25: Riley

"Hey Ry, the class ended like three minutes ago," Quinn says tapping my shoulder.

I glance around frantically and notice that Quinn is right. There is no one else in the class now, it's empty.

Did I really think about Quinn for the entire class?

Shit. My grades will seriously be dropping a bit.

"Are you okay? You're really spacey today. You didn't write down anything from lecture today," Quinn adds.

I look down and notice that she is right. I look up at her sheepishly and nod my head to show that I'm okay.

"I'll give you my notes later so that you can copy them," Quinn adds as I pack up my stuff.

I say thank you and get up to walk out of the classroom with her. I hesitate for a few seconds before asking, "hey, do you, I don't know, want to go to the carnival on Friday with me?"

Quinn smiles and automatically says yes, then adds, "Is Mason going too?"

I nod and I think I see her smile falter a little before she says, "oh okay. Cool."

"Well actually, Mason is also bringing a friend," I add.

"Oh. So I won't be third wheeling then," she chuckles. "Then I'm in. Should be lots of fun."

I agree before Quinn says bye and heads to her class. I'm left standinging there and my heart is pounding.

I shouldn't be so afraid right? I accomplished my plan to get Quinn to go, but it's wrong. I lied to Quinn, she doesn't know I set her up.

What if she gets really angry at me?

What should I do?!

Cancel and have to deal with my crush on Quinn or go through with the plan and possible have Quinn angry at me but be in a relationship? Both options sound awful. I'm in a real catch 22 now and it sucks.

The only thing I can do is make sure Quinn has the best date possible. I need to train the guy that Mason brings to treat Quinn like the princess that she is. However, I will do that later. I need to get to class now.

So, I go through my classes trying to think of ways of making Quinn swoon with the guy. I know her pretty well, so this isn't very hard.

I know that Quinn loves adrenaline. So of course she needs to be taken on all the big rides. She also loves to dance so I need to make the guy use the dance machine game in the arcade section or make them dance at night when they do a live band. Quinn also  likes small stuffed animals, she thinks they are so cute. What she doesn't know though is that she looks adorable when hugging one.

By the end of the day I have a page full of ideas and I run to the field to see Mason and check put the guy that he picked. Thankfully I get there before Quinn does and I immediately head towards Mason who wraps his arms around me.

Instead if hugging him and kissing him, I push him away slightly so that I can ask, "okay, who is the guy?"

Mason looks confused at first then remembers what we talked about earlier. He points to the guy and I recognize him. I don't know him too well since he isn't good friends with Mason, but he never gets in trouble or causes a ruckus. So I guess he's a good pick.

"Did he say yes to Friday?" I ask Mason.

He nods and asks, "What is this weird friendship tactic? I don't understand it."

"Well, you see, if she gets in a relationship then it's better," I reply while looking around for Quinn.

"Why?"

"Um, that way we can do double dates and talk about how lucky we are to have awesome boyfriends," I add. Okay I went a bit dramatic there in the lie. As if I would want to hear Quinn talk about her guy, that would make me throw up, but that's exactly what I want.

Mason shrugs and kisses me before going to his team. The kiss feels bland. I used to feel something there, but I don't anymore. Sure it feels familiar, but I doesn't quite feel right.

What the hell is wrong with me. It's that damn crush on Quinn. It's making my feelings for Mason fade. Damn it!

I make my way to the bleachers and sit down. I should start my homework since I'm a bit behind. I don't want my grades to slip. So, I start doing my homework for a few minutes then I'm interrupted by someone putting there hands over my eyes.

"Guess who," I hear as the person giggles. I know who it is already. There's only one person's soft giggle that makes my heart go crazy.

"Oh I don't know? Could it possibly be the librarian?"

"No, silly. It's me," Quinn says  while giggling as she sits down next to me. I roll my eyes at her and she playfully punches me shoulder.

"So, are you doing? Less spacey than in the morning?"

"Yeah, I'm on task now. I know what I'm supposed to be doing," I respond. I'm actually not lying right now. My task is to make sure everything runs smoothly for Friday and that Quinn has the best time. I'll do anything to ensure that.

"That's awesome," she says giving me a beautiful smile. It makes my heart melt and the butterflies go crazy yet again.

I try to push away these stupid feelings by saying, " So, about Friday. We can meet at the carnival then I can give you a ride home if you would like."

She automatically says that it sounds like a good idea and then she gets up. Her practice will start soon so I know that she needs to go down. She gives me another smile before waving and walking away.

I really hope she doesn't hate me for this. I hope it doesn't ruin our friendship. That's the most important thing to me now. I haven't made a friend in along time and I don't want to fuck it up now. It's already fucked up though because I have feelings for her. Ugh.

What if?

What if she had feelings for me too?

No, that can't be true. Why in the world would she have feelings for me. She's amazing and special and I'm not. She can pick to be with anyone so why would she pick me? I'm nobody.

But, what if she did want me? Would I pick her too?

What about Mason though? I can't do that to him. He's my boyfriend, I love him. I've always loved him. He's the guy I'm supposed to end up with and marry and have a life with. That's always been the plan.

However, now that plan doesn't make me as happy as before. I used to be so sure that's what I wanted, but I'm not so sure anymore.

The thought of being in Mason's shadow is kind of daunting. Of course I'll be cheering him on, but I don't really want to go where he wants to for college. I want to go to UC Davis and it's far away from UCLA. But I can't change the plans on Mason all of a sudden, we are meant to be together. Right?

I love him, so why am I doubting all this right now? Why am i feeling trapped. I shouldn't!

Mason is the best boyfriend ever. I always hear about how shitty guys are, but that's not like Mason. He's great. He's sweet and caring and always thinks about me. He's so protective and understanding. He knows me. He's my best friend. I don't want to lose him. Losing Mason is like losing a part of myself.

That's why I can't be gay. I can't be bissexual or any other sexuality. I'm straight. It's easier. I'll live a happy life with Mason. I'll be okay.

I won't have to deal with hate and discrimination. I won't be verbally abused for my love. No one would try to attack me. I would be safe with Mason.

I won't end up like my brother if I just follow the norms and stay low key. No attention to myself and just maybe I'll be okay in life.

But at what cost?

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Author note: This is the last chapter for this week. Next week we'll get into the carnival chapter.

Anyway, I made the video on my embarrassing yet funny story. It's on my YouTube channel. You can also watch it down below if Wattpad works right. Also, subscribe to my channel for future videos. I'm going to try to post every Tuesday.