Chapter 19

(Chapter song ‘Toxic' by 2WEI)

EZRA It’s all a dream. This is a nightmare. He’s everywhere inside. He has a power that we don’t like. He’s taking things away from me. I can feel it. He thinks he can win. I won’t let him.

I sit in the bathroom and fill my blood. He can’t control me. I’ll control him. I’m Alpha.

The double dose hits my head and I hold it against the wall. The world melts. I hear the voices and laugh.

“I’m my own Alpha.” I chuckle quietly.

I close my eyes and let the Croak put my mind back together. After 20 minutes, I open my eyes and I feel almost alive. I can face Oliver the way I should have from the beginning.

I put the Croak in the tank and clean up.

He won’t push me around anymore.

I leave my room and walk downstairs. Ian is in the common room and I stop at the door. He narrows his eyes at me and I cross my arms with a smirk. He gets up and leaves like a coward.

Oliver jogs down the stairs. “Good morning.” He grumbles.

“What’s good about it?” I raise my chin to him.

He stops in front of me. “I don’t know. I just think it’s a good morning.” He pushes past me and I follow him.

“Today, I’m running with you.” He says as he grabs a drink in a glass.

“Uh…no you’re not.” I say directly and lean on the counter beside him.

He turns to me. “Yes, I am. Don’t argue with me.” He points his finger at me.

I slap it out of my face. “Don’t tell me what to do.” I grit.

“Ezra. You are in my house, under my control.”

I lean to him. “You don’t control me. You won’t ever control me. I do not need you. I don’t need an Alpha.”

He looks at me and bites his lip. He breathes deep. “You need me more you think.” He sips his cup.

I lean even closer. “The last thing I need is a small dick in a big fake body. I’m going for a run without you up my ass, Alpha.”

He glares into my eyes. He’s emotionless. His jaw ticks and I see his hand shake.

I tick my head. “What are you going to do? Hurt me again? That’s all you know how to do, isn’t it? You like hurting me, don’t you?” I snarl in his face. He thinks he’s scary, but my wolf and I aren’t scared. He wants a fight, I’ll fight him right back.

He lowers his head. “You need to calm down.” He says low.

I lean to his ear. “You’re really dumb if you think I’m listening to any word that comes out of your mouth.”

He raises his eye to me and I narrow mine. Challenge on mother fucker.

He licks his lips and I feel the heat rising between us. I feel his anger wave off him and I smirk.

I lick my own lips and tick my head. “You got nothing.”

I go to walk away and he grabs my arm.

He pulls me into him and holds the back of my head. His lips are dangerously close to mine. He slaps my ass hard and holds it, making a growl grow in my chest. “You think that mouth of yours is smart. It’s not.” His lips play with mine. “I don’t have to hurt you to show you who the Alpha is here. I can do so…much…more.” His eyes turn to slits as his lips brush mine. “I hold the power.”

I try to not let him get to me. My wolf growls and push him away. I sneer and point in his face. “Do that again and I’ll show you crazy.”

I leave him in the kitchen and go outside for my run.

Trotting through the trees, my mind fumes. How dare he challenge me. I wander aimlessly as I feel his lips on mine.

I feel my wolfs frustration too. We don’t need him sticking his nose in where it doesn’t belong. We have a pack and I’m already the Alpha.

My wolf growls.

‘Shut up! I am too!’ I argue back.

I still have her challenge to deal with because she…JUST…DOESN’T…GET…IT!

I slam the black wall of my mind with my fist and she growls a bark.

‘Fuck you too!’ God, I hate her so much.

I pace back and forth in the dark. This Alpha thinks he can control us. Stop us from being alone. Stop me from being alone.

I stop and lay down on my stomach.

‘I don’t want to be alone.’ My face falls and a lump grows in my throat. ‘I don’t know how to not be alone.’

My wolf barks.

‘I don’t want you! You’re not right.’

Can he be right? I don’t know if he can. He’s mean and angry. I’m angrier. I don’t like him, but I don’t want to leave. Why? I can run away. Be alone somewhere else. Hide from Michael in other places.

She growls in the dark.

‘You feel it too, huh.’

I wish I knew what it was.

Turning around a set of rocks, we hear paws behind us.

I slow and turn around. Instantly, my fur goes up and my lips snarl.

He slows down and cautiously steps forward. His shiny, jet black fur raises in response. His body enlarges and his large, white canines flash in the sun’s rays.

I shake and back up, upping my warning to turn back and go away.

He barks and licks his teeth. He’s not backing down.

My wolf looks him over, drops her lips and licks them. She cautiously turns and walks away. He follows and she snaps her head to the side.

He stops.

She continues. She flips her ears back and hears his steps back there. He's staying back, but keeping pace with our speed. The fact she hasn’t killed him yet, makes me suspicious. What’s her game here?

She walks into a clearing, stops and sniffs the air. His fire scent becomes stronger as he trots ahead with his head down and big, fluffy tail up. He zig zags through the tall grass, heading to the trees on the other side.

I can feel her curiosity. She still hates him, but now she’s wondering the same thing I am.

He glances behind him as I trot up and close the gap. His wolf closes and opens his eyes and turns into the trees. A move of understanding.

I sit in my mind with my knees pulled up and my head resting on my arms. He hurts us. Makes us sleep. We can’t be nice.

I struggle back a forth with this while he walks to a small alcove in the brush and lays down.

My wolf stops.

He pants a bit and curls up.

She cocks her head. She turns and hears a growl.

She turns back and he’s staring her down with his chin on his tail.

He lifts his head and wind swirls around him. His human body is on the ground leaning on a trunk with one leg pulled up and his arm on his knee.

He points to a spot. “Sit.”

She looks behind her and then looks at him.

He points again. “Sit!”

My wolf walks over and sits with her chin up.

“Shift.” He says softly, but sternly.

I shift and cross my legs. I play in the dirt as the uncomfortable silence sits between us.

He throws a stick. “I need to be clear.” He eyes me. I swallow as it feels like he’s shoving his stare into my chest.

“OK.” I mutter.

“You’re a rogue. Public enemy number one. Now, I can easily hand you over the alliance and be done with it.” He arches a brow at me.

My breathe is sucked in at the thought. I know who hunts my kind. I’ve seen them fight. I’ve seen many die because of the Alliance.

“Now, I don’t know why you in particular are the way you are. You shouldn’t be, but for some reason, I think you are here with me to prove something about your kind. Something we don’t know about you. I want to protect that. I want to learn. I want to know what is in your mind. I don’t want to control you, Ezra. I want to help you and I can’t do that if you constantly try to fight me.” He sits up and leans to me.

“I don’t want to fight me.” I say as I pick through the crushed litter.

“I know you don’t.”

He crawls over to me and sits on his knees. “I want to take that fight from you. Help you through this. I want to reconnect you, baby bird. Let me do that.”

He places a hand on my cheek and I feel him. His warm sparky feel. I like it. My wolf is fighting it. She’s trying to flood me. She growls and barks in my chest. My skin gets bumpy and shivers run through me as my stare meets his.

“If you want my help, you need to obey me and do as you’re told. You need to accept me as your Alpha.” He says quietly.

My wolf pounds on my ribs. Defiantly howling at me. Demanding me to end him. She hits my mind and I cringe back.

“Ugh…” I hold my head with my palm between my eyes. She claws and bites and rages. “No…” I struggle.

“Ezra…What’s going on?” He tries to move my hand and I snatch it back.

“No!” I scowl. My face twist in anger. My eyes glow red and my canines descend. I roar in his face, shift as I stand and my wolf runs.

She’s fighting this immensely. She doesn’t want his control and fills me with it.

‘Go back!’

The world in my mind twists and shimmers. She growls so loud, I have to cover my ears.

She surrounds me with her hatred and rage. I curl in a ball and cover my head. ‘Please…’ I whimper.

She attacks me from every angle with every feeling she has. She’s beating me with it. She’s punishing me for even thinking of accepting Oliver.

I feel the pain of it. I cry out at the whips and punches of her power in my mind. Her teeth tear at my soul. The mind turns red as gashes open up on my naked skin.

‘STOP IT!!’ I scream. I sob in the blood that surrounds me.

Her jaws hit my mind over and over and I can’t push her back.

I feel us hit the ground and roll. I feel her fight. I sense her bite. I hear his dark growls and feel his strength. I’m caught in the middle of two different battles and all I can do is cry out in agony.

‘JUST KILL ME!!!’ I threaten to rip my hair out and slam my forehead into the black floor.

Her infuriating bites and shreds are felt in my chest. Oliver’s attacks add to the mess. My thoughts are scrambled and I can’t breathe. My heart races and the world falls like broken glass.

I hitch a breath and raise my head.

The sun hits my tear soaked face and Oliver’s blood covered face looks pained.

My chin quivers and I throw myself into his arms. He holds me tight as I cry.

“I don’t want to fight me, ok? I don’t…I promise….I don’t want to fight me…” I sob into his shoulder.

“OK…OK, baby bird.” He holds the back of my head. “It’s over. Let’s go home.”

He scoops me up and carries me home. He talks softly to me the whole way home. His voice feels better. I’m calm and tired by the time we get back.

He takes me upstairs and carries me to the shower. He turns it on and doesn’t say a word.

I watch the blood from my body and his float in the water at our feet.

He gently washes my body. His face is serious, but his touch is caring. It’s so confusing.

He washes my back then my hair. After rinsing off the soap, he runs the cloth over my face and our eyes lock.

The plush fabric slides along my neutral lips and the water from the shower pours over his head. His hair is matted and his eyes blink out the water as he leans down as presses his lips to mine.

My heart races and my wolf fights. I get this unimaginable strength and shove her into the pit of my inner hell.

My arms wrap around his neck and he scoops my ass up with one arm. My legs wrap around his waist and he pins me on the wall.

His tongue invades my lips and I whimper at his control.

She’s not taking this away. I won’t let her. There’s something I’m feeling that breaks my heart that its lost. I can’t remember the name of it, but I want it so badly I can taste it.

His hand glides down my chest to my breast and my stomach does a flip. He kneads it and the fire in my belly erupts.

He’s devouring my mouth and his large body swallows me whole. I hold his nape and back as he slides his hand lower. I feel his fingers between my legs and I gasp on his lips.

He sucks my bottom lip. His dreamy eyes look into mine. “Let me fix you.” He whispers.

I hold his wet cheeks as he kisses me again.

“Yes.” I breathe.

His touch is intoxicating. He slides his fingers into my slit and I feel myself gush as he finds my entrance. His thick finger plays then slides into it.

I bite his shoulder and dig my nails into his back as he deeply purrs in my ear.

He bites my neck and up to my mouth and shoves his tongue past my lips. He’s finger pumps me harder and harder.

I moan on his lips and his thumb rubs my wetness as he fingers me.

He breaks the kiss and licks around my jaw and neck.

“Yes!...” My head rests on the wall as he kisses my chest and bites my nipples.

I’ve been with many men, but Oliver is the first that made sense. No one ever made sense or made me feel sense. He does it and I’m lost in it. Drowning the way I wished I could.

“Like that.” I thrust my hips up and he fingers me faster.

“Yes…You’re so fucking wet. Get wetter for me, baby.” He watches his thumb rub my clit.

I push on him. “Yes! Oh God!”

My thighs shake and my middle tightens. His finger goes deeper and hits a spot that pushes me over the edge.

“Fuckkkkk!!” I growl.

“Make that pussy come…Yeah, baby…That a girl…” He grits.

He makes fast circles around my clit and I feel myself pour juices out all over his hand.

He pulls his finger out, adjusts me on the wall and fists his dick. “This is going to be so fucking good.” He smirks and pushes his girth into me.

My face fills with shock. “GOD, YESSSS!!”

He grabs my ass, thrusts with dark grunts and my back slams against the wall. Water splashes between us and his large hand pull me into his hips.

He kisses me hard and I scream on his lips. He pulls back and leans my shoulders on the wall. With the water pouring on his head, he stretches me out. “Fuck, yes!! Jesus, you’re so tight!”

He slams me harder and harder as I hang onto his arms.

“YES! DON’T STOP!” I scream.

“Give it to me, Baby bird! Fuck me…Come on!!” He growls.

I buck my hips on his rock hard dick. He’s fills me up completely and my body explodes with ecstasy. “OLIVER!!!” My nails scratch his skin, my hips pound on his and his grip bruises my ass.

“Yeah! Damn, baby!! So fucking good!!” He grinds. “Fuck my dick! Harder!” He eggs me on and I ride his length harder.

“YESSS!!!”

He spanks my ass and holds onto me with one arm as he pounds my pussy. “Do it, baby! Faster! Come on.” He spanks my ass again and I feel him get bigger inside me.

The heat is suffocating. My chest heaves and the steam from the water only adds to it.

“Damn, baby! Make me come! Choke my cock!” His dark eyes stare into mine as he reaches between us and rubs my clit. “You’re so fucking amazing. Goddamn!”

He pulls me up to him and I wrap my arms around his neck. He grunts and huffs his strokes.

“YES!YES!YES!...OLIVER!!”

“You want my come, baby?” He drawls in my ear. “Tell me you want it.”

“I want your come…” I pant.

“Yeah? You want your Alphas come?” He grabs my hair, pulls my head back and looks into my eyes. “Say it.” He pounds out more strokes as he locks my eyes. “I won’t give it to you unless you say it.” He snarls.

The air leaves the room and my heart races. My wolf comes out of hiding and gets her back up at the word. “Yes…Alpha.” I grit as I place my forehead on his. I feel her hatred rise. My heart skips and I feel something behind her hatred. Something I want, but she won’t let me have it.

“Good girl.” He smirks.

His dick swells even more and I feel his warm release fill me. “Fucking hell. Such a sweet pussy!” His muscles tense as he thrusts his last drops.

He bruises my lips and I’m filled with this feeling that maybe I don’t have to be alone and maybe Oliver can take my wolf away. I would like him to take my wolf away then she can go be sick somewhere else.

As he holds me, I feel safe for the first time. I feel different. I feel like I can be me. He is looking for me in the dark.

She crawls out of the black.

‘No. He'll kill us!’ She growls. Suddenly, I’m flooded with fear.

I push off him and open the shower door. I grab a towel and wrap it around me. “Get out.” I grind and go to my room to change.

“Ezra?” He comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him.

I pull down my t-shirt. “You heard me…Get out!” I open the door and point to the hallway.

He narrows his eyes. “Fine.” He clenches. He stops and side eyes me. “Don’t mistake my leaving as weakness. I’m respecting you right now. That in there was not a threat to you in any way. Don’t think I don’t believe that was a beautiful privilege to be with you because it was. I don’t regret any of it and hope you don’t either.”

‘He's lying. Don’t listen. Don’t comply.’

I wrap my arms around my waist. “Please leave.” I say quietly.

“Goodbye.” He whispers. He walks out into the hall and I shut the door.

I walk to my bed and feel him inside me. Feel his body and what I sensed from him.

‘He’s not real!’

“He is real.” I growl.

‘You’re stupid! Alphas don’t love worms! He hates you! You are not beautiful!’

“Shut up! What do you know?!” I grumble as I get up and pace the room.

I climb into bed and hug my pillow.

The fear circles my heart.

What if she’s right? What if he does lie?

I close my eyes and fall into my thoughts.

I’m a rogue. His enemy. He can’t say those words to someone he hates.

Unless he is just a liar and I am a worm.