38: Quinn

Who knew I would be eating a pint of cookies and creme ice cream while watching fail videos on youtube with Malcolm and Suzie. This is the only thing that's stopping me from having a breakdown from the whole Riley situation.

No matter what happens, all she wants is to be friends and I don't know if I'm okay with that. I mean sure I want Riley in my life, she's kind of  stupid at times, but a good person. I know I can always count on her and she makes me feel understand. Not to mention she also gets my heart racing like crazy and creates a frenzy of butterflies in my stomach.

Oh god, that's not what I'm supposed to be thinking about. Man, fuck this shit. I take another spoonful of ice cream and put in my mouth while my best friends laugh as someone slips and falls on the screen.

Then all of a sudden I get a call that interrupts the video on my screen. Of course, it's none other than Riley. I thought she understood that I needed time to think, I guess not. I decline the call and we keep watching the video.

However, a few minutes later i get another call. "Are you going to answer?" Suzie asks and nod no.

"You sure about that?" Malcolm asks and I nod again.

I'm not in the mood right now. I just want to forget about my problems and eat ice cream.

Suddenly I get a call from Mason. I didn't even know he had my number, the only reason I have his is because Riley made me put it in my phone in case of anything. Why the hell would he be calling me? This is really weird. I wonder if something happened.

Oh my god, did something happen to Riley? I immediately pick up the call to see what Mason has to say.

"Hello, Quinn, I was just wondering if Riley was with you?" He asks.

"No, her and I aren't exactly on great terms now," I reply.

"Yeah I know, that explains why you won't answer her phone. I've been trying to call you on it since she left it," Mason explains.

"Wait what? What do you mean she left it? She wouldn't leave her phone behind, she's not forgetful. Why isn't she with you?" I ask him.

Mason hesitates before saying, "Well you see we were talking and she kind of freaked out and left without an explanation or her phone. And I'm kind of worried now because she was very upset."

"Well fuck, Mason. What am I supposed to do? What did you say to her?"

"I swear it wasn't anything bad, it just didn't go as planned and I don't know where she could have gone and I don't want her to be alone now. I thought you might know where she is," he adds.

I sigh before saying, "I'll go look for her. I have some ideas of where she might be." I hang up and get of the couch and my friends follow me outside.

"Sorry guys, we can hang out another time," I tell them.

"It's okay, we are also kind of worried about Riley and you. You don't seem like your normal self," Suzie comments.

She's right. I'm trying to stay calm but I'm freaking out. Maybe everything got to Riley and frustrated the heck out of her. I haven't been the best friend lately, I didn't realize she must me going through a lot right now. I'm trembling of the thought of Riley being all alone and having a panic attack. I need to find her. I need to save my girl.

"We are coming with you," Malcolm adds.

"No, I don't want to bother you guys with this," I reply and they both roll their eyes at me.

"How do you expect to go looking for her without a car?" Malcolm says which makes me face palm. He's right, how would I have gone looking for her? Walking everywhere?

We walk to his car and get in and they look at me for the first location to check. I tell them to head for the school, Riley loves the library, she might have gone there to calm down. The library is her happy place, she loves browsing for new books to read. She explained that books can take you to a whole another place, they are magical items that can put all your worries aside as you read.

Once we make it to the school, I hop out of the car and sprint inside. I check every table looking to see if Riley is sitting down and reading, but she isn't. I check every aisle and I don't see her anywhere. Wierd, I thought she would be here.

My friends finally catch up to me and I tell them the news. They ask if there is any other place she might be at and my mind wanders to the bleachers. It's probably not Riley's first choice, but it's a familiar setting to her that might bring her some ease.

I run to the field and scan the surrounding, but she isn't here. Where could she be? I'm starting to get worried now since the sun is setting. I don't want Riley to be out by herself without a way to communicate to anyone or how to get home.

"What other place have you guys gone to toegther?" Suzie asks, trying to help as Malcolm hugs me tightly.

I try to think for a few seconds, but nothing comes to mind. We've only hung out at school or at her home. Or at the carnival, but I thought she's there, there are so many people there.

Then it hits me. The beach! I took her there when she was panicking!

I drag my friends with me and we head back to the car as fast as possible.  Malcolm speeds to the beach and I give him money to park. Once he stops the car I jump out and run down the path to get sand.

I run along the shore where Riley and I walked around last time and in the distance I see someone sitting down in th sand and watching the waves. I bet that's her!

I run over to them and sure enough I start to see Riley's familiar features. When I'm close to her I stop to take a breath, I'm panting now. Riley doesn't look up at me, she just continues to stare at the ocean and I take off my jacket to wrap it around her.

She's only wearing jeans and a t shirt so I know she's cold, she's even slightly trembling. I'm glad I had two jackets on.

I sit down next to her and look out at the ocean too. It's dark out now and the moon is the only thing allowing me to see. In the distance to my left I can see two people trying to find their way using the light from their phone. They stop and wave at me and I know that those are my friends. They stop and wait over there, they know I need time with Riley right now.

"How did you even get here?" I blurt out. It's the first thing that came to mind, I'm not always the best at serious moments.

"The bus," Riley replies without looking at me.

"Well that's better than what I thought. I originally thought you walked, but the bus is better," I say.

"No, it's not. The bus sucks. There are too many people and I got lost," she says finally looking up at me. She looks like a lost puppy and her lip starts quivering.

"I'm fucked up, Quinn," Riley suddenly blurts out.

"Everything I do is wrong and I don't know what to do about it," her voice starts breaking at the end, like she's trying to hold back her sobs.

"I hurt everyone," she whispers out before looking down and shaking, she's trying to keep it together, but she can't.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her close to me, "that's not true."

"It is. I fuck everything up. Raf should be here, I shouldn't," she murmurs into my shoulder as she begins to sob uncontrollably.

"Oh god no, baby, no. That's not true. That's not what Raf would want. Riley, please," I try to say as I hug her tighter. Hearing her say those words break my heart, I didn't know she was struggling this much. I feel like such a piece of shit, she needed me and I wasn't there for her.

"Baby, please, look at me, that's not true, okay. Don't say that. You didn't fuck up, you didn't. It's okay, Riley," I add trying to reassure her, but it's not working.

"I fucked up. I messed up with you and Mason. Oh god, he probably hates me too," she sobs out. I don't understand what's happening, Riley isn't explaining anything, but I guess it has to do with Mason. They were together before she ran away supposedly.

"Riley, what happened? Did you and Mason fight?" I ask.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she repeats over and over again.

"Riley, I don't understand. Why are you saying sorry? What happened?" I ask again.

Riley doesn't say anything she just shakes her head and continues to break down.

"Did he do something Riley? Did he hurt you?"

"We. We tried to do it. I messed up. I messed up, I realized I didn't want to," she stutters out. My heart drops. Is she going to say what horrific thing I'm imagining now?

"Riley, did he force you to do anything?" I ask.

"No, no.... no," she says while wiping away her tears. "He didn't do anything. He stopped and I grabbed my clothes and ran out."

I finally let the breath of air that I was holding in out and I hold her close to me. I don't care about the fact that she almost had sex with Mason, that's not important now. What's important is figuring out why she ran and why she thinks she doesn't deserve to be here.

I need to be her friend before anything else right now. She needs me and I'm not going to abandon her again. She would do the same for me I know it.

"What's wrong with me, Quinn?" She adds. The look on her face absolutely crushes me, she looks so defeated. It's such a big contrast from her normal bright smile.

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Author note: Here's another heavy chapter for you guys. Can't believe some of you thought I would make Riley have sex with Mason. Nope, but big things are coming soon in the story. Just you wait!

Also, I uploaded a new youtube video, in this one I climb up ruins, watch people zipline over a valley and play with alpacas.

Also, I recently cut me hair and did a very short video on it, so do you want to watch that? And I found ducks on my front lawn and took videos of them as well, would you guys like watching that short video as well?