Chapter 25 Suffocating Protectiveness

Pierce looked very serious and a little uncomfortable. I couldn't fathom for the life of me what he was about to say.

"What I am about to tell you, I need you to keep between you and me. It's not common knowledge and though it technically wouldn't hurt me if it got out, it could bring pain to my father and I don't want that, okay?"

"Of course," I agreed without hesitation.

Pierce nodded back but didn't begin speaking immediately. His eyes darted around the room then back to me. He shifted in his seat a few times and he coughed into his hand before he finally leaned forward and perched on the edge of his chair, his legs splayed out and his forearms resting on his thighs.

He was tense and his movements lacked the regular fluidity that I always associated with him. It was a rare picture of Pierce Lucciano. I felt touched that he was showing me this glimpse of himself.

He laughed a little awkwardly, his eyes moving away from mine.

"It's funny," he remarked in soft voice. "I didn't expect this to be so tough. I'm not sure where to start."

Hearing his admission of vulnerability and seeing the difficult time he was having moved me. My heart reached out towards him at the same time as my body moved closer. In a second, I sat myself down next to Pierce, and grabbed one of his hands that dangled between his thighs. I clasped his hand, my fingers twining with his, and rested both of them on top of his warm thigh.

"Take your time," I encouraged, while I hoped my tangled hand with his offered the comfort I so wanted to give.

I knew how difficult talking could be. Sharing wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The end result was of course, but not necessarily the process. It could be difficult and scary. Talking about painful things even more so. I knew I would sit here patiently as long as he needed me to.

Pierce looked at our clasped hands then down into my face. His beautiful half-smile tugged at my heart even more than it usually did. He seemed thankful for my support and show of comfort.

As I looked down at our hands, I marveled for a second at how natural my actions had been. I who avoided touch at every cost, had instinctively rushed to hold his hand without a second thought. It was a very un-Jackson-like thing to do. But for Pierce it was the only thing I could do.

"You hate the bodyguards, don't you?"

Astonished at the turn in conversation I looked up at him. I couldn't say I was that surprised by his observation, though. I had been pretty transparent tonight in my discomfort.

"I do, but..."

Pierce held his hand up.

"Sorry, I'm trying to find a starting point so bear with me."

I nodded at him and clamped my mouth shut, giving him a small smile of understanding.

Pierce squeezed my hand in thanks.

"I could tell they make you uncomfortable, and I am really sorry about that. I know it can make me look like a pretentious prick but that's not why I have them. If it were my choice, I wouldn't have them at all. I even tried once not to but that..." Pierce sighed and a deep frown marred his brow.

He shook his head and smiled at me, a tense minimal curve of his lips. He placed his free hand over our clasped ones and lightly patted them. From the distant look in his eyes I didn't know if he was even aware of his movements.

I waited patiently for him to return to the present again. He appeared trapped in a past that wasn't pleasant. Whatever memory locked inside him wasn't pleasant, that much was obvious and I knew it wouldn't be easy for him to convey.

"I guess it would be best if I just started from the beginning," Pierce finally said softly. "It will make more sense to you I think."

"Okay," I encouraged.

"Okay," Pierce accepted with a shaky breath.

"When I was younger, I was... taken," he confessed, hesitating over his choice of words before sitting up straighter, looking as if he felt stronger for having started talking about what must have been an extremely difficult time in his life.

He started talking again.

"In truth the correct word would be kidnapped."

I felt extremely shocked by what he was saying but I remained as still as I possibly could and controlled all my facial muscles to not reflect my horrified thoughts. I didn't want to shift his thoughts to me and interrupt the flow of words that rushed from his mouth.

"I barely remember the incident. It was done by someone my father knew."

He laughed then but it wasn't a happy sound. It sounded bitter and unforgiving. I could only imagine the sense of betrayal his family must have felt at the actions of someone they had trusted.

"From what I remember and what I was told, I was treated well."

He looked down at me then and explained, "It wasn't a typical kidnapping like you see on television, I wasn't hurt or... abused in any way. There was no trauma during the ordeal. At least not to me, but it affected my father strongly. He has never gotten over it and his answer to making sure it never happened again was bodyguards."

He really didn't need to say more after that. Him having gone through such an experience I could only wonder why he didn't bring more along than he did. I felt like an idiot by being bothered by them and even more of one for putting him through this tonight. He didn't owe me this explanation.

"Pierce, I'm sorry..." I urgently tried to say but he cut across me and smiled, his real smile this time.

Seeing it reassured me.

"Not at all, Jackson! There is nothing to be sorry about. You were uncomfortable all night because of them. I could see the wheels in your mind spinning half the night. I wanted you to understand their presence and why I can't change it for you.

"Of course, you can't!" I exclaimed. "You need them and I get that."

"My father needs them more," Pierce responded. "I tried to do away with them about five years ago but it stressed my father out so much he eventually had a heart attack not long after I dismissed them. I immediately hired them back and will continue to have them for my father's sake. They are a small price to pay for his health and peace of mind."

I nodded my head vigorously in agreement. I completely understood where he was coming from.

"I use the same handful, and they have become pretty protective over me, "he admitted then smiled down at me. "We aren't best friends like you are with yours, but they have my back completely and they take their jobs very seriously. Like tonight, insisting to wait outside the car with me when I would have been perfectly fine on my own. I would have actually preferred they not."

"If I had it my way, I would have driven by myself, picked you up and taken you out, just the two of us, but my father constantly reads the reports the bodyguards write up to make sure I'm not trying to fool him."

He laughed a little as he admitted that and I figured he'd probably been caught a couple of times doing just that.

"When I was a teenager I rebelled at his, what I considered suffocating protectiveness. That was when he sat me down and told me what had happened. Though I had remembered things about that night, because it was memories of a past friend, my father had always elected to treat them as just that; memories."

"But as my rebellion grew and I started dodging my bodyguards he came clean with me. As much as it had been painful to hear it had been nice, too. Suddenly a lot more things started to make sense to me. It helped make me more reasonable about his overbearing concept of protection."

"I can't even imagine what my mother would have done in the same circumstances," I said, trying to imagine and shuddering as I thought of the extreme lengths, I knew my mother would take to protect me. I didn't even go there with thoughts of my father. He was much worse when it came to his only son.

"It's a parent's worst nightmare, only my fathers had been a waking reality."

I squeezed Pierce's hand in understanding, hoping he felt at least a fraction of the comfort I was trying to share.

"Since being told about the kidnapping and learning it was done by a close friend of my father's, trust is something I am very short on. Friendships have been difficult to make."

Pierce smiled ruefully at me.

"I envy you the closeness you have with your friends. The closest thing I have to that I guess is my bodyguards. I do literally trust them with my life, but other than Marcus, I am not close with any of them."

"I spend most days with Marcus though, He's not much older than me, and of all of them we have the most in common. He gets my reticence at having the continuous protection and tries to make it as bearable for me as he can without being obvious and without risking the work he is hired to do. I pay him back by not trying to ditch him and he appreciates that since he knows if I tried I could. I got pretty good at it as a teenager," he admitted with a laugh.

I chuckled back though I kind of had to force the air out of my lungs. I was devastated by what he had told me. He'd seemed to have the perfect life. Nothing seemed to faze him but I had just learned differently.

The new perspective of him was eye opening. Not negatively. If anything, it was more in his favor. It explained a lot about his personality. The coldness and distrust he so readily displayed. His tendency to jump to the worst-case scenario over the best. I didn't think I would be much different if my trust had been violated as his was.

Pierce flopped back in his seat, seeming drained, there was a slight droop to his shoulders that spoke of fatigue. He was most likely very tired after having purged that from his system.

I felt amazed that he had shared it with me. We hadn't known each other long and he had never told anyone else, but he had told me. I felt honored.

His eyes lifted up from our clasped hands to look over at me. I still sat perched on the edge of the seat. I wanted so badly to run my hands through the wilting strands of hair that dipped across his forehead mimicking the tired wilt of his shoulders. But I didn't. I wasn't quite confident enough, yet.

With another rueful smile, Pierce said, "Sorry to get so heavy on our first date."

I chuckled back, gruffly. My throat with still thick with the tension he had built within me as he shared his story.

"Do you think you can be more comfortable about the bodyguards, now? They are not really a necessity. I am not that well known. You are safe with me with or without them. And like I said, I know it looks pretentious and it takes some getting used to, but they are there for my father and my father only," he finished simply, "like you, just needing the medication to help you handle the stress, my father needs the bodyguards to help him manage his."

I grinned at his analogy. What could I say to that?

"I do understand. I would do it if it made my dad feel better, too. And thank you for sharing. I won't tell anyone," I assured him.

"I never for a minute thought you would Jackson," Pierce responded, making me blush at the sweetly soft sound of his voice.

Pierce smiled, one of his rare big smiles, his dimple making an appearance again. My eyes strayed to the spot. How can a fingertip sized dent be so appealing?

"So, do you think you can relax now. Can we finish our date?" Pierce piped up, drawing my fascinated gaze away from the sexy imperfection.

I nodded.

Hands still clasped, Pierce rose to his feet and I stood, too. I reached over to pat Ziggy who had slumped down at her master's feet and fallen back to sleep.

As I rose, I found Pierce's tall warm body had somehow moved in closer towards me. I looked up as Pierce stared down.

After the slightest hesitation, Pierce finally broke the silence and spoke.

"Before we do, can I kiss you?"