Chapter 20

(Chapter song ‘The Diary Of Jane’ by Breaking Benjamin)

OLIVER Her hair. Her skin. Her taste.

It plagued my mind all night. I questioned myself about why I would be interested in a woman I have to physically fight and hurt at every turn.

I know it’s not her fault. The sickness invading her brain makes her lash out with violence. I have to defend against her, but it kills me every time.

I walk into the dining room after grabbing a cup of coffee from the kitchen. Ian is sitting at a table, eating.

I sink into the seat across from him.

“How’s the psycho?” He asks as he stuffs his mouth.

“Don’t.” I scowl.

He drops his fork and wipes his mouth. “You realize we’ve spent more money on repairing this house in the last few months than we have in years.”

“I’m aware.” I lift my cup and take a sip.

“Ollie. What are you doing?” He leans on the table.

I put my cup on the table and lean on it too. I lace my fingers together. I tilt my head and meet his eyes. “Given a little girl her life back.”

He slams himself back in his chair and lifts his hand to me. “That’s crazy, Oliver!” He points out the door. “She is too far gone for that and you know it. You don’t want to kill her because you want to bang her, that’s it.”

I lean back and lower my head as images of the shower come to mind.

He tilts his head and leans forward. “You already have, haven’t you?”

I say nothing but roll my eye to him.

He shakes his head and flops back. “Jesus, Ollie! Do you not understand how sick that is?” He leans forward and taps his temple with his finger. “She is fucked in the head and your all over it. That’s disgusting!” He spits.

“That’s enough.” I growl. “She deserves a good life. You don’t see what I see.”

He leans back. “I see enough, brother.” He motions to the entrance of the dining room and Ezra walks in with one of my suit jackets on and nothing underneath. She’s smoking a cigarette, carrying a book and my lapels barely cover her breasts.

My jaw falls as she walks by us to a back table and sits against the wall. She props a leg up on the chair and proceeds to read while she puffs the smoke out.

He looks at her and looks back at me. “She’s naked and reading a book upside down. This is who you possibly want for your Luna?”

I stare at Ezra’s gorgeous body and consume the feeling that fills my chest. I narrow my eyes to my brother. “Yes.”

I get up and slowly walk to where she’s sitting. Once in front of her, I try to contain the disrespect I’m feeling right now.

“What are you doing?” I ask calmly.

“I’m filling my head.” She says as she turns the page.

“What?”

She glances up at me and holds the book sarcastically. “Reading!” She says in a snarky tone. She huffs and shakes her head like I just insulted her.

“That’s my jacket.” I stuff my hands in my pocket.

She turns the page smugly. “And?”

“You went into my room. Why?” I ask gruffly.

“I needed something.” She responds.

I lick my upper lip and nod. “What did you need?” I snip.

She looks up. “Socks.”

I look at her feet and she isn’t wearing any. “So where are they?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. They flew off somewhere.”

I furrow my brow. “What?”

I leave the dining room and jog up the stairs two at a time. I throw open my bedroom door and my mouth falls open.

My entire dresser and closets have been pulled right apart. My beds been stripped and my curtains pulled down. She ransacked all my shelves and went through my end tables.

I hold my hair as the state of my room triggers my anger. “You’ve got to me shitting me.”

My infuriated face turns to the door. I stomp out to the hall and practically run down the stairs. Once in the dining room, I take big steps to her, grab the book and throw it. I yank the cigarette out of her mouth and dunk it in a glass of water then grab her arm.

“Let go!” She yells.

I ignore her and drag her through the house, up the stairs and to my room. I shove her in and throw a finger at her. “CLEAN THIS UP, NOW!”

She look at me and balls her fists. “NO!”

I can barely contain it. I get in her space. “You clean this fucking mess up now or I’m revoking your freedom of movement.”

She crosses her arms and looks at me defiantly. “Clean it yourself, Alpha.” She smirks and kicks out a leg. “I have to fill my head.” She raises her chin and pushes past me.

I grab her arm and pull her back. “Do as I say.” I growl.

“Fuck you.” She squints her eyes.

I grab the back of her head. “Fuck me? How about this…if you want me to fuck you again, you will get on your fucking knees and clean up this goddamn mess.”

I shove her away from me and give her one last look as she scowls at me.

I point to her. “That is not a threat, it’s a promise. Behave or I end all of this and take you to the Alliance.”

I turn and walk out the door. “Put some fucking clothes on.” I say as I slam the door.

She made such a mess of things, I don’t really expect her to clean it all up, but I do expect some compliance. I’ll check back in a bit to see what’s she’s doing then link the cleaners. I need to show her that’s unacceptable behavior.

I sigh as I sit back down with Ian. I drink my coffee and shake my head.

He leans to me. “You sure this is the life you want?”

I watch myself trace the rim of my cup with my forefinger. “There’s a way…”

He stands up. “Ollie, your fooling yourself. You’re wrapped up in hair, tits and ass. You’ve blinded yourself to the reality that she’s too mentally wrecked to function normally. The sooner you get that, the sooner you can put her out of her suffering and misery. It’s not her that’s the bad guy here. It’s you.”

He leaves me in my thoughts.

I know I’m selfish. I know I don’t want to kill her because I want her so fucking much, but it’s not just that. I’m compelled to something inside her. Something I absolutely have to dig out. It’s an itch, a craving. Her illness is just in the way. That’s all it is. An obstacle between me and what I know is there.

I don’t know if it’s her soul or what. It’s all so different. I’ve never felt like this. I don’t feel like this. Is like a it scratches at the base of my brain. Nudging me forward to her. It tells me I’m supposed to be right in front of in her. I’m suppose to hear her and understand her. It’s telling me I’m the only one for her to help her through this.

I blink as I raise my cup to my lips. “Fate.” I say to myself as I drink the last of my coffee.

Do I believe in fate mates. I’d have to be a dumbass to say I don’t. Is Ezra my Fated mate? Look, I’m not perfect. I know I have my gripes. Ezra is a whole other realm from me. She doesn’t belong on this side of the line I’ve drawn. She pushes against the conviction of killing any and all rogues.

So why is she?

There’s something there. There has to be.

I leave the dining hall and head to my room.

I open my door and she’s sitting on the floor in the middle of the mess, picking at a sock. She has one on her foot.

She looks so small and helpless.

I let out a quiet sigh and step over all the clothes to her.

I sit down and take the sock from her. I grab her bare foot and put it on my lap. Sliding my sock on her foot, I side eye her. “If you needed help, all you needed to do was ask.” I situated the sock and run my hand up and down her shin.

She doesn’t look at me as she picks at her fingers. “You think I’m a worm.”

I cinch my brows. “What? No, I don’t. Ezra, why would you think that?”

“Because you don’t want to fuck me.” She mumbles.

I move her foot and grab her hand. “Come here.”

I pull her into my lap and tuck her hair behind her ears. “I want you. Never think I don’t. When you piss me off, I have to teach you that I don’t like it. I’m sorry I used that against you. I shouldn’t have, but you need to understand that this cannot happen again.”

She smiles. “You want me? Right now?”

She grabs my cheeks and proceeds to kiss me vigorously.

I take her hands off. “No. Not right now. Right now, we have to get things straight. This room is off limits to you. If you need something, you ask for it.”

I glide the backs of two fingers down her chest, in between her breasts and down her stomach. I feel her heat and her electric skin that makes me feel almost calmer. I reach the button of my jacket. “And this will never happen again. You walk around this house and outside fully clothed, understand?” I slide my jacket off her and toss it.

“OK, Ollie.” She grins.

I cup her cheek. “Thank you.” I give her a kiss. “Now, go get dressed.” I stand with her. “I filled your closet so pick whatever you like.”

She smiles innocently. “Thank you, Ollie.”

“You’re welcome.” I watch her hop out of the room and feel a little weird.

I try to process what I think is the true personality of Ezra and go downstairs. I swear this up and down is exhausting.

I walk to my desk and slump in my chair. I sigh and rub my face and head.

My phone rings and I pull it out.

I stick it to my ear. “Hello.”

“Hey. You…planning on coming to work anytime soon?”

I close my eyes. “Maybe. Why, Bastian?”

“Oh, no reason. Karver caused a riot. Several injured and 3 dead and we caught Michael.”

I sit up. “What?”

“The riot. You didn’t get the report?”

“Fuck the riot. What about Michael?” I growl.

“We picked him up, injured outside Michigan state. He’s on his way to the prison.”

I look at the time. “I’ll be there in an hour and a half.”

I hang up and turn my eyes to the ceiling. What I’m thinking about doing could put me on that bad guy list.

Fuck it.

I rush out and head upstairs.

“EZRA!” I slam against the frame of her open door and my heart stops. She’s wearing a slim black day dress with no sleeves.

She blinks her big, dark brown eyes at me and plays with her fingers. She looks so beautiful. “I can’t find socks.” She wiggles her toes in the plush of the black carpet.

I softly smile. “You…you don’t wear socks with that.” I walk over to the closet and open her shoe closet. I look through the shoes and pick a pair of strappy black heels.

I walk to her and drop to one knee. “Your foot.” I hold out a hand and she slides her soft, pretty foot into my hand. I slide the shoe on and place it down. I do up the buckle.

“Now the other one.” She lifts it up and almost loses her balance with a little yelp and grabs my shoulder. I chuckle. “Careful.” I slide the other one on and do that one up. I carefully put her foot down and stand, making sure she’s not going to fall. I imagine she’s not had a lot of opportunity for this kind of treatment. “There. How’s that?”

She takes a step, wobbles and freezes. She looks at me with concern. “I’m stuck.”

I try to hold back my laugh and hold my hand out. “Let me unstick you.”

She smiles and takes my hand and I help her gain her balance and learn to walk in heels.

I walk her to her vanity table and open the jewelry box I bought her. I pull out a necklace with a heart pendent. She watches it float above her head to her front.

“This is your heart. Whenever you feel angry, you hold this tight. You remember your heart is calm and will take the anger away.” I say as I do up the necklace behind her neck.

I had been researching coping mechanisms for similar dysfunctions and I read sometimes emotions can be redirected into objects, so if I want to take Ezra out in public, I can see her signal if she grabs this pendent. I also remembered that Graham said that light can trigger her too, so I got her something else.

“OK. Turn.” I pull out a pair of dark sunglasses. This will also protect her if her wolf shows. I place them on her eyes. “Don’t take these off until we get home.”

“You look funny.” She mumbles.

“I know. It’s for your protection.” I look into her eyes.

“Where are we going?” She asks as she touches the glasses.

“My work. Only for a little while. I need you to do something for me. It’s very, very important. Can you help me?” I ask.

She thinks then nods.

I take her hand and wrap her arm around mine. I support her as she walks out onto the stone flooring. “Nothing will hurt you. I’m with you the whole time.”

She nods again. I run my hand down the back of her head and kiss her forehead.

We drive to Falcon and I see her starting to stress.

I take her hand. “They won’t hurt you. They have no idea what you are and we won’t tell them.” I reassure. “I need you to keep it together.”

“Alright.” She squeaks.

I feel her fear and I also feel her wolfs energy. She’s got her back up and I need my wolf to project the opposite. He stands regal in my chest and projects calm dominance out. She’s stays where she is, but she’s not backing down.

At least I know she’s going to sit just below the surface.

I guide her into the prison and I feel her hug my arm tighter at the sight of Falcons military. I lean to her. “It’s fine.”

We approach the desk in the main lobby. The soldier hands me the reports. “What’s the damage?”

“The riot was contained to the cafeteria. Some tables broken and four guards were injured. The prisoners injured are still in the infirmary.” He informs.

“What started it?” I ask.

He motions to the report. “Karver did, sir. He…um…He took issue with Andrew.”

I chew my cheek as I realize that Andy would be a target for me not just what he did.

I hand the report back. “Switch Andrew to the second half group. Send Karver to solitary for three weeks.”

“Yes, Alpha.”

I place my hand on Ezra’s back as guide her to walk with me. I see the soldier look her over and my wolf flashes eyes at him. He looks back down to his paperwork.

I sign her in as Jane Smith. No one needs to know who she is. Except one asshole.

“Where is he?” I ask the guard at the prison desk.

Ezra is almost hiding behind me. The prison itself is still quite riled from the riot and shouts are being thrown all over the cell blocks.

“The D wing. As requested.” He ticks his jaw and flicks his eyes to Ezra.

I nod. “I’m not to be disturbed for any reason. Understood?” I take off my suit jacket and hand it to him.

“Yes, Alpha.”

I turn to Ezra and lean down to her eyes. “I need you to be so brave right now. I need to show you something and do something for me.”

“What?” She mumbles.

“I need you to tell me if he’s hurt you in anyway and confirm his identity.” As much as I would love to just trust Ezra’s telling me Michael had her, I need to make sure if it’s real or something in her head. Then I know who to fucking hurt. “I also need you to not flip out. Do not attack under any circumstances. You need to be stronger than your wolf right now.”

She looks extremely worried. “OK.”

I take her hand and kiss the back of it. I escort her through the prison cell blocks. The rogues growl when they see her.

“Shut the fuck up!” I growl at them and they back off.

I scan my hand to a pair of blast doors. I only have access to this wing and no one can touch me here unless it’s through mind links. I need full concentration.

I walk down the white hallway with glass walls on either side. We pass the interrogation rooms to head to one very special room at the end with a glass blast door. It’s black behind it.

I stop and pull up a hand scanner.

“OK. Remember. Be brave. He can’t touch you and he can’t see you.” I side eye her. “Deep breath.”

She inhales and blows it out. “OK.”

I hit a button and the lights come on. She yelps and stumbles back.

He’s chained to the wall and shirtless. He’s been worked over and bloody already. His face doesn’t look like much, but he’s been a thorn in our sides long enough. Time for some fucking payback.

“No!...Nonononono….” She turns and tries to run.

“NO! PLEASE, GOD, NOOOO!!” She cries.

I grab her waist and try to contain her as she fights me.

“LET ME GO! PLEASE!” She wails.

“EZRA! HE CANT HURT YOU!” I yell over her terrified sobs.

I definitely have my answer.

I pick her up and take her to an interrogation room.

I drop her on the table.

“No…don’t…I’ll be good…I promise…Ollie, I don’t want to go back…Don’t make me go back…I can be nice…see…I can be nice.” She hyperventilates her breaths and tries to pull my lips to hers.

I hold her cheeks. “No, baby bird. That’s not what this is. You’re never going back to him. Never. I’m sorry I scared you, ok. You did good. I know he’s the one that took you. I’m going to make it so he can’t hurt anyone ever again.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so bad.” She whines.

I shake my head and my heart fucking shatters. “No…Ezra…Just. God, no…” I wrap my arms around her head and hold her.

She hugs me tight. “I'm sorry.” She hitches.

Inside, I’m just fucking raging. To create this much terror in Ezra makes me want to burn the mother fucker to ashes, but first he’s going to know every fucking ounce of her pain.

I push her hair out of the way and kiss her. “I’m leaving you in this room, ok. I’m locking that door and he can’t get you. You will be completely safe. I’m going to go talk to him now.”

She shakes her head and gulps a swallow. “No. Ollie you can’t. He’ll hurt you. No. Please. Stay here. Let me be nice to you.” She pulls on me again.

“Ezra…Ez…” I grab her flailing hands. “It’s my job, ok. I’m fine. Michael doesn’t scare me. I’m doing this for you.” I lift her knuckles to my lips and kiss them. “Stay here. I’ll be back.”

I hold her cheek and wipe her eye. I kiss her lips and hold a hand up to stay.

I walk out and shut the door. I scan my hand to lock it. She walks to the glass and holds a hand to it. I put my hand on hers. I smile and give her a wink.

She smiles and tries to wink back, but ends up blinking. I run my fingers down the glass in front her face.

I leave down the hall and stand in front of the glass. Michael is looking around at his surroundings.

“Welcome to the party, fucker.” I growl and place my hand on the scanner for the door.