, giving me a surprisingly saucy wink.

I flushed. It didn't seem an appropriate time, but despite everything, he still affected me.

"If you would bear with me, I have a question for all of you."

"Shoot," Archer responded, his tone still fierce but less bellicose.

"It might actually be two," Pierce said before asking. "How are you any different than I supposedly am? Aren't you maybe even worse?"

Angry grumbles greeted Pierce's queries. Furious eyes flew amongst each other as they struggled to comprehend exactly what Pierce was intimating.

I was floored by the question. It scared me, too. But as I looked at Pierce and he looked back at me; I knew they were the right ones to ask. I knew Pierce was creating an opportunity for me. He had witnessed my struggles earlier. He had seen my friends overpowering personalities. And he had understood that the years of friendship and comradery were all knotted together. Long established habits were ingrained. It wasn't that I was too, weak it was that those years we had spent together had cemented the dynamics of our relationships.

Pierce was volunteering to be my jackhammer.

My heart swelled as I realized he didn't consider me a failure. He hadn't given up on me. He'd just created another path for me. He was helping me redefine myself with them and create in the end even stronger bonds with my friends.

One that fitted the who I was now. Not the Jackson I had been.

He was truly the perfect partner.

My eyes smiled at him. My tremulous lips tried to follow suit but my body was still trying to catch up with my mind's new realization.

"What are you implying?" Archer suddenly said into the thrumming silence once the grumbles had died down. "We love Jackson. We have never and would never hurt him!"

Several heads nodded adamantly in agreement. Eyes darted to me, looking for me to back them up one hundred percent but for the first time in our lives I couldn't and it left me completely stumped as how to proceed forward.

Pierce, continued talking, giving me time.

"You run roughshod over him. You don't listen to him. You seemed to not trust him to make good decisions. You expect him to agree with you, for his own good of course," he interjected with notable sarcasm. "I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a time or two where you physically picked him up and removed him from a situation that you deemed too much for him!" Pierce continued driving home his point with something they couldn't argue back with as they had done that a time or two.

I wondered how Pierce knew. We had never talked about it. Of course, he could size people up pretty well and was used to taking risks. All things considered; he probably felt the odds were in his favor that my friends at some point had done what he said.

I bit at my lips as I watched my friends digest Pierce's unpalatable words. They looked confused, affronted, and a little hurt. Especially Archer. He of all of them looked, more poleaxed. Seeing him this way crushed me. I never wanted to be the cause of their pain.

I desperately looked to Pierce. His expression was calm. His eyes were direct. He was letting me choose where this would go from here.

The sound of Archer's quiet voice suddenly drew all eyes towards him. His eyes were glued to me.

"It took me a second but I suddenly realized that you aren't saying anything in our defense. Pierce said a lot and you haven't disagreed with one thing he said."

There was very real distress in Archer's voice. His eyes, too were cloudy with confused hurt. I swallowed with difficulty. His pain was my own.

Archer released a hollow laugh of defeat. Percy, shocked by the sound grasped Archer's arm tightly to his chest, offering silent comfort. The room was tense with stunned disbelief. All of it directed towards me.

"So, it is true!" Archer exclaimed on a ragged breath.

I ravaged by bottom lip with my teeth. I hated this. I hated every single second. Never before did I want one of them to pick me up and race off with me from the danger that lurked in this room right now. I was so afraid of the outcome. So afraid to lose even one of them. But at the same time, I knew that couldn't happen.

Shouldn't happen.

Wouldn't happen.

It was time to move forward, for all of us. I just had to be brave. And they just had to listen and accept. We would all be stronger for it. It was with this belief furthest up in my mind that I found the strength to finally answer.

"I know you l...love me. I know y... you want to protect me. B...but,"

"But?" Mick fired back when I stuttered to a stop.

I felt Pierce tense, his eyes shooting fire at Mick but he remained quiet.

Before I could utter another word though, Branson spoke. His voice sounding as incredulous as the others.

"Do we really need to hear the, but? The fact that there is one is enough for me. Geez Jackson," he added in disgust. "I didn't know we were holding you back. Apologies," he said, sounding anything but apologetic and turned and left the room.

My mouth dropped open as Mick and Noah followed closely behind him, shooting me looks of betrayal. I watched as they walked out of the room and out of my house.

Were they walking out of my life?