Chapter 187

Jane One moment the pavement is careening up towards my face, and the next strong arms catch me around the waist. “Woah there.” Devon’s familiar voice sounds in my ear as his scent washes over me.

“I’m sorry,” I slur, “The baby..”

Devon’s arms tense, then my legs are lifted out from under me and I can feel us moving. Only later do I realize that my vision had blacked out, but I feel mildly comforted by the rocking sensation of being carried. A few moments later I’m being set into a chair, and I hear Devon asking a waitress for some water. Almost immediately a cool glass is pressed to my lips, and I manage to take a few sips. Slowly my disorientation eases, and I blink the spots out of my eyes.

When my vision returns, I see Devon kneeling in front of me, a concerned expression on his face.

There you are.” He praises, brushing the hair from my eyes, “Just take your time, Jane, we can stay here as long as you need.”

I gulp down more water, pressing my palm to my belly as if testing my own nausea. “I’m sorry.” I say again, staring at the man before me in shock.

There was a time when I knew Devon as well as I knew Ethan – at least, I thought I had. I never knew he felt anything for me other than friendship. I certainly never imagined he left the territory because of me.

“For what?” He says, his eyes crinkling with his smile, “Fainting or making me fall in love with you?”

“Both,” I frown, suddenly feeling so guilty I can’t breathe.

“Jane, I was only teasing.” Devon remarks wryly,”

I promise neither were your fault.” He eyes my belly then, scenting the air as if hoping to catch the scent of my unborn pup. Unfortunately it’s too early for my scent to have changed just yet, but clearly my muttered excuses hadn’t gone unheard.

“You’re breeding again.”

“Yes.” I sigh, trying to remind myself what a blessing this is. When I first suspected I was pregnant I couldn’t face the news because of what it might mean for our mission, when I learned it was true I was overjoyed, but my heart has been so broken since then that I don’t think I’ve really processed how I feel about the new baby.

“But you and Ethan aren’t together?” Devon inquires gently, as if he’s trying to figure out some puzzle but is reluctant to search for the pieces.

“No,” I confirm. “In the New Year the pups and I are going back to the Dark Moon pack.”

“That’s quite a coincidence.” Devon says mysteriously, just as the waitress reappears.

“Are you alright honey?” The older woman asks me, a knowing look in her eye. “I’ve got some crackers that might settle your tummy, and some nice herbal tea if you’re not drinking caffeine.”

“I’m fine, but thank you.” I express, summoning a weak smile.

“You should eat something.” Devon insists, “You’ve got to keep your strength up.”

“Some crackers then.” I agree, dragging a hand through my hair. “Why is it a coincidence?”

“Because I’m moving to the Dark Moon pack in the New Year myself.” Devon replies, flashing me a grin.

“Really, why?” I inquire, barely able to keep up with our conversation because my head feels so fuzzy.

“I’m going to be the new Beta – you’re probably been too busy rescuing the pups and going off on adventures to keep up with the news. The Alpha just retired his old one.” Devon shares, looking pleased but not prideful or boastful.

“Congratulations, Devon!” I explain, moving to hug him. It seems like no matter how much time has passed, he’s still the little boy who taught me how to climb trees and used to race around with Ethan and I in the forest. Sitting in front of him now, it seems impossible that we’ve spent so many years apart. I’ve missed my friend, even if I’ve been too distracted by my disastrous marriage and rambunctious pups to realize it.

However I’m not steady enough to hug him – or so it would seem. I almost fall out of my chair when I reach for him, but he steadies me with another gentle smile. “You seem determined to give yourself a head injury today.”

“I’m not sure I’d mind one.” I confess ruefully. “

There’s a lot I’d like to forget right about now.”

Devon frowns, taking the chair next to mine. “Can I ask what happened?” He questions. “I don’t mean to be nosy, I just… I thought you and Ethan would be together forever.”

“It’s a long story” I exhale, pausing to smile and accept a cup of tea from the waitress. “And a pretty miserable one. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

“If telling it won’t be too difficult for you.” He agrees.

I huff out a humorless laugh. I’ve never shared this story with anyone, not all the way from the beginning, not with someone who knows Ethan as well as I do. Slowly I begin telling the tale, pausing when I can’t find the right words, sipping my tea when I feel the emotion creeping up in my voice. I manage to make it all the way up to Ethan’s Rejection before I break down into tears, and then Devon curls an arm around my shoulders, not pressing me for details or trying to stop me crying, just patiently waiting until I find the strength to continue.

When it’s finally over I rub my eyes and shake myself, hating how pitiful I’m being. Every time I convince myself I’m over it, I realize I’ve been fooling myself. The emotion rushes forth with so much force that it staggers me, and I can’t help but think I’m an idiot for ever believing I could move past this.

“Shh, poor little wolf.” Devon croons, dabbing at my leaking eyes with a soft tissue. He doesn’t try to tell me it’s alright, or make excuses for his old friend, he simply hugs me and waits until I’ve ridden out the storm.

“I don’t understand it.” He finally says, when I’ve pulled myself together at last. “The Ethan I knew… he never would have taken anyone’s word above yours, or toyed with you that way. He certainly wouldn’t have rejected you and the pups.”

“The more time that passes the more I think I never knew Ethan at all.”I state bitterly. “He’s quite the chameleon, and a very talented actor to boot.”

“I’m so sorry.” Devon professes, rubbing my back. “

I never Would have left if I’d known.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I squeak, recalling his confession just before I fainted. “I never imagined you felt anything but friendship for me.”

“Would it have mattered?” Devon asks in return, arching one dark brow.

“No.”I hiccup miserably, “I never had eyes for anyone but Ethan. And look at where it’s got me.

“Well for one thing it’s gotten you four beautiful pups and another on the way.” Devon reasons,”

Surely they’ve been worth it all.”

“Of couse they have.” I snap defensively, bearing my fangs at him. “They’re worth any cost, any unhappiness or strife. And the new baby will be too, if I can get a strong enough handle on myself to give it the welcome it deserves.

“Easy mama bear.” Devon chuckles, “I just wanted to make sure you remembered that it hasn’t all been bad.”

“I know.” I sniffle. “And it’s not that I forget, or that I don’t appreciate how amazing they are. I just hate Ethan so much..”

“No you don’t.” Devon clucks sympathetically, stroking my hair. “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”I nod miserably. “I wish I could hate him.

Instead I just hate myself. I hate how stupid I was not to learn from my mistakes.I vowed backwards and forwards that I would never let Ethan hurt me again, and then I let him trick me. It was fine when I was young and silly but I knew better now, and I had much more at stake. I repeated my own disastrous history without any concern for how it would hurt my pups.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself.” Devon scolds, sounding surprisingly stern. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with opening your heart to love and taking a chance on happiness. You were brave, Jane. You spent four years living in fear and locking yourself away from the world, never letting anyone close, never taking any risks. But you found the courage to try again, to try and give your children the family they deserved.”

“And look at where it got me!” I exclaim, throwing up my hands. “Right back where I started.”

“Except now you finally have Paisley, and you’re going to have another baby to love. You have a successful business, and you don’t have to start from scratch this time. And you have me.” Devon grins, “It sounds like my move is happening at just the right time. I’d say you’re in need of a friend.”

“Just a friend?” I ask, uncertain. After all the man did just admit he’d been madly in love with me a few years ago.

“That depends,” Devon answers smoothly. “Are you open to more?”

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