Chapter 21 Polar Opposites

An incoming email flashed in the lower right-hand corner of my screen. As I did with all of Mr. Jones's emails, I clicked on it immediately. Mr. Jones didn't contact me unless it was needed. I liked that about him. The least I could do was read and respond promptly.

I groaned as I saw another meeting had been scheduled for tomorrow. Considering I never went to the office and was now going twice in a span of a week, I was a bit frustrated. I wondered if this would be my new norm.

My mind immediately conjured an image of Pierce. I knew I had him to thank for the alterations taking place in my work life. They weren't impossible changes. I could cope. But they still irked me. Why all of the sudden did things need to be different?

'Chicken'

Pierce's last text flashed through my mind. What was his game? I hadn't been brave enough to find out and now that two days had passed it seemed a bit farfetched to try and reply now to find out.

I had ignored the message and the implied challenge. I had gotten brave and then backed off at the last minute when Pierce had responded with his irksome one-word provocation. For the life of me I wasn't sure why I hadn't.

The need to protect his feelings from what I had wanted to say seemed silly now. Pierce was a big boy and he certainly dished out whatever he was thinking. Why had I hesitated to respond in kind?

He wouldn't have fired me. Instead, his last reply of 'chicken' kind of made it feel like he had wanted me to speak my mind. But of course, that was part of the problem. I had never been the type of person to say whatever I wanted.

I subscribed to the old-fashioned theory of, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all and that just because I could doesn't mean I should.

Two concepts I felt sure Piece had never met in his life.

He and I were total opposites. I was a lump of coal and he was the hidden bright and flashy bauble beneath. He spoke his mind, I stayed silent. He was elegant and refined, I was boringly normal. He was elite and I was... well... not.

Polar opposites yet with an undeniable attraction.

It was tortuously confounding. One minute I wanted to run and in the next I couldn't look away. My body reacted to his presence. My mind shied away. My heart beat faster and my nerves screamed. He affected every molecule of my being so that I could feel myself now in a way I never had before, layer by layer.

If that wasn't the very definition of discombobulating, I didn't know what was.

I sighed again, something I had been doing a lot lately as my tangled thoughts beat at me. With determination I shrugged them off and went back to work. Numbers I understood. Numbers made sense. Numbers held irrefutable logic. I needed some of that right now.

***

I arrived at the same conference room that we had met in before. Mr. Jones hadn't met me downstairs this time as I now knew where to go. I braced myself before turning the doorknob and stepped into the room. I needn't have been worrying. Pierce was not present.

"Glad you could finally join us," Fern said into the silence.

I turned to look at him with a questioning frown. I glanced at my watch. I was five minutes early. His tone implied I was late.

I stepped further into the room and noted everyone from the last meeting was present except for Pierce. Mr. Jones gave me his normal salutation of a brief smile and Amber beamed a welcome my way. TJ and Fern's expressions remained the same as they had upon our last meeting. Possibly even a little more unwelcoming if possible.

It was apparent within minutes of my sitting down that Fern did not like me. He clearly resented having to report to me. I wasn't sure why it had been set up this way and would be glad to change the setup in a heartbeat.

Displays of outright dislike only made me tense. My mind didn't function at its best as my anxiety tried to kick in in stressful moments like this and it slowed my ability to process in a way that made me uncomfortable. Considering I was in a work setting where I needed my mind to be functioning one hundred percent, to say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

Mr. Jones directed the meeting and often cut across any of Fern's irrelevant comments. I felt he passed a few my way. As the meeting progressed, I became more confused because what I had been sent had been a sketchy outline at best. What they were discussing at great length were minute details I simply wasn't privy to. It made participating in the conversation extremely limited.

Fern appeared to derive pleasure from my inability to interact equally. He consistently pointed out my lacking in understanding and the more the meeting the progressed the more muddled my thoughts became.

I could feel tiny fingers of disquiet walking up my spine. It was frustrating and I strove to maintain my breathing so as to not to cave into its pull. Doing so would risk my having a panic attack in front of everyone. The thought was humiliating. I could only imagine Fern's smirking face as I crashed under the strain of such a simple meeting.

Measuring my breathing, in and out, I let the flow of conversation continue. I blocked out the words and refused to allow them to upset me further. Instead I regrouped mentally of what I did know. And I knew a lot.

Becoming more confident as I replayed the facts of what was said it soon became readily apparent, I had been set up. I had been supplied with the barest minimum of information to purposely make me look incompetent though they were acting with Mr. Jones as if I had been supplied all and was up to date.

It was very simple and childish really. I would have seen right through it if panic had not set in. Though Fern would have no idea I had anxiety, his shenanigans had almost worked because I did.

A small flare of anger ignited in my mind. As I looked up and stared at a gloating Fern who was now chatting even more expansively thinking he had won I did something I never had before with anyone that I could remember.

I interrupted him.

"So, as you can see...."

"No, I don't see!" I butted in. "And I haven't seen!"

Fern stopped talking at once to glare at me but I saw a bit of apprehension in his eyes. It was clear he hadn't expected me to speak up. He had pegged me as a loser. He had read my silent participation in the last meeting as weakness.

It was a common occurrence. I was used to it and didn't typically mind it because it wasn't completely untrue. Then again, it had never been tested when it came to my work. Working from home in the solitary manner I did, I'd never had to deal with the games of one-up-manship or the petty competitions, or even having a rival.

I had worked in solitary splendor, responsible for only myself. This was enlightening as much as it was nerve-racking. But I was finding in myself a response to it when I would usually shy away. This was my job after all. No one was allowed to mess with my work.

An audacity I didn't know myself capable of was appearing, lending me a strength to press forward through the uncomfortableness.

Mr. Jones turned to look at me in surprise at the tone of my voice then turned to look at Fern.

"It was my understanding Jackson was sent the relevant information prior to you scheduling this meeting."

"Uh... uh," Fern blustered. "Of course, he was."

Mr. Jones turned back to look at me. Telling myself to stay calm and still concentrating on my breathing I met Mr. Jones's eyes.

"I received one email."

I turned my laptop to him and pointed at the email in question.

Mr. Jones and I turned back to Fern. I noted from the corner of my eye that TJ was looking anywhere else but at us and that Amber was no longer smiling.

"You were sent another email after that. It's not my fault if you missed it."

I looked back through my emails. I looked through the junk folder as well as deleted. There was not a second email which I showed to Mr. Jones.

Mr. Jones turned back to Fern.

"Do you mind forwarding it again to Jackson's email. He clearly did not receive. That being said, we need to adjourn this meeting and regroup once Jackson has had a chance to review."

Fern looked completely angry.

"I don't see why the project needs to be delayed because of his unpreparedness! What we have here is perfectly acceptable and we could start setting up the new policies immediately."

"That is not what Mr. Lucciano instructed," Mr. Jones replied evenly.

"Well I am sure..." he started to say and Mr. Jones held up his hand halting further words.

"We will follow his instructions," he stated in a no-nonsense tone that made it clear it was not open for discussion. He then continued, "And to make sure we have no more... mistakes please make sure to copy me on all emails you send to Jackson."

I was fine with the new protocol though it seemed ridiculous. Everyone sitting in the room knew the email had never been sent to begin with. It made me angry. I even had to fight with myself to not say anything which was a first for me. King of no confrontations would have liked one in this instance.

The thought gave me pause. Was this yet another change? Or was this something that would have always happened because it was about my work only the opportunity had never risen to see?

Mr. Jones gave a few last-minute instructions then dismissed us. He gave me a look of understanding before he got up and left. Fern glared and exited without a word while TJ rushed to keep up with him not looking at me at all. Amber gave me an awkward smile and mumbled something that sounded like, 'sorry' and left.

Turning off my laptop, I slowly gathered my few belongings shoving them into my brown leather rucksack.

I felt tired. My breathing had evened out and my mind was no longer on overload. The swirl of emotions I had felt only a few minutes before were slowly dissipating leaving me feeling drained. Emotional overload over.

Standing slowly to my feet, I slung my bag over my shoulder. As tired as I felt I also felt somewhat pleased. Despite the meeting being a waste of my time and despite being setup to look inept, I had handled it. No one had fought my battles. I had stood my ground on my own and I was still standing. And it hadn't even taken that much.

I had never wanted to contradict someone in front of people. Telling someone they were wrong or disputing their words outright was difficult. Calling them out and doing it in front of others seemed rude. Interrupting them even more so.

Confrontations in and of themselves simply stressed me to no end. I couldn't help it they always had. Only today, I couldn't sit idly by and allow someone to trample on my reputation.

Today I had learned there was a difference and though I wasn't brilliant at it and though it was difficult for me, it wasn't impossible. It was a nice thing to have learned even if it hadn't been pleasant.

Still caught up in my thoughts as I reflected on what I had learned about myself today, I stepped through the door and angled my body to turn right to head towards the elevator. As I did so, I rammed directly into a solid mass of silky material covering a sinewy warmth that barely rocked at my impact.

Strong arms grasped my shoulders, steadying me before pushing me back slightly. My mouth gaping open, I glanced up in surprise, words of apology dangling on my tongue but not to pass my lips as familiar eyes of ice stared down at me, only they didn't seem to be quite so cold this time.

I felt warmth on my face where they touched. The familiar shiver snaked up my spine. Pierce's eyes suddenly flared and I knew he felt it. Blushing I looked away and stepped back.

For all my new found confidence, I felt like wilting at this new challenge. Pierce was exhausting on a good day. Today had been rough already. I didn't like my odds of coming out of this encounter unscathed.

Not physically, of course but emotionally. My current internal reserves had the consistency of a used paper cup; one poke and who knew what would come spilling out.