Chapter 19 Bumbling Circus Bears

I watched a beaming Percy and one very satisfied looking Archer begin their first dance as a married couple. As I looked at them, I appreciated for the first time what a striking couple they made.

They were both tall and athletic, though Archer was thicker. They both were wearing sharp suits, tailored made to fit their forms to a tee. Archer's was classic black and Percy's was lemon yellow. It should have looked odd but it didn't. It suited them very much.

Other than the color of his suit, Percy appeared more sedate today than he typically did. Percy loved colors and he loved to accessorize. He also had a thing for makeup and, what I considered, funky hair styles. They weren't my cup of tea but I always thought they suited him perfectly.

Today though he wore no makeup or wig. Other than the white gold wedding bands they had exchanged earlier, neither wore any other adornment today. They were beautiful really, I thought feeling choked. Neither was focused on themselves, everything about them screamed us!

I now understood why Archer had commented that he had had to force Percy to choose a colored suit. They had wanted to be unified from the tips of their shoes to the tops of their heads today, but he had also wanted Percy to be himself as well, and had insisted on him at least wearing an outfit with color. And it worked probably even better than if Percy had worn black as well.

I felt tears prick my eyes as a slight pressure built in my chest. I was so happy for Archer, so happy for them both. The way they looked at each other now, it wasn't enough to say that happiness radiated off of them. No. It was so much more than that.

They had this nonverbal connection that let them communicate and feel on a different level from all of us. They were bound by more than a marriage certificate today. They were intertwined with the feelings of belonging and partnership, love and passion, friendship and intimacy. I didn't fully understand it. Had never been interested enough to find out.

I felt oddly bereft the longer I watched them. The pressure in my chest expanded. I had to take a several shallow breaths to slowly drag air into my lungs, then slowly release it so as to control the turbulence of my emotions and the tears that I felt were close at hand.

Long dormant emotions nagged at me. They had been doing so since meeting Pierce. They had never been as intense as they were today.

Participating in the ceremony, seeing first hand, my friend and his partner stare at each other, their interactions like long silent eye stares, simple caresses, secretive smiles. They spoke to each other without words and only they understood. And it was fascinating.

It made me curious. It made me feel lonely. It made me long...

I had never been bothered by any of these things but now I felt all three simultaneously. My throat felt thick with bottled up emotions. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have that. What would it be like to be here with my someone special instead of being alone?

Stag.

The word had never felt lonely. It had never bothered me. It just meant I had no date. Today though, it was more than just a word to me. It was also an empty feeling in my chest, because it meant I had no date.

I was confusing myself with my thoughts and I turned away from Percy and Archer to make my way back to our table. I surreptitiously swiped at my eyes, to wipe away any traces of moisture that lingered. The last thing I wanted was to be teased by the guys.

I shouldn't have worried. None of them were there. I sat down and glanced idly around. I found Branson by the food, no surprise there. He was chatting to a pretty petite blond. Again, no surprise.

Noah I finally picked out, was walking with an elderly lady out onto the dance floor. It was Archer's grandmother. I smiled as the two began slowly shuffling in a slow waltz-like circle. I could practically see Noah counting... one, two, three... one, two, three in his head as he moved.

I grinned.

I still couldn't see Mick but I knew he was near. Nobody would be leaving until Archer and Percy did. I looked over to the food, noting Branson was still there and still chatting.

The buffet was typically my first destination of choice at any gathering like this. I loved to eat, it killed time, and best if all... I didn't have to chat if I had food in my mouth. Today though, for some reason food didn't seem so appealing. As weird as it was for me, it was true.

Since the rush of emotions that had bombarded me while watching Archer and Percy dance my stomach felt heavy as if a large bulky stone sat smack in the middle weighing me down. I rubbed at my stomach trying to ease the dense sensation in my core.

I sat back and trailed my eyes over the gathering as I allowed my mind to wander. I stayed strictly away from anything even remotely Pierce related. He was largely responsible for my current state so thinking about him didn't seem smart.

He had turned my world upside down. I wanted to be over it... over him but I wasn't. I worried I wouldn't be anytime soon.

And I was thinking about him again...

Frustrated, I was about to get up and make my way to the buffet, hunger or no, when Mick suddenly sat down a chair over from me. I looked at him and he smiled back. He looked down at the table in front of me.

"No food? I came to check out your plate to see how much you had crammed on to it but you don't even have a plate in front of you! Got a fever?" he asked reaching over to lay the back of his hand against my forehead.

I pulled back away and rolled my eyes.

"I'm not sick."

"Why no food then?"

I shrugged.

"Seriously, Jackson, all kidding aside. Everything okay?"

I looked at Mick and saw the concern in his green eyes. Miguel was Mexican American. He had explained to me he got his emerald colored eyes from his father's side of the family who were heavily descended from Spain.

Mick had been the quarterback on the team. He was tall and lean. He kept his burnt toffee colored hair kind of long and shaggy and it never looked the same from day to day. Today he had tried to tame it I could tell. He had been half successful. It wasn't his fault though. For as long as I had known him his hair had had a life of its own much to his mother's dismay. The girls however had always seemed to love it and Mick had loved that.

"I'm fine," I finally answered, trying to look it.

Mick scooted over a chair so that he was beside me. His face turned earnest. Mick clearly had something on his mind and he wanted to talk. Before he could say anything though, Noah and Branson appeared. Branson sat in the free seat on the other side of me while Noah took Mick's recently vacated one.

They were all leaning in towards me and staring.

I braced myself.

"So," Branson dragged out, eyeing me closely for my reaction. "We had a quick chat with Archer this morning."

I knew it. I knew it was going to be about Pierce. I wondered fleetingly how Archer had had time to tell the guys anything. I had been by his side for most of the morning. I also knew Archer wouldn't have told them everything we talked about. Not only because he hadn't had the time but because I trusted Archer.

But I was curious as to what had been said considering the guy's reaction.

"You did?" I asked playing dumb with my best wide-eyed cherubic expression.

This brought forth chuckles from all three of them. I gave a toothy grin back because I knew I had come across way too obvious and must have looked ridiculous.

"Oh my God!" Mick said.

"Fuck!" Branson exclaimed.

"Well I'll be!" Noah gasped.

I stood gaping at the three of them as the sentences exploded from their mouths drawing the eyes of several guests. I sunk a little lower in my chair. They were embarrassing.

They continued to stare at me and as they did so two other people appeared at the table. They slipped into the remaining empty chairs.

Archer and Percy, still holding tightly to each other's hands joined our small group with raised brows.

The three giants mumbled their apologies but Archer just waved them off.

"Didn't come over for that, we came to back up Jackson. You three seemed to have cornered him."

"Oh hell, Archer! We didn't corner him. We just sat down at the table with him!" Branson retorted.

Archer and Percy chuckled.

"Want us to get the video camera over there and play the scene back for you?" Percy quipped.

"Archer weren't you the very one telling us this morning we needed to start treating Jackson like the adult he is?" Noah asked.

Archer nodded.

"I did and I meant it. But that also included you three acting like grownups yourselves! Not like three bumbling circus bears on tricycles."

I chuckled. I loved it when Archer messed with them.

"Geez!" Mick exclaimed.

"Damn!" Noah said.

"Good lord almighty!" Branson half shouted.

Even Percy couldn't hold back a response.

"Oh my!"

I covered my mouth with my fingers as everyone at the table stared at me with various expressions of amazement. Except for Archer. Archer just had the same huge grin on his face he had had for the most of last night.

When I had smiled.

When I had laughed.

I suddenly understood the over the top reactions I was receiving. Had I really been that much of an oddball?

"You told me but it's definitely something you have to witness to really understand," Percy finally said.

I turned to Percy who was smiling back at me with a similar expression to Archer. They all were now.

"I think you're all over exaggerating as usual. You wouldn't have even noticed anything if Archer hadn't said something," I grumbled feeling nonplussed by all the attention.

"I will be damned!" Branson exclaimed in a rough whisper, ignoring my comments as if I hadn't even spoken.

He looked around at all the men at the table and then back at me.

"I never realized until now how much he never really laughed. I mean he laughed... but he didn't," Branson tried to explain.

Noah and Mick nodded.

"He laughed. He smiled," Archer corrected, giving me a knowing look. "It's just different now."

"Because?" Noah prompted, looking at Jackson for an answer.

I swallowed. I knew he already knew. I had a feeling Archer had given them a heads up this morning for this very reason. He didn't want them pestering me about Pierce.

"I've just been feeling a bit different lately," I tried to explain.

"Because?" Mick asked this time.

"Things seem more, I guess. But not in a bad way. Things seem a little easier for me," I tried to articulate finding it difficult to find the right words to describe where I was right now.

"Because? Damnit Jackson, because?" Branson in his typical overbearing way demanded.

I blew out a breath of frustrated air. These blockheads! I loved them dearly but they could be so pushy sometimes! I knew what they were asking. I wasn't stupid. Why couldn't they take the hint that maybe I just wasn't ready to talk about it?

"Because..." I groused out, trying to delay.

But delay what really?

They already knew. They just wanted me to admit to it. And maybe they were right. I couldn't grow and yet continue to hide my head in the sand no matter how much I may want to right now. And I did.

They weren't fans of Pierce and I got why. They were also very overprotective of me and I understood that, too. Admitting to them that these so-called changes had anything to do with Pierce wasn't easy. I didn't want to be teased and better yet, I didn't want to be lectured.

I didn't want to argue with any of them about this new unknown.

Until I understood it better. Until I could even articulate how I felt with more than the usual three words, I would have preferred to keep them out of it totally.

But that ship had done sailed.

Archer had stepped in with his good intentions and given the hounds a scent. One they were fiercely tracking and I knew I wouldn't be getting up from this table until I spilled the tea.

With a sigh I mumbled in to the expectant silence, "because... of Pierce Lucciano, I think."